A Life of Her Own

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘It doesn’t bear thinking about,’ Pip agreed, grinning.

  ‘Good weekend?’ Jen asked.

  ‘Yep, but too short as usual.’

  ‘Pip, this is Alice,’ Jen said.

  ‘Hi, Pip,’ Alice said, stretching her hand over the partition.

  ‘Great to meet you, Alice. Welcome aboard. Are you Carmel’s latest PA?’

  ‘She surely is. So she’s going to need all the love you can muster when I’m gone.’

  ‘Don’t remind me. I’m nearly in tears at the thought. Please don’t go,’ Pip said, putting on a whiny voice.

  ‘You can always come with.’

  Their voices faded as Alice wondered why Pip had called her the ‘latest’ PA, and what did Jen mean about her needing all the love Pip could muster? Most likely because of Carmel’s very exacting nature, she figured, pushing it aside. You didn’t get to the top of your career without stepping on a few toes along the way. Well, that’s what seemed to be the general consensus. And it was so much harder for women, so no doubt Carmel had put her stilettoes into plenty of people as she built up her career.

  ‘Come on, coffee and then the rest of the tour. And then into it. Catch you later, Pip.’

  ‘Righteo.’

  ‘Even though Pip’s right here, we won’t really speak to her again until lunch. We usually eat our lunch together – you’re welcome to join us – but chatting is frowned upon in the office. It all seems easy-going now, but after nine-thirty Monday morning we’re expected to knuckle down and be busy little worker bees. Luckily for you Carmel is out and about most of the time. But when she’s here you’ll know about it.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘She’s nice enough, but she can just get a bit bossy and full on. And everything has to be done this quickly,’ Jen said, snapping her fingers, ‘and perfect. One thing – don’t start coming in earlier than nine or staying after five, or she will expect it for ever more, and they don’t pay overtime. I’m sure you’ll have noticed there was no mention of penalty rates on your contract.’ Jen looked at her with raised eyebrows and Alice nodded. ‘If you get on the treadmill of doing extra hours you’ll never get off. Given half a chance, Carmel will suck you dry,’ she whispered, ‘but you didn’t hear that from me.’

  ‘Right. Got it.’

  Chapter Seven

  Alice was completely drained by the time she said goodbye to Jen, Pip and a few others she’d met in her area of the office, and left for the day. As she caught the train with seconds to spare, she made a mental note that the walk to the station without the adrenalin and first-day nerves propelling her took close to eight minutes. Unable to find a seat for most of her half-hour ride, she was looking forward to flopping down on the couch and turning on the TV. But as soon as she saw Bill’s gleeful little face she knew she simply had to take him for a walk. At least his short legs meant it didn’t need to be too far – another reason to be grateful for a small dog.

  While she walked she thought about what she’d learnt that day and pictured the processes and notes Jen had taken her through. So far they all seemed to be pretty much stock-standard admin tasks – typing, filing, answering phones and emails. Carmel might not have been in the office much – had breezed in with a flash of pearly whites, and heavy gold jewellery and Louis Vuitton her only touches of individuality to the company uniform – but Alice certainly felt her presence via the almost constant stream of text messages and emails sent from her smartphone. So many times near the end of the day Alice found herself rolling her eyes. Seriously, she wants me to find out how many cafés and restaurants are in the vicinity of one of her properties? But as tedious as she thought it, Alice, keen to make a good impression, quickly did her Googling and sent the information.

  Sometimes it felt as if Carmel was testing her – like people tested Suri on their iPhones. Oh well, she’d play along and hope the novelty would wear off sooner rather than later.

  By Tuesday afternoon Alice was starting to feel a little more in control, with some things coming together in her mind, and she was feeling more at ease in the office generally. She was even beginning to see some areas where she could improve efficiency, and was starting to look forward to being left to her own devices and to make her own mark once Jen had gone and she was alone. She’d miss Jen’s vibrancy and company, but without her there, Alice would be more focussed and could concentrate better. She could see Jen wasn’t quite as organised as she was, but she did appreciate all the notes and cheat sheets she’d typed up for Alice.

