Privilege

by Kate Brian

  Ariana sat up, shoved Hudson off her, and gasped for air.

  "What? What did I do?" Hudson asked.

  Ariana got up off the bed and straightened her nightgown. Just putting this distance between herself and Hudson cleared her mind. She looked at Hudson, at his concerned eyes, his gorgeous body, his perfect hands, and as much as she wanted to be with him, she knew there was just no way.

  "I can't," she said, surprised by the sob in her throat.

  She couldn't get that close to someone. Not after what had happened to Thomas. She couldn't get herself into a situation that might get out of control.

  Hudson sat back on his heels. "Was it something I did?"

  "No." Ariana forced a smile. She tried to regain her composure, tucking her hair behind her ears and looking at the ground for a

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  moment. Deep breath. Better. "No. I just... I think I got caught up in the moment. I don't generally move this fast."

  Not anymore. Not after Thomas.

  "Oh. I'm sorry. I swear I didn't come here expecting, you know, sex," he said, getting up off the bed. He grabbed his shirt from where it had fallen, and Ariana was mortified to realize she had been the one to remove it. Talk about mixed signals.

  "No, I'm sorry," Ariana said. "It was me."

  "It's okay," Hudson said. He slid his arms into the sleeves and straightened the shirt on his shoulders. Then he walked over to her and leaned in for another sweet and searching kiss. "We can take it as slowly as you want."

  Ariana smiled up at him, feeling inexplicably sad. "Thanks."

  Hudson smiled. "Well. I guess I should go. Don't want the landscaping staff finding my violin and calling the cops."

  "That would be bad," Ariana said. On many, many levels, she added to herself.

  "Good night, Emma Walsh," Hudson said, leaning in for one last kiss.

  A single tear made its way out of the corner of Ariana's eye as he slipped through the door and down the ladder. She had just realized no one would ever again say her real name with that kind of tenderness again.

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  NEW BEGINNINGS

  "You know, when you walked in here and told me you wanted extensions, I thought to myself, Girl, why fix what ain't broke?" Ariana's stylist, Deanna, crowed. "But you know what? You were right. Long hair suits your face!""Does it?" Ariana croaked.

  Her mouth was so dry it felt like she'd been lunching on sand. Dressed in head-to-toe black, Deanna had dyed her own hair a fire engine red. Normally, Ariana wouldn't have let someone who had made such an obvious mistake with her own hair touch her precious locks, but Deanna was also wearing a gorgeous pair of leopard-print Giuseppe Zanotti heels, so she had decided to risk it. Now the woman grinned down at her all excited, and Ariana felt nothing but apprehension. Facing away from the mirror in the lush salon, she had been able to detach herself from what Deanna was doing. Kicked back in the soft white leather chair with her feet up and the smooth jazz playing

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  through the speakers, she had let herself float off into a quiet, serene space where everything was as it should be. But now that Deanna was done, she realized she was afraid to see herself. Afraid to see the person she was about to become.

  "Ready to see the new you?" Deanna asked, clicking her superlong acrylic fingernails together.

  Ariana held her breath. The woman had no idea how squarely she had hit the nail on the head. A whole new Ariana. She stared at Deanna's face. Noted the laugh lines around her eyes. The small acne scar just under her right eye. The missing rhinestone on the lowest drop of her left earring. Finally, she felt calm. Calm enough, at least, to press forward.

  "Sure."

  "Here ya go!"

  Deanna spun the chair around and Ariana opened her eyes. Long auburn hair fell in gorgeous waves over her shoulders. It didn't look fake at all. It actually looked pretty. When Briana Leigh had suggested the extensions, Ariana had hesitated. What if it brought back those memories that she tried so hard to keep locked up and buried away? What if every time she looked at herself, she saw Thomas's blood all over again?

  But now she realized that was not going to happen. Because the girl looking back at her was nothing like the blond, blue-eyed Ariana Osgood of those days. The girl looking back at her was a green-eyed, auburn-haired Briana Leigh Covington.

  Hi. I'm Briana Leigh Covington. So nice to meet you.207

  "Well? What do you think?" Deanna asked, whacking Ariana's shoulder.

