Could Have Been Us

by Corinne Michaels

  “Yeah, you guys deserve to be happy.”

  Jess pushes a dress and looks at me. “What about you, Stella?”

  “What about me?”

  “Don’t you deserve to be happy too?”

  I look away, not wanting to think of all the ways I am definitely not happy. “I’m sure someday I’ll meet the right guy.”

  We get to the end of the dresses, which prevents me from hiding. “Look, I know that you have Winnie and your brothers, but I’d like to sort of just say this and not overstep. I’m always here too. If you ever want to talk, your secrets will never be shared, not even with Grayson.”

  I always wished I had a sister. Four brothers made for horrible playmates and even worse confidants. They were protective to an extreme and sucked at girl talk.

  Winnie was the closest thing I had, but she had Jessica.

  “As a kid, I always wished I had you as my big sister. Winnie would talk about how cool you were and how you always shared things.”

  “Winnie hated me,” she says with a laugh. “I pulled her hair, told her to get lost, and tried to lock her in a closet once—okay, twice.”

  I laugh softly. “She mentioned that one.”

  “I know you’re best friends with Winnie, but you’re my friend too. You helped me so much with Grayson and coming back here—not to mention with your parents. And now, we’re all going into business together.”

  “We are.”

  “And we’ll be sisters.”

  I smile. “I’m glad for that. There have been enough boys around to last me a lifetime.”

  “Me too,” Jess says as her hand grips mine.

  “Can I tell you something and you not tell Gray?”

  “Of course.”

  My heartbeat accelerates, and I know that this will be that moment for me. The one where I will open the box that can’t ever be closed again.

  “I’m in love with Jack.”

  Her lips form into a soft smile. “I think Jack is in love with you too.”

  I nod. “I think you’re right on that as well.”

  “And yet, you guys aren’t together. So, I’m guessing Grayson is part of it?”

  A tear trickles down my cheek. “He’s part of it.”

  “There’s another part?” she asks.

  Here it is. The chance to tell someone about Kinsley. She’s not asking me to keep it. She’s offering me a gift that she’ll never fully understand the meaning of. It’s the gift of sisterhood and understanding. Well, at least I hope it is because it could go very wrong.

  “Yes.”

  She tilts her head just a little. “You can trust me.”

  “It’s just that I’ve never told anyone.”

  “Not even Winnie?”

  I look around for my best friend, ensuring she’s not close. “No, not even Winnie. There are a total of seven—well, six now—who know.”

  Jessica blinks a few times. “If you don’t want to tell me—”

  “No,” I cut her off. “I do. It’s that I’m terrified to say it.”

  Jessica steps closer. “Did he hurt you?”

  I give her a look, letting her know she’s nuts to think that. Jack is not that man. He hurts me, but not like that.

  “We have a daughter.”

  And just like that, the box is opened and the truth is exposed.

  Chapter 13

  Jack

  I’ve survived days in the wilderness with very little food, a wet sleeping bag, and a broken arm. I would like to consider myself a tough man, but today, I’m weak. My best friend in the world is dancing with his wife while I stare at his sister.

  What a fucking joke my life is.

  Josh comes up behind me, clapping his hand on my shoulder. “What a fool.”

  “What?”

  He laughs. “Grayson thinking he was ever going to resist Jessica when she came back. There are women we love and never get over, right?”

  I clear my throat. “I wouldn’t know.”

  “No? I remember Gray talking about some girl.”

  I shake my head. “Nope.”

  “Huh, well, I have one.”

  His eyes follow over to where Delia stands with Winnie and Stella, all three of them dabbing their eyes as they watch the happy couple.

  “Delia?”

  Joshua shrugs. “It’s complicated.”

  “How?”

  “She wants things I’ll never give her. It’s better this way.”

  Delia is a catch. I’m not sure what his issue is because he’ll never find someone who is more devoted and kind. And yet, he won’t allow himself to even think about it.

  “I doubt she agrees.”

  Josh rubs the back of his neck. “We’ve been through some crazy shit in our lives.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Just that life isn’t always kind to people. We love. We lose. We fuck up, and we’re the ones who have to accept it. We live with it, knowing that another blow is right at the corner of happy.”

  My eyes narrow as I try to understand what the hell he’s saying. “So, you’re saying that staying away from Delia is better for her?”

  “Absolutely. I’m not going to fill her head with bullshit about a future that can’t be.”

  “Why can’t it be?” I counter.

  “Because there’s no way I’m ever going to be in a serious relationship. I keep my distance to keep her heart from being destroyed.”

  I swear I’ve heard all this shit before in my own head. I wasn’t going to love Stella. I wasn’t going to kiss her. I was going to stay far away from her. And here I am, watching her and feeling my heart rip from my chest because there’s not a chance in hell I can keep this up much longer.

  “If you say so.”

  He exhales deeply. “Are you ready for the business?”

  “Yeah, I appreciate you guys bringing me into the fold.”

  “It was Stella’s idea.”

  At that, my eyes cut to Josh. “It was?”