  On Wednesday morning, Jen stressed that the most important aspect of Alice’s job, apart from keeping Carmel happy, though it went part and parcel really, was staying on top of the ads for listings. She had to make sure they were correct and get the online ones up straight away and those for newspapers and magazines in on time. Wednesdays were the biggest day of Alice’s week, and every second one – which was today – when they had to get the ads in for the company’s fortnightly glossy advertising magazine, was huge! Alice thought Jen was exaggerating – she’d seen she was a little prone in that direction, but when they pressed the button on the last submission at two minutes to five, Alice was exhausted. They made the deadline by the skin of their teeth. She was also exhilarated by the pace and the feeling that she’d achieved something major – not worthwhile in the league of brain surgery, perhaps, but worthwhile to the company. As she sat back in her chair to take a moment to savour the day before leaving, she realised she hadn’t drunk any water for several hours, nor been to the loo. And suddenly she urgently felt the need for both. But as she was about to stand up a gaggle of people swarmed a nearby cubicle. And then a champagne cork was popped and glasses of bubbles were handed around. Within seconds paper plates began appearing with cheese and crackers haphazardly piled on them. Alice pushed her chair back out of the way as people came by to hug Jen, say their goodbyes and wish her luck. Voices were choked and eyes brimming. Alice looked up and caught the eye of CEO Paul and smiled. He raised his glass to her, which she took as a gesture of welcome and hi and cheers – all of the above.

  Suddenly Carmel was there, her presence seemingly brought forth by some powerful force, like a whirlwind. Alice thought she saw Carmel take the glass from someone who’d just taken a sip from it, but decided she must be mistaken – her tiredness was playing tricks on her.

  ‘Jennifer, darling,’ Carmel cooed. ‘Thank you for taking such good care of me this past month and training Alice to take over. We wish you well with your new adventures, wherever they may take you.’

  Alice was sure she felt the mood in the area shift ever so slightly – and not in a good way. Perhaps that was to be expected when management arrived and was like a cat amongst the pigeons. And sure enough, minutes later everyone scattered, including Carmel, leaving Alice and Jen and Pip standing there.

  ‘Jen, thank you so much for everything,’ Alice said, hugging Jen tightly. She was surprised to find tears filling her eyes. She barely knew the girl.

  ‘Go forth and be wonderful,’ Jen said, a little theatrically. ‘Just remember, you’re an executive personal assistant, not a slave, Alice. Don’t take too much crap,’ she added with her hands on Alice’s shoulders and looking into her eyes with a serious expression. Alice nodded and tried not to cry. She felt a little overwhelmed at the thought of suddenly being cast adrift.

  ‘I’ll leave you to say your goodbyes,’ she told Jen and Pip. ‘I so badly need to pee,’ she said, and bolted.

  At home Alice felt a little guilty at thinking she was relieved David wasn’t there asking questions and expecting her to debrief with him about her day. With the time difference between Melbourne and London, they’d played phone tag for the past few days. Alice had enjoyed her walk in the park chatting with the non-judgemental and silent Bill, who had trotted along beside her. Later, she’d flopped down on the couch to watch something trashy on TV that didn’t need any thought – no plot to follow. For the third night in a row she decided she might make anothe
r toasted cheese and onion sandwich for dinner, and enjoy no one being there to complain that her meal didn’t contain all the colours and food groups. Alice was a little shocked by the thought that she was not only not missing David’s presence, she was actually glad he wasn’t there. He’d travelled regularly since they’d met around four years ago, but she’d never felt like this. She was over-tired and emotional, she told herself and tried to shake it off.

  *

  By the time five o’clock came around on Friday Alice couldn’t wait to leave the office. She actually watched the hands on the clock on the wall tick over and grabbed her bags from under her desk right on the dot.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Pip asked, popping her head over the partition.

  Um, home, Alice was about to say. Oh, please don’t be about to suggest hitting a bar. At that moment the office suddenly became noisy and Alice detected the distinct sound of bottles and glasses clinking.

