Could Have Been Us

by Corinne Michaels

  The sound that comes from him is almost a growl. “You can count on that.”

  “Good.”

  “Now go before I change my mind,” Jack says, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

  “Talk to him tomorrow,” I whisper and give him a brief kiss. “Or I may have to take matters into my own hands.”

  I exit the car, smiling as I hear him groan.

  Chapter 16

  Jack

  “So, you and Stella?” Grayson asks while I stand outside his door.

  “Can I come in?”

  Jessica appears next to him, pulling the door open. “Of course you can.”

  Grayson huffs. It’s been two days since his wedding, and hopefully enough time has passed for him to have cooled off.

  “Thanks, Mrs. Parkerson.”

  She grins. “You were always my favorite, Jack O’Donnell.”

  “Seems he’s a favorite among a few women in this town.”

  “Get it out now,” I say, knowing he’s got more.

  “My sister?”

  Jess groans. “You need to stop.”

  “No, he’s always been this way,” I tell her. “He thinks he knows what should and shouldn’t be, so let him say his shit so we can get it over with.”

  Grayson walks toward the kitchen. “You came to my fucking house drunk, talking about how you didn’t like her. You went on and on about some girl, and it was Stella?”

  “It’s always been Stella.” There’s no point in hiding that now.

  He blinks a few times. “What about Misty?”

  “Misty was never someone I dated.”

  Misty is the woman who was something else entirely.

  “Are you kidding me? There’s no fucking girl named Misty who you’ve been pining over?”

  “It’s complicated, but Stella is the only woman I’ve ever loved, and out of respect for you, I . . .” I can’t say I never acted on those feelings, and I refuse to add more lies onto this. “I did my best to stay away from her. The two of us have fought it and tried, but I have been in love with her for a long time.”

  Grayson leans against the counter, fingers gripping the granite. At least they’re not around my throat.

  “Years?”

  I nod.

  “And have you . . .”

  My throat goes dry because I know that if I tell him we’ve slept together, he’s going to lose his fucking shit. If I lie, then I’m doing everything I promised myself I wouldn’t do. “Do you really want to know the details or do you just want to know what I feel for her?”

  Jessica comes beside him and takes his hand in hers. “Your sister is a grown woman who is entitled to live her life however she wants, and Jack is your best friend. Do you really think he’d do anything to hurt her?”

  Grayson looks at me and shakes his head. “No, but you’ve both lied to me.”

  “It wasn’t something either of us wanted to do.”

  “You could’ve told me, Jack. You could’ve sat me down and said you were in love with Stella and wanted to date her.”

  “I should have done it, but I wasn’t ready either.”

  “Ready for what?”

  Ready to let myself release the guilt of the past. In some ways, I’m still not. We have a daughter, and she never would have happened if I weren’t being a selfish asshole. I went to that party because Grayson asked me to. I went to watch over her, be a friend, and I took advantage of her.

  “For her.”

  He releases a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what to say. I was so ready to tell you to fuck off, but I’m being ridiculous. It’s not entirely about the fact that it’s Stella, either. It’s that you both had some big damn secret that I don’t know about. I would’ve never stood in your damn way. I might not have been excited, but I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

  “I’m sorry for that. I’ve tried to stop feeling this way—I really did, but then we were arguing at the wedding, and I’m not strong enough to stay away anymore.”

  Gray looks at Jess and smiles with a roll of his eyes. “I get that part.”

  “Yes you do,” she says with triumph in her voice.

  “No more lies,” Grayson says, turning back to me.

  I feel like I’m skating on fractured ice. I can twist a justification for keeping Kinsley from him, but a part of me knows it’s still the lie he will see it as.

  But Kinsley is Samuel’s and telling Grayson and the family will do no good. They’ll never know her any more than we will. So how do I answer this?

  Jessica looks at me and links her arm around Grayson’s. “Let’s all agree that we’re going to behave like adults, okay? You know about him and Stella, and I don’t really think you want to know all the details, do you?”

  Grayson makes a face that has me holding my breath to stop from laughing. After a few seconds, he sighs deeply. “Fine, I won’t punch him.”

  I smirk. “Please, you hit like a girl.”

  Jessica slaps my chest playfully. “I resent that. I’ll punch you in your junk, and we’ll see what a girl hits like.”

  Grayson extends his arm. “By all means, I support this.”

  Just like that, the mood changes, and the restrained hostility melts away. “I take it back.”

  Jess laughs. “Good, because I’ll do it.”

  “I have no doubt.”

  “Now, let’s have a drink and toast to love.” She lifts her hand to Grayson. “Relax, I will have apple juice.”

  She grabs us each a beer and then fills her glass with sparkling juice. Gray speaks first. “To never breaking my sister’s heart so I don’t have to break your face.”

  Jess huffs. “To love of friends and family.”

  “To finding the girl who makes you willing to take a beating.”

  Grayson smirks and clinks my bottle. “You have no idea.”

  I head right to Stella’s after leaving Gray’s. I promised her I’d let her know how it went. When I knock on the door, it’s not her beautiful face I see, but Oliver’s ugly mug.

