Privilege

by Kate Brian

  "You play the drums?"

  "And the guitar, the violin, the oboe, and a mean tambourine," Hudson joked. "But I want to focus on the drums in school. They're my passion."

  "Wow. A five-instrument man," Ariana said with a smile, turning to face him.

  151

  "Impressed?" Hudson asked, his eyes sparkling.

  Ariana smiled flirtatiously. "Maybe."

  "Emma! They're line dancing over here! Let's go!"

  Briana Leigh's hand closed around Ariana's wrist, and once again her arm felt dislocated. Ariana dropped her ice cream into the garbage can as Briana Leigh practically flung her up a set of stairs and onto a makeshift wooden dance floor. A dozen men and women in jeans and cowboy hats were all moving in perfect sync to some annoying twangy music being played by a six-piece band on a platform. Briana Leigh jumped right in, moving her feet in unison with the others, which couldn't have been easy considering she was sporting a tight, distressed denim Chanel mini and Jimmy Choos with four-inch heels.

  "I don't know how," Ariana feebly protested, trying to inch her way off the stage.

  "Come on! I'll teach you!" Briana Leigh shouted.

  Teo laughed and clapped as he watched his girl get down. Ariana, however, was physically repulsed. She had never been one for synchronized dancing. All the girls at her small Southern private school had flocked to ballet and cheerleading and jazz classes when she was young, but her one go at tap had ended in disaster. Ariana had been so afraid of missing a step at the recital, she had frozen up and not moved a muscle throughout the entire number. Her mother had been forced to carry her home in tears. Her mom had never brought up dance lessons again.

  Feeling the burning humiliation of that day as if it had just happened, Ariana turned and scurried right back down the steps. Hudson

  152

  placed his hands on her stomach, stopping her. The intimacy of the gesture was not lost on Ariana.

  "Go on. It looks like fun," Hudson said in her ear.

  "I can't." Ariana shook her head. "I don't know it."

  "I'll do it with you," Hudson said, taking her hand. "Come on. We can mess it up together."

  This guy had no idea who he was talking to. Ariana had never willingly messed up anything in her life.

  "Let's go, Emma!" Briana Leigh shouted, gesturing over her head.

  Suddenly an unfamiliar sense of calm came over Ariana. Right. She wasn't Ariana Osgood anymore. She was Emma Walsh. For now, at least. And maybe Emma Walsh didn't mind getting a few steps wrong.

  "You know what? Fine," Ariana said. "Let's do it."

  She and Hudson stepped up onto the stage, to the whoops and happy hollers of the rest of the dancers, and fell in line with Briana Leigh. Staring at Briana Leigh's feet, Ariana did her best to match the steps, but soon found herself crushing Hudson's foot, turning the wrong way, and walking right into Briana Leigh's back.

  "Sorry. I'm so sorry," Ariana said, embarrassed.

  "It takes a few times through before you get it," Briana Leigh told her. "Here. Watch me. It's right, right, left, left, kick, turn, stomp, stomp."

  Right, right, left, left, kick, turn, stomp, stomp.

  "You try it," Briana Leigh said, stepping back.

  Ariana looked at Hudson and they both went for it. Hudson

  153

  tripped over his own feet and almost fell off the stage. Ariana, however, executed the sequence perfectly.

  "See!" Briana Leigh was all smiles. "You're a natural!"

  Ariana found herself grinning from ear to ear. The day out had apparently put Briana Leigh in a good mood and she was being unusually nice at the exact perfect moment. The girl spent the next ten minutes making sure Ariana had all the steps down, and soon the two of them were dancing together, hamming it up like old pros and throwing in hip juts and extra kicks for fun. Hudson gave up and jumped off the stage to watch with Teo. Ariana felt his eyes on her and made sure not to look at him, keep him wanting more. But her skin grew warmer and warmer under his gaze, and she found herself loving every minute of it.

  When the song finally ended, Briana Leigh cheered and threw her arms around Ariana.

  "You sure you're not from the South?" she joked.

