To Say I Love You (Another Way Book 3)

by Anna Martin

  When they came round with brandy and coffee, I declined both, content to keep my wine and my dignity.

  “Do you want to take this on to a bar?” Matthew asked, looking first at his wife (whose name I hadn’t bothered to remember), then Will. “There are a few places nearby.”

  Will didn’t look at me, so I ran my hand down his thigh. It was time for a different approach.

  “I’m pretty tired,” I said, letting my hand trail lightly back up his leg, toward his crotch.

  He shot me an annoyed look. “Are you sure?”

  Was I sure I wanted to fuck him? Hell, no. We were both revving up for an argument, but if we were going to do that, I wanted to be in a private space, not in the middle of the bar after Matthew made the mistake of grinding on my man. Which he surely would.

  I nodded, biting back the acerbic “Do what the fuck you want” that was on the tip of my tongue. Despite everything, I didn’t want to walk out of the dinner looking like a dick.

  “Another time then,” Matthew said, sounding disappointed.

  “Sure,” I said tightly.

  There weren’t any speeches tonight, thank God, just the dinner as a social event. Leonard had done the “thanks for coming” bit at the beginning, so after people had finished eating they started to leave in smaller groups. It was a relief to be free—the food had been good and the company, to my right at least, had been nice.

  I’d been set on edge by Matthew, and I didn’t like it at all. I was used to other people looking at Will. He was beautiful, by anyone’s standards. But I’d never felt threatened before.

  “I’ll get us a cab,” Will said as we walked outside.

  There were a few people already lined up at the curb waiting.

  “Do you want to go around the corner?”

  He nodded tightly. “Wait here, I’ll come round for you.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked lightly, joking. Sort of joking.

  I got an eye roll in response, and decided to behave myself by waiting at the end of the block, where he’d indicated. I was in trouble.

  No—he was in trouble. If he couldn’t see that Matthew had been hitting on him, he was either blind or stupid, and I didn’t like either option much. Even worse, he could know and like the attention, and hadn’t told me about it on purpose.

  I didn’t know what to think. It was jealousy, plain and simple, and I couldn’t do anything other than talk to him, which was going to be different if we started screaming at each other. We didn’t fight often. When we did, it could get messy.

  It took a few minutes for him to come round in the cab, and I slid silently into the seat next to him. If things had been better between us, I would have made a Pretty Woman joke—but this was not the time. The whole cab ride back to the hotel was stony silent, and I could feel the annoyance coming off him in waves.

  “Do you want to go out?” I said when the taxi pulled up outside the hotel. “I can go on to bed if you do.”

  “I don’t want to go out without you.”

  I nodded and paid the driver before he could. I’d put the cash in my pocket while I was waiting for him. The elevator ride was as icy as the car.

  Will stormed into the room and yanked at his tie.

  “I’m really upset with you,” he said.

  “Same.”

  “I don’t get why you were so rude. You can’t act like that at my work events. Do you have any idea on how that reflects on me?”

  “Do you have any idea how I feel when another guy hits on my boyfriend for two hours, and I’m forced to watch him not do anything about it?”

  “What are you talking about?” he snapped, tossing his jacket carelessly over the back of a chair. I started to undress too, taking more care and hanging each item up as I went. It was a borrowed suit, after all.

  “Matthew is my friend, Jesse. And he’s straight.”

  “So was I when I met you.”

  “For fuck’s sake,” he muttered under his breath. He’d rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows and pushed his hair back from his face in frustration. Even in his anger, he was fucking gorgeous.

  “It’s not easy for me to be the docile, loving housewife when I have to watch someone flirt with you. And you were flirting back! You’ve never even told me about this guy before. How am I supposed to react?”

  “Did you ever think,” he said, his voice dangerous, “that maybe I haven’t mentioned him to you because as soon as I walk in the house nothing else matters? All I want is to be with you. The rest of the fucking world disappears.”

  “That doesn’t excuse your behavior when we’re in public, though! We deal with enough already without people looking at you and another man and thinking there could be something there.”

  “No one other than you is thinking those things, Jesse.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  His jaw worked, the lines of tension in his neck standing out against his white collar. “You’re jealous.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I am.”

  That took him aback. “Okay.”

  “I don’t have anyone here other than you and my family. Not even my whole family—my dad and Jennifer. I know that’s partly my own doing because I haven’t bothered to reach out and contact any old friends down here. It doesn’t matter, though. All I need is you.”

  Will shook his head. “That’s not healthy.”

  “I don’t care.” I shrugged. “This whole situation is fucked up. I know you have friends at work. So do I. That’s not the problem. But I don’t like the way he looks at you, and I don’t like the way you look back.”

  “Jesse. I don’t see anyone other than you.”

  His words made my conviction wobble. “Please don’t flirt with him.”

  He took a step toward me. “I won’t. I promise.”

  Another step. Then another.

  “Will—” I started, but he was already in my arms. He clung to me like a drowning man, like I was the only person who could save him.

  “Don’t do this to me, okay?” His words were mumbled into my shoulder. “I can’t lose you.”