  “You here to shack up with my sister?” he asks with a smirk.

  “I have a feeling we’ll be hanging out at my cabin more than anywhere else,” I note.

  “So, you did want to get in her pants?”

  “Ollie? What the hell?” Stella yells from the other room. “Is someone at the door?”

  He turns to see her coming toward him. “Just an unwanted visitor.”

  She huffs. “Already you have a girl coming here? I thought I told you that I don’t want you bringing random girls to my apartment. I don’t care if you’re single and still nursing your broken heart from Devney.”

  I laugh once, and Oliver opens the door. “I’m definitely not here for him, babe.”

  Her eyes widen as her smile grows wide. “Jack.”

  Just the sound of my name on her lips causes everything to click into place. The way she’s looking at me, the tone of her voice that sounds as though her whole world just righted itself, are things I don’t deserve. I have loved this woman for almost fifteen years, and I’ve never once felt good enough to stand in her shadow, let alone in her light.

  She rushes toward me and jumps into my arms. “This is one hell of a hello.”

  “It’s been two days.”

  “Two very long days,” I say as I carry her inside.

  “This is going to be unbearable.” Oliver’s voice cuts in from beside us. “If you two are going to be making these sighs and doing God knows what else, I’m not staying here.”

  Stella turns to him with a grin. “By all means, go stay with anyone else. I’m going to kiss my boyfriend.”

  He shudders and then walks away. Stella fuses her lips to mine, legs wrapped around my waist as she clings to me.

  I carry her deeper into the loft to where the table is and rest her ass on it. My hands move to her back, tightening her body to mine. Two days of knowing she is mine but I still couldn’t have her has been hell.

  She pulls back. “Did
you talk to Grayson?”

  “I did.”

  “And?”

  I kiss her again, giving her the best answer I can. Her fingers tangle in my hair, and she smiles against my lips.

  “I like that answer,” she says, her eyes filled with desire.

  “Me too.”

  “He’s fine?” Stella’s voice is layered with concern.

  “He’s fine.”

  “So, now what?”

  Now, if we were alone, I’d strip every piece of clothing off her and make her scream. But we’re not alone, so I’m going to have to be patient. And by patient, I mean getting her back to my place where I can do just that.

  “You get your shoes on, that’s what.”

  Chapter 17

  Jack

  My cabin is exactly eleven minutes and twenty-nine seconds from Stella’s apartment.

  We get into the car, smiling at each other. I’ve been waiting for this for years. I’ve dreamed a million fucking dreams about how it would happen. Now it’s here and it’s real.

  I start the car, and after I turn onto the main road, Stella leans in, her hand on my thigh. “You know, I’ve wondered about this so many times,” she says, verbalizing my thoughts. “I’ve hoped you’d do just this.”

  I shift in my seat, using all my focus not to embarrass myself. “Stella . . .” I warn.

  She grins as her hand moves up. “I’ve imagined you coming to my house and telling me you couldn’t stand it anymore.”

  “I can’t.”

  “That you’d be so . . . overcome with your feelings that you’d toss me over your shoulder, carry me inside, and make love to me for hours.”

  She’s trying to kill me.

  “I promise, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”

  We have one light in this town. One fucking light, and sure enough, it’s red. I push my foot down on the brake harder than I mean to, holding it and the wheel with every ounce of control I have.

  Seven more minutes. One long stretch and two turns. That’s all we have left. I can do this. I will not look at her or think about her hand moving a little higher. How her dark hair will look against my pillow or the sweet scent of her perfume as I kiss every inch of her body.

  I won’t let myself imagine her laid out like a fucking goddess for me.

  I won’t.

  Stella leans closer, her lips against my ear. “I want you so much, Jack.” I close my eyes, clamping my jaw shut. “I have loved you for so long that I don’t remember a time when I didn’t.”

  The light turns, and I gun it. If Jeremy is out patrolling, he’ll have to follow me to the house and cite me there. Nothing is going to stop me.

  Three more minutes.

  I start the ascent to my cabin, driving faster than I normally would, but I’ve never been in such a rush to get home.

  One more turn.

  When her fingers creep higher, I clasp her hand, stopping her from touching me.

  She laughs softly. “Are you anxious?”

  “You’re playing a dangerous game, baby.”

  Stella’s smile is sly. “I like games.”

  “I always win.”

  “I think we’re both coming out victorious here.”

  She would be right.

  I pull into my driveway, making it here in eight minutes flat, and throw the car into park. Before she can get her seatbelt off, I’m out of the car and opening her door.

  Once she’s out of the passenger side, I grab her face and kiss her, shoving her back against the door.

  Stella matches my enthusiasm with her own. Her tongue meets mine, pushing her way into my mouth as though she’s claiming me. I’ve never been anyone else’s. Stella has owned my heart from a young age.

  This girl, who is funny and sweet, has always been what I wanted.

  I took her once when she wasn’t mine to have. This time, there’s nothing holding me back.