  Ariana felt a sudden, unexpected twinge of guilt. She had felt so free while she was dancing that she'd once again forgotten her mission and started to enjoy her time with Briana Leigh. Ariana was starting to understand why Kaitlynn had liked her--there was something disarmingly intoxicating about her. But Briana Leigh's rhetorical question brought her right back to reality.

  "Nope. Not from the South. But that was fun," she admitted.

  "See? You should always listen to me," Briana Leigh said lightly. Then she turned and threw herself off the stage into Teo's waiting arms.

  Ariana glanced at Hudson. He seemed willing to catch her, but she

  154

  wasn't quite ready for stage diving and PDA yet. Instead she took the three stairs on her own and joined her friends.

  "What next?" Briana Leigh asked.

  "I don't think I could eat anything else," Hudson said, placing his hand on his flat stomach.

  "No. No more food, please," Ariana added with a laugh.

  All around them streetlights flicked on as the sun dipped below the horizon. The hanging paper lamps around the stage bobbed in the breeze. Ariana felt as if the laughter and conversation and music had softened along with the heat. A pleasant, content feeling overcame her just as Hudson's hand slipped into hers yet again. It was a feeling Ariana relished--so rare for her normally intense self.

  Teo turned to Briana Leigh and Ariana noticed the serious expression on his face even before his girlfriend did. Something was up. She glanced at Hudson and he raised an eyebrow. He had seen it too.

  "Well, since you asked, I do have an idea of what to do next... if you're up for it, Briana Leigh," Teo said.

  Briana Leigh stopped looking around at all the people and frivolity. Her eyes widened as Teo got down on one knee, right there in the middle of the jostling crowd.

  "Oh my God," Briana Leigh breathed.

  "Oh my God," Ariana said as Teo whipped out a black double-hinged ring box.

  "This just got way interesting," Hudson put in.

  "Briana Leigh, I don't want you to have to worry while I'm away in Ibiza," Teo said, swallowing hard. He was clearly nervous but determined

  155

  as well. His gaze was firm as he looked up at Briana Leigh's face and opened the box. "You're the only girl for me, now and forever. Briana Leigh Covington, will you marry me?"

  Dozens of people stopped to stare. Ariana gaped at the ring. It was a perfect cushion-cut diamond with three baguettes on either side in an antique-style platinum setting. At least someone in this relationship had good taste.

  "Are you kidding? Yes!" Briana Leigh cried.

  Teo grinned as he stood up and Briana Leigh launched herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his back. Ariana was surprised. She would have thought that Briana Leigh was the type to get that diamond on her finger ASAP, but she didn't even seem to realize the ring was there. She was too busy crying and kissing her new fiance.

  As the people around them applauded, Ariana looked at Hudson. He gave her a sort of nonplussed glance.

  "Well, I don't have a ring," he said finally. "But I can offer you an iced coffee...."

  He tilted his head toward a Coffee Carma kiosk and grinned at her like he was offering a brand-new yacht. Ariana laughed.

  "Come on. Let's leave these two alone for a little while," Hudson suggested.

  "Definitely," Ariana said.

  Hand in hand, they left the happy couple to their moment.

  156

  THE DREAM

  Stars. Ariana had missed the stars. When she was a little girl in Georgia and her grandmother was still alive, she and her mother and her gran used to sit out in cushioned lawn chairs for hours, just waiting for that elusive shooting star. As Hudson settled in on the blanket
next to her that night, Georgia and her family seemed so very far away. So far that they could have been on some remote planet circling one of the very stars she was now watching."Beautiful, huh?" Hudson said.

  "Absolutely," Ariana replied with a sigh.

  The moment the foursome had returned from Taste of Dallas, Briana Leigh had dragged Teo up to her room to thank him in God knew what way for asking her to marry him. Ariana had wanted to get as far away from the second floor as possible, so she had suggested the stargazing. After stealing a huge, cushy plaid blanket from an upstairs linen closet, she and Hudson had snuck out back and set up on the

  157

  lawn near the shimmering outdoor pool, which, Ariana noted, was even bigger than the indoor one.

  "It's so peaceful out here," Ariana mused.

  Hudson shifted next to her and her skin sizzled as she braced for contact. But Hudson simply crooked his arm so that he could lay his head back in the palm of his hand.

