“Kid, I wanted to check on you.”
“Check on me?” I was confused at the sound of her concerned voice.
“Wait, so you didn’t see the pictures all over the net?”
“Pictures of what?”
“Tru and...” she trailed off, obviously afraid to say what she wanted to say.
“Tru and I broke up.”
“Oh! Oh, I didn’t know. Okay, then you’re okay.” She sounded relieved and I was curious to know what she was talking about. “Go back to what you were doing. Disregard this call except for this part- love you and miss you, kid.”
“As eccentric as ever. Love you too.” As soon as I ended the call I read Monique’s texts. She sent five messages telling me to stay off of the internet, which had the exact opposite effect. I took a deep breath and braced myself as I put his name in the search engine. I clicked on a news article from a gossip website and what came up made my heart stop for a brief moment. I could see Tru’s profile as he leaned in, almost kissing the lips of a girl whose hand he was holding. He had moved on and he moved on fast. I was faced yet again with something I didn’t know how to feel about.
Why did seeing this picture hurt so much if I was the one who made the choice not to speak to him anymore? I let my tears flow silently and prepared myself for what I would say to my mom who would find out soon enough. I had neglected to tell her that he and I were done and I knew she would have dozens of questions once she found out.
That night my phone was non-stop. Monique realized what she said would of course make me look, so she was checking in over and over to see how I was, then Aunt Haley sent texts to apologize for upsetting me. I was done with looking at the screen when Hunter called.
“Bad news travels fast,” I said as I picked up.
“Pardon?”
“Aren’t you calling to tell me about the scandalous picture of Tru and his new girlfriend?”
“No, but that happened?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“I was calling to see if you wanted to eat tacos. I can’t sit her anymore.”
“I do. It’s Saturday and I want to get the hell out of my house and eat tacos.”
“Be there in five,” he said, and he was. I rushed out of the door, yelling to my mom that I was going with Hunter before she could stop me and ask questions.
“Can we order them to go?” I asked as we parked the car.
“Great idea.”
We got our tacos and aqua fresca and headed somewhere I didn’t expect us to go to. Hunter pulled into the parking lot of an almost abandoned cemetery. I looked at him with a curious smile and got out of the car. He had walked around and sat on the hood as he took a long sip of his drink.
“Remember when we were kids? We said we would come here and look for ghosts?” he asked as he took in the sights.
“Yeah. We’d hold our breath like a couple of idiots because that was supposed to keep the ghosts from following us home.” The memory of it made me smile.
“It’s the quietest place in town. It’s been my secret spot for so long. There is just so much stupid shit out there,” he said, motioning beyond the gates we had just entered. “I come here to draw or think...or just do nothing.” I joined him on the hood and handed him his tacos and a napkin.
“It’s good to have a place like that. Can I borrow it for a while?” I asked with a humorless laugh.
“I heard about the picture,” he said as he looked at me.
“Let’s not. I’m okay.”
“Okay,” he said with a nod. “Did you get fries on your tacos?” he asked, looking down at my paper wrapper.
“Yes, and don’t judge! It’s been a weird couple of weeks.”
“Agreed.”
We ate in comfortable silence and I wished it could always be this easy with everyone. I wondered when it had gotten to be this easy with Hunter or had it always been?
30.
“Are you nervous your party will turn into a rager?” I asked, teasing Monique who had seemed a little nervous about Halloween.
“No! And don’t even say that. Jeremy promised to help me keep it tame. What time are you coming over tonight?” she asked as she packed up her lunch.
“Want me there early to help you set up?”
“That would be great. I’ll see you there.”
I packed up my books and geared up for my last few classes. It was Friday and Halloween and we weren’t doing much of anything in our classes. Hunter had refused to tell me what he would dress up as no matter how much I nagged him, so my curiosity was peaked.
As soon as the last bell rang I sprinted out of school and got home in record time. I put on my tights, black skater shirt, then tucked my white button-up top in and threw on a black blazer. I finished off my look with a red bow-tie and the hat I had decorated. My mom stopped me on my way out and handed me a shopping bag with my umbrella and mini carpet bag.
“Forgetting something?” she asked as she held it out to me.
“Yikes! I can’t be M.P. without my umbrella. Thanks, mom.” I gave her a hug and started walking out, but she stopped me at the last minute and by the worried crease between her eyes, I knew what she wanted to talk about.
“Honey, wait. I just feel like I should check in. I mean, that picture and the whole thing with Tru...”
“I promise I’m okay.” I gave her my most sincere smile.
“Are you sure? Have you spoken to him?” she asked. I thought about all of the messages on my phone.
“No. There really isn’t anything to talk about.”
“Well, I have to take your word for it. Go have fun Mary.” She gave me a wink and I took off.
Monique answered her door in full character, giving me a pom-pom cheer when she saw me. She had pulled it off. Her normally perky ponytail was even higher and adorned by a gigantic bow that was almost the size of her face.
“You look so...perfect,” I said as I took in the sight of her.