  “I want you inside,” I say, lifting her and tossing her over my shoulder.

  Stella giggles as I carry her toward the house.

  “I want you inside too,” she says, slapping my ass as we get to the door.

  “You’re going to kill me, woman.”

  “I sure hope not. At least not until after.”

  This is why I love her. The playful, fun side that is all mischief and smiles.

  I get the door open and climb the stairs to my bedroom. When I toss her onto the bed, she laughs as she bounces softly.

  Stella takes a second, looking around. “I’ve never been up here.”

  “You haven’t.”

  I would never have been able to handle it. Stella in my bedroom would’ve ended exactly like this, which wasn’t an option before.

  She takes her lower lip between her teeth as her eyes move. The cabin is small, but nice. I’ve worked hard at remodeling it and modernizing it when I could. While I may work in the wilderness during my tours, I don’t want to live like that constantly. The cabin is basically a large studio downstairs with a bedroom loft. From up here, you can see the entire place. There’s a nice-sized kitchen and a huge fireplace against the southern wall. The television is off to the side of the big windows that look out at the mountains.

  Her eyes meet mine. “It’s very you.”

  “How so?” I ask, suddenly feeling like that is a question I don’t want to know the answer to.

  Stella lifts her hand, touching my face softly. “It’s strong, masculine, and tucked away where it thinks it’s hidden, but I see it.”

  My heart is pounding as her words sink in. “And what do you see?”

  “That it’s perfect.”

  I move, climbing onto the bed and crawling toward her. She falls back, looking up at me with desire in those brown eyes. “You’re perfect.”

  She shakes her head. “I’m far from it.”

  “Allow me to show you how wrong you are,” I say. I push back a strand of hair that lies across her cheek, running my finger down her jawline. “First, you are beautiful beyond words. When I look at you, I want nothing more than to touch you. I dream of how my hands would skim every surface of your skin.”

  Her chest rises and falls a bit harder. “I dream of it too.”

  “We don’t have to dream right now.” I take the hem of her shirt and lift it over her head. God, she’s so fucking gorgeous. “Besides, my imagination failed. You’re better than I could ever imagine.”

  She smiles. “And what about my imagination?”

  “What about it?”

  “Do I not get to see if my mind remembers as poorly?”

  “By all means,” I say as an invitation.

  Stella tugs my shirt off. Her fingers trail back down my chest, moving against every muscle. Her long lashes lift as she stares up at me. “It seems both our imaginations have failed us.”

  I move back over her, forcing her down onto the bed, and kiss her.

  Because I can.

  Because I’ve wanted to and have years of missed opportunities to make up for.

  Because Stella is here and there is nothing keeping us apart anymore.

  Our tongues slide against the others as her hands sink into my hair. I love how she holds me as though I’m anchoring her and she needs me as much as I need her.

  My mouth leaves hers and trails down her neck and then lower. Stella pushes up a little, unhooking her bra but leaving it there. One brow lifts as if she’s asking what I’m going to do about it.

  Well, I know exactly what I want to do.

  I pull it off, exposing her to my gaze. “So fucking beautiful.”

  “Touch me, Jack. Please.”

  The please does me in. I can’t deny her anything. I lean down, tongue gliding around her nipple. She draws in a deep breath, and I take the bud into my mouth, sucking. I knead her breasts as my mouth worships back and forth.

  Stella makes breathy sounds, and I focus on each one, trying to repeat the motion to make her moan.

  “Jack,” she says on a groan. “D
on’t stop.”

  It’s not even a possibility.

  I want to do this over and over until the two of us can’t move. I want to make her scream, cry out, and beg me to stop. I plan for this night to last until the sun goes back down tomorrow. I’m going to pour twelve years’ worth of love, desire, and need into the time I have now.

  I kiss down farther, over her flat stomach, which was round the last time I touched it. Her hand moves to the back of my head. “Jack.”

  It’s as though she’s in the same memory as I am. I lift my head, seeing the emotion welling in her eyes. “I loved you then.”

  “I loved you too.”

  “I’m sorry, Stella.”

  There’s so much that I’m apologizing for—all the pain we endured, the years of secrets and loneliness. I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve gone to war for her so that we didn’t have to suffer because of the choices we made.

  Her hand moves to my jaw, cupping my chin. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Tonight isn’t about the past.”

  “I hate that I hurt you.”

  “I hurt you too.” Stella’s voice breaks. “We both hold blame, but we can’t build the future on the regrets of the past.”

  I kiss her belly again. “I’m going to give you a future,” I vow.

  “With you.”

  “For as long as you want me.”

  “Forever.”

  Chapter 18

  Stella

  The word slips out as though it wasn’t even a thought.

  He smiles down at me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m going to need to put that back in check before I scare him off.

  Jack pulls my pants down. He moves my legs apart before settling between them.

  “Let’s see if I remember how you taste.”

  I close my eyes, trying not to make a fool of myself. Jack was the first boy to ever do this to me. I remember the mortification I felt when he did it. Winnie told me about her boyfriend doing it to her, but mine never had.