Yours affectionately, L. STERNE.
LETTER XLVIII. TO MR. F. AT PARIS.
York, September 29, 1764.
My dear Friend,
I Have just had the honour of a letter from Miss T — , full of the acknowledgments of your attention and kind services to her; I will not believe these arose from the D. of A....’s letters, nor mine. Surely she needed no recommendation — the truest and most honest compliment I can pay you, is to say they came from your own good heart, only you was introduced to the object — for the rest follow’d in course — However let me cast in my mite of thanks to the treasury which belongs to good natured actions. I have been with Lord G — y these three weeks at Scarborough — the pleasures of which I found somewhat more exalted than those of Bagnieres last year — I am now returned to my Philosophical Hut to finish Tristram, which I calculate will be ready for the world about Christmas, at which time I decamp from hence, and fix my head quarters at London for the winter — unless my cough pushes me forwards to your Metropolis — or that I can persuade some gros my Lord to take a trip to you — I’ll try if I can make him relish the joys of the Tuileries, Opera Comique, &c.
I had this week a letter from Mrs. S — from Montauban, in which she tells me she has occasion for fifty pounds immediately — Will you send an order to your correspondent at Montauban to pay her so much cash — and I will in three weeks send as much to Becket — But as her purse is low, for God’s sake write directly. — Now you must do something equally essential — to rectify a mistake in the mind of your correspondent there, who it seems gave her a hint not long ago,
“that she was separatedfrom me for life.
— Now as this is not true in the first place, and may give a disadvantageous impression of her to those she lives amongst— ‘twould be unmerciful to let her, or my daughter, suffer by it; so do be so good as to undeceive him — for in a year or two she proposes (and indeed I expect it with impatience from her) to rejoin me — and tell them I have all the confidence in the world she will not spend more than I can afford, and I only mention’d two hundred guineas a year — because ’twas right to name some certain sum, for which I beg’d you to give her credit. — I write to you of all my most intimate concerns, as to a brother, so excuse me dear F — . God bless you — Believe me,
Yours affectionately, L. STERNE.
Compliments to Mr. Panchaud, D’Holbach, &c.
LETTER XLIX. TO J. H. S. ESQ.
Coxwould, — Thursday.
My dear Cousin,
I Am but this moment return’d from Scarborough, where I have been drinking the waters ever since the races, and have received marvellous strength, had I not debilitated it as fast as I got it, by playing the good fellow with Lord G — y and Co. too much. I rejoice you have been encamp’d at Harrowgate, from which, by now, I suppose you are decamp’d — otherwise as idle a beast as I have been, I would have sacrificed a few days to the god of laughter with you and your jolly set. — I have done nothing good that I know of, since I left you, except paying off your guinea and a half to K — , in my way thro’ York hither — I must try now and do better — Go on, and prosper for a month,
Your affectionate L. STERNE.
LETTER L. TO MR. F. AT PARIS.
York, November 11, 1764.
My dear Friend,
I Sent ten days ago, a bank bill of thirty pounds to Mr. Becket, and this post one of sixty — When I get to London, which will be in five weeks, you will receive what shall always keep you in bank for Mrs. S — ; in the mean time I have desired Becket to send you fourscore pounds, and if my wife, before I get to London, should have occasion for fifty louis let her not wait a minute, and if I have not paid it, a week or a fortnight I know will break no squares with a good and worthy friend. — I will contrive to send you these two new volumes of Tristram, as soon as ever I get them from the press. — You will read as odd a tour thro’ France as ever was projected or executed by traveller, or travel-writers since the world began— ’Tis a laughing good temper’d satyr against travelling (as puppies travel) Panchaud will enjoy it — I am quite civil to your Parisians — et pour cause you know— ’tis likely I may see them in spring — Is it possible for you to get me over a copy of my picture any how? If so I would write to Mademoiselle N — to make as good a copy from it as she possibly could — with a view to do her service here — and I would remit her the price — I really believe it would be the parent of a dozen portraits to her, if she executes it with the spirit of the original in your hands — for it will be seen by many — and as my phiz is as remarkable as myself, if she preserves the true character of both, it will do her honour and service too. — Write me a line about this, and tell me you are well and happy — Will you present my kind respects to the worthy Baron — I shall send him one of the best impressions of my picture from Mr. Reynolds’s — another to Monsieur P — . My love to Mr. S — n and P — d.
