Could Have Been Us

by Corinne Michaels

  I’m sorry. I love you, and I’m here if you both need me. -Gray

  Jack comes to stand behind me and rests his hand on my back. “Oliver?”

  I shake my head and hand him the note.

  Jack kisses my temple. “He’s a hothead who needed to calm himself.”

  “I still worry he’ll see me as Yvonne.”

  “Impossible. You’re nothing like her, and we all know it.”

  I turn in his arms, resting my head on his chest. “In my head I know it too, but my heart says something different.”

  “If Grayson thought it for one second, he’d have a line of people ready to punch him in the face. I’d be first, then your brothers would be behind me.”

  I smile. “I guess, and it was sweet of him to do this.”

  “It was. He loves you, Stella. They all do. You’re the heart of your family.”

  “Jack? Stella?” Kinsley calls from the hallway, and he lets me go.

  “In here!”

  She enters the room and gasps. “Wow.”

  “My brothers were busy while we were in Georgia,” I explain.

  Kinsley walks around, looking at the bookcase. “Did you read all these?”

  Jack snorts a laugh. “Stella? She’s more of a movie girl.”

  “But you have a lot of novels here.”

  “They’re all new. I guess they got a mix of things? I can imagine the fools in a bookstore trying to pick them out,” I say with a grin. “Or my sister-in-law handled it, which is most likely the case.”

  She looks at the desk and picks up a butterfly.

  “That was my niece Amelia’s,” I explain. “Grayson, who is Jack’s best friend, has a daughter. She’s almost five, her birthday is coming up. She stayed here a lot before my brother got married.”

  Kinsley looks at the silk wings, rubbing her thumb against one. “I . . . there’s a lot of you guys.”

  Jack steps forward. “There are a lot of Parkerson siblings and family, so it can feel a bit overwhelming in the beginning. But Stella and I mean it, you don’t have to meet any of them if you don’t want. We’re not trying to force you into a family, we know you have your dad.”

  I have already let all of my brothers know that they are absolutely not to come to my house. I explained what our plan was, and everyone promised they would respect it.

  Oliver was the hardest to get to understand, but in the end, he gave me his word.

  But they want to know her.

  They are desperate to connect with their niece who they never knew. There is no way we’ll be able to keep it completely just the three of us, but hopefully, we can do this slowly.

  “It’s like learning there is a whole new set of people I didn’t know existed. I wish I was home. At least there, I know basic stuff like where the bathroom is.”

  I hate this so much for her. If I could take all of her uncertainty from her, I would.

  “Kinsley, you’ve been thrown into a situation that is complicated for an adult, never mind a twelve-year-old. It’s okay to feel unbalanced, but if you need anything—whether it’s space or you want to sit and eat an entire package of Oreos and wash it down with Chips Ahoy—all you have to do is tell us,” I say with a smile, and she closes her eyes for a second before I continue. “Just, please don’t feel like you have to do this alone. We’re going to all stumble and that’s okay.”

  She straightens her back. “I’m fine. I am going to read now, if that’s okay?”

  I force a smile and nod. “Of course. We’ll be right outside.”

  “Thanks.”

  As Jack and I shut the door behind us, I pray to God we did the right thing.

  Chapter 31

  Stella

  “Kinsley is in Willow Creek Valley,” I tell my mother, who’s sitting on the sofa in her new apartment.

  “What?”

  “I think you heard me, Mom.”

  She looks down at her clasped hands and then sighs. “I knew this would happen one day.”

  “That I’d find my daughter?”

  Her eyes find mine. “No, that . . . I don’t know, it was inevitable, I guess.”

  There have been so many things over the course of my lifetime that I’ve had to work through. Things that my parents said or did that I had trouble making sense of, but Kinsley was the one I couldn’t ever get through. They forced my hand and never seemed to care.

  “How could you have done that to me?”

  Her lips part. “Do what?”

  “Force me and Jack to give her up. You and Dad threatened to take everything from us if we didn’t do it. I don’t understand, Mom. We were wealthy and could afford to do the right thing.”

  She tucks her dark brown hair behind her ear. “It was what we thought was best for you, Stella. Contrary to what you think, it wasn’t an easy decision.”

  “It shouldn’t have been your decision at all.”

  “You had a choice too. I know it wasn’t ideal for you, but you could’ve kept her. I didn’t force you.”

  I shake my head, anger surging through my veins. “Are you that stupid? Of course you did! You knew that Jack and I couldn’t give her the life she deserved without your help. You made it very clear we would lose all your support unless we fell in line, which is what made us have to give her up.”

  “No, your father did, and believe me, we fought about it. The truth was that you and Jack made the decision to have sex, without protection. You and Jack made the choice to have her. You and Jack had to deal with the consequences. It was . . . it was absolute hell for me and your father. I suffered with you, Stella. Whether you believe it or not, there were many nights I cried myself to sleep. I would . . .” She stops and has to clear her throat before continuing. “I would listen to your grandmother talk about the baby kicking and hated that I couldn’t be there. If I had been, I would’ve changed my mind, and I knew it was best for you if you allowed another family to care for her.”

