Finding Home

by K. L. Humphreys

  “I killed Eddie.” Tears trail down her ashen face. “I killed him because he wouldn’t stop, no matter how hard I tried to get him off me.” Her voice shaky and barely audible.

  “He raped you?” It’s a harsh whisper, and her tears are falling harder as my heart breaks. She nods and I understand so much more now, especially why she tried so hard to kill herself, why she needed to escape. My beautiful angel is broken.

  I’m shaking so hard, I can’t believe I told him that I killed Eddie. That was never ever meant to come out. I was never allowed to tell anyone, it was a secret I had to take to my grave. I didn’t even tell Grandma. I promised Dad I would keep it a secret, and I’ve just broken that promise. I also swore to myself that no one would ever find out that Eddie raped me. I didn’t want everyone to see me as a victim. Dad was the only one who knew the full extent of what happened with Eddie. I hated the pity looks I got from Grandma and the doctors when they found out that I had been molested, I couldn’t face them if they knew the whole truth.

  “How? Fuck, I’m sorry baby.” His voice cracks as he says baby, and I cry harder, this is the point where he’ll have had enough of me. He won’t want someone who’s tainted. This has been my nightmare, having Trent find out the truth and hate me for not telling him. Who would want someone who’s broken and dirty?

  Shock hits me as he leans over and pulls me out of my seat and into his lap. I cry harder, I’m so confused. “What’s…going…on?” I sob.

  “Baby, what’s going on?” His eyes search my face like he’s trying to figure out what’s happening..

  “I thought you’d leave me,” I tell him honestly, I can’t lose him, it’ll break me.

  “Baby,” He pulls me in closer to him. “I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.”

  I rest my head against his shoulder. “I can’t lose you Trent, I don’t think I’ll survive.” The tears are flowing hard and heavy, I’m wetting his T-shirt but he doesn’t say a thing. “I never thought I could love anyone. Being with you feels right, some may say it’s too soon, that this is moving too quickly. For me, I never saw myself worthy of love. I’m tainted…why would anyone love me. That was until you came along.” I’m spilling everything. I’m baring my soul to him, and I’m afraid. So scared that he doesn’t feel the same.

  “After everything you’ve been through you deserve love. I’m irrevocably in love with you.” Relief washes through me, followed by a wave of joy. I sob again, this time it’s tears of happiness, I’m such an emotional wreck right now. “Fuck, Michelle I fell in love with you when you walked up to me in the prison parking lot. Shit, you had no fear, you walked up to me with such pride that I couldn’t not stop and take notice. When you smiled, fuck, I love your smile.”

  “Shut up,” I tell him, but I can’t keep the smile off of my face. “You’re a good man Trent, and I’m glad that I found you. You make my days brighter.”

  “Fuck baby.” He buries his head against mine and is silent for a while. “What did I do to find you?”

  I laugh. “You beat your brother-in-law and ended up sharing a cell with my father.”

  “Such a smartass,” he replies laughing. “Baby, we gotta talk.” All the humor dropped from his voice.

  I still haven’t lifted my head from his shoulder, and I don’t want to. I don’t want to see the look in his eyes when I tell him that I took someone’s life. “Yeah.” I whisper as I close my eyes and wait.

  “I’m going to drive us home, and we’ll talk,” he says gently, and I wish we could talk now, get it over and done with. The waiting is going to make me anxious.

  The drive is quiet, and I hate it, the radio’s not even on. The silence is killing me, scenarios rush through my head about what’s going to happen when he finds out the truth, will he want me to tell everyone that my dad didn’t kill Eddie? Will he think of me differently? Every situation that could possibly happen runs through my head. Why does it seem like it’s taking us forever to get home? Usually we’d be home by now, I’m going crazy. The sooner we’re home the better, at least then I can relax somewhat.

  Ten minutes later, and he’s pulling into our parking lot, the weather is changing. The sky was a beautiful clear blue this morning but now is dull and gray. It’s going to rain, there’s a thunderstorm coming, and by the color of the sky it’ll be here soon. Trent faces me and gives me a wink, I’m instantly calmed. I trust Trent, I trust him not to break me and not to hurt me.

