Second Chance Christmas--A Clean Romance

by Rula Sinara

  “His name is Caden.” She fished for the right words. How was she supposed to break it to him? It was obvious he suspected but putting it in words felt so conclusive. There’d be no more turning back. No more secrets or lies after so many years of keeping them. “He doesn’t know—”

  “That he’s mine?” Damon’s lips tightened and his eyes darkened as he scanned the horizon. “Is he? Mine?”

  She looked down at the sand sticking to her wet sneakers and focused on the broken shell a few inches away.

  “Yes.” The weight that lifted off her chest with that simple word was instantly replaced with a heavier one as she held her breath and waited for his reaction.

  He rubbed the back of his neck and top of his head. She could see his jaw clench and unclench.

  “You and I never...which means—”

  “I’m his aunt.”

  He was smart enough to conclude the rest. The creases around his eyes deepened, as though eroded by betrayal and questions. She remembered feeling lost and broken when he’d left Boston and never returned. Only she couldn’t blame him right now. Her sister had kept the worst possible secret from him and Zuri’s loyalty had been with Vera, not him. Vera was her sister and Zuri didn’t believe in turning one’s back on family. Damon stepped closer, his expression shifting from confusion and anger to worry, as he connected the dots.

  “What happened, Zuri? What’s wrong? Where’s Vera?”

  The rims of her eyes stung, and she pressed her fingers to her mouth to try and stop her chin from quivering. She needed to stay strong. For Vera. For Caden. She had always been the person they could lean on and she needed to keep being that person for her nephew. Father or not, Damon wasn’t her responsibility. Caden was. She swallowed hard and looked up at Damon, her heart crumbling to pieces all over again as the words caught in her throat.

  “Vera is dead.”

  * * *

  DAMON FELT LIKE he’d had the air knocked out of him. Vera was dead? He was a father? He wasn’t sure which fact was tripping him more. He glanced over at the boy playing with Duck. The kid reminded him so much of his late, younger brother it hurt. He looked a lot like Damon, too. He knew it. The second he saw the boy and Zuri he knew in his gut something was wrong. She’d mentioned bringing a kid along, but Damon had assumed that meant she’d had a child in the years since he last saw her. He’d assumed that maybe she had a recent breakup and needed to get away. Lots of people came to the Outer Banks as an escape. His chest felt numb. He was a father and had been for the past twelve years and the truth had been kept from him? He’d been slammed and pulled under by monstrous waves before, but none had left his lungs feeling as useless as right now.

  Throughout his training as a SEAL, through every covert operation overseas, through the past four years here as head of Turtleback Beach’s Ocean Rescue and Beach Patrol division...and all along he’d had a son. He muttered a curse and turned his back on her. He looked over the rough waters of the Atlantic, familiar with every square inch of the shoreline he lived on, yet fully aware that it never stayed the same. The ocean ebbed and flowed and changed its sands every day. He’d come to believe that he’d finally found stability in his life. What a lie. He should have known. He was trained to expect the unexpected. He just never thought it would involve a kid. Nor was he expecting it to involve the death of someone else from his past. He’d never quite gotten over the loss of his own brother. Or so many of his SEAL brothers in the line of duty.

  “Are you sure?” The question sounded pathetic considering the boy’s looks. He had Woods in him all right. Those dark eyes, full lashes and the way his lips quirked and revealed dimples when he smiled were how everyone could always tell that Damon, Leo, Shawn and Lucas were brothers.

  “That you’re the father? Absolutely. But you’re free to get tested.”

  He might have to get tested if Vera didn’t have him listed on the birth certificate, but the boy was definitely a younger version of him...or more so, Lucas. He looked so much like a Woods that the sight of him opened an old wound. Lucas couldn’t have been much older than Caden when Damon had gotten word, while overseas, that he’d drowned. The memory still haunted him. Lucas had been the youngest of four. Damon, the oldest. And he still couldn’t get past the belief that, had he not escaped his home life the first chance he had, he’d have been around to save his little brother.