I am most truly yours, L. STERNE.
LETTER LI. TO J. H. S. ESQ.
November 13, 1764.
My dear Cousin,
‘TIS a church militant week with me, full of marches, and countermarches — and treaties about Stillington common, which we are going to inclose — otherwise I would have obey’d your summons — and yet I could not well have done it this week neither, having receiv’d a letter from C — , who has been very ill; and is coming down to stay a week or ten days with me. — Now I know he is ambitious of being better acquainted with you; and longs from his soul for a sight of you in your own castle. — I cannot do otherwise, than bring him with me — nor can I gallop away and leave him an empty house to pay a visit to from London, as he comes half express to see me. — I thank you for the care of my northern vintage — I fear after all I must give it a fermentation on the other side of the Alps, which is better than being on the lees with it — but nous verrons — yet I fear as it has got such hold of my brain and comes upon it like an armed man at nights — I must give way for quietness sake, or be hag-ridden with the conceit of it all my life long. — I have been Miss-ridden this last week by a couple of romping girls (bien mises et comme il faut) who might as well have been in the house with me, (tho’ perhaps not, my retreat here is too quiet for them) but they have taken up all my time, and have given my judgment and fancy more airings than they wanted. — These things accord not well with sermon making — but ’tis my vile errantry, as Sancho says, and that is all that can be made of it. — I trust all goes swimmingly on with your alum; that the works amuse you, and call you twice out (at least) a day. — I shall see them I trust in ten days, or thereabout — If it was any way possible, I would set out this moment, tho’ I have no cavalry — (except a she ass) Give all friendly respects to Mrs. C. and to Col. H...’s and the garrison, both of Guisbro and Skelton. — I am, dear Anthony, affectionately
Yours, L. STERNE.
LETTER LII. TO MR. F. AT P.
York, November 16, 1764.
My dear Friend,
THREE posts before I had the favour of yours (which is come to hand this moment) I had wrote to set Mrs. S. right in her mistake — That you had any money of mine in your hands — being very sensible that the hundred pounds I had sent you, thro’ Becket’s hands, was but about what would balance with you — The reason of her error was owing to my writing her word, I would send you a bill in a post or two for fifty pounds — which, my finances falling short just then, I deferr’d — so that I had paid nothing to any one — but was however come to York this day, and I have sent you a draught for a hundred pounds — in honest truth a fortnight ago I had not the cash — but I am as honest as the king (as Sancho Pança says) only not so rich.
Therefore if Mrs. S. should want thirty louis more, let her have them — and I will balance all (which will not be much) with honour at Christmas, when I shall be in London, having now just finish’d my two volumes of Tristram. — I have some thoughts of going to Italy this year — at least I shall not defer it above another. — I have been with Lord
Granby, and with Lord Shelburne, but am now sat down till December in my sweet retirement — I wish you was sat down as happily, and as free of all worldly cares. — In a few years, my dear F. I hope to see you a real country gentleman, tho’ not altogether exiled from your friends in London — there I shall spend every winter of my life, in the same lap of contentment, where I enjoy myself now — and wherever I go — we must bring three parts in four of the treat along with us — In short we must be happy within — and then few things without us make much difference — This is my Shandean philosophy. — You will read a comic account of my journey from Calais thro’ Paris to the Garonne, in these volumes — my friends tell me they are done with spirit — it must speak for itself — Give my kind respects to Mr. Selwin and my friend Panchaud — When you see Baron d’Holbach, present him my respects, and believe me, dear F.
Your’s cordially, L. STERNE.
LETTER LIII. TO D. G. ESQ.
London, March 16, 1765.
Dear G.