  Walking into my apartment, I’m instantly on alert, something’s different. I freeze as Trent closes the door behind us. What is it? Scanning the room, nothing’s out of place, nothing is missing but I still have that feeling, something is different. Why do I think someone’s been here?

  Trent tugs at my hand. I didn’t even realize that I was rubbing my scar. “What’s wrong baby? You’re tense.”

  My eyes darting around the apartment I notice that the door to my bedroom is ajar. I definitely closed that before we left. Walking towards it, “someone’s been here,” I whisper to myself. GI’reat that’s another sign of madness.

  “Baby, let me search.” I jump, I’m so locked in my thoughts I forgot that there was someone else in the room; that Trent was behind me. He walks ahead of me and pushes the door open. “Fuck!” He bites out. “Baby, do me a favor, go wait in the sitting room, and call Ethel and ask her to come down here.” He’s standing so I can’t see what it is he’s hiding. He’s tense and on edge, his words are clipped, it’s made my anxiety hit the roof.

  “Trent, what’s going on?” I only just manage to get the words out, my throat closing with fear.

  “Please baby, do as I ask,” he pleads, and as much as I hate not knowing what is happening, I understand that he’s protecting me, and I do as he asks.

  I rush into the sitting room and take my cell out of my pocket. Searching for Ethel’s number, I’m shaking like a leaf and barely managing to keep my cell phone in my hands. I sit on the sofa and try to calm down. My breathing is erratic, dizziness overwhelms me. When I locate Ethel’s number, I call it and wait for her to answer. I glance back at Trent, who’s staring at me, I can see the anger swirling behind those big brown eyes of his.

  “Hello?” Ethel says as she answers.

  “Ethel, it’s me Michelle.” My voice is shaky, and I’m mad that I’m showing that I’m scared.

  “Shelly dear what’s going on?” She’s ready for battle, one call, and she’s ready to take on the world for me.

  “Can you umm…” God, I’m so fucking weak. “Can you come down to my apartment please?”

  “I’ll be right down.” She hangs up, and I can picture her gathering her purse and stick. Ready for whatever may come.

  Turning back to Trent. “She’s on her way down,”

  He nods while smirking. “I bet she’s got a bee in her bonnet.”

  I laugh. “You’ve got her down to a T. What’s happened Trent?”

  He sighs. “Some animal has been in your room. They’ve torn it apart and done something vile. Will you call Heller now and ask him to come?” Slipping his hands into his pockets, his legs planted wide as his chin is held high. The anger is pouring off him but I can see the fight in his eyes, he’s trying to beat it back. We’ve not even had our talk yet. This day has gone from bad to worse. “Please baby,” he lowers his voice to a whisper as he tightens his shoulders.

  “Okay.” I pull up my recent contacts and call Heller.

  He as always answers immediately. “Michelle.”

  “Hey Heller, is there any chance you could come by the apartment today?” I try to keep my voice as even as possible but it’s hard.

  He doesn’t buy it. “I’m on my way, what’s happened?”

  I nod to Trent and instantly his body deflates as he lets out a huge breath. “I don’t have all the details, but Trent and I just got home, and I instantly knew something was different. Someone’s been in my apartment, they’ve trashed my bedroom, and Trent won’t let me in there to see the dam
age.”

  “Tell Trent I’ll be there in ten,” he demands and hangs up, leaving me stunned.

  A knock on my door tells me that Ethel’s here, I pray she’s not brought Agnes with her, as much as I love Agnes, she can be a bit much sometimes, and right now I need calm. Getting up off the sofa, I glance at Trent. He’s standing guard, and his arms are crossed, making his muscles even more defined. “Heller said he’ll be here in ten minutes.” He nods, that’s it, not a smile, nothing.

  Opening the door, I’m met by Ethel, her eyes narrowed, she’s pissed. I turn to see Peter, he’s gotten older, worry written all over his face, but he’s got a small smile for me. “Michelle, it’s been a while.” He pushes past his mother and wraps me in his arms. “Mom told me you met someone. Happiness suits you. I’m glad that you’ve found someone.” He holds me at arm’s length, giving me a once over, his smile growing bigger and transforming him from cold and worried to happy and handsome. He’s dark like Trent, he’s not as built as Trent is but he’s gorgeous, his big blue eyes pop, and when he smiles it makes his face light up.

