Yours faithfully, L. STERNE.
Madame and Mademoiselle present their best compliments — Remember me to all I regard, particularly Messrs. P — d, and the rest of your houshold.
LETTER XXXVIII. TO THE SAME.
Toulouse, May 21, 1763,
Dear Sir,
I Took the liberty three weeks ago to desire you would be so kind as to send me fourscore pounds, having received a letter the same post from my Agent, that he would order the money to be paid to your correspondent in London in a fortnight. — It is some disappointment to me that you have taken no notice of my letter, especially as I told you we waited for the money before we set out for Bagnieres, — and so little distrust had I that such a civility would be refused me, that we have actually had all our things pack’d up these eight days, in hourly expectation of receiving a letter. — Perhaps my good friend has waited till he heard the money was paid in London — but you might have trusted to my honour — that all the cash in your iron box (and all the bankers in Europe put together) could not have tempted me to say the thing that is not. — I hope before this you will have received an account of the money being paid in London — But it would have been taken kindly, if you had wrote me word you would transmit me the money when you had received it, but no sooner; for Mr. R — of Montpellier, tho’ I know him not, yet knows enough of me to have given me credit for a fortnight for ten times the sum.
I am, dear F — , your friend and hearty well-wisher, L. STERNE.
I saw the family of the H — yesterday, and asked them if you was in the land of the living — They said yea — for they had just received a letter from you. — After all I heartily forgive you — for you have done me a signal service in mortifying me, and it is this, I am determined to grow rich upon it.
Adieu, and God send you wealth and happiness — All compliments to — Before April next I am obliged to revisit your metropolis in my way to England.
LETTER XXXIX. TO THE SAME.
Toulouse, June 9, 1773.
My dear F — ,
I This moment received yours — consequently the moment I got it I sat down to answer it — So much for a logical inference.
Now believe me I had never wrote you so testy a letter, had I not both loved and esteemed you — and it was merely in vindication of the rights of friendship that I wrote in a way as if I was hurt — for neglect me in your heart, I knew you could not, without cause; which my heart told me I never had — or will ever give you: — I was the best friends with you that ever I was in my life, before my letter had got a league, and pleaded the true excuse for my friend,
“That he was oppressed with a multitude of business.”
Go on, my dear F. and have but that excuse, (so much do I regard your interest) that I would be content to suffer a real evil without future murmuring — but in truth, my disappointment was partly chimerical at the bottom, having a letter of credit for two hundred pounds from a person I never saw, by me — but which out of a nicety of temper I would not make any use of — I set out in two days for Bagnieres, but direct to me to Brousse, who will forward all my letters. — Dear F — adieu. — Believe me,
Yours affectionately, L. STERNE.
LETTER XL. TO THE SAME.
Toulouse, June 12, 1763.
Dear F — ,
LUCKILY just before I was stepping into my chaise for Bagnieres, has a strayed fifty pound bill found its way to me; so I have sent it to its lawful owner inclosed — My noodle of an agent, instead of getting Mr. Selwin to advise you he had received the money (which would have been enough) has got a bill for it, and sent it rambling to the furthest part of France after me, and if it had not caught me just now it might have followed me into Spain, for I shall cross the Pyreneans, and spend a week in that kingdom, which is enough for a fertile brain to write a volume upon. — When I write the history of my travels — Memorandum! I am not to forget how honest a man I have for a banker at Paris. — But, my dear friend, when you say you dare trust me for what little occasions I may have, you have as much faith as honesty — and more of both than of good policy. — I thank you however ten thousand times — and except such liberty as I have lately taken with you — and that too at a pinch — I say beyond that I will not trespass upon your good nature, or friendliness to serve me. — God bless you, dear F —
I am yours whilst, L. STERNE.
LETTER XLI. TO THE SAME.
Montpellier, Oct. 5, 1763.
Dear F.
I Am ashamed I have not taken an opportunity of thanking you before now, for your friendly act of civility, in ordering Brousse, your correspondent at Toulouse, in case I should have occasion, to pay me fifteen hundred livres — which as I knew the offer came from your heart I made no difficulty of accepting. — In my way thro’ Toulouse to Marseilles, where we have been, but neither liking the place nor Aix (particularly the latter, it being a parliament town, of which Toulouse has given me a surfeit) we have returned here, where we shall reside the winter — My wife and daughter purpose to stay a year at least behind me — and when winter is over, to return to Toulouse, or go to Montaubon, where they will stay till they return, or I fetch them — For myself I shall set out in February for England, where my heart has been fled these six months — but I shall stay a fortnight with my friends at Paris; tho’ I verily believe, if it was not for the pleasure of seeing and chattering with you, I should pass on directly to Brussels, and so on to Rotterdam, for the sake of seeing Holland, and embark from thence to London — But I must stay a little with those I love and have so many reasons to regard — you cannot place too much of this to your own score. — I have had an offer of going to Italy a fortnight ago — but I must like my subject as well as the terms, neither of which were to my mind. — Pray what English have you at Paris? where is my young friend Mr. F — ? We hear of three or four English families coming to us here — If I can be serviceable to any you would serve, you have but to write. — Mr. H... has sent my friend W— ‘s picture — You have seen the original, or I would have sent it you — I believe I shall beg leave to get a copy of my own from yours, when I come in propria persona — till when, God bless you my dear friend, and believe me,
Most faithfully yours, L. STERNE.
