All Hope Is Lost

by E. L. Todd

  She swallowed the lump in her throat without looking away. “I love you too.”

  Chapter Five

  Slade

  “Get out of my way.” I stormed into the room with Trinity behind me. When I got the call from Cayson, that Cedric was able to breathe on his own, I hightailed it out of that restaurant without even paying, Trinity at my heels.

  Thankfully, the people knew who I was and I would pay for the meal later.

  I stopped in front of Skye. She was holing Cedric in her arms, and for the first time in nearly a month she looked happy. Her face was glowing like it should, and the small infant in her arms burned by his own light.

  “Oh my god…” I couldn’t believe it was real. Cedric had been behind glass for so long that I couldn’t process seeing him in the open air. Tubes weren’t hooked up to his face, and he looked like a normal baby, just a little small.

  Cayson stood beside Skye with a proud look in his eyes.

  Trinity came beside me and gasped. “He’s so cute.”

  “I know.” Skye smiled down at him with her eyes.

  “Look at that war chief,” I blurted. “Strongest guy in the world.”

  “He is.” Cayson kept staring at him.

  Skye looked up at me for the first time then stepped toward me. “Would you like to hold him?”

  “Uh…” I stared down at Cedric and never felt more terrified in my life. I never even held Ward Jr. so I had no idea what to do.

  “It’s okay, Slade.” Skye came closer to me and prepared for the switch.

  “Whoa, slow down.” I stepped back and felt the panic grip my throat. “You know, I’m fine with just looking at him. Trinity, you can hold him.”

  Cayson took Cedric from Skye’s arms then came toward me. “No, you deserve to hold him. You named him, Slade.”

  “I just…” I shook my head. “I’ll do something stupid and drop him. I don’t know anything about babies. It’s just too much pressure…I can’t handle it.”

  Cayson ignored everything I said. “Stick out your arms and bend your knees.”

  “Dude, I’m telling you—”

  “You can do this. Skye and I aren’t the least bit worried about it.” He held Cedric over me and prepared for the switch.

  “Uh…”

  Trinity placed her hand on my shoulder. “Babe, you can do it.”

  “I’m scared.” I’d never said those words in my life. I was never scared of anything. But this…was a whole new ballgame.

  “I’m going to set him in your arms. All you need to do is cradle him to your chest,” Cayson said.

  “Okay…”

  Cayson gently lowered him into my arms. Before he let go he said,” Now pull him to your chest.”

  I did as he instructed.

  When Cayson was sure I had him, he slowly pulled his arms away.

  And then I was holding Cedric all on my own. “Holy shit…” I stared down at Cedric, seeing the blue eyes that immediately reminded me of Sean. He looked up at me like he already knew me, like he recognized me from visiting him through the glass. Mesmerized, he just stared. “Oh my god…”

  “What?” Trinity asked.

  “I’m doing it.”

  Trinity smiled then rubbed my back. “And you’re doing great.”

  Cedric felt tiny in my arms. He was weightless, but he emitted so much heat. Instead of smelling like a newborn baby, he smelled like shampoo and baby lotion. I couldn’t believe I was holding my godson. I’ve only known him for a month but I already loved him. I couldn’t explain it.

  “It’s practice for our own baby,” Trinity said.

  “Yeah…” For a second I forgot ours was on the way.

  Skye linked her arm through Cayson’s. “They look so cute together.”

  “They do,” Cayson said in agreement.

  I took a seat and continued to hold him, having no intention of giving him up anytime soon. “I can’t believe you guys made him.”

  Skye chuckled. “I can.”

  “Cedric got all his good features from Skye,” Cayson said. “But I hope he has my intelligence.” He gave Skye a teasing smile.

  Skye laughed. “I hope he has your intelligence too. You’re a braniac.”

  “Whoa,” Cayson said. “No need for geeky terms here. I don’t want my son to know I’m a nerd right off the bat.”

  “I think he already knows.” Trinity sat beside me, her thigh touching mine.

  I forgot about my wife, Cedric’s godmother. “Want to hold him, baby?”

  She rubbed my wrist. “You can have him a little longer.”

  I leaned back in the chair and rested one ankle on the opposite knee. My eyes were glued to Cedric’s face. The only other person I stared at so intently was my wife.

  “Awe,” Skye whispered. “Slade is in love.”

  I didn’t care if they teased me, especially when their taunts were true.

  Cayson put his arm around Skye. “So, when are we going to start on the next one?”

  “I think we should focus on Cedric for now,” Skye said.

  Trinity continued to peer into my arms. “I can tell this one isn’t going to give you much trouble. I haven’t heard him cry once.”

  “Because I’m holding him.” I grinned from ear-to-ear.

  “Now he’s cocky,” Cayson said.

  “That didn’t take long,” Skye said with a laugh.

  I knew I hogged Cedric enough so I handed him over to Trinity. “Ready?”

  She nodded and extended her arms.

  I placed him in her arms then put my arm around her shoulders.

  Trinity sighed as she looked down at him. “I’m so happy to finally meet you, Cedric Thompson.”

  We gathered around and watched him.