  Tears sting. God, Trent’s right, I have a family here, and I’ve been blind to it. “Thank you. How are Monica, Kammy, and Noel?”

  His smile widens. “They’re good, Monica’s pregnant again, she’s told me this is the last time.” he winks; if he had his way, he’d have a football team.

  “Congratulations.” I smile back but Ethel’s coughing brings me back to the here and now, the reason that they’re here. “Sorry for calling you but Trent wanted to talk to you. Someone broke into my apartment today.”

  “I bet it was that Slick Ric, he was around here not that long ago,” Ethel informs us, and my heart sinks. There’s no way we can call the cops if it’s Ric, he’ll deny that it was him. “I saw him coming in about an hour ago. Right when my Peter came in, isn’t that right?” She asks him as she takes a seat on the sofa. “Where is Trent?”

  “I’m here, we’re just waiting on Mr. Heller to join us, and then we can discuss the next step,” he calls out, and Ethel turns to face him. “Ma’am, thank you for coming.”

  She waves her hand. “Oh pish, if Shelly needs me then I’m here. There’s no need to thank me.”

  “Mr. Lawrence, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Peter says, walking up to Trent and shaking his hand. He stands up on his tiptoes so that he can see whatever it is that’s beyond Trent in my bedroom. “Christ,” he says in disgust. Fuck, whatever has happened is bad. I walk over to my bedroom, and Peter instantly blocks me. “Shelly, now isn’t the time, go sit with Mom.”

  “No,” I say a little too loud. “It’s my apartment, it’s my bedroom. Stop treating me like I’m a child. What the hell is it that you’re hiding from me?” I push past Peter and come face to face with Trent. “Please, Trent.”

  Worry and defiance are clear on his face, but he steps aside and lets me see for myself. I walk up to the doorway and come to a complete standstill. My underwear is on my bed, my dresser is on the floor, like it had been thrown. But what roots me to the spot is what’s over my bed. Someone jacked off and sprayed my bed with his cum. Shivers roll down my spine as my eyes drift upwards to the ceiling. Hanging from the light is a cat, the poor thing, he’s just hanging there. My hands reach up and cover my mouth to stop the sob from escaping. My eyes drift to the wall and I lose it, written in what I hope is red paint are the words. Try hanging next time—it’ll be third time lucky.

  I rush to the toilet, my knees hitting the hard tiled floor with a thud as I reach for the toilet and throw up. Why would anyone write that? Why would anyone want someone to kill themselves? Someone touches me, their hands are on me. I instantly retreat, cringing away from them.

  Please don’t touch me, don’t hurt me. Not again, please not again.

  “Baby, it’s me,” Trent whispers, his hands in my hair pulling it away from my face.

  I throw up again; everything I ate in the diner is now in the toilet bowl.

  “It’s okay baby, get it all up.”

  I’m not sure how long I’m bending over this toilet throwing up, I can’t stop, every time I think I’m finished a new wave of nausea will hit, and then I’m retching again. When I’m finished, I lean back against Trent, I’m completely depleted, I have no energy. “Why?” I ask, my voice hoarse, my throat sore from getting sick. “Why would anyone do this?”

  “I don’t know baby, I’m sorry,” Trent whispers back, his arms around me. “This isn’t going to happen again,” he vows, and I believe him. We stay like this for ages, neither one of us moving. “Baby, we should go out and talk to Peter and Heller and see what our next course of action should be.”

  I nod, and I really don’t want to move, whatever energy I had regained has now vanished with a nod of my head. Thankfully, Trent helps me up and holds me as I wash and clean out my mouth. Once I’m finished, Trent lifts me into his arms and carries me out of the bathroom. “We should check my apartment,” he suggests, and I’m on alert. What if they’ve done something to Trent’s apartment? What if they’re over there now waiting for him? He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys.

  “Mr. Heller and I’ll check out your apartment,” Peter says and catches the keys Trent throws at him. “We won’t be long Mr. Lawrence.”