  Ariana swallowed back some bile and told herself that this was all for a reason. This was a good thing. This was going to allow her to have the life she wanted.

  "I love it," she said. And somehow conveyed that she really did.

  Just then a figure appeared in the mirror and Ariana's blood ran cold. Tall. Chin-length blond hair. Blue eyes. It was like looking at herself. The person she used to be. Suddenly she felt off-kilter. Like reality had turned itself upside down.

  "Surprise!" Briana Leigh cried, rushing up behind Ariana's chair, her male stylist in tow.

  Ariana fought for breath. Her sweaty palms clutched the arms of her chair. For a split second she thought that Briana Leigh had done it on purpose. Had made herself look like Ariana because Ariana was looking more and more like Briana Leigh. But then she realized that couldn't be the case. Briana Leigh had never seen Ariana as a blond. She had no idea how ironic her appearance was. Briana Leigh didn't realize how right she had been back at the ranch. The two of them definitely could have been twins.

  "I thought you were just getting a cut," Ariana managed to say.

  "I was going to, but then I thought, If we're getting new starts, why not go crazy?" Briana Leigh trilled. She strutted away from Ariana like a model and struck a pose, swinging her hair around so that it whacked her in the eyes when she turned. "Teo has always said he'd love to see me as a blond. Now he gets his wish!"

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  Ariana pressed her lips closed as jealousy overwhelmed her. God, she missed her blond hair.

  "Why aren't you saying anything?" Briana Leigh asked, irritated. She brought her feet together and stood up straight. "I do look good as a blonde, right?"

  Ariana blinked and tried to focus. "You look amazing." And she did.

  Briana Leigh's smile lit the entire salon. Ever since their mutual confessions, her bitchy moments had been fewer and further between. But now it was clear to Ariana why Briana Leigh put on such a bitchy front. It was to protect herself. The girl had been betrayed in the absolute worst way possible by her best friend. "So do you."

  Ariana's heart warmed. Maybe she could visit Briana Leigh and Teo in Ibiza over Christmas. It would be so nice to have someplace to go. A friend to visit. Someone to look forward to seeing... especially since she could never go home again. It was amazing how much her feelings for Briana Leigh had changed in the past day. But Ariana knew firsthand how crushing that sort of betrayal felt. Thanks to Noelle and now Kaitlynn.

  "Ladies!"

  Briana Leigh's stylist walked over and handed them each a flute filled with champagne. He had one for himself and one for Deanna as well. A strawberry slice floated in each glass.

  "Let's celebrate," he said, tipping her glass forward. "To new beginnings."

  Ariana's heart gave a little thrill as the four glasses clinked.

  "To new beginnings,"

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  THE DREADED DMV

  Ariana sat in a warped plastic chair at the Department of Motor Vehicles that afternoon, trying not to cringe as Briana Leigh strolled around the waiting room checking out the new her in every reflective surface she could find. Ariana paged through a Vogue magazine and breathed in and out, keeping her nerves under control. This was going to work. Of course it was going to work. She had everything she needed. She just had to play it cool.Of course it didn't help that the claustrophobic office had no air-conditioning and there was a stream of sweat coursing down the center of her back. Ariana hated to sweat. It was so animalistic.

  "Briana Leigh
Covington?" the large man behind the counter called out.

  "Yeah?" Briana Leigh said.

  Ariana's heart stopped as she sat forward. She turned away from the DMV worker and shot Briana Leigh a look that could have

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  stopped a rabid pit bull in its tracks. Briana Leigh turned fuchsia.

  "She's right here," Briana Leigh said loudly, walking over to Ariana and pulling her up by the arms. "Don't keep the nice man waiting, Briana Leigh."

  Then she shoved Ariana forward. Ariana looked at the glowering DMV worker and rolled her eyes.

  "Pardon my friend. Too much iced coffee," she said.

  The man laced his fat, sausagelike fingers together and sighed through his nose. She could see the sweat stains spreading out on his shirt from his armpits and decided to breathe through her mouth. The oscillating fan on the shelf behind the man turned in Ariana's direction, but all she got from it was a piddling, stray breeze. His bulk was blocking the good stuff.

  "You lost your license?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

  Ariana took a deep breath. The key was not to babble.

  "Yes," she said.