I Threatened you with a letter in one I wrote a few weeks ago to Foley, but (to my shame be it spoken) I lead such a life of dissipation I have never had a moment to myself which has not been broke in upon, by one engagement or impertinence or another — and as plots thicken towards the latter end of a piece, I find, unless I take pen and ink just now, I shall not be able to do it, till either I am got into the country, or you to the city. You are teized and tormented too much by your correspondents, to return to us, and with accounts how much your friends, and how much your Theatre wants you — so that I will not magnify either our loss or yours — but hope cordially to see you soon. — Since I wrote last I have frequently stept into your house — that is, as frequently as I could take the whole party, where I dined, along with me — This was but justice to you, as I walk’d in as a wit — but with regard to myself, I balanced the account thus — I am sometimes in my friend— ‘s house, but he is always in Tristram Shandy’s — where my friends say he will continue (and I hope the prophecy true for my own immortality) even when he himself is no more.
I have had a lucrative winter’s campaign here — Shandy sells well — I am taxing the publick with two more volumes of sermons, which will more than double the gains of Shandy — It goes into the world with a prancing list of de toute la noblesse — which will bring me in three hundred pounds, exclusive of the sale of the copy — so that with all the contempt of money which ma façon de penser has ever impress’d on me, I shall be rich in spite of myself: but I scorn you must know, in the high ton I take at present, to pocket all this trash — I set out to lay a portion of it in the service of the world, in a tour round Italy, where I shall spring game, or the duce is in the dice. — In the beginning of September I quit England, that I may avail myself of the time of vintage, when all nature is joyous, and so saunter philosophically for a year or so, on the other side the Alps. — I hope your pilgrimages have brought Mrs. G. and yourself back à la fleur de jeunesse — May you both long feel the sweets of it, and your friends with you. — Do, dear friend, make my kindest wishes and compliments acceptable to the best and wisest of the daughters of Eve — You shall ever believe and ever find me affectionately yours,
L. STERNE.
LETTER LIV. TO D. G. ESQ.
Bath, April 6, 1765.
I Scalp you! — my dear G — ! my dear friend! — foul befal the man who hurts a hair of your head! — and so full was I of that very sentiment, that my letter had not been put into the post-office ten minutes, before my heart smote me; and I sent to recall it — but failed — You are sadly to blame, Shandy! for this, quoth I, leaning with my head on my hand, as I recriminated upon my false delicacy in the affair — G— ‘s nerves (if he has any left) are as fine and delicately spun, as thy own — his sentiments as honest and friendly — thou knowest, Shandy, that he loves thee — why wilt thou hazard him a moment’s pain? Puppy! fool, coxcomb, jack-ass, &c. &c. — and so I balanced the account to your favour, before I received it drawn up in your way — I say your way — for it is not stated so much to your honour and credit, as I had passed the account before — for it was a most lamented truth, that I never received one of the letters your friendship meant me, except whilst in Paris. — O! how I congratulate you for the anxiety the world has and continues to be under, for your return. — Return, return to the few who love you and the thousands who admire you. — The moment you set your foot upon your stage — mark! I tell it you — by some magic, irresisted power, every fibre about your heart will vibrate afresh, and as strong and feelingly as ever — Nature, with glory at her back, will light up the torch within you — and there is enough of it left, to heat and enlighten the world these many, many, many years.
Heaven be praised! (I utter it from my soul) that your lady, and my Minerva, is in a condition to walk to Windsor — full rapturously will I lead the graceful pilgrim to the temple, where I will sacrifice with the purest incense to her — but you may worship with me, or not— ‘twill make no difference either in the truth or warmth of my devotion — still (after all I have seen) I still maintain her peerless.
P — ! good Heav’n! — give me some one with less smoke and more fire — There are who, like the Pharisees, still think they shall be heard for much speaking — Come — come away my dear G — and teach us another lesson.
Adieu! — I love you dearly — and your lady better — not hobbihorsically — but most sentimentally and affectionately — for I am yours (that is if you never say another word about — ) with all the sentiments of love and friendship you deserve from me,
L. STERNE.
LETTER LV.
Bath, April 15, 1765.
My dear F.