  “Thank you for being such a fighter,” she whispered. “You’re such an inspiration to all of us.”

  I made a fist and gently pounded it against his. “You’re the man, War Chief.”

  “War Chief,” Trinity said quietly. “What a perfect nickname.”

  “That’s what I’m calling him from now on,” I said. “It’s perfect for him.”

  “It does have a nice ring to it,” Cayson said.

  “When does War Chief come home?” Trinity asked.

  “We aren’t sure,” Skye said. “But it has to be soon. If he can breathe on his own, then he must be doing well.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be in his own crib soon,” Cayson said.

  “What?” Skye blurted. “He’s sleeping in our bed every night.”

  I looked at Cayson with a smile. “Looks like he’s already a cock block.”

  Cayson shrugged. “I can give up sex for him. That doesn’t sound so bad.”

  ***

  Trinity and I got into bed, and instead of getting down to business I leaned over her and lifted her nightshirt to expose her belly.

  Trinity watched me with an amused grin. “What are you doing?”

  I eyed her stomach. “Isn’t it weird to think someone is in here?”

  “I guess.” She propped herself up on her elbows.

  “Do you think they can hear us?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “It’s probably too early for that.”

  I ran my large hand over her small stomach. “It’s weird to think we made a person, you know? They started from an egg and my sperm, and now they’re growing into a human being that will be here in a few months.”

  “It is weird.”

  I pressed a kiss to her navel. “Do you think I’ll be a good dad?” My voice came out as a whisper.

  She ran her fingers through my hair. “I do.”

  “Really?”

  “Would I have begged you to knock me up if I thought otherwise?”

  I stared at her stomach. “Do you think I should sing to them? You know, play my guitar?”

  “I’m sure they would love that. We both would.”

  I left the bed and grabbed my acoustic guitar. I preferred my electric one when I p
layed music, but the acoustic had an intimate feel to it. I sat beside Trinity and began to play. I didn’t perform one of my usual songs. I strummed my fingers on the chords and tried to find new lyrics, something right for a child.

  Trinity watched me with a slight smile on her lips.

  Music was the one gift I could give someone. I wasn’t the director of a company, and I wasn’t the most intelligent person in the world. But I could play music. That was something I could give.

  I played for thirty minutes until my calloused fingers stopped sliding across the strings.

  “That was great,” Trinity said.

  “You liked it?”

  “I always like your music.” That usual look of love was in her eyes. I’d never seen her give it to anyone but me our entire lives. I was there when guys came and went, but never once did she seem enamored with them—not like she was with me. My wife was in love with me, and she didn’t even need to tell me. “How about you make love to your pregnant wife?”

  I set my guitar at the foot of the bed before I came back to her. “It’s tempting.”

  My shirt was already off so she pulled down my sweatpants along with my boxers. I was hard for her, like usual, and I wanted her.

  Once our clothes were off, she wrapped her long legs around my waist. I loved her legs. They stretched on for days and they were so slender. My wife was all leg and I loved it. Only the most beautiful woman in the world could keep me satisfied like this. Monogamy simply didn’t work, but Trinity was an exception to that.

  Actually, she was the only exception.

  Once I was inside her, our minds connected. Our souls wrapped around one another. We both breathed heavily with mutual pleasure. Every time I was inside her it was the best feeling in the world. Sex never got old with her because it was so amazing. I was constantly left wanting more.

  Trinity’s eyes glowed like coals in the fire, and her hands were all over my body, feeling every inch and groove. While there was passion in her gaze, there was also love.

  “I love you, Trinity.”

  She pulled me closer. “I love you too.”

  ***

  My father-in-law called me just before my shift ended. “What’s up, Son?”

  He called me that all the time. It was a nice gesture but I still wasn’t used to it. “Just clocked out. What about you?”

  “I just left the gym. You want to get a beer?”

  “Sure. I can always use a beer.”

  He chuckled before he got off the phone. “See you at Roger’s.”

  I hung up then called Trinity. “Hey, baby. I’m going out with your dad so I won’t be picking you up today. Is that cool?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine,” she said. “And it’s nice that you’re spending time with my dad.”

  “Well, he called me.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “It’s still nice.”

  “We’re going to get a drink at Roger’s.”

  “I’ll have dinner ready when you get home.”

  “Thanks, baby.”

  “See you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  ***

  “The strings are made of gold, and the music comes out like it was recorded by angels.” I took a drink before I returned it to the coaster. “It’s the nicest guitar—hands down.” I was talking about the guitar Trinity got me for our anniversary.

  “Very cool.” He glanced out the window and watched the people pass.

  “And she had her named written along the neck. Even better.”

  Mike chuckled. “So, she claimed your guitar.”

  “Yeah. But I think that’s hot. She wants everyone to know I’m hers.” I wiggled my eyebrows before I took a drink.

  “How’s her pregnancy going?”

  “Fine. I told her not to wear heels anymore, and I’ve been cooking dinner and doing stuff around the house. I’m trying to make sure she isn’t stressed out.”

  He nodded in approval. “You’re doing the right thing. I tried to do stuff for Cassandra but she would never let me. Even when she was nine months pregnant she was adamant about doing everything on her own.”

