“I wasn’t trying to hide it,” I toss back.
Kinsley laughs softly. “I fish a lot with my dad.”
I see Grayson stiffen just a bit, and I speak quickly. “Hopefully your dad taught you better than Grayson’s did. None of the Parkerson boys are very good at outdoor stuff.”
Jessica snorts. “He’s got you there, babe. You really aren’t.”
“You’re not, Daddy,” Amelia offers, her cute face twisting with apology. “You stink, but Uncle Jack can teach you to be better.”
“Gee, both my girls threw me under the bus.”
We all laugh, and then Jennie appears with our meals. The rest of the lunch settles in, and I breathe a sigh of relief that Kinsley’s introduction to the most difficult Parkerson to win over went well.
The three of us drive down the dirt roadway and park up by the old house that will soon be taken down to its studs.
We show her around, and Stella explains what she’s hoping to build here. She meets with another contractor next week to see designs. Since their meeting with their father, they’ve started the ball rolling. Regardless of whether he buys them out or someone else does, no one wants to waste time.
“Where will you work?” Kinsley asks.
“I’m hoping to have an office away from the main property. I’m sort of an add-on to what the resort offers, so it’s a separate business.”
“And you’re going to offer wilderness adventures?”
“It’s not that bad.”
Stella scoffs. “It’s awful. Let me tell you, I spent a night in the woods with him a few weeks ago, and it was hell.”
I roll my eyes. “Hell?”
“Well, it wasn’t fun. I almost died.”
“You did not almost die!” This woman is so damn dramatic sometimes.
“A bear wanted to eat me,” Stella tells Kinsley.
“What?” she yells. “There are bears here?”
Oh God. “There are no bears here. Well, there are bears in the woods, but they’re not here.”
Stella raises her brows and smirks. “See, I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to be eaten.”
“We are not going to be eaten by a bear.”
She moves closer to Kinsley. “If we see one, we throw Jack in front. If he’s going to risk our lives, he should be mauled first.”
“I would jump in front anyway.”
“Such a gallant hero you are,” Stella jokes.
Kinsley starts to laugh and then bites her lip.
“Let’s go see the inside,” I suggest with a smile.
On our way there, Stella explains some of what she wants. “My hope is that we’ll cater to families and a lot of weddings. I want us to have everything so that no one ever wants to leave.”
I have never doubted that the Parkerson siblings could do this, but listening to her talk, the way her eyes light up, the smile on her lips, and the lift in her voice tells me so much more. She’s going to excel at this.
“It sounds amazing,” Kinsley says after Stella tells her about adding a barn toward the back for the horses. And another building she wants where they can offer different outdoor activities.
“Would it be somewhere you’d want to visit?” Stella asks. “I mean, twelve years old is a hard age to sell a kid on going on a family vacation to the mountains of North Carolina. We want this place to be something for everyone to enjoy.”
Kinsley shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m not normal. I like numbers and math camp. This wouldn’t be something we would’ve done. Mom liked going to see places where there was education involved.”
“Like where?”
“For my tenth birthday, we went to Washington D.C. because I was really into history. We spent days in the museums.”
Stella smiles. “And coming to the quiet of the woods wouldn’t really be educational.”
I laugh. “I teach survival skills, remember?”
Kinsley shakes her head. “Not like that.”
“Well, maybe we can find some weird artifacts when we start the build and turn it into something.”
“Like fossils?” Stella asks with her brow raised.
“Maybe. You never know.”
“Great, I was worried about bears, and now we can add on dinosaurs.”
This woman is going to drive me insane. I see it now, years of sarcasm and smiles, wearing me down.
The sad part is, I want it all.
I want a life with Stella and . . .
I stop myself. There is no life with Kinsley. She’s not ours, and in a few weeks, we will have to give her back.
Anger starts to simmer, at myself more than anything. I have to keep perspective. Yes, I may want to soak up what time I have, but I need to remember that there’s an expiration date looming. Kinsley will go back to her father. She’ll have a life that isn’t here in Willow Creek Valley.
And then, as if to punctuate what I was thinking, Kinsley turns to me. “All of this is cool, but my dad and I like the beach, so I don’t know if I’ll ever come back to the mountains. But you guys can send me photos so I can see it when it’s all done.”
This is all I may ever get, and I see now she feels the same.
Chapter 35
Stella
The last week and a half has been strange. It’s like something shifted between Jack and I when we were at the lake. He’s here with us, but it’s like he’s gone as well. He’s still sweet and attentive, but there’s a wall that wasn’t there before.
Kinsley has been better. She spends time with us, and she’s excited about Amelia’s birthday that is coming up because she’ll meet Alexander and Joshua. Oliver is coming for lunch today, and she’s been all nervous energy since I asked her if that was okay.
Maybe that is why Jack has been so reserved—because he doesn’t have anyone to introduce her to. If that’s the case, I wish he would talk to me about it so I could make him feel less isolated.
I lie on my side, facing him as he sleeps. The sun hasn’t fully risen, but I can’t sleep and am desperate for him. He had a fire call last night, which must not have been anything crazy because he was only gone for about two hours. Tentatively, I reach my hand out, touching the scruff on his cheek.