  “You’re not losing me. That’s what I’m afraid of. Losing you. You don’t know how other people see you. You’re fucking hot, Will, and people notice. Plus, you’re the sweetest guy, and—”

  He kissed me. He never did like compliments much.

  “There’s really nothing there?” I asked, pulling away. I needed this reassurance, even if asking for it made me feel like a dick.

  “No. No.”

  “If….” My thoughts led me down a dangerous path, but I voiced them anyway. “If I met Matthew tonight, and I thought he was hot, and I asked you if we could bring him back here and fuck him, what would you have said?”

  Will frowned. “I don’t know.” Sensing he was thinking it over, I stayed silent, waiting for a proper answer. “I’m really not attracted to him.”

  “Not even for a quick-and-dirty fuck?”

  “No.” He sounded more confident this time. “It would make working with him weird, and it’s like… you know when you sort of daydream about someone? When you’re crushing on them. You wonder what they look like naked and what they taste like, and how big their dick is.”

  “Yeah,” I said with a smile, running my hand up and down his arm.

  “I’ve never thought that about him. Not even curiously. So no, I wouldn’t have brought him back here.”

  That was enough. I wanted to put Matthew behind us—for now, at least, I was sure he’d be around again in the future. I couldn’t get rid of him that easily.

  “How about someone else?”

  He gave me a funny look. “You wanna have another threesome?”

  I shrugged. “Do you?”

  We had done threesomes in the past, with varying degrees of success. After the first time we had to deal with the jealousy that was probably inevitable, but the next time we tried it, it was more linked to our D/s relationship. Threesomes could be fun. We had
some rules that protected us both: we both only topped, so the third had to be a bottom. And it had to be someone we agreed on.

  “Maybe,” he said with a grin. “I got a lot of offers when we played at the club last. A lot of requests too. People want you, Jess.”

  “They want you too. We should think about it.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  That night we didn’t have sex, despite having been apart for a few days. The separation normally made us want each other more than normal, but the argument still lingered and even though I was over it, I wasn’t yet ready for that intimacy.

  Chapter 17

  We waited until we were both home before discussing the threesome again. By that time, I’d really gotten into the idea and was hoping we could find a guy who would let us both top him. We didn’t bottom for anyone other than each other.

  It took a few drafts until we were happy with the ad. Not having done it this way before, I’d done some research to make sure what we wanted was out there, and in Atlanta.

  The site said to add pictures to increase the chances of a response, so Will and I took our shirts off and stood in front of the mirror, then took a photo of our bare chests and stomachs. No faces, for obvious reasons. No dick shots because we were classy.

  Horny top couple (29 & 30) looking for willing bottom. You: midthirties or younger, fit, healthy. Must be NEG and have recent STD check. ATL or close by. Will host.

  “Looks good to me,” Will said.

  I hesitated for a moment, then clicked the button to send the message out to the world.

  It turned out we didn’t have anything to worry about—within an hour, messages started to filter through.

  We had to pick through the e-mails I’d set up to come to a dummy e-mail account. I wasn’t sure if it was because we were fresh meat, or if the shirtless picture had worked some kind of magic, but it looked like we had choices.

  “How about this guy?” Will called.

  I brought two sodas over and sat down next to him.

  The guy who had responded to us was a bit older than I’d thought we’d go for—late thirties, older than both of us. He was clean-cut, his profile picture showing firm but not bulging muscles and lightly tanned skin.

  I read through the profile as Will sat back with his soda: liked to play, mostly bottom but flexible, always safe, wanted to party, some recreational drugs. Since we were planning on getting a hotel room, that wasn’t on the table, but I didn’t care if he smoked pot.

  “No BDSM,” I read.

  “I’ve got no intention of tying him up,” Will said lightly.

  “Sounds good, then. Do you want me to reply to him?”

  “Yeah. You’re better with words than I am.”

  It didn’t take long to compose my response, a basic outline of where we wanted to meet and when.

  A week later (before either party could lose their nerve), we met Ben in the lobby of a downtown hotel. Not the hotel Will usually got a room in. He wanted to continue staying there, and we didn’t like the idea of one of the staff seeing us with a third.

  The lobby was L-shaped, meaning we could find a seat round the corner from the bar and we would be out of sight of anyone sitting there. It was another reassurance of anonymity, for us and for Ben.

  He’d arrived first and was nursing a beer. I recognized him from his picture and was relieved that it seemed to be recent.

  “Hi,” I said, approaching him and shaking his hand. “I’m Jesse.”

  “Hey.”

  As Will did the same, I looked Ben over. He was cute. He obviously took good care of himself; his light brown hair was freshly cut, and there was a friendly twinkle in his green-brown eyes.

  “Do you want another?” Will offered, nodding to Ben’s drink.

  “Sure. Thanks.”

  “Jess?” he asked, softer this time.

  “Same.”

  He squeezed my arm surreptitiously before leaving.

  It was weird for a moment, being left alone with this guy, knowing the reason we were all here was to get down and fuck each other. Before that, though, we had agreed to chat, to make sure we all knew the rules and what we wanted out of it.