  “How annoying.”

  Mike raised an eyebrow.

  “I mean…”

  He chuckled. “Yes, it was annoying. And in case you didn’t notice, Trinity is just like her mother.”

  “Yeah…I may have noticed.” Trinity was devoted to her business and being the major breadwinner in our marriage. It wasn’t a bad thing, except when she didn’t know when to take a break.

  “Do what you can but don’t have unrealistic expectations.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “So, getting excited?” He rested both elbows on the table.

  “I am. But I’m also a little nervous. Being a parent is the biggest event that will ever happen.”

  “I was nervous too. But it’s the greatest journey you’ll ever experience. I couldn’t picture my life without Trinity and Conrad. They make my life…so fulfilling. You’ll understand what I mean when you have your own.”

  “I’m a little concerned about my parenting skills.”

  He shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a test you can study for. Every kid is different so you can’t plan ahead. All you can do is be quick on your feet and attend to their needs as they arrive. That’s my best advice.”

  I finished my beer then left the empty bottle on the table. “Looks like Cedric will be coming home soon.”

  “Just in time for Christmas.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m glad everything worked out. Sean was really upset about it. He tried to hide it from everyone, but he can’t hide anything from me.”

  “I was bummed too.” No child should have to go through that. And no parent should either.

  Mike read my mind. “You and Trinity will have a much different experience.”

  One could only hope. “You always assume that when a baby is on the way it’s just rainbows and unicorns. You never expect it to be difficult and heartbreaking.”

  “Most of the time it’s not. So don’t stress out about it.”

  “I try not to. But you know me, I’m a bit obsessive.”

  His lips formed a faint smile. “You’re protective, not obsessive. And that’s not a bad thing.”

  Mike and I were closer than we used to be, but I wouldn’t say we were perfect. He and I butted heads a lot in the past, and he made my relationship with Trinity as difficult as possible. But when he realized I truly loved her and I wasn’t using her, he finally let me in. “What’s new with you?”

  “You know…Conrad.”

  I’d forgotten about him in light of Cedric. “How is he?”

  “Better,” Mike said. “But also worse.”

  “Lexie?” Trinity couldn’t see straight when it came to her.

  “Yeah.”

  “Are they getting back together?”

  “I don’t know.” He felt the glass with his fingers. “And I don’t think he does either.”

  “I can’t imagine how he feels…” It Trinity rejected my proposal I would be totally lost. But since I was pathetically in love with her, I’d take her back at the snap of a finger. At least Conrad was being strong and holding out for something more.

  “I can’t either,” Mike said. “And I hope he figures it out soon. He’s anxious to take the company, but I can’t step aside unless I know he’s really in a good place.”

  “He’s seems functional. And one day something else is going to happen. He’ll have to learn how to deal with it.”

  “And I have no doubt he will,” Mike said. “But he needs to complete this journey before he can reflect on it and learn. That’s how we grow. I can’t rush the process—even though he wants me to.”

  “I think Conrad will be a great CEO. Skye too.”

  “They’ll be a formidable team—when they’re ready.”

  Chapter Six

  Conrad

  I looked down into sparkling blue eyes that were ide
ntical to my own. Cedric was family, my second cousin, but I never expected to share such a stark similarity with him. The Preston blue eyes had carried onto him, and there was no doubt he carried the family name in his blood. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Cedric.” He looked miniscule in my large arms.

  Cedric stared up at me without blinking and kicked his legs. I always thought babies cried all the time but I hadn’t heard a peep from him. He was naturally happy, giggling and buoyant.

  “He’s so quiet,” I whispered.

  “Right now he is.” Skye was sitting beside me, looking like a glowing mother. “He cried for nearly two hours before you got here.”

  “I’m glad I was late,” I said with a chuckle.

  Skye wasn’t offended in the least. “I even love his cries. How is that possible?”

  “It’s perfectly possible.” I loved Cedric before I met him, but now that he was in my arms I loved him even more. He was my nephew, and I would spoil him at every Christmas and birthday. “He’s a cute kid.”

  “He’s perfect,” Skye said proudly. “He looks just like Cayson.”

  “I don’t know about that,” I said. “Look at those Preston eyes.”

  “Well, those are mine. But everything else is Cayson’s.”

  “Cayson must be proud.”

  “He is. He’d be here now if he could.”

  “Work?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she said with a sigh. “He has to look after everyone in the country. I can’t hog him all the time.”

  “He’s pretty important.”

  “I know.”

  I watched Cedric for a few more minutes before I handed him back. “Good job, Skye. You made a very good-looking stud. I can tell he’s going to catch a lot of tail.”

  “Knock it off.” She held Cedric to her chest and looked down at him with a smile.

  “He is. And I’ll be right beside him doing the same thing.”

  Skye turned my way. “Things aren’t going well with Lexie?”

  Whenever her name was mentioned, I felt nauseated. “She came over the other day and I told her it was never going to work.”

  “Oh…”

  “But she didn’t accept that. She left and we haven’t spoken since.”

  “She didn’t accept it?”

  “Yeah. She said we just needed time.”