  Tears run down my cheeks. “And now look at us. Look at the lives we’ve had because of those choices.”

  “I’m not proud. I’m far from it. However, I’m not the monster you think I am.”

  I get to my feet, pacing and wiping away tears that fall. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

  “Who do you think paid for Misty’s cancer treatments?” I turn, my eyes locking onto hers as she rises gracefully. “Who do you think helped when they wanted to send Kinsley to a special camp? It was all done anonymously, mind you. Misty didn’t know who the money came from and neither did Samuel. You gave up that little girl, but none of us ever let her go.”

  “Did Dad know?” I ask. A part of me hopes that the man I once idolized isn’t such a horrible person. The other part hopes he is because we are about to destroy him in every way.

  She shakes her head. “No. He didn’t know.”

  “Why did you do it?”

  “Because that little girl is my granddaughter. I know that family is a touchy subject right now, but I did what I could without interfering.”

  I sit, my legs feeling unsteady. “She’s so overwhelmed,” I tell her.

  “The last few months have been difficult, I’m sure. But do you remember what you were like at twelve?”

  Maybe that’s the issue. I don’t remember any of it. Kinsley isn’t like Amelia, who I can distract with shiny things. She’s a kid with emotions, and I am really not sure what to do with all that.

  “What was I like?”

  Mom laughs, and a soft smile plays on her lips. “Well, first, you knew everything. There wasn’t a single thing I could say that you didn’t already have the answer to. You were wrong most of the time, but heaven knows, we couldn’t tell you that. Teenagers are the most infuriating creatures on the planet, and my house was filled with them. You were smart-mouthed—although, that seemed to be something you have been since you could speak.” She laughs and sits beside me. “Most of all, you wanted to be heard. You lived in a house with boys who spoke for you, and y
ou let them know how much you didn’t like it. She’s at a hard age as it is, but couple it with all she’s suffered, and it’s ten times worse. Give her space and time. Be patient and let her come to you. She doesn’t know you or Jack. She just knows she was given away, and now the people who raised her are gone as well.”

  My mother and I were close once. A long time ago, before I knew about my father’s affairs or his alternate life, I thought my mother was the strongest and most wonderful woman alive. She tried to be a good mom when we were young. For a small glimpse, I’m back to that time again. When my mother would brush my hair and talk to me about whatever I wanted. Then, my father’s affairs wore her down and my grandmother saved us.

  “How did we get to this, Mom? How did we go so far off track?”

  Shame fills her eyes. “I don’t know, but I’d like to try to do better. I have a lot to apologize for. Things I’ve said and done to all of you that I want to make right. I have no excuses, just an apology. I was lost. I still am, but I am working on myself.”

  There is a vulnerability in her that causes my heart to ache. She’s been hurt and, in turn, has hurt many.

  “That’s good because we all need each other, and I hope we can find a way to be a family again.”

  She dabs at her eyes. “I would like that very much, but first, we need to focus on getting through the next few weeks.”

  I nod. “I just want to help her through this.”

  My mother reaches forward, her hand resting on mine. “Just be you, Stella. Be you and she’ll come around.”

  “I hope so.”

  “She will. You’re impossible not to love.”

  I knock on Kinsley’s door with one hand and hold a plate of food for her in the other. It’s been three days of her staying in her room, and I’m running out of ideas that will get her to come out for longer than an hour or two. I keep hearing my mother’s words to let her come to me, but it’s so hard to wait.

  “Kinsley?” I knock again. She needs to eat at least.

  After a few seconds, she opens it. “Yes?”

  “I have some food if you’re hungry.”

  The door opens a bit more. “Thanks.” She looks out around the room. “Where’s Jack?”

  “He had to go back to his place to make sure everything was still okay. My brother, Oliver, is staying there, and he’s not exactly the . . . cleanest of my siblings.”

  “Oh.”

  “He’s my twin and opposite of me in so many ways.”

  Kinsley takes a bite of the sandwich. I had no idea if she liked turkey, but I figured it was worth a shot.

  “I always wanted siblings.”

  My chest aches at the statement, but I keep my features schooled. “I sometimes wished I was an only child.”

  “You have four brothers?”

  I walk into the living room area and pick up the photo of the five of us from Grayson’s wedding and show it to her. “Yup. This is them. Joshua is the oldest, he’s seven years older than I am.” I point to each as I speak. “Then Grayson, who is four years older. Alex is two years older, and Oliver is my twin.”

  She nods slowly and then steps out of her room, entering the living room with the photo in hand. “You all live in this town?”

  “Now we do, but for the last few years, we’ve been sort of scattered.”

  “Why?”

  I exhale deeply, deciding to take the opening and show that my family is far from normal. “Do you want to know all the family drama?”

  “Sure . . .”

  “Come sit,” I suggest, and Kinsley does. I tell her about my life. The parts about my father’s business, and how we all came to own shares. I tell her about the drama with Grayson and him, which is what led to my brothers and me wanting to open our own business.

  “No way!” Kinsley interrupts.

