Make Me Burn

by Marie Harte

  They’d barely let her breathe on her own. And unfortunately, they’d grown more controlling after he’d left for the Marine Corps.

  Rochelle was saying, “She could have left, could have gone anywhere for help. Hell, I was here for her, and she knew it. She had choices. She made her own decisions. And whether you were here or gone made no difference.”

  He felt tears building and willed them away, baffled at how he’d been fine one moment and super emotional the next. An image of Avery, smiling, appeared out of the blue and hit him hard. Grief and happiness made a mess of his mind, baffling and more than a little scary that he was losing control. Brad never lost control.

  “I know all this. But sometimes I can’t believe it. It doesn’t feel right.” I should have done more. I should have known how sad she’d become. I don’t deserve a life without her.

  Rochelle pulled him in for a hug, which made it worse. “You let yourself cry, baby. You earned it.”

  He had no idea why, but the tears made him feel better. After a while, he pulled back and wiped his eyes.

  “Better?”

  “I guess.” Embarrassed, he didn’t know where to look.

  “I’ll leave you in here to get the gloves for your mom. They’re in the box.” She touched his shoulder. “Brad, it’s normal to grieve, even years later. What Dana did left an echo that’s never going to go completely away. It’s faded, but it’s there. She was a part of you for so long. It’s okay to feel sad that she’s gone and angry that she left.”

  “I hate that she died close to my birthday.” Hearing it aloud made him feel three inches tall. He snorted. “Selfish bastard that I am, it’s all about me.”

  “Oh please. That’s completely normal. Now tragedy is tied with something that should be celebrated.” Rochelle paused. “Brad, I talked to her about her self-medicating while you were gone and about having someplace to go, about having options. Dana was tired, honey.”

  A lot like his mother had been. Was. Still is? But not at all like Avery.

  “Yeah, but I—”

  “But nothing. Dana never took me up on my information. She left in her own way. And all the finger-pointing in the world won’t change the fact that nothing you did could have prevented her death. Unless you were willing to live your life shackled to that girl, you couldn’t have stopped her.”

  “Okay.” Rochelle was his rock. She’d told him that before, more than a few times, but hearing it helped him balance his responsibility with reality. “I know. I don’t really even think about her that much anymore.” Only in his dreams or in the dark when he was alone. Or he’d hear a song and think how much she’d like it. Fuck, he did still think about her. “I miss her, but I know she’s gone. Lately, though, she’ll pop into my head.”

  “Because it’s the anniversary of her death.” Rochelle nodded.

  But it was more than that. He’d never come to grips with her loss, and maybe he never would. “Thanks, Rochelle.”

  “I’m good at what I do.” She winked at him. “Brad, you can only save the ones you can save. Think about it.” Something she’d said to him many times.

  He felt the warmth of her affection and hugged her tight. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. Now hurry up before your brother eats all the donuts.”

  After getting a lid on his emotions, he rejoined the family and sat at the table with the others. Seeing the nearly empty box, he glared at Oscar. “You ate all the cream-filled ones.”

  “You said I could.”

  “I said I’d save you one.”

  “Two.”

  “There were four in there!”

  “I’m a growing boy.” Oscar smiled at him through chocolate and cream. “Be nice to me or I won’t tell you how I met your new girlfriend.”

  “Girlfriend?” Vivienne perked up. “Oh, I have to hear this.”

  “Me too.” Rochelle winked at him.

  Brad felt himself turning red. His brother’s laughter made it worse. He punched Oscar in the arm.

  “Ow. Lighten up, Hollywood.” He turned to his mom and Rochelle. “That’s what the guys are calling him now. Hollywood, since he’s doing those spots on Fridays.”

  Had to be Tex filling him in. The loudmouth.

  Vivienne beamed. “I saw it yesterday on the computer, and it was fantastic. You’re so funny, Brad.”

  Rochelle nodded. “And cute on camera.”

  “Stop, please.” He hated that he was so quick to turn red.

