Wrong to Love You: Strong Brothers Book 3

by Ajme Williams

  I kissed Tanner good night, and then left his room, making sure the nightlight was still on. As I shut the door, I stood outside his room for a moment taking a few deep breaths and then I made my way to the living room where Reggie was already waiting with a glass of wine.

  "All right, spill. Why are you home so early?"

  I picked up the glass of wine and drank about half of it.

  "That bad, huh? Kevin always seemed like a decent guy to me. What did he do?"

  I sat at the other end of the couch from her. "He didn't do anything wrong."

  "So, what are you home acting like the date was a disaster?"

  I sighed. "He took me to Cesere’s."

  "Ooh la la. That's fancy. Why is that bad?"

  "That's not the bad part. The bad part is Cesare’s is owned by Hunter Strong, who is brothers with —"

  “Carter Strong," Reggie finished for me. "He was there?"

  I nodded. "Yes, and I don't think he liked seeing me there with Kevin. He confronted us. He'd been drinking."

  "Well, if he was drunk, maybe it's a good thing you haven't told him about Tanner."

  I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why would you say that?"

  "Because if he is a drinker, you don't want Tanner around that."

  I held up the glass of wine. "I drink."

  "It's not what I mean. I mean someone who drinks and gets drunk in public. Someone who does get drunk in public, imagine how much they drink at home." She sipped her wine.

  I knew I was feeling defensive of Carter, but he deserved someone to stick up for him. I knew the man I saw tonight wasn't how he normally was.

  "He's not like that. On that cruise, when we would drink, he never got drunk. That was me. And the way I saw him tonight, I've never seen him like that. In fact, I suspect that he was drinking because of me."

  Reggie shook her head. "First, four years is a long time, people change. He could've been completely fine four years ago, and be a lush now. Second, you can't blame yourself because he's drowning in liquor."

  I knew part of what she was saying was true. Carter had made the choice to drink and get drunk. Still, I couldn't get the pain that was etched on his face out of my mind. If I had that sort of pain, I’d probably drink to oblivion too, especially if the source of that pain insisted on showing up in my life.

  "I have to tell him. And I have to tell him soon. I can't keep putting it off."

  "What's changed?" Reggie asked.

  "I can't live with the guilt. I can't live with the type of person it makes me out to be by keeping Tanner and Carter apart."

  "What about all those fears you had?" she asked.

  "I'm terrified. But I don't like the person I've become in trying to protect myself. Carter is a good man, and all I've done is reject him and lie to him, and then I was a bitch to him when he lied to me." I shook my head and set my drink on the table as the tears began to rush again. "I'm the worst sort of person. I don't deserve either of them."

  “Oh honey, of course, you deserve them." Reggie put her wine down and scooted over to my side of the couch to put her arm around me. "We all make shaky decisions sometimes. You didn't make the choices you made because you were being mean or trying to hurt them on purpose."

  "I was being selfish," I said through sniffles.

  "Yes, but you also recognize the error of your ways. Plus, if Carter is the type of man that you say he is, he's not going to try and take Tanner away from you."

  "Why not? After everything I did to him. I don't know why he wouldn't want to do that to me."

  "Well, for one, you said he's a nice person, so it doesn't seem like he would use Tanner to hurt you. But second, he would recognize that taking Tanner away from you would hurt Tanner. So, while he might want to hurt you, he wouldn't want to hurt Tanner, am I right?"

  I nodded, because she did have a point.

  "All of this is just an academic question at this point. No matter what, I have to tell him. I'll tell him tomorrow."

  I considered getting in my car and driving out there now, but I knew he was drunk and it didn't seem like a good time to do it then. Plus, I should probably have Tanner with me. It seemed wrong to tell a man that he was a father but not have his son there for him to meet. Hopefully, having Tanner there might lead Carter to control his anger at me too. See, I was still selfish and frightened. But by tomorrow I would build up my courage and do the right thing for both Tanner and Carter.