  A lump rose in his chest and he tried rubbing it away but it grew and hardened when he turned and caught Zuri wiping her cheeks. She’d lost her older sister. He knew the pain she had to be going through. He sucked in a breath of salty air and tucked his hands in the pockets of his windbreaker to keep himself from wrapping his arms around her. There was a time when doing so would have felt natural and expected, but not anymore.

  “I’m sorry, Zuri. When? I don’t mean the testing. I mean Vera. What happened? How long ago?”

  Zuri closed her eyes briefly before answering.

  “October 5. Her cancer had metastasized by the time they found it. It started as ovarian. She endured every treatment the doctors recommended and was so determined to be okay for him.”

  Damon muttered a curse under his breath. They were still in mourning. Still learning to cope. Zuri shivered and lifted her shoulders as a gust blew past them.

  “Here.” Damon took off his windbreaker and put it around her shoulders. “I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry you lost your sister and furious all at once and I—I just don’t know. I’m trying to process it all,” he said, looking back at Caden as the boy took the stick from Duck, then tried wiping the slobber it came with on his clothes. Duck was never short on drool. Caden. Your son’s name is Caden. Damon’s head pounded and he squeezed his temples between his thumb and fingers. Why hadn’t either of his parents mentioned that an old classmate had died? His dad had moved out of state but his mother still lived on the same street as Zuri’s family. Wouldn’t they have heard? Then again, they knew any talk of funerals or loss never ended well with him. Their phone calls tended to be short as it was, so they learned to avoid talking about Lucas or anything that would cause an argument. That included visits during any major holiday. “You caught me off guard. I just need to let it sink in.”

  “Of course. I, um, have to ask you not to say anything just yet. To Caden. He’s been through a lot and dealing with his mother dying has been hard on him, to say the least. He’s asked about who his father is multiple times, especially since entering middle school, but I think we need to be sitting somewhere private and bring it up gently.”

  “Sure. I get that. And you should both go change and warm up. But first I need to know why she never told me.”

  “You left,” she said, tugging his jacket across her chest, then reaching back to pull her long dark hair out from under it. There was a fierceness in her eyes he’d never seen before. She’d always been soft, from her brown eyes to her personality. Too insecure for the friends he hung around back then. She’d taken being an introvert to an extreme—a quintessential bookworm—and he...well, he’d been the opposite. He had been part of the popular crowd. The jocks and cheerleaders and otherwise “cool” students, including Vera.

  “That’s no excuse. You found me now. She could have if she had wanted to. You could have found me.”

  “Why in the world would I betray my sister? To you of all people? After what you did to me? You hurt me. Humiliated me and I couldn’t even comprehend why. Vera asked me not to say anything and I agreed with her. Could you blame either of us? You know what our parents were like, Damon. Our moms never got along even prior to that lawsuit. Our dads might have been more reasonable—mine always commented on how smart and well-mannered your brothers were, but that you were another matter. You grated on his nerves. At least he understood that your mother had simply been doing her job as a lawyer when she took that medical liability case against my mother, but I doubt he would have bee
n so levelheaded if he knew you were Caden’s father. Could you imagine what would have happened had Vera told them that she’d lost her virginity to you? War would have broken out. My mother would have flipped, especially since that trial had just ended. You, the school’s girl magnet. A player. God, how many times had they warned me about high school guys having one track minds? I should have listened. All you cared about was maintaining your image.”

  Damon’s chest tightened. He knew exactly what she meant. Not just the way he was back then, but the heartless way he’d gone above and beyond to make sure Zuri—and every student who’d overheard her asking him out and started gossiping about it—understood that she wasn’t his type. That he was out of her league. He’d come to really value the friendship they had that had grown so naturally out of the sessions where she helped him in a school-sponsored peer-tutoring clinic—a program where there was always a teacher on hand, but approved students with good grades could volunteer there for extra credit.

