That smile is still bright on his face. “We’ll try dinner. If that doesn’t work, I’ll talk to Tina and see if she’s willing to let me spend time with Mark. I’m not holding out hope though.”
“Time will tell. Give it a week until we go for dinner.” I lean forward and kiss his lips. This time, his hands go directly for my waist. “Love you so much,” I tell him.
A knock at the door stops us both in our tracks, my eyes are on Trent. Who the hell could that be?
“That will probably be Dr. Sands. She said she was coming by today,” Trent answers my unasked question.
I groan, not what I want, but she’s trying to help. Giving Trent one last kiss, I get up from his lap and make my way to the door, dreading this talk we’re about to have as she’s going to try to dig deeper into my past. I’ve not been completely truthful with her and so far, she’s let it slide, but after this, that’s not going to happen any longer. It’s just whether or not I should tell her. The logical side to me wants to tell her, because she could really help me overcome everything, but the scared part of me doesn’t want to dredge up the past anymore. I don’t want her to see the true me. The murderer.
It’s been a week since we found out that asshole had planned on somehow kidnapping Michelle and Bryson. Maggie hasn’t let Bryson out of her sight, and Heller has been around a few times, and it’s not to see how Michelle’s doing; he wants to see how Maggie’s handling everything. So far, Maggie’s keeping him at arm’s length. I honestly don’t see that ever going anywhere. Heller’s too much of a wild card for her. She wants someone stable and what she doesn’t seem to grasp is that Heller would be her stable. No one’s going to be able to change her views of him, though, and he’s going to give up soon enough.
Michelle is still not back to how she was, she acts as though she is, but I still catch her staring off into space and then she’ll get that darkness in her eyes; she’s worse at night, she’s restless, it takes her hours to fall asleep and when she finally does, she’s still restless. She’ll wake three or four times during the night and each and every time, I’m there to hold her and soothe her back to sleep. She’s been taking her pills and I’m hoping that they’ll help her. Dr. Sands has been checking in with Michelle every day. She’s not giving up. Every time they see each other, the good doctor will ask Michelle if she’s ready to open up and tell her everything.
It’s a conversation that Michelle and I have tried to have almost every day for the past week, I believe that she should tell the doctor everything, yet every time I even broach the topic I’m shut down, and she tells me to leave it alone. I don’t want to push her, but at the same time, she needs to talk to someone. She has an appointment this afternoon and before she goes, I’m going to get my point across, whether or not she likes it. The whole point of therapy is to help her come to terms with everything that has happened, to help her find a way to move on in a healthy way and not being completely honest with the therapist is not the way to move on.
Her mom is being released today, and I’ve promised Michelle I’ll be on my best behavior, and I will be, but one sly remark and I’ll make sure that bitch knows a few home truths. I’m still fucking pissed that she’s been put in this damn situation where she has to deal with her mom. Sebastian is old enough to understand that having her here is not okay and it never will be, not after everything that has happened. He’s eighteen years old, he’s not a child, and he saw firsthand that the world isn’t a great fucking place and that some people are fucking assholes, his mother included.
“Trent?” The hesitancy in her voice has me worried, turning around I smile when I take her appearance in, stunning as always. Her light purple hair is curly and framed around her face, making her green eyes sparkle. She’s wearing a long green dress to match her eyes and it’s molded to her body. As she walks toward me the dress pulls against her breasts and hips, accentuating her curves.
“Yeah baby?” My voice gravelly. “Beautiful.”
Her face lights up with a smile. “Thank you.” She comes to stand in front of me, her stance as hesitant as her voice.
“What’s wrong baby?” I pull her into my arms; her body is tense; something’s happened.
“Remember Heller told us about that realtor he’s hiring?”
“Yes…” I remember, she wasn’t very happy about it; she hates the idea of not being able to do everything herself so when Heller brought it up she told him no.