  27

  Carter

  I woke up with cotton in my mouth, sandpaper on my tongue, and something had blown my brains to bits. I brought the heels of my hands to my eye sockets and willed the pain and nausea to go away. Why the hell had I drunk too much last night?

  I was always a conscientious drinker. When I was out with friends or at a party, I always had a drink in my hand so it looked like I was keeping pace with everyone else, but generally it was the same drink all night. I enjoyed booze, but I much more preferred to have all my wits about me.

  I wasn't so hung over that I didn't remember how I made a scene and embarrassed myself in Hunter's restaurant. It was exactly the reason why I didn't drink very much. But I so desperately wanted to feel something other than the pain of having a hole in my heart. What a cruel twist of fate that the source of that pain would walk into my brother’s restaurant. How could I not go and confront her about it? What was wrong with me that she couldn't see everything I wanted to offer her.

  Or maybe I had to consider that she wasn't the woman I thought she was. Perhaps I was in love with the woman four years ago, and that wasn't who she was today. The whole thing was fucked up, and it was time to resolve it once and for all.

  I would apologize to her for embarrassing her in front of her date. I would promise her that it would never happen again, and then do my best to stay the hell away from her. I had to hope that Hunter was right, and that despite how strong my feelings were for her, she wasn't the one in the same way that Natalie and Kellie had been the ones for my brothers.

  Thinking of Hunter, I wondered where he was. I managed to get out of bed and splash water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror and I looked the same as I felt; like shit.

  I made my way downstairs, and into the kitchen where I could smell coffee brewing.

  "The living dead, you're up," Hunter said. He cocked his head to the side. "Do you feel like having eggs and bacon?"

  "If you're asking if my brain feels scrambled. The answer is yes."

  Hunter laughed as I took a seat at the table and dropped my head onto my forearms.

  "How about we start with water and pain reliever, and work our way to coffee?" Hunter said.

  "How did you get to be so good at this?"

  "I own a club, remember? Besides, I've been in your situation, so I've had practice." He set a glass of water and a couple of pills in front of me. "The good news is, there doesn't seem to be anything in the paper about Carter Strong making a scene at his brother’s restaurant."

  I lifted my head and looked at him. "Was that a possibility?"

  Hunter sat at the other side of the table. "Sure. Don't forget I had pictures of me in my secret relationship with Natalie leaked out. For reasons I don't understand, people are interested in our lives."

  I suppose it was a good thing that nobody was interested in my life to bother following me around. The truth was Hunter was the brother who was involved in more things, and therefore seen more by local society. I was more like my brother Ryan in that I tended to be more of an introvert and on the straight and narrow. Boring. Noah was more like Hunter in that he lived the wild child life.

  "I'm going to have to do something really nice for Natalie since she's had to go at night without her husband," I said.

  "She and Kellie spent the night together. I think she's fine. But I did get a text that she was on her way home."

  I knew that was code for he wanted to leave, but he wouldn't if I needed him. "You go. I'm okay."

  Hunter sat back in his cha
ir holding his coffee mug. "What are your plans for today?"

  "Not much. Want to try and put my brain back together. I'm going to apologize to Jess. I’ll research my trip to the Amazon. And after that, I don't know."

  He leaned forward as he studied me. "You're going to apologize to Jess?"

  I nodded. "Yes. I shouldn't have embarrassed her like that."

  "She brought her new boyfriend to flaunt in front of you. She's rejected and hurt you over and over again —"

  "I don’t think she considered I’d be at Cesare’s." I looked down. "She can't help it if she doesn't care for me. I forced her to keep pushing me away because I wouldn't take the hint that she wasn't interested. That's on me. So, I'm going to make my apology and then I'm going to leave her the hell alone."

  "She left her date."

  I looked at Hunter. "What do you mean?"

  "I mean she got up and left, and he didn't follow her out. He stayed and had his free meal."