  He never realized he’d given her the wrong impression. Or maybe he had but he liked the comfortable relationship they’d formed so much that he didn’t want to let it go. He had thought his reputation was safe being around her under the excuse of homework tutoring. She’d caught him off guard when she asked him out and, instead of handling it well, he’d been a jerk. An immature idiot who’d scoffed at her, acted surprised, then by the next day, had asked her sister, Vera, a fellow senior, to prom. In retrospect, he couldn’t excuse the behavior and the damage was done.

  “Maybe you should have,” he hissed, then pressed his fingers to his eyes. “Look. I’m sorry for what happened. I was a different person back then. A messed-up kid. If I could go back, I’d handle it all differently, but I can’t time travel. I’m not asking for forgiveness. I think we’re both past that. But it has been over a decade since I took Vera to prom. You can’t tell me that she was under your parents’ rule all that time. That she cared so much about what they thought of me that she didn’t try to find me.”

  “In some ways, yes, she cared. For the sake of keeping the peace and because she needed their help. The only people she could count on and trust were our parents and myself. You can’t blame her for not believing she could count on you after the way you ignored her after prom then left town without a word. No goodbyes. No explanations or apologies. No visits. Even your social media went dark. And the fact was that, yes, you were a player. You couldn’t even commit to a club at school or to future college plans. She didn’t want someone like that being her son’s role model. I couldn’t disagree with her. Nor could I betray her. She didn’t want you in the picture and it was her call. You couldn’t possibly imagine how scared she was at first, finding herself pregnant at eighteen.”

  Damon couldn’t move. He didn’t have a right to move, to think, to feel. Zuri was right. He’d failed her. He’d failed her sister...and his brother. But he’d known at the time that he’d never live up to his own parents’ expectations, let alone anyone else’s. That was part of the reason why he’d left town. There was no way to right what he’d done or what had happened.

  There were times he’d wanted to tell Zuri he had valued and cared for her beyond tutoring or friendship, but he didn’t want to ruin how things were between them. And when she’d indicated she liked him as more, it had scared him. It had him running and throwing up every barrier he could think of. Zuri Woods, with her smooth olive skin and her warm brown eyes, had been the very picture of a softhearted girl who only entered meaningful, long-term relationships. He didn’t believe in long term. He’d witnessed firsthand his parents’ abysmal marriage. And as shallow as he’d acted at times in school, deep down he knew better than to drag someone like Zuri—someone he actually respected—into the circle of self-centered, popular kids he hung around with. Smart kids for sure, but also way too willing to push boundaries and test rules. Students her sister, who was way more of a rebel than Zuri, hung out with, too. Zuri wouldn’t have been comfortable around them. In a way, he had been protecting her. He hadn’t wanted to ruin Zuri’s life, yet apparently, he had anyway. Hers and her sister’s.

  “You have me there. I know there’s nothing I can say and no amount of apology can come close to fixing things. I’m sorry, Zuri. I know you won’t believe it, but despite how I acted in high school, you were the one person I trusted. All those other kids I hung around didn’t count. They were fun, but not people I could count on. I didn’t realize all that until after I went on my first SEAL mission and understood what trusting another human being—putting your life on the line for them and trusting them with yours—really meant. I’m sorry Vera couldn’t count on me. I’m sorry I hurt you. But that doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t told I had a son. A child, Zuri. My making bad choices at eighteen doesn’t mean I didn’t have a right to know about something that important.”

  “Doesn’t it? Did your choices really change after that? You didn’t even come back for Lucas’s funeral. Your own brother. Even my parents had the decency to attend.”