  “Yeah, she said offering something like wilderness training would give us an edge to start. We’ll help bring new clients to you, and your clients will stay at the inn once they’re done with your weird wilderness shit. It’s kind of a great scenario on both sides. Plus, you’re like a brother to us, so it makes sense.”

  Right. “Well, I appreciate it.”

  “Of course.” He looks back at his brother. “I never really thought I’d be moving back to North Carolina.”

  “You’ve been gone a long time.”

  Josh took the New Orleans location the second he could and hasn’t spent much time here since. That is going to change.

  Soon, they’ll all walk away from their jobs at the same time, leaving their father in a position he’s not prepared for. He’s relied on his kids needing to remain in his good graces, too caught up in his own hubris to see what is coming. He’s about to be slapped with a healthy dose of reality that they’re not kids anymore.

  To be honest, I’m going to enjoy every second of his discomfort.

  He looks over at his mother, who is standing on the fringes. “I do feel bad for her.”

  “She gets half of everything.”

  Josh lets out one laugh. “But half of nothing is nothing.”

  “I can’t imagine your father was stupid with money.”

  He shrugs. “Maybe not, but he’s going to need to come up with a lot of money to buy us all out.”

  The song ends, and we all clap. Josh sets his glass of champagne on the table. “If you’ll excuse me. I’m going to dance with the bride.”

  It’s as though the universe is trying to kill me because Jess dances with Alex, Delia and Oliver pair up, and Winnie and Grayson are taking a turn. It leaves Stella on the side, staring at me.

  She’s so stunning that it’s hard to breathe.

  When she gives me a small smile, I dip my head toward the dance floor and she lifts the hem of her dress, walking toward me.

  We are at a wedding, filled with fa
mily and friends, so there is no hiding. We have zero privacy, and yet, it feels as though we’re alone.

  It’s us, two people with baggage that would sink a ship, moving toward each other.

  I extend my hand, and she places hers in my palm. Her other hand rests on my shoulder, and I pull her close.

  No words are spoken because we’re saying it all as we move as one.

  The music is slow, and Stella and I watch each other the entire song. This is our dance. It’s where there’s no past or future, only now.

  I’m holding her, and no one will ever think twice about it. They don’t know that I never want this song to end. They don’t understand that the melody will never leave me. They can’t see that each second that Stella’s body is against mine is the most painful and wonderful feeling.

  They don’t see that I love her more than any man has loved another woman.

  And yet, I can’t have her.

  The music stops, and we linger for just a heartbeat on the dance floor. “Thank you for the dance.”

  Stella’s lashes flutter, and her gaze drops. “You’re welcome.”

  We break apart and the loss of her, God, it kills me.

  I don’t know how I’m going to survive working by her day in and day out. How I’m going to endure the constant heartache that comes with being near her.

  Grayson’s mother rests her hand on my arm, and I dance with her. Mrs. Parkerson has never been my favorite person, but she’s always been nice to me. Even during everything with Stella, she wasn’t cruel so much as she was sad.

  Her baby girl was pregnant, and I was the irresponsible asshole who did it.

  “You and Stella would’ve made a beautiful couple,” she notes quietly. “If everything had gone just a little . . . differently.”

  I try not to let that sting, but it does. “Right.”

  “I know you don’t believe me, but I didn’t have the same objections that Mitchell did. I just wanted you both to have a chance at a life.”

  I turn her a little farther away from her other sons who are dancing. “It is what it is. Stella and I made choices, and we’ve lived with the consequences.”

  She looks at her daughter and sighs. “We all have. I’ve spent thirty-eight years married to a man who I don’t love. I’ve watched him use our children as pawns, destroy their hopes for his own gain, and have said nothing about the countless affairs he’s had. And for what? We all live with our choices, Jack.”

  “And you think I’m making the wrong choice?”

  The song ends, and she takes a step back.

  She smiles up at me. “You are a smart man, figure it out.”

  Mrs. Parkerson walks away, leaving me feeling off-center and dazed. What the hell does that mean? Suddenly, Stella’s mother thinks I should be with her daughter? Weddings and funerals bring out the crazy in people.

  I walk over to the bar and grab a drink while I do my best to forget the last three minutes of my life. I’ve been handling things with Stella. I’ve learned that love isn’t for me. I don’t get the girl in the end, she’s not for me.

  She’s meant for love and happiness and a family.

  I toss back the drink the bartender set in front of me. Then, as fate would fucking have it, I feel her beside me.

  “I thought weddings were supposed to be happy,” Stella says as she grabs a glass of wine.

  “They are.”

  She laughs once. “Neither of us looks very happy.”

  “We both know the truth about it all.” I turn to her, my elbow resting on the bar.

  “And what’s that?”

  “That love and happiness don’t go hand in hand.”

  Stella shakes her head. “And I thought I was the jaded one.” She brings the glass to her lips and takes a long sip. “That’s where you’re wrong. They are happy because they’re in love.”

  “And what about the people who are in love but are miserable?”

  She drains her glass and places it down. “Follow me and you can find out.”

  There’s no pause before her exit, she just walks out of the tent.

  I look around to see if anyone notices, but everyone is drinking, laughing, dancing, and smiling, not paying attention to Stella and me.