LETTER XLII. TO THE SAME.
Montpellier, Jan. 5, 1764.
My dear Friend,
YOU see I cannot pass over the fifth of the month without thinking of you, and writing to you — The last is a periodical habit — the first is from my heart, and I do it oftner than I remember — however, from both motives together I maintain I have a right to the pleasure of a single line — be it only to tell me how your watch goes — You know how much happier it would make me to know that all things belonging to you went on well. — You are going to have them all to yourself (I hear) and that Mr. S — is true to his first intention of leaving business — I hope this will enable you to accomplish yours in a shorter time, that you may get to your long wished for retreat of tranquillity and silence — When you have got to your fireside, and into your arm-chair (and by the by, have another to spare for a friend) and are so much a sovereign as to sit in your furr’d cap (if you like it, tho’ I should not, for a man’s ideas are at least the cleaner for being dress’d decently) why then it will be a miracle if I do not glide in like a ghost upon you — and in a very unghost-like fashion help you off with a bottle of your best wine.
January 15. — It does not happen every day that a letter begun in the most perfect health, should be concluded in the greatest weakness — I wish the vulgar high and low do not say it was a judgement upon me for taking all this liberty with ghosts — Be it as it may — I took a ride when the first part of this was wrote towards Perenas — and returned home in a shivering fit, tho’ I ought to have been in a fever, for I had tired my beast; and he was as unmoveable as Don Quixote’s wooden horse, and my arm was half dislocated in whipping him — This quoth I is inhuman — No, says a peasant on foot behind me, I’ll drive him home — so he laid o
n his posteriors, but ’twas needless — as his face was turn’d towards Montpellier he began to trot. — But to return, this fever has confined me ten days in my bed — I have suffered in this scuffle with death terribly — but unless the spirit of prophecy deceive me — I shall not die but live — in the mean time dear F. let us live as merrily but as innocently as we can. — It has ever been as good, if not better, than a bishoprick to me — and I desire no other — Adieu my dear friend and believe me yours,
L. S.
Please to give the inclosed to Mr. T. — and tell him I thank him cordially from my heart for his great goodwill.
LETTER XLIII. TO THE SAME.
Montpellier, Jan. 20.
My dear Friend,
HEARING by Lord R. who in passing thro’ here in his way to Madrid has given me a call, that my worthy friend Mr. Fox was now at Paris — I have inclosed a letter to him, which you will present in course or direct to him. — I suppose you are full of English — but in short we are here as if in another world, where unless some stray’d soul arrives, we know nothing of what is going on in yours. — Lord G.......r I suppose is gone from Paris, or I had wrote also to him. I know you are as busy as a bee, and have few moments to yourself — nevertheless bestow one of them upon an old friend and write me a line — and if Mr. F. is too idle and has ought to say to me, pray write a second line for him. — We had a letter from Miss P — this week, who it seems has decamp’d for ever from Paris — All is for the best — which is my general reflection upon many things in this world. — Well! I shall shortly come and shake you by the hand in St. Sauveur — if still you are there. — My wife returns to Toulouse and purposes to spend the summer at Bagnieres — I on the contrary go and visit my wife the church in Yorkshire. — We all live the longer — at least the happier — for having things our own way. — This is my conjugal maxim — I own ’tis not the best of maxims — but I maintain ’tis not the worst. Adieu dear F — and believe me,
Yours with truth, L. STERNE.
LETTER XLIV. TO MRS. F.
Montpellier, Feb. 1, 1764.
I AM preparing, my dear Mrs. F. to leave France, for I am heartily tired of it — That insipidity there is in French characters has disgusted your friend Yorick. — I have been dangerously ill, and cannot think that the sharp air of Montpellier has been of service to me — and so my physicians told me when they had me under their hands for above a month — if you stay any longer here, Sir, it will be fatal to you — And why good people were you not kind enough to tell me this sooner? — After having discharged them, I told Mrs. S. that I should set out for England very soon, but as she chuses to remain in France for two or three years, I have no objection, except that I wish my girl in England. — The states of Languedoc are met— ’tis a fine raree-shew, with the usual accompanyments of fiddles, bears, and puppet-shews. — I believe I shall step into my post-chaise with more alacrity to fly from these sights, than a Frenchman would to fly to them — and except a tear at parting with my little slut, I shall be in high spirits, and every step I take that brings me nearer England, will I think help to set this poor frame to rights. Now pray write to me directed to Mr. F. at Paris, and tell me what I am to bring you over. — How do I long to greet all my friends! few do I value more than yourself. — My wife chuses to go to Montauban, rather than stay here, in which I am truely passive. — If this should not find you at Bath, I hope it will be forwarded to you, as I wish to fulfill your commissions — and so adieu — Accept every warm wish for your health, and believe me ever yours,
L. STERNE.
P.S. My physicians have almost poisoned me with what they call bouillons refraichissants— ’tis a cock flead alive and boiled with poppy seeds, then pounded in a mortar, afterwards pass’d thro’ a sieve — There is to be one crawfish in it, and I was gravely told it must be a male one — a female would do me more hurt than good.