  I shrugged. "I embarrassed her. She probably didn't want to be in front of all those people."

  "Maybe. But still, you’d think he would've gone with her. She might've been on a date, but I don't think he means anything to her. Not like what you mean to her."

  I got up from my chair, because Hunter didn't know what he was talking about. I went over to the sink and put more water into my glass, gulping it down. "I don't mean anything to her."

  "Well, that's not completely true. I'm not as astute about these things as women are, so I can't say that she's in love with you, but I could see that she felt like shit that she hurt you."

  "Well, when I apologize to her today, hopefully, that will alleviate her guilt." I put my glass in the sink and turned to him. "I’m going to take a shower and get myself together. You head home and give your wife a hug and whatever it is you do. I do appreciate all you've done for me, Hunter."

  Hunter stood and came over to me, patting me on the shoulder. "Love can be a bitch, Carter. But don't forget that you have your family here with you. Don't go get lost in the Amazon somewhere. In fact, maybe you can go out and see dad."

  I nodded.

  An hour and a half later I was in my car heading over to Jess's house. I decided that maybe I would need a peace offering, so I stopped at the bakery that made the cookies my father loved. Along with some cookies, I bought breakfast pastries as well.

  I pulled up in front of the little bungalow that Jess shared with her roommate Reggie, who, as it turned out, was a woman. Even though I knew everything between Jess and I was dead and gone, there was a bit of relief that she wasn't living with a man. And a little bit a guilt of thinking that perhaps she'd been cheating on Reggie with me.

  I grabbed the bakery box and strode up the neat and tidy front walk to the door. I stood there for a moment wondering if I was feeling a little bit sick because I was nervous or because of the lingering hangover. Taking a breath, I rapped on the door and waited.

  The door opened, and a woman that I didn't know answered it.

  "You must be Reggie," I said, extending my freehand. "I'm Carter Strong. I was hoping to see Jess."

  The woman's brows arched high on her forehead as she shook my hand. "Yes…ah…"

  Before she could say anything, I heard the squeal and joyful laughter of a child. From behind her, a little boy ran past with no clothes on. Right behind him was Jess. She scooped up the boy and covered his face with kisses.

  Only then did she realize that someone was at the door and turned to look. The minute she saw me, her face froze. Like last night, when I accused her of lying, all the blood drained from her face.

  "You should probably come in," Reggie said, standing back and giving me room to enter their home.

  New feelings were swirling around in my chest and I couldn't quite figure out what they were. The first was shock as it appeared Jess was a mother. Had this been the secret she'd been keeping? And if so, why? Did she think I wouldn't care for her if I knew she'd had a son?

  "I need to go get him dressed, and then I'll come back out and we can talk," Jess said.

  I nodded, but she was already taking the laughing child down the hallway. I held the box of pastries up towards Reggie. "I brought some stuff from the bakery."

  Reggie took the box. "They smell delicious. Let me go put these on a plate. I have some coffee; would you like a cup?"

  Absently, I nodded. "Thanks."

  Reggie left the room with the bakery box, and Jess was off dressing the little boy. I was in the living room alone trying to grapple with the strange feeling in my chest.

  I distracted myself by looking around the room and was drawn in by some photographs on a bookcase. One was a picture of Jess and the child. I studied it, and that unsettling feeling in my chest began to expand down to my gut. I moved to another photograph taken of the child sitting and grinning with an ice cream cone.

  I studied the photo closer. The boy staring back at me brought an incredible sense of familiarity with the bright eyes and blonde hair. My brain was in a tug-of-war because he looked almost exactly like I did at that age. But that was crazy thinking, wasn't it? It had to be my brain looking for any excuse for Jess to be with me. And yet, I couldn't pull myself away from the child that held many of the same features that me and my brothers had.

  "Here's your coffee. I'll just set it here on the coffee table with a plate of pastries,” Reggie said from behind me.