  So, like a dog with a bone, I follow her. My feet are moving before my mind can think better of it. I trail along the path she took, and when I get to the tree line, she calls my name softly.

  I move into the forest, finding her in a small clearing where the sun is coming through the leaves, making her look like an angel.

  “What are we doing here?”

  She lifts her head, a beam of light catching her dark brown hair and causing it to shimmer. “We’re breathing, Jack.”

  “Don’t we pretty much do that each minute?” I ask, moving closer to her.

  Like a magnet, she pulls me in.

  Her eyes meet mine, and she smiles. “No, I don’t think either of us do. I think we fight it.” She steps toward me. “I think that if we didn’t, if we really inhaled, we’d find that it hurts.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I tell her.

  “I know.”

  “Everything I do is to avoid that.”

  Stella takes another step. Slowly, her hand lifts to rest on my cheek. “I know that too, but you avoiding me, Jack, it hurts. I’ve been in love with you for . . . God, fifteen years.”

  The restraint I’m using to keep from grabbing her causes my arms to shake. I can’t move or I’ll fuck everything up. I’ll take her in my arms and kiss her until the only breath she knows is mine. I’ll . . . No. I can’t. I won’t.

  “This is why love and happiness don’t exist,” I tell her.

  “No, it’s because you’re afraid. Tell me you don’t want me right now. Tell me that, when I touch you, you don’t wish it would never end.” She moves closer, her chest brushes against mine, and I swear I’m going to fucking die. “Tell me that you don’t love me the way I love you.”

  I have to lie because if I say the truth, then we will just be back where we started. Even if I tell her the truth, it won’t change our circumstances.

  I take her wrist, pulling her palm away from my face. “I don’t feel that way.”

  Anger flares in those brown eyes. She knows me too well. “So, you’re going to pretend? Like . . . it’s nothing?”

  “It’s better this way,” I tell her.

  My heart is pounding, and when I try to let her go, she grabs the lapels of my jacket. “We have to deal with this. We can’t . . . we can’t pretend anymore. You still have feelings for me, I know you do!”

  Yes, I do. I fucking love her enough to stay away because we will never work.

  Instead of telling her that, I dig deeper into the lie. “I don’t.”

  She shakes her head, tears starting to fill her gaze. “Lies,” she whispers. “Tell me the truth for once.”

  “I do . . . I can’t.”

  Why can’t she fucking see it? If I let myself love her, then we won’t be able to go back. We’ll have to tell everyone the truth. The number of lies we’ve told over the years will unravel and it will destroy everything.

  “You can’t pretend with me, Jack.” Her hands fall away, and I make a grave mistake.

  I reach for her. She comes to me instantly, her hands on my chest as I hold her close, making one last attempt. One chance for her to see what I’m saying before I do everything I said I wouldn’t. “We can’t. God, Stella, we can’t.”

  Her eyes flutter, and her lips part. And then, like the bastard I’ve always been, I stop fighting and kiss her.

  “Get your fucking hands off my sister,” Grayson says from behind us.

  Chapter 14

  Stella

  Of all the damn people to catch us, it had to be him. “Grayson . . .” I say quickly, moving toward him.

  My brother doesn’t look at me though. No, his rage is centered on Jack. “How could you?” he seethes.

  “It’s not what you think,�
� I cut in, hoping to defuse this.

  Grayson’s hands flex as he glares at Jack.

  I look to Jessica, who shrugs. Great, I finally get a sister, and she’s no help.

  Jack takes a step toward Grayson’s direction. “I know you’re pissed, and I get it, but you have to know . . .”

  Gray doesn’t let him finish. His hand goes up, and then Jess grips his arm. “Come on, love, let’s dance and let them talk.”

  “Talk? Did you see that? It didn’t look like they were talking when he was kissing her.”

  Jessica gives me an apologetic smile and then turns back to her stark-raving-mad husband. Her voice is calm and soothing. “Yes, and it’s not our business. Your sister can handle it.”

  And I now love this girl. Yes, his sister can handle it. Thank you. Finally someone sees I’m not a fourteen-year-old. “Go with your wife, Gray. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  He sends a dagger-like glance in Jack’s direction again before he allows Jessica to pull him away.

  As soon as he’s out of view, Jack runs his hands through his hair and practically growls. “This is why!”

  “Why, what?”

  He gives me a look, one that is clearly not affectionate. “Why this was a mistake.”

  “Yes, the sky will fall and the ground will crumble now that Grayson saw us kiss.” I roll my eyes.

  “This isn’t funny.”

  I turn back to him. “No, it’s not. It’s sad. Did Grayson ask you for permission to date Jessica? What about Yvonne? Did you two discuss the who’s and what’s about dating? No. You didn’t.”

  “Neither Yvonne nor Jessica are my little sister.”

  “And that’s the fucking issue!” I yell at him. “I’m not little, Jack. I’m a grown woman who doesn’t need her brother’s permission to be with someone. You don’t need it either. I love you. I love you and you love me.” I throw my hands up. “This is insane! Don’t you see that? Grayson knows now. There’s nothing to hide. We’re found out.”

  He starts to pace, his head shaking the entire time. “He saw us kiss once.”