  “Are you local?” I asked, leaning back on one of the deep leather couches.

  “Sort of,” Ben said. “I live about an hour out of the city. But I grew up in Louisiana.”

  I could hear the accent in his voice. It was adorable.

  “I grew up out in the country a couple hours from here. Will works in the city a few days a week, that’s why….”

  “I get it,” he said with a grin. “It’s easier to meet somewhere impersonal the first time.”

  First and last time. We didn’t do repeats, but Ben didn’t need to know that.

  “That was quick,” I said as Will passed me a beer over my shoulder and one to Ben.

  “There’s no one at the bar. It’s not that busy tonight.”

  He sat down next to me, and there was an awkward moment of silence before Ben dug in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.

  “Just to get it out of the way,” he mumbled. “Those are my tests. To show I’m clean.”

  “Oh,” Will said, and handed him our results from earlier in the year. We’d both gotten full screenings when we had our yearly checkups, even though we rarely played with anyone else.

  I looked over the paper but made it quick, wanting him to know it mattered but we trusted him. It all looked fine, and I grinned.

  “One down,” I said.

  He laughed. “I’m guessing you guys have rules.”

  This was Will’s territory. I looked at him, hoping he’d pick up the conversation.

  “We don’t bottom for anyone else,” he said easily and took a swig of his beer. “And we don’t do drugs or whatever.”

  “I’m not on anything,” Ben said. “Other than a couple of these.” He held up the beer.

  “It takes the edge off. I don’t blame you,” I said. “Do you….”

  “Come here often?” he joked. “I don’t do relationships. I mean, it works for other guys, and all the best to them. But I don’t want that. I’m not out to my family, and I won’t come out until after they’re dead and in the ground. I’ve seen what happens to other guys in that town who dared to be gay, and I’m not gonna let that happen to me.”

  His words struck a nerve, not that he could know about my circumstances. I couldn’t blame him for the way he thought, though. A lot of places down South were still homophobic, especially outside the bigger cities.

  “So I hook up with guys I meet online, like you two, who want some fun and will be safe with it.”

  “It sounds like we want the same things,” Will said. “Anything you want to ask us?”

  “How big is your dick?” Ben said immediately.

  I laughed. “Big enough,” I told him.

  “You wanna go upstairs?”

  “Yeah.”

  The room had a king-size bed, and even if there was nothing sexual going on, it was easily big enough for three people to sleep in. Will had checked into the hotel earlier in the day and had stocked the nightstand with a box of condoms and plenty of lube. The main lights in the room were off. Instead, a few lamps cast a gentle light.

  “Do you have any problem with kissing?” Ben asked, shrugging out of his jacket, looking shy once more.

  Will shook his head, so I crossed the short distance and pulled Ben into a soft kiss. It quickly turned into something more—his lips on my neck, his hands pulling at my shirt, undoing the buttons with unsteady fingers.

  Between the two of them, my shirt was pulled off quickly and discarded on a desk, and Will started to kiss my back and shoulders. I hadn’t planned to be the filling in this three-man sandwich, but if they were going to put me there, I had no problem with that.

  In fact, as they started to tug at my pants and I toed out of my shoes, I decided being in the middle was actually a good thing. Then Will started to roll my nipples bet
ween his fingers, and it became a very good thing.

  Ben started to mouth at my crotch, sucking my cock through my underwear and making me squirm under Will’s hands. I pulled him back to his feet before I could do anything stupid and helped him out of his shirt. I wanted to know what was underneath.

  Tattoos. Dark lines and swirls of ink I didn’t have the light or the imagination to interpret. Golden, tanned skin. Dusky pink nipples. Will spread his fingers over my chest, and I pressed my palms to Ben’s, absorbing some of his heat.

  In a tangle of limbs, we fell to the bed, the last of our clothes kicked off somewhere around the room. Will’s kisses were familiar to me, and in between my exploration of Ben’s body, I searched them out as my own kind of reassurance.

  “I wanna watch this,” I mumbled as Will licked over Ben’s hip bones.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I’m just gonna….”

  There was a chair in the corner of the room, perfectly placed to watch the two of them. I leaned back and scooted my ass to the front of the seat, then kicked one leg over the arm of the chair.

  “Comfortable?” Will asked with a laugh. He was slowly pumping Ben’s cock, making Ben’s eyes flutter.

  “Very. This is like live porn.”

  He grinned at me, then leaned down and swallowed Ben’s cock to the root. I knew exactly how that felt, and found myself watching Will more than the object of his attention as I slowly fondled my balls.

  Will was beautiful like this, absorbed in another man’s body. I didn’t care that it wasn’t mine, and I forced away the consideration of why I could be jealous of a man like Matthew but not one like Ben. It was different, that was all I knew, and the two of them together was too hot for me not to pay close attention.

  I was thrilled at how Will looked from this angle, all long, lean muscles and sensuous moves. His pert little ass was thrust up in the air, the position almost begging for me to go and taste it.

  Scratch that. This was better than live porn. It was watching Will fuck, which was better than any porn movie ever made.

  “Fuck me,” Ben groaned, and I thought, Yeah, fuck him.