  "I love the sounds after dark in Texas," he said. "The night birds, the coyotes howling... You get nothing like that back in Boston."

  Ariana smiled. A future music major like himself would notice nature's own lovely chorus.

  "Tell me about music," she said, rolling over onto her side. She bent her arm under her head and propped herself up.

  "What do you mean?" Hudson asked.

  "Well, why music, exactly?" she asked. "How did you get into it? What do you love about it?"

  Hudson pushed himself up as well, mirroring her pose. Even in the dim light coming off the pool area lamps, she could see the spark of excitement in his eyes.

  "It's the only thing I've ever loved to do," he said. "I tried to get into sports as a kid because my dad wanted me to, but it never interested me. I would be running down the field in football, staring at the marching band, wishing I could try out the tuba or something. Got my helmet knocked off a few times that way."

  He chuckled and Ariana grinned.

  "It's like anytime I'm not doing something else, I have to be playing music or listening to music or writing music," he said.

  158

  "I used to write poetry," Ariana said wistfully.

  "Used to?" Hudson prompted.

  Ariana's heart clenched. Why had she brought that up? It wasn't something she wanted to talk about. She glanced at Hudson. His gaze was so intent, she realized that he wasn't going to just let it drop. But she couldn't tell him the truth. Hardly. She decided on a reasonable stretch of the truth.

  "I used to keep these journals full of poems," she said, thinking of the standard-issue notebooks she'd been allowed to use at the Brenda T. "I'd write between classes, in the middle of the night, whenever something came to me. Then one day my father found them. A lot of the stuff was personal and some of it was kind of dark, you know?"

  Hudson nodded.

  "Anyway, knowing he had read that stuff just sort of made me freeze up. I haven't been able to write a word since," she said, picking at a pull in the blanket.

  "God. That sucks," Hudson said.

  "You have no idea," Ariana replied.

  In fact, it had been Dr. Meloni who had told one of the guards to remove her current journal from her cell a few months ago. Then he had proceeded to read the poems to her in session, laughingly, trying to get her to analyze them herself. It had been one of the most degrading and humiliating experiences of her life. She hadn't written a word since.

  "So what's the dream?" Ariana asked, trying to take the focus off herself.

  159

  "The dream?" he asked, his handsome brow knitting.

  "Yes, the dream," Ariana said. "Do you want to play in an ensemble or are you going the rock star route? Or do you want to compose or play for a certain orchestra?"

  Hudson blinked. It seemed as if he'd never really considered this question before. Then he grinned.

  "Your dreams are very specific, aren't they?" he asked.

  "Aren't everyone's?" Ariana replied, confused.

  At that Hudson laughed, then leaned in to kiss her. Ariana was unsure what she had done to merit a kiss, but she didn't ask. Instead she let herself enjoy the moment. Every single touch sent a tingling sensation of giddiness through her core. How had she forgotten how incredible kissing could be? For so long the very idea of love had been so tied up with the idea of hatred and death.... She hadn't even considered the possibility of getting close to anyone.

  But being close to Hudson felt so right. He didn't expect anything from her. Hadn't promised her anything. So there was no way for either one of them to be disappointed. No way this could turn for the worse. So Ariana simply focused on the now, on the kiss, and nothing else.

  "So what's your dream then?" he asked when he pulled away. He touched her cheek with his fingertips, roughened from playing his various instruments.

  Ariana sighed as she lay back down on the blanket and gazed up at the stars. She couldn't tell him the Australia plan, but she could tell him the original dream. The dream she'd had all her life. It would be

  160

  nice to talk about it one last time. At that very moment a white streak cut across the sky, and she had to bite her lip to keep from pointing out the falling star like an excited little girl.

  "First Princeton, where I'll major in English literature," Ariana recited, seeing it all play out in her mind as she had imagined it so many times. "Then a job at Vanity Fair in New York and a loft apartment in Chelsea on a quaint, tree-lined street. There, I will of course meet the perfect guy--"

  "Wait a second, you haven't done that already?" Hudson protested, placing his hands to his chest in faux offense.