“Well, he hired her, and she’s just called me. She wants to know how many apartments I have to rent as she has a few people wanting to view them.” She’s mad as hell but she’s also fearful. “I have to check over Ric’s apartment.” Ah, that’s why she’s scared, she’s worried what she may find. Even from the grave, that asshole is still managing to fuck with her.
She was meant to do it the day Ric left but I told her to leave it and just relax. After the shit Ric caused, I wanted her to just be able to forget it, then of course all the crap happened with that fucker breaking in. It was one thing after another and checking his apartment and cleaning it was the last thing on her mind.
“Baby, while you’re at your appointment with Dr. Sands, I’ll check over the apartment and make sure it’s okay for viewings.” I doubt I’ll find anything; that asshole had a house where he kept his creepy shit.
She instantly relaxes, and I kiss her head. “Thank you.”
“Baby, we need to talk and I need you to listen.” She instantly freezes, going solid. “I’ve tried talking to you this week but you’ve shut me down each and every time. Baby, you’re going to listen now okay?”
She lifts her head up, her eyes watery and it’s like a kick in the gut, I’ve made her want to cry. Shit. “Okay, Trent, I’ll listen.”
“Baby, you need to talk to Dr. Sands, you need to tell her everything. I mean everything.” She tries to pull away from me but I don’t let her. “I’ve held you in my arms every night because you wake three or four times a night, I wait awake each night until you find sleep, I watch you stare into space and doubt everything I tell you. You need to be honest and then baby, you may be able to move on.”
“Move on?” She bites out as she pulls away from me. “Every day I wake up and I hate myself, Trent, each and every day, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sob. All I want to do is be normal, but there’s no normal for me.”
“Baby, you’re fucking perfect, I swear to you, you’re going to see yourself exactly how I see you. I honestly believe that if you tell Dr. Sands what’s happened it could help. But it’s up to you, all I’m asking is that you consider telling her.”
A heavy sigh escapes her. “I’ll think about it, okay?” I nod, glad that she’s not just shut me down. “You still okay to drive me to Dr. Sands office?”
I open my arms, and she instantly walks into them. “Of course baby, you don’t even have to ask that. How long is your appointment for?” Usually they’re an hour but the last few days they’ve been nearing on two.
“I don’t know. I’ll call you when I’m finished?”
“Sounds good baby. I’ll sort out that apartment and make sure everything is ready for the realtor.” My hands are on her hips, and I’d love nothing more than to pick her up and take her back to bed and fuck all the tension out of her.
“No Trent, no!” She yells at me causing me to smirk. “It took me ages to get ready.”
“Baby you look sexy as hell. You can’t blame me for the thoughts running through my mind.”
“Nu-uh, no way. I’ve got an hour to be at Dr. Sands, that’s not going to happen. Please Trent,” she begs but her eyes tell me a whole different story.
“When you get home baby, you’re all mine.” I’m warning her so she’s prepared for what’s about to come, her eyes flare with desire; the anticipation is going to kill her.
“Okay, Trent,” she mutters, and I wish that she’d change her mind and let me take her into the bedroom now. “I’m going to check on Sebastian before Mom gets here.�
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“Okay babe, you go check on Sebastian, and I’ll make you a sandwich.” She’s not really been eating, the only time she does is if I make her something and make her take a few bites and that’s all it will be, a few bites. I’m worried about her, and I feel useless not being able to fix what that asshole has taken from her, and that kills me. I helped her before, and I’ll do it again, but it’s as though I’m the only one fighting.
Walking up the stairs, I take my cell phone out of my pocket for the fifth time since I dropped Michelle off at Dr. Sands’ office, making sure that I have the volume on loud. She never did say if she had considered telling the doctor about what really happened, and I decided that I had said my piece and I wasn’t pushing it any further, I know eventually she’ll realize that in order to help herself, she has to let Dr. Sands help her and that means telling her everything.
A door opens, but I don’t turn; I’m hoping that I can escape unnoticed.
“Ah, just the man I wanted to see.” Agnes’ voice cuts through the silence. She’s been away visiting her son the past few days, and I didn’t realize that she was back.