MY wife tells me she has drawn for one hundred pounds, and ’tis fit that you should be paid it that minute — the money is now in Becket’s hands — send me, my dear F — my account, that I may discharge the balance to this time, and know what to leave in your hands. — I have made a good campaign of it this year in the field of the literati — my two volumes of Tristram, and two of sermons, which I shall print very soon, will bring me a considerable sum. — Almost all the nobility in England honour me with their names, and ’tis thought it will be the largest, and most splendid list which ever pranced before a book, since subscriptions came into fashion. — Pray present my most sincere compliments to lady H — whose name I hope to insert with many others. — As so many men of genius favour me with their names also, I will quarrel with Mr. H — e, and call him deist, and what not, unless I have his name too. — My love to Lord W. — Your name, F. I have put in as a free-will offering of my labours — your list of subscribers you will send— ’tis but a crown for sixteen sermons — Dog cheap! but I am in quest of honour, not money. — Adieu, adieu, — believe me, dear F.
Yours truly, L. STERNE.
LETTER LVI. TO MR. W.
Coxwould, May 23, 1765.
AT this moment am I sitting in my summer house with my head and heart full, not of my uncle Toby’s amours with the widow Wadman, but my sermons — and your letter has drawn me out of a pensive mood — the spirit of it pleaseth me — but in this solitude, what can I tell or write to you but about myself — I am glad that you are in love— ‘twill cure you (at least) of the spleen, which has a bad effect on both man and woman — I myself must ever have some dulcinea in my head — it harmonises the soul — and in those cases I first endeavour to make the lady believe so, or rather I begin first to make myself believe that I am in love — but I carry on my affairs quite in the French way, sentimentally —
“l’amour” (say they) “n’est rien sans sentiment”
— Now notwithstanding they make such a pother about the word, they have no precise idea annex’d to it — And so much for that same subject called love — I must tell you how I have just treated a French gentleman of fortune in France, who took a liking to my daughter — Without any ceremony (having got my direction from my wife’s banker) he wrote me word that he was in love with my daughter, and desired to
know what fortune I would give her at present, and how much at my death — by the bye, I think there was very little sentiment on his side — My answer was
“Sir, I shall give her ten thousand pounds the day of marriage — my calculation is as follows — she is not eighteen, you are sixty-two — there goes five thousand pounds — then Sir, you at least think her not ugly — she has many accomplishments, speaks Italian, French, plays upon the guittar, and as I fear you play upon no instrument whatever, I think you will be happy to take her at my terms, for here finishes the account of the ten thousand pounds”
— I do not suppose but he will take this as I mean, that is — a flat refusal. — I have had a parsonage house burnt down by the carelessness of my curate’s wife — as soon as I can I must rebuild it, I trow — but I lack the means at present — yet I am never happier than when I have not a shilling in my pocket — for when I have I can never call it my own. Adieu my dear friend — may you enjoy better health than me, tho’ not better spirits, for that is impossible.
Yours sincerely, L. STERNE.
My compliments to the Col.
LETTER LVII. TO MR. F. AT PARIS.
York, July 13, 1765.
My dear Sir,
I Wrote some time in spring, to beg you would favour me with my account. I believe you was set out from Paris, and that Mr. Garrick brought the letter with him — which possibly he gave you. In the hurry of your business you might forget the contents of it; and in the hurry of mine in town (though I called once) I could not get to see you. I decamp for Italy in September, and shall see your face at Paris, you may be sure — but I shall see it with more pleasure when I am out of debt — which is your own fault, for Becket has had money left in his hands for that purpose. — Do send Mrs. Sterne her two last volumes of Tristram; they arrived with your’s in spring, and she complains she has not got them. — My best services to Mr. Panchaud. — I am busy composing two volumes of sermons — they will be printed in September, though I fear not time enough to bring them with me. Your name is amongst the list of a few of my honorary subscribers — who subscribe for love. — If you see Baron D’Holbach, and Diderot, present my respects to them — If the Baron wants any English books, he will let me know, and I will bring them with me — Adieu.
Complete Works of Laurence Sterne Page 107