  ‘Friday night drinks – yay!’ she heard someone exclaim. And, ‘Finally,’ from someone else.

  ‘What’s going on? Another farewell?’ Alice asked Pip.

  ‘Friday night drinks – didn’t Jen tell you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Don’t worry, only for half an hour or so. Or several hours – whatever you choose,’ she added cheerfully, holding out a paper plate of cheese and crackers, just like the other day.

  This must be management’s answer to the responsible service of alcohol, Alice thought.

  ‘Oh. Okay.’ She tried not to sigh. It wasn’t that she was antisocial, but she’d had a big, tiring week. But she also knew the right thing to do was to make an effort to fit in and that it would be good for her long-term future there.

  ‘Good girl,’ Pip said as she noticed Alice put her things back under her desk. ‘Red, white or beer?’

  ‘Actually, a beer would hit the spot, but only a light, thanks,’ Alice said.

  ‘Righteo then, coming up. Jared, a light beer for the young lady over here in the corner,’ Pip said.

  Alice joined Pip and Jared. ‘Cheers,’ she said, raising her bottle. After taking a sip and having accepted she was doing the right thing in staying, Alice started to relax. God it felt good to have the first week under her belt and start to feel a little more in the loop.

  She heard her phone in her bag ping with a message, and almost groaned when she saw there was a text from Carmel.

  A. On Brunswick Street just north of Alexander Parade Fitzroy. What is the closest and best restaurant to me? C.

  Alice blinked and then did sigh aloud.

  ‘What?’ Pip and Jared said at once.

  Alice pointed the phone towards them so they could read the message.

  ‘Ignore it,’ they both said in unison.

  Alice almost did, but then reminded herself they weren’t new here like she was and they weren’t Carmel’s assistants. Alice Googled the ‘Good Food Guide’, wondering as she did why Carmel couldn’t have done that herself. She’d seen her phone, it was the latest Samsung, and she’d also seen that Carmel was very adept at using it. Alice found the most expensive, most awarded restaurant in the area and sent the link. She also included the link to the ‘Good Food Guide’ home page as a hint. As she pressed Send she knew in two seconds she’d receive a text asking – or rather telling her – to book. Sure enough: A. Book me a table for two for six-thirty. C.

  Thankfully they had an online booking service and by some incredible stroke of luck a spot for two at six-thirty. Thank you, she said silently to the booking gods, or whoever took care of these things. She sent a text to Carmel advising of the booking and couldn’t refrain from closing her eyes and shaking her head in frustration.

  ‘Now, turn the bloody thing off and tell us all about yourself,’ Jared said, and snatched the phone from her hand and turned it off himself. Alice thought that if she hadn’t still been in the office she wouldn’t have responded – next time she wouldn’t – and she cursed Friday night drinks.

  *

  Instead of her walk with Bill helping her to calm down after her first week of work, Alice became more confused and frustrated with each step. She had a feeling there was something not quite right about the job, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Was it her? Was it Carmel? Or perhaps they just weren’t a good fit together. But Alice didn’t see why they needed to be a good fit. They didn’t need to be friends. She respected Carmel – idolised her a little actually, if she were being completely honest – and as far as she’d been able to see from their meeting, Carmel felt some respect for Alice too. Otherwise, why would she have given her the job? So what was the bloody problem? Why do I feel so useless when I know I’m good at my job? And I have great references to prove it. So why can’t I seem to do anything right or quickly enough?

  ‘Oh, Bill, being a human is complicated,’ she said when they walked back inside the house. She unclipped his lead and set him free. A moment later her mobile rang with David’s name on the screen.

  ‘Hi, there. How’s things?’ Alice said.

  ‘Okay. Good, actually. I’ve been invited to play a round of golf tomorrow with the unit head here. Fingers crossed the weather is kind.’

  ‘Nice to be some,’ Alice said, trying to sound light and enthusiastic, but failing.

  ‘Are you okay? You sound grumpy.’

  ‘Just tired. It felt like a very long week.’

  ‘Working full-time takes some getting used to. And you’re probably on a pretty steep learning curve,’ David offered.