  “Ha! Big brother’s embarrassed. Aw…”

  “I’ll hit you again if you don’t shut up.”

  Oscar shoved his face full of another donut.

  “The girlfriend, hmm? Has to be the reporter.” Rochelle’s eyes narrowed. “And you’re okay with that?”

  Great. So she knew who Avery was too.

  “Okay with what?” Vivienne asked.

  “Dating a woman he’s working with. He’s in the public eye now, and you know Brad hates that.”

  Thanks, Rochelle. His mother would freak out if she realized Avery was the Avery who’d gotten to Brad those many years ago. Right now, he could barely handle his own emotions. He didn’t think he had it in him to help his mom deal with reactions to his worries.

  “Well?” Rochelle raised a brow.

  “She’s nice. Avery is nice, I mean.” Brad cleared his throat, hating that everyone was staring at him. “We’re not really dating. Well, kind of. It’s weird.”

  “You like her.” Rochelle watched him.

  “I guess.”

  “No, you like her. I can tell. She’s different.”

  “Different?”

  Oscar nodded. “They spark each other. You have to see it. It’s like there’s a connection you can almost feel between them. I saw it…” he trailed, realizing he wasn’t supposed to tell their mother he’d been to the recording when she hadn’t. “Ah, I mean, on-screen it looks so real.”

  Vivienne nodded. “That’s how it was for me and your dad.” Instead of going off on how much she missed him, their mother said, “When do we get to meet her?”

  Brad blinked. “Meet her?”

  “Yeah, Brad. Meet her.” Oscar smirked.

  “Well, um, maybe if we start dating seriously. I mean, we’re just getting to know each other. It’s new. Probably won’t last.” Of course it won’t last. It’s just sex.

  So why had he been thinking about her and Dana? Why get so wrapped up that he cried?

  He turned to Oscar. “I have some questions for you.”

  Oscar’s eyes narrowed. “And I have some answers. But it’ll cost you.”

  Brad sighed. “When has life with you people ever been cheap?”

  “Well, I never.” His mother tried to hide a smile.

  Rochelle just laughed.

  Oscar nodded. “Yep. We cost a lot. But we’re worth it.”

  The question he kept asking himself as he drove Oscar back to his place—his family was worth it. But was Avery?

  Chapter Twelve

  Avery straddled Gerty’s chest as they wrestled for the remote to the TV. “We are not watching Zombie Parade again. It’s time for something different. I want to watch The Christmas Cottage.”

  “Oh man. That’s a Hallmark movie!” Gerty slid out from under Avery. “Ha! Take that, sucker.”

  “Give it to me.” She screeched when Gerty yanked on her hair, then rolled her friend under her and sat on her.

  “Oomph.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. I ate an entire large-sized burger meal an hour ago. I think I gained five pounds in five minutes. So that’s gonna hurt when I let all my weight hit your gut. And didn’t you just polish off a plate of pizza rolls?” Avery let her weight hit Gerty.

  “Ugh.” Gerty held up the remote in surrender. “You win. I think I’m going to bar
f.”

  Next to them, Klingon barked and ran around, his little yaps of excitement a perfect fit for the chaos that was their home.

  Avery grinned as she got off her friend. “Quite an attack dog you have there.”

  “Don’t mess with me. Klingon’s a killer.”

  Hearing his name, the furry guy jumped onto Gerty’s belly and hurried to lick every part of her face he could reach.

  Avery couldn’t help laughing and managed to take a few pictures before Gerty got a hold of the squirmy dog. For only having three legs, he moved like he had six.

  After switching the television to something heartwarming to watch, Avery kicked back and sighed. She couldn’t stop thinking about it.

  “What’s that for?”

  “I slept with Super Hunk FD.”

  Gerty blinked, stared at her in shock, and screamed, “What?”

  Avery covered her face with a couch pillow until Gerty ripped it away.

  “Say. That. Again.”

