by Sophie Blue
“That’s all I need to know.”
“Fine. Go, run home. I thought you were stronger than that now. I thought you were a fighter,” he says, following me as I walk to the door.
“I am, but only when something is worth fighting for.” Taking one last look at the man I was falling for, I slam it behind me and make my way to reception.
Chapter Thirty-One
Age Eleven
“I’m never going to fall in love.”
“No, why’s that?” Gramps asks, digging up the weeds in his flower bed while Nan and I sit on the decking, reading through her lines.
“People suck.”
Nan and Gramps crack up at that.
“Not always,” Nan reassures me, but I’m not convinced. All these plays I’ve helped her with, and the couple always end up hurting each other.
“Why do people hurt each other? It’s stupid. Everyone should be nice all the time,” I say, taking a sip of my cup of tea.
“True they should. But if everyone was happy all the time, you wouldn’t appreciate it as much, would you?” she reasons and I scrunch up my face while I think about it.
“I guess?”
“Wise words, from your old nan.” Gramps laughs, looking at her with a look of love that warms my heart. Married at eighteen and still so in love, their love has stood the test of time.
“Less of the old, you! I’m just saying. You have to put up with the rain to see the rainbow.”
I smile at that. It’s a nice thought.
“Tell me the story of how you two met again,” I beg, looking over at them smiling at each other in the sun and hoping one day I’m lucky enough to have a love as strong as theirs.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Being back home feels strange. It’s almost as if the trip never happened, it feels like a lifetime ago already. Dad picked me up from the airport and when I got home, Mum was waiting with a cup of coffee and a warm hug.
It took a day or two for me to cool off and be able to talk about the trip with Mum. Tyler may not have been the man I expected, but the trip was still amazing. I show Mum all the pictures I took, skipping past any with Tyler in. I may not be unravelling completely, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still hurting.
“Are you glad you went?” she asks, looking at a picture I took of Gramps ‘at’ the sunflower picnic. She smiles down at it, her eyes getting glassy and I reach over to clasp her hand.
“Yes, definitely. I feel like I learnt a lot about myself, you know? I’m not the same scared girl who debated whether or not to go. I feel strong. Like I can survive more than I thought, you know?” Even this, I think to myself. I’m strong enough to bounce back from this. It hurts like hell now, but I’ll survive.
“I do. I’m so proud of you, love. Gramps would have been too.” That has me tearing up but I quickly wipe them away and head to the kitchen to make another coffee.
There’s a knock at the door and I let Mum answer it while I make drinks. Alice’s voice drifts down the hall and I hear her enter the kitchen. Before I know it, I’m engulfed in a hug from behind.
“I’m sorry he was a dick,” she whispers into my back and I giggle. It’s just such an Alice thing to say.
“Me too. But I had the best time. Really. I’m glad I took the chance and did it. You were right,” I say, turning to face her. “Tea?”
“Yes please,” she says, moving to sit at the dining room table. She doesn’t like coffee, sometimes I wonder how we’re even friends. What kind of monster doesn’t like coffee? With her bright orange jumpsuit and matching painted nails, she lights up the room and I smile, thinking how good it is to be home.
“So start from the beginning and don’t miss out anything, even the hot sex,” she winks and I roll my eyes. This woman, I swear!
Handing her a cup of tea, I sit beside her and think of where to start. How do I sum up our trip? How it changed me and healed me and broke me all at once.
“It’s weird. It hurts that he lied. I liked him so much, Alice, I really did. I felt like he got me. All of me. Not just the parts that I show the world, but the parts I keep hidden too, you know? But while it hurts like a bitch, I’m ok. And I know that sounds weird, but I guess I learnt a lot about myself in the time away. I am strong enough to survive the storm. I may get knocked down, but it’s ok to get back up again. To reach for the sun and keep growing. Does that make sense?” I ask, aware that I’m rambling but she is used to it.
“It does. I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way in the last few months. And you’re right. You are strong enough. This may have tripped you up, but it won’t stop you from your path.”
No it won’t. Not a bloody chance. I’m not ok, not right now. I miss Tyler so much. But I will be. I won’t be pulled under by the waves again. I’ll keep swimming. Even though my broken heart is weighing me down, I won’t stop trying to stay afloat. I really hope I’m strong enough.
Pulling me out of my thoughts, Alice says, “So let’s see this tattoo!”
Laughing, I put my mug down on the table and roll my black leggings up my ankle showing off the pretty sunflower hiding underneath.
“Oh, that’s beautiful!” she squeals, leaning down to get a closer look. “I love it!”
Alice has been trying to convince me to get a tattoo for years. She has two and wants more, but I could never take the leap.
“I do too,” I say, smiling. “He’s always with me now.”
“He is. But he already was, hun.” She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.
“I’m scared,” I admit, quietly, looking down at our entwined hands.
“Scared of what?” she asks.
“Losing myself again. I miss him, Al. I really do. And I don’t want it to consume me. I don’t want to get sick again,” I admit. This is why I fought my feelings in the beginning. I don’t want to take a step back.