  “Yeah, it was . . . it is horrible. My father isn’t a good man.”

  “This is crazy,” she notes with a smile.

  “No family is normal, no matter what they say.”

  “My life was normal until now.”

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her with all the sincerity I have. “I hate that this is what you’re dealing with, but it will get better. You just need to give it a bit of time.”

  She tucks her leg underneath her. “My mom was so . . . perfect. She did everything for me and Dad. Even when she had cancer, she never let us feel neglected. I was so angry that, of all the people in the world, she would get sick, but she wouldn’t let me be. She kept telling me that it was okay and not to let this change me.”

  “I think she did an amazing job raising you.”

  “I miss her.”

  “I know, honey.”

  “She wouldn’t have let Dad drink. She would’ve stopped him. I tried to do what she would. I cleaned and ordered groceries, but he was so sad.”

  The truth is that, if Misty were still with him, he wouldn’t feel the need to drink away his sadness at all. “Kinsley, you did nothing wrong. Neither did your dad. He is hurting and sad and he’s getting help. For you. His love for you is so strong that he willingly entrusted us so he could make himself better. I can imagine it feels different for you, but I promise, this was not because you didn’t do enough.”

  Her head turns to the side, and she clears her throat. “I just want him to get better.”

  “I want him to as well. If there’s any reason for him to keep trying, it’s you. He loves you.”

  She nods, still not meeting my eyes.

  “How about we watch a movie?” I suggest.

  After a few seconds, she turns to me. “Which one?”

  “You pick.”

  She grabs the remote and leans back on the couch. Time, patience, and a little luck is all we need.

  Chapter 32

  Jack

  I rub my hand down my face as I stare at my accounting books. This is something that I loved doing, but now, the numbers are just running together in a blur from staring at them for too long.

  All I can think about is Stella at home with Kinsley.

  Yesterday, I spent an hour cleaning before explaining to Oliver that I did not, in fact, have a maid. When I got to Stella’s place, she and Kinsley were on the couch, huddled under blankets and watching television. I stood there, my heart racing and feeling a mix of emotions. I was happy for Stella. I know she wanted this so much. However, I was terrified because distance is what will save us from the pain of giving her back.

  I can’t love her.

  I can’t let myself love her more than I do already.

  It will break everything inside me when I have to watch her go again.

  Instead of joining them, I went into the office and pretended as if there was a pressing matter at work. And now I’m here, doing the same thing.

  I release a deep breath through my nose and try to focus on some of the things I need to do. After a few seconds, I push the papers off the desk and let out a curse.

  “You look like shit.”

  I jerk my head up to see Grayson standing in the doorway.

  “Thanks.”

  He enters my office and takes the seat across from my desk. “I’m going to assume it’s the jump headfirst into fatherhood.” I glare at him, and he lifts his hand. “Easy, killer, I’m not here to give you shit. I’m here with an apology and some understanding.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. Remember, I’ve been where you are. It isn’t the same place, but it’s close enough.”

  I shake my head. “You have no idea. Amelia was an infant, I have a twelve-year-old who is pissed, alone, scared, and God knows what else.”

  “Sort of like you were when your dad took off.”

  I lean back in my chair and exhale. “Maybe that’s the worst part. It’s like she’s living another version of my life.”

  Only not quite. She has a great family, one parent who is willing to do what he needs to do to give her the life she deserves and birth parents who may have given her up, but
are stepping up as well.

  “If there’s two people on this planet who can handle it, it’s you and Stella.”

  “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

  Grayson rubs the back of his head. “When it comes to Stella, I’ve always been an asshole, you know that. Honestly, the two of you make sense. Maybe I’ve known that all along. There’s not a man alive I trust more than you. I know I was a prick, and I’m sorry. You know how hard it is for me to find out about lies.”

  “Yeah, man, I do.” Grayson has had his fair share of people playing games with him, and after what his father did, I don’t blame the guy for having zero tolerance for lies. “Good. So, you have a daughter?”

  I sigh. “I do.”

  “What’s she like?”

  I take a few seconds to search for words. “She’s amazing. She’s smart and likes math.”

  He laughs. “I hope she has a cool friend like you did.”

  I flip him off. “You weren’t the cool one.”

  “Right, whatever you need to tell yourself, brother.”

  “She’s the perfect blend of Stella and me.”

  “Then what are you doing here?”

  I look at the paperwork all over my desk. “Working.”

  Grayson shakes his head. “No, you’re hiding, and it’s not like I blame you for it, but . . . you’re being an idiot.”

  “You’re really inspirational.”

  He shrugs. “I’m not here for that. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to do this just the two of you. I’ll always be around if you need to talk.”

  Those simple words unlock something in me. Grayson, the guy who knows my entire fucking life, was left out of one of the most important things. It’s been harder than he can ever know. Keeping this from him ate away at me. Having to endure it in silence was fucking torture.

  So here, in my office, I unload.

  Grayson listens, allowing me to say shit that I’m not sure even makes sense. I tell him about Kinsley’s birth, and how hard it was to give her over to another family. Every few minutes, he asks a follow-up question, and we keep going this way.