  The man hit a few keys on his keyboard. Then he glanced at the screen and at Ariana. Then at the screen, then at Ariana. Her fingers automatically closed around her forearm. Sweat prickled along her brow and her underarms started to itch. He was checking Briana Leigh's old picture against the girl standing in front of him. This was it. He was going to call the police. Ariana glanced at the phone on his desk. Imagined she saw his fingers twitch in that direction.

  "Says here you've got blue eyes," he said.

  Ariana's throat was so dry she wasn't sure she could speak, but she was going to have to. She glanced over her shoulder. Briana Leigh's

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  face was now buried in the Vogue. This was a huge risk, but it had to be done. She released her arm. Her fingers had left behind four long red marks on her skin.

  "They're contacts," Ariana said quietly.

  She leaned toward the putrid man and popped out the right contact, exposing her true eye color. He grimaced and hit a key on his computer.

  "Never understood how people could stick their fingers in their eyes," he said.

  Ariana bristled. If Briana Leigh had heard that she was definitely going to start asking questions. She quickly glanced over her shoulder. Briana Leigh was reading some article about Sarah Jessica Parker, her leg bouncing up and down with impatience. If she had overheard, she certainly wasn't showing it.

  "All right, Miss Covington. Want a new picture?" the man asked.

  Ariana replaced the contact and blinked a few times to make sure it was in place. "Definitely."

  The man clucked his tongue. "You girls always do. Step in front of the camera."

  He nodded to his left and Ariana slid over to stand in front of the blue backdrop. Now that she was past the inquisition, she couldn't believe how easy it had been. Somehow she controlled the huge, giddy smile that was trying to push its way onto her face and put on her prettiest closed-mouth smile instead. This was, after all, her first official photo as Briana Leigh Covington, one she would have to look at for years to come. She wanted it to be a good one.

  Ten minutes later Ariana was holding an official Texas driver's

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  license with her picture next to Briana Leigh's name. Briana Leigh pulled a pen out of her purse and signed the back of the license with a flourish. Ariana had always been good at forgeries--the note she had written to Reed from Thomas had kept the girl off her trail for a good couple of months--so she could have signed it herself, but she figured there was no reason for Briana Leigh to know about that particular talent.

  "Nice to meet you, Briana Leigh," Briana Leigh giggled, handing the ID back to Ariana.

  "And you, Briana Leigh," Ariana replied, grasping her friend's outstretched hand.

  "This really is going to work," Briana Leigh said with a smile.

  Ariana took a deep breath and felt totally at peace. "You know, I think it just might."

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  LOST

  Ariana was looking forward to putting her new hair up and taking a nice, long, self-congratulatory lounge in the pool when Briana Leigh suddenly turned off the road onto a drive braced by two austere-looking gray pillars."What are you doing?" Ariana asked, looking up from her Vogue.

  Suddenly the car emerged from between two thick hedges and all Ariana could see for miles were headstones. Headstones, mausoleums, freshly turned earth. The graves went on for miles. Instantly Ariana's palms began to sweat, and the air-conditioning seemed to be blowing heat. She could feel her breath grow short.

  "I need to make a stop," Briana Leigh told her.

  "Here? Why?" Ariana blurted.

  She glanced at Briana Leigh's profile, her heart racing. Briana Leigh's gaze was trained straight ahead, her hands at ten and two on the wheel. What was this about? Had she somehow been wrong about

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  Briana Leigh? Had Briana Leigh forged that letter from Kaitlynn? Was she bringing Ariana here to kill her? What better place to stash a body than a cemetery. Open graves everywhere, waiting to welcome their eternal guests.

  "My parents are buried here," Briana Leigh told her.

  Ariana swallowed. Of course. Briana Leigh had no reason to kill Emma Walsh. But her explanation calmed her only slightly. Maybe Ariana wasn't in danger, but still she felt as if the headstones were closing in on the car and blocking out the sun. She gripped her arm and tried to breathe.

  "No," Ariana blurted. "I can't."

  "Can't what?" Briana Leigh asked, glancing over at her from behind the wheel.

  "I can't. I hate cemeteries," Ariana said, pressing one hand against the door and the other around Briana Leigh's headrest. Her feet were braced against the floor of the car so tightly she felt the strain in her knees. As if she could stop the car out of sheer force of will.