“You won’t, Belly. You’re so much stronger now. And I’m here for you. Always.”
Smiling at her, I nod. It hurts now, but it won’t hurt forever. I can survive this thunderstorm. The sun will break through eventually, and I’ll once again be basked in light.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Flicking through the channels on the TV, I can’t decide on what to watch. I’m in one of those moods where nothing appeals to me. I take a sip of my drink and settle on a rerun of one of my favourite sitcoms. The doorbell rings and I move to stand. Mum and Dad have popped into town to do some shopping, so I answer the door.
Half expecting it to be the postman—Mum has an online shopping problem—I’m speechless when I see Tyler stood in front of me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, stunned and angry. Angry at what he did, at how he put a dampener on an amazing trip.
“I came for you,” he says, softly. There is hurt in his eyes, and it has no place there. He hurt me. Not the other way around.
“Tyler, I have nothing to say to you. I think you should go.” I move to close the door but he holds his hand out to stop me. I’m fuming, how dare he come here. To my safe place. After what he did.
“Please, just hear me out. Then I’ll leave if that’s what you want. Just give me a chance to explain. Please,” he pleads and I see the sorrow in his usually bright eyes. It hurts my heart but he’s already shattered it, so what’s a little more pain?
“Fine, five minutes. Come in,” I say, leading him into the living room and sitting on the sofa. I mute the TV and turn my attention to him.
“I’m so sorry, Belles. That wasn’t how I wanted our trip to end. Hell, I didn’t want it to end at all.”
“You have a wife. How could you not tell me that?! After everything I told you. I opened up to you like I never have with anyone else, and you kept something that big from me!” I’m yelling now, but I’m pissed off. I was a mess when I first came home, heartbroken and upset. But I’m not the same delicate flower who left to travel through Europe. I’m strong and I won’t be made a fool of. I deserve better.
&n
bsp; “We were in the process of getting a divorce. We haven’t been together in over a year. I’ve been trying to push the divorce through but she’s been dragging her feet. She wanted more money from me. I refuse to give her a penny of my inheritance. She doesn’t deserve a penny of my grandmother’s money after the way she treated me.”
“What happened?” I ask, deciding to hear him out. I’m still angry, he should have told me. He had so many opportunities to. Instead he purposely kept it from me.
“She slept with my best friend. I walked in on them in our bedroom,” I can see the anger and hurt in his eyes as he tells me.
“Shit,” I say, and he laughs.
“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”
“What did you do?” I ask.
“I packed a bag and left, never stepped foot back in the house. I had her send the rest of my things to me. I filed for divorce that weekend, told her she could keep the house. No chance I’d want it after what I saw. But she decided that wasn’t enough, she wanted to go after my inheritance too.”
“What a bitch,” I fume, who does that? Part of me wishes I hadn’t dropped the phone and had given her a piece of my mind instead.
Tyler laughs, “Yeah, she’s not the nicest. I thought she was at first. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Anyway, the papers finally went through yesterday. I’m officially a divorced man. She realised she wasn’t going to get a penny more from me and decided to cut her losses.” He runs a hand over his tired face and I realise how exhausted he looks. Not surprising since I upped and left him to travel all the way home alone.
“Did you want a coffee?” I ask, it seems like the best thing to do at the moment. I need time to process this information. And coffee is always a good idea.
“That would be great, thanks.” He flashes me a small smile and I head to the kitchen.
He’s divorced? He was separated when we were together; he wasn’t cheating on his wife. She was the cheater. My mind is reeling. I’m annoyed at myself. For not hearing him out sooner, for jumping to the worst possible conclusion and running, like I always do. But I’m still annoyed at him. He should have told me. This doesn’t make everything ok.
Heading back into the living room, I hand him his mug and he takes it gratefully. Sitting on the sofa, I curl my feet up under me and look over at him. He’s sat on the armchair across the room, playing with his mug nervously.
“I would have been here sooner but between driving all the way back from Europe, and trying to track you down, it took a while,” he jokes and I laugh despite myself.
“I’m sorry I bailed and left you there alone. I feel terrible,” I say, honestly. I do. I wouldn’t want to be left alone so far from home.
“Please don’t apologise. That’s on me. I should have told you about Carol. Should have been honest from the start and none of this would have happened. I just wanted to be free for a bit, you know? Forget about all the shit bringing me down and be free. Not hung up on the fact that I was thirty and almost a divorcee.”
I nod as I understand that perfectly. That’s exactly what I wanted too. To forget about all the things weighing me down, and just enjoy myself for a change. I go to tell him that but he isn’t finished.
“When you confronted me at the hotel, said you were leaving without even letting me explain, I was angry. I was angry that you were willing to throw what we had away, not willing to fight for it. Like she did, she threw the towel in when things were tough and found someone else. I guess I thought it meant more to me than it did to you.”
“It didn’t. That trip was incredible. I loved every minute of it, and that’s all because of you. You showed me that it’s ok to be afraid, as long as you don’t let it hold you back. I should have stayed and heard you out. I was just so upset. I like you Tyler, a lot. And that terrifies me. And when I thought I was just some sordid affair for you, I was devastated. I didn’t want to unravel again, undo all the progress I’d made, so I ran.”