  “I slept with Brad Battle.” Keeping that nugget to herself had been sheer hell. She’d been dying to tell Gerty.

  “When?”

  “Yesterday, after the taping.”

  Gerty smacked her with the pillow. “And you waited this long to tell me? You swore on Warcraft.”

  “I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you the whole truth. Don’t sound all hurt. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it.”

  “Well? Details, woman.”

  Avery breezed through the Friday morning banter to when she got to Brad’s. “I apologized. And it felt like we really did put our differences aside.”

  “I’ll say.”

  Avery flushed. “Then, well, I’m not sure how it happened. He was looking at me, and I was looking at him. And then we were kissing, and I couldn’t think.” She sighed and confessed. “Gerty, I have never been so well kissed in all my life.”

  “No kidding?” Gerty leaned forward, her eyes wide. “So, he was about more than getting to his happy place, huh?”

  “Yep. I think his middle name is foreplay.” She fanned herself. “And he’s built proportionately. He’s just… I mean, a lot of guys that good-looking don’t rely on skills. They think because they’re that hot, they don’t have to work.”

  “No kidding.” Gerty shook her head. “I remember Wasteful Will all too well.” She grinned. “Say that five times fast.”

  They both tried it and ended up choking on laughter.

  “Brad isn’t wasteful.” She paused in thought, her humor leaving her. “But he was pretty quick to get me to agree to it being a one-time deal we’d never mention again.”

  “Now that’s a shame. I thought he was better than that.”

  “He talked a good game about us being friends.” She didn’t know why she still felt hurt about him trying to end them before they’d begun. “And honestly, it was the right call. We got off on the wrong foot from the beginning. We’re forced to work together. Who knows how long that will last? Friday morning should have been a one-off.”

  “But…?”

  “But before I even got home and through the door, he called me about wanting to ‘hang out’ again.” She snorted.

  “Well now. That’s interesting.”

  “I thought so at the time. Now I’m not sure.” Did she want to be with Brad just for hookups? She’d never had a strictly sexual relationship. She’d tried once but had felt so weird afterward she’d made herself go on a few dates with the guy to get her normal back.

  “You’re not sure? Why? Because you’re crushing on your Pets Fur Life morning booty call?”

  Avery glared at Gerty. “You really have a way with words, you know that?”

  Gerty gave a shy smile. “I know.”

  “I just wish I could figure out what I want.”

  “Besides his body.”

  “Besides his body,” Avery agreed. “I mean, I’ve seen the snarky, obnoxious side of him. And as much as that Brad annoys me, he’s also pretty funny.”

  “I thought so.”

  “But then I talk to him, and I remember what I learned about him, how heroic and brave he is, and I get all tingly.”

  “You might need a shot for that. Did you guys have the safe sex talk? Because if you’re tingling when he’s not around, that’s a sign you need to see a doctor.”

  “Elizabeth Gertrude Davis, that’s disgusting.”

  Gerty cracked up laughing. “You look so mortified. It’s like I’m talking to my Great Aunt Ethel.”

  “Ethel? Oh, Minerva’s sister.” Avery sneered. “Or was that Agnes Eudora?”

  “Yeah, my family’s just hell on antique lady names. But don’t change the subject.” Gerty didn’t care, obviously, because at age seven, she’d decided to go by her cooler, unique middle name instead of boring “Elizabeth.”

  Avery cleared her throat. “Yes, we did talk about safe sex. We’re both safe people.”

  “Boring people, more like.”

  “Really?”

  “Look, I love you. But the truth is, you’re pretty conservative. And I mean that in a good way. You date one guy at a time. You make him sign a waiver before agreeing to hold hands. Then there’s that triplicate contract for a kiss.”

  “Stop.” Avery couldn’t help grinning. “I do not.”

  “And you have a minimum of three dates before you round any bases.”

  “Well, that’s true.”

  “But with Super Hunk, you went for it.”

  “We’re pretty attracted to each other.”