  ‘But I’m not,’ Alice said. ‘I’m not doing anything I haven’t done before and that I’m not already good at.’ Though, the pace is pretty hectic at times.

  ‘Well, you are in a different industry, remember.’

  ‘I know, but it’s still admin – filing documents, phone calls in and out and emails. It’s not difficult, David.’

  ‘What, so it’s boring, is that it?’

  ‘No. I’m frustrated.’

  ‘Why. Isn’t Carmel nice?’

  ‘No. Yes. She’s nice enough, but … Oh, I don’t know. Something just feels a bit off. I don’t know what it is.’

  ‘Sounds like someone’s overthinking again.’

  ‘Yeah, probably.’ It was easier just to agree. Alice realised that what she’d just said made her sound petty and whiny. She couldn’t pinpoint what was really bothering her so she couldn’t put it into words.

  ‘If you’ve got an issue, maybe go to HR?’

  ‘Yeah. Maybe.’ And say what? Admit I’m not up for the challenge after all?

  ‘It’s early days, Alice, hang in there. You just need to nut Carmel out and get in sync. You’ll be right.’

  ‘Let’s hope. She said she likes things done just so, well that was the understatement of the year. She’s only one notch off crazy, from where I’m sitting.’

  ‘I guess you don’t get your name on the door of one of the largest real estate firms in the city without being pretty clear about how you want things done.’

  ‘I suppose. She could at least say “please” and “thank you” occasionally.’

  ‘Well, you are her PA. I guess it’s expected you do as you’re told without any palaver.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘Now you’re just sounding over-sensitive.’

  Am I, though? How hard is it to show some appreciation or even basic manners?

  ‘You’re probably right.’ Again, it was easier just to agree. But Alice was beginning to fume. Would a man ever be told he was being overly sensitive or overthinking, or some other such patronising tripe? Oh well, no doubt David was trying to help, in his own way. He was not the most sensitive, emotionally in-touch or romantic person. But he was solid and dependable.

  Anyway, it was a lot bigger than Carmel not saying ‘please’ or ‘thank you’. Alice’s head began to ache when she pictured an incident that had happened the day before, and tried to figure it out. Carmel had accused her of not getting the approval for a client’s
ad budget in time, but Alice had put the printout on Carmel’s desk an hour before. And then when Carmel had found it – right in plain sight on the immaculately tidy desk, where Alice said it was – she had got shitty about Alice having gone behind her back and contacting the client direct. Of course she hadn’t raised her voice – Carmel didn’t need to in order to be terrifying. That low hiss right by Alice’s ear literally made her quiver with fear and begin to sweat.

  Alice had left her cubicle feeling disappointed with herself, but with no idea why, and confused about what had actually gone on. More than a day later she still didn’t understand what Carmel thought she’d done wrong. Carmel had said from the outset she wanted a self-starter, someone who showed initiative and didn’t need constant supervision. So why then was what Alice did apparently wrong? Why was she not supposed to contact clients directly when she was Carmel’s assistant and Carmel’s phone was regularly diverted to Alice’s anyway? Why the bloody hell Carmel couldn’t use voicemail like a normal person was beyond Alice, as was most of what Carmel did and expected, as it turned out.

  And then there was the barrage of emails – it sometimes seemed as if there was one for each thought Carmel had – coming in throughout the night as well as the working day. Didn’t the woman ever sleep? They were mainly messages checking up on things they’d discussed and cleared away the day before. By the time Alice had answered them she was way behind getting started on her work for the day. Was the woman suffering dementia, or something, or just being overly pernickety?

  Alice was exhausted, confused and demoralised. Perhaps I’m not as good as I thought I was. Perhaps this step up from general admin to executive personal assistant is too much for me. She couldn’t go to HR when she couldn’t work out exactly what the problem was, and because she desperately needed this job. She was on probation. Carmel could terminate her employment immediately and without explanation if she chose to.

  ‘Just think of the great money,’ David said cheerfully, breaking into her thoughts and the silence that was starting to feel awkward.