  "Thank you," I said, still not able to take my eyes off the photograph.

  "That's Tanner."

  Tanner. I ran the name through my head.

  The child, Tanner, came running into the living room and screeched to a halt when he saw me.

  He looked up at me. "Are you my mommy's friend?"

  I had no clue what to say because I wasn't sure what Jess and I were anymore. "Yes," I said, for a lack of anything else.

  "Did she look pretty last night? I helped her be pretty."

  Jess appeared in the room and I looked up at her. She had looked pretty last night, but of course, I had always thought she looked pretty. Even on that cruise when she had too much to drink and was sick, I thought she was pretty.

  "Why don't you go get some of your toys and play while I talk to Carter, okay?" Jess said to Tanner.

  The boy looked up at me for a moment, and then he ran off to the corner of the living room where there was a toybox. "Okay."

  For a moment Jess and I just stared at each other as emotion began to well in me. It was a mixture of terror and longing. Fear of what that boy might be to me, and a yearning for him to be exactly what I was thinking he might be.

  I found my voice. "How old is he?"

  Jess let out a shuddering breath. "He's three."

  I felt a profound sense of disappointment because our cruise had been four years ago, which meant he couldn't be mine, right? But then I remembered that there would've been a nine-month pregnancy, which would put it close to four years.

  Jess came to stand next to me and looked at the picture. "I realized about five weeks after the cruise that I was pregnant."

  My breath stalled in my lungs.

  "I contacted the cruise line to see if I could locate you, but they weren't any help at all. Privacy issues, I guess. So, I couldn't tell you."

  I closed my eyes as the ramifications of what she was saying moved from a possibility to reality. "I'm his father."

  She nodded. "Yes."

  I turned away from the picture, and instead watched the little boy playing with the fire truck across the room. He was so fucking perfect. The emotion that welled in my chest now was love. How amazing was that? Here was someone I didn’t know a few minutes ago and now I knew I loved him unconditionally. Then again, that's about how fast I'd fallen in love with Jess four years ago and even this time.

  Everything I wanted was here with me right now. The woman I loved. The child that I would die for. There was only one problem.

  I turned to look at Jess as new emotions filled my chest. New emotions that w
eren't about love and cherishing. No. These were feelings of anger and betrayal. "You were never going to tell me, were you?"

  28

  Jess

  Carter looked shocked but also, as he watched Tanner, there was a sense of wonder and pride in his eyes that made my regret of not telling him sooner even greater.

  But when he turned to look at me, the love in his eyes that he had towards his son that he'd only just met, morphed into something dark.

  "You were never going to tell me, were you?"

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. Of course he would think that because I had taken so long to tell him the truth. And there was a time that I didn't want him to know. Part of it was to protect Tanner. But if I was completely honest, part of it was because I was selfish and didn't want to share.

  "I was going to tell you. In fact, I was going to do it today. I was getting Tanner ready and we were going to go over to your house."

  "You’re lying to me." He let out a derisive laugh. "You’re a hypocrite. You treated me like I was an asshole for pretending to be hurt, and the whole time you were keeping me from knowing about my son."

  I quickly turned to look at Tanner because I didn't want him to hear me and Carter quarreling. But Tanner was laying on the floor, rolling his fire truck into an ambulance while making crashing sounds.

  I looked back at Carter. "You're right. I am a hypocrite."

  As if he realized that Tanner could be listening, he lowered his voice and leaned a little closer to me. "What did I ever do to deserve being kept for my son?"

  My heart cracked at the emotion I heard in his voice. I was the worst person in the world for hurting him.

  "I just had to be sure. I was trying to protect Tanner."

  He jerked back and his eyes narrowed angrily. "From me? What the fuck have I ever done to make you think I would hurt a little boy?"

  "Um, you set a bad word," Tanner said.

  Regina appeared. "Why don't I take him outside for a little bit while you two work this out?"