  “Hey, I get it.” Gerty sighed. “His brother is so hot. And so damn slow.”

  “Yes, let’s talk about you and Oscar.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll get back to you.”

  “I can’t wait.” Avery felt for her friend. While Avery was still floating off what she and Brad had done yesterday, Gerty didn’t seem to be as thrilled with Oscar.

  “I told you about Oscar and me not doing anything, right?”

  Avery nodded. “When you took your clothes off and he did the right thing and made sure you were sober before he kissed you.”

  “No kisses, no hugs. I got nothing.”

  “You got a guy who isn’t into taking advantage.”

  “Yeah, yeah. He’s a great guy. I know that. But I’ve been sober since the disastrous date that wasn’t, and he hasn’t made a move.”

  “Maybe he’s shy.”

  “So what? I still want to ride him like a bucking bronco with a burr under his saddle.”

  No more going to the rodeo with Gerty. “And isn’t that an image I’ll take with me to the grave.”

  Gerty snickered. “Look, I want the guy. He acts like he likes me then pulls back. What did you do with Brad to get him to kiss you?”

  “Well, the first time we were arguing. That happened at the news station.”

  “I knew it! Way to go.” Gerty bumped fists with her. “And the second time you apologized, right?”

  “Yeah. So maybe apologize for getting drunk and disorderly.”

  Gerty sighed. “I want disorderly so much I can taste it. But he’s repressed or something. He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, supports his big brother. He helps out his mom and aunt and has a great-paying job. He’s an AC/heater repair guy. He has all his teeth, can talk without staring at my boobs, and did I mention he has a job?”

  “I hear you.”

  “It’s like he’s a saint and I’m a disgusting little sinner.” She groaned. “Because I have imagined him and me in about every dirty vice I can think of. Some twice.”

  “Okay, before you feel the need to describe those fantasies in detail, don’t. And on another note, don’t try to get the guy to have cybersex with you. If he won’t kiss you when you’re sober and putting out that desperation vibe you do so well”
—she ignored the finger Gerty shot her—“then he’s probably not into doing it with a svelte green orc.”

  “But she’s got bigger boobs than I do.”

  “Gerty, no.”

  “Fine.” Gerty sighed. “So what can I do to get his attention?”

  “Why not invite him over for dinner next weekend? I’ll make myself scarce, and you can have the place to yourself. I’ll even take Klingon with me.”

  “Oh, really?” Gerty’s big brown eyes shone. “You’re better than Rokeg blood pie.”

  “Star Wars or Star Trek?”

  “Star Trek. It was one of Worf’s favorite desserts.” Gerty stood and danced around. “What should I make? What if he hates my cooking? You have to cook it for me.”

  “Sure. But you have to promise to stop calling Brad Super Hunk FD in front of him.”

  “But behind his back, can I?”

  “If you must.”

  Gerty clapped. “Hurray for Avery getting laid! She’s so much happier now.”

  “Gerty, shut up.”

  Gerty laughed. “I’m so pleased with you, I’m willing to watch this mushy Christmas romance in April.”

  “Shh. I like this part.”

  “Wait. You’ve seen it before?” Gerty gagged.

  “Twice. What can I say? I like this movie.” And she’d bought the book too, but no need for Gerty to make fun of her even more. If it didn’t have dragons and magic involved, Gerty was uninterested. What did that say for Oscar that Gerty still wanted him? Unless he had horns after all…

  * * *

  By the middle of the workday Monday, Avery had no idea how to handle Brad. He’d texted her about grabbing coffee after work, and she’d stupidly said yes.

  The entire weekend, she’d jumped if her phone so much as made a peep. She’d even turned off her email alerts so she’d be more attuned to her texts. That she was so nervous to hear from him again just annoyed her.

  She did her best to pretend to forget Friday morning had happened. That he’d ever touched her, kissed her, held her. She couldn’t help her oversexualized dreams, but when awake, she did her best to not think about Brad. Then out of the blue he texted her an invite to coffee after work.