“And you look completely adorable! By the way, your voicemail box is full. I tried to leave you a message about ice.” I thought about all the voicemails I hand’t listened to from Tru. “I sent you a text too, but I’m guessing you didn’t get it.”
“Need me to go get some?”
“No thank you. I’ll just have Jeremy stop.”
“Well, what can I do to help?” Monique set me to work and soon we were done setting up snacks, putting valuables away, and decorating her living room. I looked around at our handy work and I could see why she wanted to make sure nothing got out of hand. Her house was one antique after another. I was startled by the doorbell as I took it all in.
“Fen, someone is here for you,” Monique said. I turned around and lost my breath when I saw Hunter dressed up as a perfect chimney sweep.
“I...” no words would form from my mouth as I took in the sight of him. He was sporting a cap and carrying a black bristle broom in his hand. He had put dirty smudge marks all over his face and tied a red scarf around his neck.
“Say no more, Gov’na,” he said in a terrible english accent. We both started laughing so hard I thought I would burst, but my laughter was short lived when I heard Tru’s ring tone. I silenced the call and made a mental note to deal with it later.
I got worried as Monique’s house started to fill in with people she didn’t seem to know, but Jeremy kept his promise and turned away anyone who seemed too rowdy. I watched as couples paired off and little groups of conversation formed. It was moments like these when I still felt very much like an outsider. Hunter had gone to get us drinks and returned with two bottles of water.
“Thank you,” I said, nervously twisting the cap in my hand.
“Oh my god! You two look so cute!” someone from school exclaimed when they saw Hunter and me together. “I didn’t even know you were a couple,” they said, and walked away before I could correct them.
“I need some air,” I told Hunter and we both found our way to the backyard. We sat down on a rocking
bench and I was glad to have a few moments of quiet. “Look at all the stars out,” I said as I looked up at the clear sky. “It’s so beautiful,” I whispered. Hunter was still silent and when I looked in his direction I noticed he was staring at me. “What,” I asked, feeling like I must have had crumbs on my face.
“Nothing,” he whispered.
“I guess we should get inside before Monique hunts us down.” I got up and he followed behind, but before we went in I stopped. “By the way, you make a really good chimney sweep.” He straightened his neck scarf a little and winked at me.
“You think so?”
“There you are!” Monique said as we entered the house. “I need to get pictures of both of you.” She pushed us together and Hunter took my arm in his and smiled for the camera. “A few more,” she said as she snapped more pictures. Hunter took my face in his hands and turned it towards his.
“Smile Fen,” he said as he squeezed my face. Something about the gesture had me cracking up and I forgot that Monique was taking our picture.
“These are perfect! I’m going to post some right now,” Monique said as she walked off with her phone. Jeremy started chatting with Hunter and I felt like a third wheel, so I excused myself to the front yard and sat down on her porch steps. I played with the phone in my hand, seeing that I had missed calls from Tru, and decided I would open the voicemails I had been avoiding.
I took a eep breath as I put the phone to my ear, preparing myself for hearing his voice, but the reality was that nothing could prepare me.
“Fen, where do I begin? How do I say what I need to say before this thing cuts me off? I’m sorry. Fuck! That seems so inadequate. Please call me.” My fingers slid the delete button back and forth before finally swiping it away for good, then I listened to the next one.
“I guess I would be surprised if you answered. How did this happen? How did I completely mess this up? Now you know my secret. I ruin everything good that comes my way. Please call me.” Again, deleted, but it wasn’t getting easier. “I...I really just need to hear your voice. Even if you tell me to go to hell, anything...I just need to hear you,” he said as his voice cracked, and something inside of me broke. I couldn’t hit delete and I couldn’t listen to them all. I skipped ahead to the last one and hit play with my shaking fingers. “I really fucked up. The only thing I ever wanted you to think about when it came to us was how much I love you. Instead, I gave you a horrible last memory of us and I can’t do a god damn thing to change that. I hope you know how much I love you. All I ever wanted you to know is how much I love you.”
My fingers hovered above his text message bubble. I hadn’t read them, and the number in the bubble was a big one. I was about to touch it when my phone started ringing. I gasped and almost dropped my phone. Before thinking twice I hit the accept button.
“Hi,” I said, just above a whisper. I tried to steady my voice so he wouldn’t know I had been crying. I could hear him fumble with something in the background.
“You answered,” he said, sounding taken by surprise. “Please don’t hang up,” he whispered before I could say anything else.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.
“God I missed the sound of your voice, but I hate that you sound so sad. I hate that I’m probably the reason you sound so sad.”
“Tru, I can’t do this. I don’t know how to do this.” I sniffled and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“If I could do anything over it would be that night. I’m so sorry. I’m not saying this because I hope you’ll take me back. I’m saying this because I made you feel threatened. I scared you and I’m ashamed. I needed to say that to you.”
“Okay, you said it. Now what? Am I supposed to magically feel better? Or do you have a clear conscience and you can be rid of me and your guilt now?”
“No,” he whispered. “That’s something I will regret for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here, Tru. What am I supposed to do?” I asked, unable to hide the sob that shook my chest.