  Trent walks us to the sofa and sits with me still in his arms. “Mrs. Ethington, are you okay?” Trent asks her softly, and I turn to face her. Her face is deathly pale, her eyes wide, she appears shaken.

  “Yes dear, I’m okay, just shocked that someone would do something so despicable. Shelly are you okay? Do you need anything?”

  “No thank you,” I reply, not wanting anything. I need to get out of here. I hate that someone’s been in here. That they’ve touched my things, done something vile to my bed. Tortured that poor innocent cat. That they hate me so much that they want to me to kill myself. We sit in silence waiting for the guys to get back from Trent’s apartment, Trent’s arms around me are strong, and every once in a while he’ll kiss my lips, just reminding me that he’s here. My mouth is dry, and I can taste the sickness, I want something to drink but I’m scared it’s just going to come right back up again. I don’t want to get sick again.

  My door opens, and all our eyes immediately go to the door. “Your apartment is clear, I’m going to run upstairs and check on Ms. Whitley,” Heller tells us, and I’m pretty sure he has a soft spot for Maggie.

  “Okay, we’re moving over to my apartment. I don’t want Michelle in here any longer,” Trent informs everyone, and Heller nods before taking off. “Mrs. Ethington, are you okay to move over to my apartment?”

  She’s up off the sofa and using her stick before Trent even finishes his question. “Silly question young man, let’s go over, Peter, run up to my apartment and bring down some sweet tea and the cake I made. Shelly needs some sugar and the more the better,” Ethel instructs her son who rolls his eyes but does as she says. “I’ll go open the door. Trent, you carry our Shelly.” She uses the word “our.” That right there means that she’s accepted Trent into our family. I knew she liked him, but her using that word means everything to me. Having her approval means the world, it means Grandma would have approved too.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Humor colors his voice, I glance up and catch his smile for her; my heart warms. He leans down and plants another kiss against my lips. “Let’s get out of here.” He walks us over to his apartment, and I’m still in his arms, lending me a sense of security, like no one can hurt me. I want to stay here forever, because as soon as I’m down with my feet on the ground I have to deal with the shitstorm I’ve just been served.

  Peter enters the apartment only minutes later, his hands full of food and a jug of sweet tea. “How are you doing, Shelly?”

  “I’m numb,” I tell him honestly, I’m in shock. I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do. All I know is that I can’t go back into that apartment, not tonight, maybe not ever.

  He sets the jug and food on the coffee table and walk
s into Trent’s kitchen. The cupboard doors open and close like he’s looking for something, and if he had just asked where it would be it would have saved him time.

  “Ahha!” He shouts in triumph.

  I can’t stop the smile from coming. He sounds so proud of himself as he walks into the sitting room, five glasses in his hands before he returns to the kitchen. This time he’s back with plates in his hands. He pours out the sweet tea into the glasses and hands me one. “Drink up, it’ll help with the shock, and it’ll take the taste of puke out of your mouth.”

  How the hell does he know I have that taste? I sit up and take the glass from Peter. I try to stand up but Trent’s hands lock onto my hips, he wants me to stay right where I am. I take a sip loving the sugar hit I get. “Thank you,” I tell Ethel and Peter.

  “You’re welcome dear, now I never did get to tell you what my Peter had found out about that devil. Slick Ric isn’t so slick.” She’s smirking as she tells us, like she’s been dying to tell us what she’s found out.

  “Mom,” Peter warns.

  She crosses her arms. “Fine, you tell them.” She sulks, like he’s just taken her fun away.

  “Riccardo Montoya has a rep for harassment. Back in Chicago he was accused of stalking a young woman. Her parents called the police, and he was spoken to, but as his uncle is the chief of police, they sent him here in hopes that charges wouldn’t be filed, and they weren’t. Ric has been a good boy since coming to Bar Harbor. We all know that saying, a leopard never changes its spots. He’s infatuated with you, Shelly, and that’s not a good thing.” Peter’s face tells it all, he’s concerned about what’s to come.

  “Michelle has he made any advances toward you?” Heller asks, and I turn to face him, wondering when the hell he came in.

  “Once, it was when Trent first moved in, he told me he liked me.” I feel stupid for trusting him, he was meant to be my friend but friends don’t do this to one another.