  “I was overseas on a mission!” He swallowed his next words, realizing his voice was carrying on the wind. He squeezed the bridge of his nose, then let his arms fall to his sides. He hadn’t heard about Lucas until after he’d completed the military operation. It had been three days after the fact and the news had lengthened the mental and emotional recovery time before he was able to get cleared for another assignment. War had a way of twisting even the toughest person’s mind, but for all the death he’d witnessed, nothing had hollowed him out and left him numb like being told his little brother had died. Damon had been the one risking his life in dangerous regions. Not Lucas. It wasn’t fair. The sound of Caden laughing and Duck barking drew his attention. Life wasn’t fair. “I did visit his grave when I had been given a few days’ leave to do so,” he said, lowering his voice.

  “Wait a minute. You came to Boston?”

  He’d never meant for anyone to find out. He had wanted to slip in, check on his other siblings and parents—who’d finally divorced by then—and get out of town.

  “I didn’t know I had a child. Had I known I would have gone to see him. Maybe I couldn’t have been around every day, given my deployment, but I wouldn’t have been MIA. But I wasn’t given the chance to prove that. Was I?”

  “Well, if you really care, you have the chance to prove it now. If we’ve learned anything from Vera’s and Lucas’s deaths it’s that life’s too short for lies. I couldn’t go on lying to Caden when I know the truth. I don’t expect anything from you, other than to stay in touch with him. He needs to know that he won’t be alone. He’ll always have me and his grandparents, but I wanted him to know he has a father, too. A living parent. I’m hoping that maybe it will give him a little hope while dealing with his mother’s loss.”

  “You want me to introduce myself as his dad, then send him on his merry way? That’s supposed to make him feel better?”

  Unbelievable.

  “Yes, actually. I’m listed as his legal guardian and I won’t have Caden uprooted at a fragile time in his life and sent to live with a man he doesn’t even know. You don’t know anything about him. I’ve been around him since he was born. I’m trying to do what’s right here by telling you the truth, but we have to do what’s best for Caden. He needs stability in his life. He’s had enough upheaval. Get to know him and stay in touch or spend vacations with him in the future, but please don’t fight me on this. He’ll be the one who ends up getting hurt.”

  That was it. Heat crawled up the back of his neck. Zuri wanted him to ignore or give up his rights? She didn’t trust him with his own son but she wanted to trust him not to take custody? He shook his head but he wasn’t sure which part he was disagreeing with.

  Did he even trust himself? Maybe she was right. He didn’t know the first thing about being a parent. His certainly hadn’t been good role models.

  He gave a two-finger whistle and slapped his thigh
when Duck looked over. The dog circled Caden, then nudged and waited for him to follow, before bounding toward Zuri and Damon. Caden’s eyes met his and Damon’s mouth went dry.

  You weren’t there for me, but you can damn well be there for your son. Lucas’s voice filled his ears. No. It was guilt speaking, taunting him with his brother’s voice, as it had done for years in his dreams. Damon took a deep breath.

  “Do what’s best for Caden?” Damon said, before the kid got closer. “Is that what you and your sister did all these years by keeping him from me? I may not know how to be a father, but I can promise you one thing, Zuri. I won’t be giving up my rights. Not to you or anyone else.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  ZURI PULLED OUT a change of clothes from Caden’s suitcase and set them by the bathroom door. The room wasn’t that big but it was comfortable and she liked that it had its own bathroom. The only downside was that she and Caden had to share it. The other room available for rent was currently occupied. Even if it wasn’t, rent for two rooms would have eaten up her Christmas shopping budget, plus the other room, she was told, only had access to a hallway bath. Apparently, the owner’s granddaughter, who was visiting from out of town, was using it.

  She glanced at the clock on the nightstand that separated the two twin-size beds. Thirty minutes had passed since he’d started his shower. Ten since the last time she’d knocked on the door and ordered him to wrap it up. She had reminded him to get his clothes out before showering, but it was just like him to only hear half of what he was told. Her sister used to blame it on teen hormones, even though he still had six months to go before officially becoming a teenager. Obviously, the hormonal mind suck wasn’t something that happened overnight, but the mood swings that started over the summer, when they knew Vera’s health wasn’t going to improve, had made normal teenager behavior seem like a piece of cake.