  Ariana laughed. "Excuse me. I was talking," she scolded jokingly.

  "Pardon me. Continue," Hudson replied, grinning from ear to ear.

  The lightness in Ariana's chest was almost distracting in its perfection. She could get used to this feeling. This utter simplicity.

  "Of course we'll get married, have two kids, and once I've established myself as a writer, I'll go freelance and we'll move the family back to the homestead in Georgia where--"

  "Georgia?" Hudson interjected, his brow knitting. "I thought you were from Chicago."

  Ariana's breath turned cold in her lungs. She hadn't just said that. She had not just said that. And, wait a second, had she started to slip into her twang? Dammit. She wasn't sure. What if he had seen her story on the news? Between her mention of Easton and now Georgia, he might definitely put two and two together and figure out who she really was. But a quick glance at Hudson told her he wasn't overly confused or alarmed. Just curious.

  161

  "I am from Chicago," she replied evenly, her gaze back on the night sky, her Northern accent perfectly intact once again. "But I have family in Georgia. My grandmother. I've always loved the plantation she lives on, so I'm hoping I'll get to move there one day."

  "That's cool," Hudson said, lying on his back as well. "I've always wanted to go to Georgia and experience the whole Southern charm thing for myself. I hear Dallas doesn't quite do it justice."

  "Definitely not," Ariana said, relaxing slightly. "Georgia hospitality is in another class."

  "Well, maybe you'll take me to meet your grandmother sometime," Hudson said.

  Her gran's gravesite flashed through her mind. Ariana would never get to visit that spot again.

  "Maybe I will," she lied.

  Hudson turned the conversation toward his class at UT and his plans for the rest of the summer, but Ariana barely heard a word for a good five minutes. She was too busy berating herself for her slip and concentrating on how to keep it from happening again. The last thing she could risk was Hudson finding out who she really was. She hated to think of what she might have to do to him if he did.

  162

  CARNIVAL NIGHTMARE

  "Trust me. You need this," Briana Leigh told Ariana as she pulled her gold Cadillac convertible into a parking space at the Plaza of the Americas in downtown Dallas Tuesday afternoon. Her engag
ement ring flashed in the sunlight as she turned off the satellite radio, finally silencing the gratingly loud country-western station she'd been blaring throughout the drive. "Your luggage is obviously gone for good, and you can't keep wearing my old clothes."

  No, I really can't, Ariana thought, looking down at the bright, tiered skirt she was currently sporting. What fascinated her was that all these awful clothes were by top designers. It was as if Briana Leigh hunted the boutiques each season for the worst pieces from each collection and filled her closets with them."You're right," Ariana said. "I definitely need some new things." Her phone beeped and Ariana pulled it out of her small, borrowed purse. There was a picture message from Hudson in her in-box.

  163

  Speaking of new things... , Ariana thought wryly, as if Hudson was her new accessory. She opened the picture and smiled. Purple wildflowers filled the screen. The caption read, Saw this and thought of you.

  Ariana's heart fluttered happily. Another point for Hudson. He was a true romantic. He'd gone back to Austin Sunday night, and Ariana actually missed him. As Briana Leigh hit the button to raise the ragtop roof, Ariana popped open the glove compartment. She took off her sunglasses and wedged them into the tiny space between the car manual and a box of Altoids, along with her cell. When Briana Leigh wasn't looking, she added her wallet to the mix, then slammed and locked the door.

  "Paranoid much? This is, like, the safest street in Dallas," Briana Leigh said, gesturing out the window at the huge Le Meridien hotel across the street.

  Ariana's cheeks turned pink. It was an old habit, removing the things she wouldn't need and locking them up in the car. Something her father had always done. And yes, he was paranoid, but for good reason. Everyone in their Atlanta suburb knew that the Osgood family, perched on their old family plantation on the outskirts of their sleepy Southern town, had more money than the rest of the households in the village combined. Her father had been mugged more than once and he had quickly learned his lesson. His theory was that if it wasn't on you, they couldn't steal it, and Ariana had adopted his lock-it-up ritual.

  "Old habit," she said with a shrug.