He shifts, eyes slowly opening, and his lips turn up. “Hi there, gorgeous.”
“Hi.” My cheeks burn at the compliment.
“It’s early,” he notes.
“It is, but I missed you.”
“I wasn’t gone that long last night.” He lets out a long stretch, and I smile at the sight of what dips below the sheet.
“Maybe not, but I still worry when you go out.”
Jack rubs his thumb along my lip. “We’re always careful, and trust me, I take far fewer risks since I fell in love with you.”
“Awww,” I say, snuggling against him a little deeper. “You’re so sweet. But I still miss you.”
Jack smiles softly. “I’m right here.”
“You are, and you’re not. It’s been hard for us, and we haven’t had a lot of time for just the two of us.”
“No, we haven’t. I’ve missed you too, Stella.”
“You have?” I ask, feeling stupid and shy.
“Most definitely. I love you even more.”
Maybe I’m imagining it all. Maybe Jack isn’t being weird, and I’m reading into things.
“I love you more.”
“Not possible.”
“Wanna bet?” I challenge, then laugh and rest my head on my hand before adding, “I think you’d lose.”
“Are either of us losing when it comes to this?”
“Nope.”
His hand moves to my hip and then slides to my ass. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did, even with your snoring.”
Jack laughs, his hand cupping my butt and pulling me toward him. “You’re one to talk.”
I move in closer, my hand on his chest. “I’d rather not talk.”
“No?”
I shake my head. “No.
”
“What would you rather do?”
The tips of my fingers make patterns against his skin. “I can think of a few things.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Would you rather talk about it or have me show you?”
Jack’s eyes blaze with desire, and I realize just how much I need this. I’ve missed him, needed him, and I am desperate to feel his touch.
“I’ve always learned better by doing,” Jack says, pushing his erection against my core. “Show me what you want, baby.”
I lean in, kissing his chest and pushing him down onto his back. I kiss his pecs and then playfully bite his nipples, which he groans at. I explore his abdomen with my mouth, kissing and sliding my tongue down the ridges and valleys.
I love his body.
I love his heart and soul.
I love everything about this man, and I never want to lose him.
As I slide lower, his hand moves to my hair, and I don’t tease him. I want him far too much for that.
In one movement, I take his cock deep.
Jack groans, tangling his fingers in my hair. “Stella,” he says on an exhale.
I do it again, going up and down, taking him as far back in my throat as I can go. Jack’s grip tightens as I move my hand to his balls, massaging them gently.
“Stella, baby, fuck, I can’t.” His voice is dark and husky.
I moan around his cock, doing it again. He pulls a little harder on my hair.
After a few more seconds, I lift up. My plan is to ride him, but Jack grabs me quickly, tossing me onto my back and parting my legs.
I go to say something, but his mouth is on my core, stealing whatever words of protest I might have uttered, and it’s my turn to grip his hair. “Oh, God!” I moan quietly.
He slides his tongue against my clit in a steady rhythm. I hold on because letting go is the last thing I want to do.
Jack, right here, is everything.
He’s power and sex with sin wrapping around him. I want to stay in this bubble forever.
“Jack.” I call his name softly, allowing the pleasure to lap at me like waves against the shore.
“That’s it, baby, feel what I do to you.”
My back arches when he hits the spot that always drives me wild. He does it again, causing my breathing to accelerate.
“I need you,” I tell him.
His tongue is rougher as he adds more pressure with each stroke.
My climax is right there, I can see it, but I don’t want it yet. I want more of him and us and love. I want to fall apart with him inside me. “Jack, please. I . . . want you . . . us.”
He lifts his head, kissing the inside of my thigh. “I want to make you lose control.”
I take advantage of the moment and slide out from under him. When I try to push him down, he doesn’t budge.
“Let me ride you. Let me fall apart with you inside me.”
He lets out a noise that sounds like a growl. “Jesus. You’re going to kill me.”
I grin. “Not until after.”
He lies back, and I straddle him. In one swift move, Jack is seated to the hilt inside me. My head drops back, hair falling in waves down my back. His hands move to my breasts, and he kneads them.
It doesn’t take long.
I can feel myself getting close. I move faster, and Jack’s hands move to my hips. “Stella, you feel so good.”
“I can’t last long,” I tell him.
“Ride me. Take what you need.”
I do, feeling my orgasm coming closer and closer. Our eyes lock, and I see everything there. The love he has for me, the need and desire raging through him. I love him. I love him so much.
With that thought, I fall apart. Tears fill my gaze as I crest over the top and start to fall. But I don’t hit the ground because Jack is there, holding me, keeping me safe, loving me beyond measure.
He jerks his hips a few times, following me in a sea of pleasure.
I lie on his chest, both of us struggling to breathe.
After a minute, I start to move off him, but he grips me tighter. “Don’t. Not yet.”
I lift my head to look at him. “What?”
“Just stay here.”
I smile and tuck myself into the crook of his neck. “You smell good here.”