Standing, Tyler moves to sit beside me on the sofa. He puts his mug on the coffee table and takes my free hand in his.
“I understand why you did what you did, Belles. Hell, I probably would have done the same. But you were never a sordid affair. You were everything. The days I spent with you were some of the best days of my life. You mean so much to me, and I am crazy about you. I feel like we are two sides of the same coin.”
Wiping a tear from my cheek, I say, “And you say you’re no good with words.”
He laughs, “I’m not. I’m more of an action kind of guy.” Standing up, he pulls his shirt over his head. At first I’m confused, but then I see it. A black and white sunflower tattooed underneath his carpe diem tattoo. My breath catches in my throat and I place my mug on the coffee table so I can reach out to touch the ink.
“When…” My voice cracks as I try to get the question out. It’s beautiful. Simple and masculine.
“On the way back, I had time to kill,” he chuckles, taking my hand and pulling me to stand up next to him.
“What if I didn’t forgive you?” I ask, it’s the first thing that comes to mind.
“I still wouldn’t have regretted it. You’d always be something I’d want to remember.”
“Tyler,” I gasp, wiping my eyes and looking at him in amazement. This man. He makes me feel alive.
“I mean it. I’m in love with you, Belles. And I know it may seem fast, I know we haven’t known each other that long. But I love you. I love your obsession with words, how your nose scrunches up when you’re scribbling in your notebook. I love how you sing country songs as loud as you can when you think no one is listening. How you can’t start the day without a cup of coffee. How you make me want to be a better man. I love you.”
The tears are falling freely now as I look into his ocean blue eyes and say, “I love you too. So much it’s insane.”
Laughing, he cups my face in one of his hands, wiping my tears away before he pulls me in for a kiss and I feel like I’m finally where I am meant to be.
Epilogue
Today would have been Gramps’ eighty-first birthday. We’ve driven to the sunflower field where we first met last year, to pay our respects. The same tall, beautiful flowers are waving at me in the breeze and filling me with hope.
I feel like Gramps had a huge hand in our meeting, he told me to meet him here. Maybe he knew this was where I would find my soulmate. And I truly do believe Tyler is my soulmate. He helped me heal. Not by saving me, but by helping me to save myself. I’m a stronger person than I was this time last year. I feel happy. Free.
Squeezing Tyler’s hand, I look up at him and smile. He leans forward and kisses my forehead. After he came to my parents’ house and explained everything, we picked up where we left off. Taking the time to get to know each properly, meeting each other’s families.
“You ready?” he asks, pulling me closer and offering me some comfort. He runs a soothing hand up and down my back and I melt into his embrace. He’s my umbrella in the rain. Not necessary to survive the storm, but offering some shelter if needed.
“Yes, I am.” And I mean it. It feels right. I asked permission from the owner, and they were wonderful. Today we’re planting some of Gramps’ ashes amongst the field of sunflowers. So every summer he will have this beautiful view.
“Did you bring it?” he asks, leading me to where my parents are waiting. Nodding, I pull the folded piece of paper from my pocket. I finally finished my poem for Gramps.
Standing with my family, I look up to the sunny sky and back to the golden field and take a breath. Tyler wraps an arm around my waist and I lean into his embrace. Then I let the words flow, talking directly to Gramps.
Meet Me In The Sunflowers
Sowing seeds and watching them grow,
These are the memories that I know,
I’ll treasure forever and keep in my heart,
You may be gone but we’re never apart.
You’re in the leaves, you’re in the seeds,
; You’re in the petals, blowing in the breeze,
Like the flowers, you gaze upon the sun,
You may be gone, but you’re not done.
Your memory lives on, you taught us well,
You made people happy, they fell under your spell,
Like a golden sunflower growing wild and free,
You brought happiness and you brought glee.
A symbol of happiness, love and hope,
Sunflower was my nickname, but don’t you know,
It’s you who embodies all of these things,
Even now you’re gone, and you’ve gained your wings.
Meet me in the sunflowers was what you said,
So here I came, not knowing what lay ahead,
My soulmate was here, waiting for me,
But you knew that Gramps, you made it be.
Every time I see a sunflower now,
I gaze upon it and think of how,
You brought so much joy to my world,
I’ll always be your sunflower girl.
Acknowledgments
This book came to me so vividly and I couldn’t stop writing it. So first I need to thank the wonderful Lou. It was her premade cover with the title ‘Meet Me In The Sunflowers’ that inspired this story. I adore the cover so much, and the story it has grown into, so thank you! I’m so grateful.
Thank you to my grandparents, who were sweet enough to let me base the childhood stories on the times we spent together. I truly do treasure all of the memories we made together and I hope you love this book and don’t focus too much on the fact that I killed you off…
Gramps – You’ll never know how much you mean to me. How much I treasure you. But I hope the memories in this book give you a glimpse into how much you have enriched my life. I love you.