LETTER XLV. TO MISS S.
Paris, May l5, 1764.
My dear Lydia,
BY this time I suppose your mother and self are fixed at Montauban, and I therefore direct to your banker, to be delivered to you. — I acquiesced in your staying in France — likewise it was your mother’s wish — but I must tell you both (that unless your health had not been a plea made use of) I should have wished you both to return with me. — I have sent you the Spectators, and other books, particularly Metastasio; but I beg my girl to read the former, and only make the latter her amusement. — I hope you have not forgot my last request, to make no friendships with the French-women — not that I think ill of them all, but sometimes women of the best principles are the most insinuating — nay I am so jealous of you that I should be miserable were I to see you had the least grain of coquettry in your composition. — You have enough to do — for I have also sent you a guittar — and as you have no genius for drawing, (tho’ you never could be made to believe it) pray waste not your time about it — Remember to write to me as to a friend — in short whatever comes into your little head, and then it will be natural. — If your mother’s rheumatism continues and she chooses to go to Bagnieres — tell her not to be stopped for want of money, for my purse shall be as open as my heart. I have preached at the ambassador’s chapel — Hezekiah — (an odd subject your mother will say) There was a concourse of all nations, and religions too. — I shall leave Paris in a few days — I am lodged in the same hotel with Mr. T.... they are good and generous souls — Tell your mother that I hope she will write to me, and that when she does so, I may also receive a letter from my Lydia.
Kiss your mother from me, and believe me,
Your affectionate, L. STERNE.
LETTER XLVI.
York, August 6, 1764.
My dear F — ,
THERE is a young lady with whom I have sent a letter to you, who will arrive at Paris in her way to Italy — her name is Miss Tuting; a lady known and loved by the whole kingdom — if you can be of any aid to her in your advice, &c. as to her journey, &c. your good nature and politeness, I am sure need no spur from me to do it. I was sorry we were like the two buckets of a well, whilst in London, for we were never able to be both resident together the month I continued in and about the environs. — If I get a cough this winter which holds me three days, you will certainly see me at Paris the week following, for now I abandon every thing in this world to health and to my friends — for the last sermon that I shall ever preach, was preach’d at Paris — so I am altogether an idle man, or rather a free one, which is better. I sent, last post, twenty pounds to Mrs. S. which makes a hundred pounds remitted, since I got here — You must pay yourself what I owe you out of it — and place the rest to account. — Betwixt this and Lady-day next, Mrs. S. will draw from time to time upon you to about the amount of a hundred louis — but not more — (I think) I having left her a hundred in her pocket. — But you shall always have money beforehand of mine — and she purposes to spend no further than five thousand livres in the year — but twenty pound, this way or that, makes no difference between us — Give my kindest compliments to Mr. P — . I have a thousand things to say to you, and would go half way to Paris to tell them you in your ear. — The Messrs. T — , H — , &c. and many more of your friends with whom I am now, send their services — Mine to all friends — Yours, dear F. most truly,
L. STERNE.
LETTER XLVII. TO J. H. S. ESQ.
September 4, 1764.
NOW, my dear, dear Anthony — I do not think a week or ten days playing the good follow (at this very time) at Scarborough so abominable a thing — but if a man could get there cleverly, and every soul in his house in the mind to try what could be done in furtherance thereof, I have no one to consult in this affair — therefore as a man may do worse things, the English of all which is this, that I am going to leave a few poor sheep here in the wilderness for fourteen days — and from pride and naughtiness of heart to go see what is doing at Scarborough — stedfastly meaning afterwards to lead a new life and strengthen my faith. — Now some folks say t
here is much company there — and some fay not — and I believe there is neither the one or the other — but will be both, if the world will have but a month’s patience or so. — No, my dear H... I did not delay sending your letter directly to the post — As there are critical times or rather turns and revolutions in *** humours, I knew not what the delay of an hour might hazard — I will answer for him, he has seventy times seven forgiven you — and as often wish’d you at the d — l. — After many oscillations the pendulum will rest firm as ever. —
I send all kind compliments to Sir C... D.... and G — s — I love them from my soul — If G.....t is with you, him also. — I go on, not rapidly, but well enough with my uncle Toby’s amours — There is no sitting, and cudgeling ones brains whilst the sun shines bright— ‘twill be all over in six or seven weeks, and there are dismal months enow after to endure suffocation by a brimstone fire-side. — If you can get to Scarborough, do. — A man who makes six tons of alum a week, may do any thing — Lord G — y is to be there — what a temptation!
Complete Works of Laurence Sterne Page 106