“My neck?” he asks with a soft laugh.
“You smell like the woods and Jack.”
His fingers move to my back. “Stella?”
“Hmm?” I ask, feeling rather content.
“We didn’t use a condom again.”
I push back just enough to see his face. “I had an IUD put in after we had Kinsley. I’ve been . . . rather crazy about always making sure I’m protected. We don’t have to worry.”
He pushes my hair back over my shoulder and then cups my cheek. “I figured as much, but we’ve never talked about it. I didn’t want you to think—”
My finger presses against his lips. “I know. It was me who took advantage of you.”
He raises one brow. “Is that so?”
I nod. “Oh, most definitely.”
Jack flips us so he’s on top, staring down at me. “Then maybe it’s my turn to take advantage of you.”
“So soon?” I ask with a smirk.
I can feel him growing hard inside me so I roll my hips.
“If you do that again, you’ll feel the answer to that question,” Jack warns.
Little does he know that’s not much of a deterrent. “I’m hoping that’s the case,” I say and then repeat the motion.
After we finish, we lie in bed and watch the sunlight start to filter through the curtains. I listen to his heartbeat, which is strong and steady beneath my ear. “Will you talk to me?” I ask a few minutes later.
“About?”
I turn, resting my chin on my hand. “You’ve been distant this week.”
“I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Such as?” I prompt.
“Well, Samuel is supposed to call Kinsley today. Oliver is coming tonight, and we’re going to Amelia’s party next weekend. All of this . . . I don’t know, Stella, aren’t you worried? We have a little over a week left with her. That’s it.” He sighs deeply, the serene look he had is gone, replaced with frustration.
I sit up, pulling the sheet with me. “I know, but worrying about it doesn’t change that. What I don’t know is why you’re being distant with me.”
Jack shakes his head. “Worrying about it is all I do. Someone has to.”
“What does that mean? You think I don’t care?”
He sits up, exhaling and rubbing his forehead. “I didn’t say you don’t care. I’m saying that if you know what’s to come, what is after that? What exactly do we do?”
I blink a few times, bristling at the change in his tone. “What we have to.”
He laughs once. “What we have to? How do you see this playing out, baby? Do you think we’re going to just give her back without it tearing our hearts out? That I’m not going to go to Melia Lake and remember the time we took Kinsley out there?”
“Why is remembering her a bad thing?”
Jack sits up, running his fingers through his thick, brown hair. “You asked me why I’m being distant. Well, that’s what’s on my mind. I’m fucking terrified and doing what I can to make sure that, in a week, we’re not completely broken.”
“Why would we be broken?” I fling another question at him, which seems to be all I’m able to do at this point.
“Because you’re falling in love with this kid.” I pull the sheet higher, and my lip trembles. “You can’t deny it. You are going to fall apart, and what am I supposed to do then? How do I watch you struggle? How do I make it right? Tell me.”
This has always been reality. I knew it from the start, but I’ve also done what I could not to think about it. It was easy the first week when it was still new and we didn’t really know her yet. Then she started to come out of her shell and spend time with us. We have a rout
ine where we have dinner, talk about our day, the plans for the lake, and play some weird math game she likes, which Jack is amazing at.
I’ve gotten to know her.
And I’ve let my guard down.
“I don’t know, but I can’t keep her at arm’s length. Not when we have this chance with her. We knew what the rules were when we agreed to help.”
He gets out of bed and starts to get dressed. “I’m not asking you to. I’m just answering the question you asked me and being honest about my concerns. We are going to have to let her go again. Today is going to show us that, and I want you to be ready for it.”
I appreciate his concern, and it’s not without merit, but I know she’s not ours to keep. I don’t have some silly fantasy about her wanting to stay, and even if she did, I couldn’t do that to Samuel.
He’s getting help to be better for Kinsley, so to take her from him would be cruel.
“I’m not living under false pretenses, Jack.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I know, but just because I refuse to keep her at a distance, doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the situation. Regardless of what we all say, I am her mother and you are her father. We may not get to raise her, but there hasn’t been a day she’s drawn breath that I haven’t loved her.” I get to my feet, throwing my shirt on and then jamming my legs into my pants. “I loved her the day I knew she was in my stomach. I loved her the day I gave birth to her, and I have spent every day since then loving her enough to let her go. You are the one who is fooling yourself,” I say to him, watching his eyes flare at my last words.
This isn’t the discussion I thought we’d be having, but here it is.
He turns his back on me, looking out the window. “You’re wrong about this, Stella. You’re going to end up hurt.”
“Of course I am, but I think you’re the one who’s wrong.” I look at his tall frame, the slight drop in his shoulders as he carries the weight of the world.
This has always been Jack’s greatest problem. He thinks he’s responsible for everyone he loves, and he’s failed them. His mother, his father, me, Kinsley, we’re all the links in the chain that he’s somehow failed to repair.
Instead of just loving us for whatever time we may have together, he pushes against it. I thought—I hoped—that last week was a turning point, but now we’re back here again.
Could Have Been Us Page 21