Inwardly, I groan as I turn.
She appears fragile as she stands in her doorway.
“Yes, ma’am?” I ask as politely as I can. I need to get the apartment checked out and make sure that I’m back in town before Michelle’s finished with her appointment.
“I’ve made some food. Poor Shelly looks as though she’s lost ten pounds if not more. Shocking, truly shocking what has happened. It’s hard sleeping knowing that man lived above me for years.” Fear and shock are written all over her, her petite frame shaking as she holds onto the doorframe. “I’m just grateful that he was stopped before he did anything worse.”
“Me too, ma’am. He did enough damage as it was and we’re going to be picking up the pieces for a while,” I tell her honestly, Ric didn’t just hurt Michelle, he’s affected everyone in this building, it’s going to take a long fucking time to recover from.
“That we will child, that we will,” she says quietly. “I’m keeping you from something. Whenever you get time, come and get the food. You and Shelly have enough to be dealing with without having to worry about cooking.”
“I will, I’ve got a job to do now but if I get a chance I’ll call into you before I have to go into town and get Michelle, if not I’ll come by with Michelle.” Her face lights up at my words, she wants to see Michelle. Since the Ric thing, Michelle’s been keeping a low profile. Ethel knocked on the door last week, and Michelle hid in the bedroom until she went away.
“Thank you.” She turns and walks back into her apartment, a little less shook up than she was when she came out.
Upon opening the apartment door, something feels off, walking into the bedroom my hands start shaking, clenching them into fists, my jaw clenching tight as my eyes glance at the photos. All I see is a haze of red. Anger flies through me. My mind goes blank. All the work I’d put into controlling myself from lashing out is coming into use. I honestly don’t know how the hell I’m just standing here and staring at the wall when every instinct in me is wanting to tear this place apart. I turn and walk out, because if I don’t, I could do something I regret.
It takes me ten minutes before that red haze lifts, and I can fucking calm myself the hell down. Pulling out my cell, I call Heller.
Air is all I hear when he answers, he must be driving. “What now?” He’s already on edge, yeah, we don’t talk unless shit’s gone down.
“I’m standing in that asshole’s old apartment, and there’s a fucking shrine to Michelle. A fucking shrine man,” I tell him through gritted teeth.
“Fucking Christ man. That asshole. The hits never stop do they? I’m actually in Bar Harbor, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” He ends the call, and I’m wondering what the hell he’s doing here.
He’s right though, the hits just don’t stop. When the hell are we going to get a fucking break? This is going to definitely set Michelle back, and that makes me want to dig that bastard up and kill him again. I turn and walk back into the bedroom, thankful that I’m calmer this time. Looking around, there isn’t a fucking inch that isn’t covered with photographs of Michelle. Every wall is covered with candid pictures. Walking farther into the room, I take in all of the photos. There are some when Michelle had blond hair, there’ are others where she’s got shorter hair. He must have been taking these pictures for a long fucking time. My eyes fall to the pictures on the wall beside the headboard. Pictures of Michelle in a towel, of Michelle in her underwear. The asshole definitely had her apartment monitored. Sick fucking bastard.
The apartment door opens. Heavy footsteps walk toward the bedroom; Heller’s here, that wasn’t fifteen minutes. That guy must have had his foot on the gas the whole time. “Motherfucker…” he whispers coming to a stop beside me.
“Yeah that about sums it up.” My eyes are still on the images of her in her underwear. What the fuck is wrong with that family? Both he and his father have violated my girl, both of them are where the fuck they deserve to be… six fucking feet under.
“He’s a fucking asshole. Christ, what a fucker. Let’s get this shit down and burn it. Fuck, we should burn this whole place down.” He walks up to the wall and starts ripping the pictures off. He’s like a man possessed, he’s cleared half a wall before I even move.
I walk straight for the pictures of her in her underwear and rip them down, trying to stop myself from thinking about what he did while staring at them. We don’t stop until every single image is off the wall. Heller grabs a trash bag and we finish getting rid of everything.