  "Does anyone like them?" Briana Leigh asked, rolling her eyes. "Don't worry. You can wait in the car."

  Ariana closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe.

  In, one... two... three...Out, one... two... three...

  There was nothing outside the car but trees. Trees and grass and dead bodies...

  In, one... two... three...

  Out, one... two... three...

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  And flowers. Flowers in front of headstones. Flowers left by families who would never see their loved ones again. Flowers that the dead, rotting bodies below would never smell or see or appreciate because they were dead.

  Dead, dead, dead.

  They were judging her. All of them judging her from beyond the grave. Their cold, lifeless eyes glassy and vacant and wide. Judging her for what she had done. Thomas, Melissa, and Sergei had met untimely ends... all because of her.

  Briana Leigh stopped the car and opened the door. The bong, bong, bong of the car door singed Ariana's already frayed nerves. "You know, Emma, I've never brought anyone else here before."

  Ariana blinked, struggling for composure. She looked at Briana Leigh. "Not even Teo?"

  Briana Leigh lifted a shoulder. "I don't want to get all morbid on him, you know? I want to keep him separate. But you... I don't know... I feel like you've been there, so you really understand."

  Ariana swallowed hard. Briana Leigh was trying to tell her that she had become a good friend. Little did the girl know that she was actually here to use her because she had believed the stories of her former best friend. The one who had ruined her life.

  "Believe me. I know what it is to lose everything."

  "I'll be back in a second," Briana Leigh said, leaving the keys in the ignition. "I just want to say good-bye to my parents before I leave for Ibiza." She slammed the car door shut behind her, leaving Ariana alone.

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  In, one... two... three...

  Out, one... two... three...

  There's no one out there. No one watching you. Stop thinking about it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Th
ere is no past, only future. Think about where you're headed. A new life. A new school. A new start. The past doesn't matter. You have a future. You have a future now....

  After a few moments Ariana felt her fingers relax and her toes uncurl. The air-conditioning poured over her, cooling the sweat that now covered her skin. Suddenly she felt foolish and wished she hadn't let Briana Leigh see her weakness. She took one more breath and opened her eyes.

  The brightness of the day assaulted her. Ariana looked around, trying to see past all the looming headstones, and found Briana Leigh. The girl was kneeling in front of a large, granite stone with two names etched into it, and she was talking. Ariana watched as she held out her hand, showing her engagement ring to the stone as if her parents could actually see it. Then she pulled her hand back and held it, gazing down at the diamond. And just like that, Briana Leigh started to cry. She was still talking, but tears ran down her face and dripped from her nose. Finally, she reached out her fingers and touched the cold stone, doubling over. She really was saying good-bye.

  Ariana watched all of this, and her heart broke. It was clear that Briana Leigh had loved her parents. Really and truly loved them. Ariana suddenly knew this with an absolute certainty that was so simple it actually calmed her. Briana Leigh hadn't lied when she'd said

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  she loved and missed her father. The pain, the anguish, the desperation she showed right now were perfectly real.

  At that moment Ariana let go any lingering hope that Kaitlynn Nottingham was innocent, that perhaps Briana Leigh had somehow forged that awful letter. Kaitlynn was a liar. A murderer. And Ariana had to truly accept that.

  Right there in that Dallas cemetery, while Briana Leigh said goodbye to the family Kaitlynn had taken from her, Ariana put her friendship with Kaitlynn where it belonged--in the ground.

  Kaitlynn was the liar. And Ariana hated liars.

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  SLUTS

  Ariana leaned back against Hudson's chest as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. This had never been part of the plan--meeting a guy, growing comfortable enough with him to publicly cuddle like this--but as unexpected twists went, it wasn't a bad one. They stood on the balcony level of the Curtain Club in Deep Ellum, looking down at the main floor, where hundreds of music lovers nodded their heads to the driving beat of the band onstage. Ariana committed the band's name to memory. They were a local Dallas group, and knowing a few things about them would help her look like the genuine Briana Leigh. It was all in the details."The new hair is very sexy," Hudson said in her ear, brushing some of her thick mane aside.