Ham Taylor: Lost In Time!

by J.P Jackson

  Taylor lay awake and in the dark, observing the constellation of Orion framed in the open window.

  He raised the torch and swiped his thumb across the touch screen, casting a pleasant aqua light from the interface. He scrolled to the audio log feature, and with his bloodshot eyes on Orion's belt, he hit record.

  "Alright," he growled. "How's it going?"

  Taylor stalled, as if waiting for an answer.

  "Me? Well to be honest I haven't shit in three days and my pecker burns like a bastard when I piss. Don't know how interesting dehydration is so I'll move onto something more pertinent."

  The stars twinkled out the window and Taylor took a breather before blathering absent-mindedly into the torch. "My name is Hamilton Watt Taylor, and if you're listening to this then you already know the rest. Fuck, you probably know more than I do. I'm no good at record keeping so I'll use this log to keep my thoughts straight or at least hear them out loud. I want to know what crazy sounds like." He scratched his chin and thought of something memorable to say, a quote for the history books.

  "After witnessing the detonation of the atomic bomb, Robert Oppenheimer said: 'Now I have become death, the destroyer of worlds.' Since I can't top that, and since my mind is occupied with revolving swear words I'll simply share my favourite, fan-dabby-fuckin'-dozy. As far as time travel goes my body has worn the effects rather well. Blindness and nausea were temporary but radiation is another matter, there are times when my body glows like a faulty light bulb, which may or may not coincide with my heart rate. I can't be sure, but if that's the case then the torch has become more than a shiny bracelet. It's all speculation at this point, in any case, the torch is out of power so my time travelling days are over unless I can find another jump room to juice me up. I doubt they have those at the local convenience store.

  He paused.

  "Where is here? Bloody good question. Wherever I am this place has attracted the interest of an alien species that resembles a walking turkey. I don't know how dangerous these creatures are or what technology they possess, but they're definitely running the show.

  What else? Only that this world and mine are in a hell of a mess. People are scared everywhere. I am too.

  Ham Taylor, over and out."