“Are you going to tell Michelle?” Heller’s deep voice cuts through my silence, I’m determined to get this done and out of this fucking apartment.
I sigh. “This is the last fucking thing she needs but either way she has to be told about what’s happened, no matter how much I don’t want to tell her.” If I didn’t tell her what I found, and she somehow found out, she’d lose her damn mind.
“Yeah, that poor girl. Fuck man, she’s been through so much already.”
“Yeah she has, and she’s fucking struggling. I’m not sure how the hell she’s going to take this.” This could be the catalyst, this could send her to rock bottom. Finding out that there was pictures of her in her damn underwear could trigger her.
He shakes his head; I find it hard to read what he’s thinking but right now, that look in his eyes; it’s as though someone put a mirror in front of me; they’re showing exactly how I feel, wild and angry. We both love Michelle, in different ways, Heller loves Michelle as his sister, and I can see that it’s killing him that she’s hurting. “She’s going to be okay.” I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince me or trying to convince himself.
“I hope so man, I fucking hope so.” My cell rings, I don’t even need to look — it’s Michelle calling, fuck. “Hey baby, you finished?”
“Hey Trent, yeah I’m finished. Are you busy?” She sounds different and I can’t make out if it’s a good thing or not.
“No, I’m leaving now, I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay, see you soon. Love you.” She hangs up before I can say anything back.
“You go, I’ll finish cleaning up here. I want to check in on Maggie,” he tells me like he’s going to take out the trash, like it’s an everyday occurrence.
“How are things with Maggie?”
He raises his eyebrow. “We doing this?” he asks cautiously and I stare at him. “Fine, nothing’s happening, nothing’s going to happen. I just want to make sure she’s okay.” He’s pissed that I asked.
I hold my hands up. “Just asking. I’ve got to go. Thanks man, I appreciate you being here.” He helped me; I swear I could have lost my shit if I had to take them all down by myself.
“We’re family,” is the simple answer I get. “I’ve also got a man to see, I need to find out which one of my men searched this apartment and didn’t fucking tell me this was here. See you
around,” he says as I leave the apartment. I would hate to be that asshole who didn’t tell him about this place; he either didn’t check the apartment or he’s a dumbass.
I rush down the stairs and out to the truck, I don’t want her waiting too long for me, she gets in her head when left alone for too long and that’s when I worry. I don’t know if she has the strength to pull herself out of her thoughts, or will she surrender to them? It’s my ultimate fear, to come home one day and find her dead in the apartment. My cell phone vibrates, and I pull it out of my pocket and see that it’s Tina, God, not what I want to see right now.
Tina: Hey, I was wondering if we could do dinner tonight or tomorrow?
As I stand outside Dr. Sands’ office, my body sagging, I’m drained. I feel as though I’m open and raw. I took Trent’s advice and told her everything. I fully expected her to tell me that I had to own up, that I had to tell the police that I was the one that killed Eddie but she didn’t. Instead, she made me tell her everything, every detail of what happened. Then she asked me to describe my emotions about what happened. That just pissed me off, I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m fucking broken about what happened and talking about it just makes me relive everything that happened. My mind transports me back to that night, back to the night that changed my life. It’s a place that I hate visiting, it’s why I don’t talk about it.
I’m also on edge because when I called Trent I instantly knew that something was wrong. His voice was tight and controlled, it was a clear indication that something happened. Trent’s only like that when he’s trying to control his anger, it’s funny, he believes he has anger issues, but I don’t. He’s been put into situations where he’s had to deal with a lot, where he’s been pushed to the point of anger but each and every time he shows that he’s not that thug he believes he is. He always puts me before anyone else, yes he gets mad as do we all but he never lashes out. He’s very good at hiding his emotions but I don’t ever or would never call him a thug or believe that he would cause anyone harm unless they truly deserved it.
Finding Home Page 25