“Please don’t cry. I need to see you. I need you to know how sorry I am.”
“Tru,” I said with a humorless laugh. I sniffled and wiped my face. “Did you forget you have another girl now?”
“I knew you would see that. You know how the paparazzi are. They can turn nothing into something.”
“It’s your business, not mine.”
“Don’t. Don’t say it like that. It sounds so final. I need to see you,” he repeated. “Not alone. I know I can’t expect that. I’m going to L.A. in a week to meet up with my dad. I can stop there on the way. We don’t even have to leave the airport. Just thirty minutes.”
“I’ll think about it. I need to go.”
“Don’t say goodbye. Goodnight, Fen,” he said just before ending the call. I stared down at my phone and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the heaving sobs started. I got up off of the steps and went to the edge of her yard so no one would hear me as I frantically wiped my eyes. I couldn’t go back to the party like this. Everyone would know. I started to send a text to Hunter to tell him I was leaving, but he appeared in front of me. He stepped closer and pulled me into a hug as I cried.
“It’s okay,” he said as he rubbed my back and I wanted to believe him, but nothing felt even close to okay. “I’ll tell Monique you weren’t feeling well and I’ll come over tomorrow. You can talk about it or we can eat waffles and not talk at all.”
I smiled against his chest and took some deep breaths to calm myself down, then I pulled away. “Thank you.”
I didn’t bother to get out of my joggers and stretched out t-shirt the next morning when Hunter came over. I opened the door for him and yawned as I pulled my hair into a messy bun.
“Sorry, not much sleep,” I said as I flopped down on our couch.
“So you either spoke to him or listened to the millions of messages he’s left you.”
“Both,” I whispered, remembering how even though I was totally hurt, I still got butterflies at the sound of his voice.
“And?”
“And I don’t know.” I shook my head as I thought about it all. “He wants to talk in person.” As soon as I said it I noticed a change in Hunter’s posture. He stiffened up and I could see his fists tighten. “He’s literally passing through town and he wants to meet somewhere very public so we can speak.” He didn’t say anything for a long moment and I was starting to think I shouldn’t say anymore.
“Are you going to do it?”
“I haven’t decided.”
“If you decide to, please let me know, and please be careful.”
“I will. Can we numb our brains with cartoons now?”
“Yeah.” He grabbed the remote and flipped to the cartoon channel. “Monique said she hopes you feel better.”
“Think she knew?”
“Pretty sure she did,” he said as we both stared at the screen. I made a mental note to call her later and apologize. After about two solid hours of cartoons Hunter stood up and stretched. “I should go. You’re still coming to the art show on Tuesday, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” I smiled up at him. “Thanks for listening.”
“Call Monique.”
I did just that right after he left and explained everything to her, but she insisted on coming over and soon we were in my room and I was telling the story all over again. “I don’t know why I decided in that moment to listen to the messages or answer his call. God, I’m sorry. I’m becoming that annoying friend who talks about herself too much.”
“Not at all,” she insisted. “So what will you do? Will you see him?”
“I really don’t know. I wonder if it would feel like closure or would it open up the whole wound again?”
“Well, whatever you decide, you know I’m here for you.”
“Thank you.”
Monique offered to get me out of the house, but I declined and decided to do some school work I had been
putting off and give my room a good cleaning. In the middle of frustrating my brain with math I heard my phone buzzing. I picked it up and saw a message from Tru. He didn’t waste any time.
“I’ll be at the coffee house just outside of the airport park and ride on Saturday at 11:00 am. I hope I see you there and I understand if I don’t.” I groaned after I read it and rested my face in my hand. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. He didn’t expect a reply, so I didn’t bother. I tossed my phone on my bed and slammed my textbook shut. He had totally derailed any hopes of me getting homework done, so I gave up and slipped on my workout clothes and running shoes and spent the next hour clearing my head in the great outdoors.
31.
I stumbled into school on Monday feeling more exhausted than I could remember. I still hadn’t decided if I should meet Tru and my head was a pounding mess. Monique took one look at me then started digging around in her bag for something.
“Here,” she said, handing me a little powder packet with oranges all over it.
“What is this?” I asked, cringing in pain with each word.
“Vitamin C and a bunch of B vitamins. It’ll fix whatever is going on and give you a little energy boost.” I eyed it skeptically.
“Do you always carry these around?”
“Yes! They’re great for test prep.” She took the iced tea I had been sipping and poured the powder in before I could argue. “There you go!” I looked at my cup and looked at her.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I faked my way through french class and as we got through the morning I started to feel a little better. By lunch time my headache was gone, but my mood wasn’t any better. I tried to follow along with the small talk between Hunter, Jeremy, and Monique, but it was no use. I was in my own little world and totally preoccupied with my decision.
“Guess that famous boy found out he mistook trash for treasure,” I heard Jessica shout in my direction and it snapped me back to the present. “Looks like he upgraded,” she said with a laugh.
“Leave it,” Hunter said. “She’s fishing.” I nodded yes.
Fugly: Book One of the Fenley East Series Page 13
