by S Bolanos
A shout rang out behind me, but the sound of breaking twigs and the crunch of fallen leaves swallowed it. I dove into the underbrush, the smell of baking spices clear in my nose. Cinnamon and clove burned a trail as bright as any neon sign and I barreled after them. Around the familiar smell twined a stench of wrongness. I ran faster.
When Charline's scent threatened to overwhelm me, I slowed. I took a wary step and poked my head through some soft underbrush. Directly across from me, not five feet away, Charline sagged against a tree. I searched frantically for any sign of bite marks.
Thin streams of blood covered every inch of exposed skin along with several deep gashes that gushed red. Now that I wasn’t so focused on spices, the metallic smell of blood tainted the air. My stomach heaved. She needed help—now. I took a cautious step forward. A dry twig snapped beneath my weight and cracked out like a gunshot in the stillness.
Charline moaned and lifted her head. “Sara?” Her eyes widened with recognition and panic. “You have to go. Run. He’s still here. It’s a trap. Sara, it’s—”
A sharp growl cut off her hysterical warning and she withered against the tree, clutching her hands to her breast. Tears streamed down her dirty face as the beast that haunted my nightmares stepped out from behind her.
Rage burned in my belly. I lowered my head, baring my teeth, and let out a growl that sent Charline scrambling back against the tree. He hovered perfectly poised to reach out and crush her windpipe between his jaws. If she stood any chance of walking away, I’d have to draw him off.
I shifted my weight to run and his gaze darted to follow the movement. Energy coiled in my legs and I willed myself to remain calm. All I had to do was run and he’d follow. I chanced a quick glance at Charline and prayed she’d understand, then launched forward.
He slammed into me before my paws could touch the ground. I scrambled to get my legs back under me and teeth sank into my ruff. He leveraged his advantage and threw me. My back cracked into a tree and I fell to the ground like a ragdoll.
Charline’s scream filled my ears and kept the darkness at bay. I pushed shakily back to my feet, determined to lead him away. I made it two steps this time before he used his weight to crush me against another tree. Air rushed out of my lungs in a pained wheeze. I sagged against the bark as he spun away only to return and grab my front leg.
I cried out as he dragged me away from the tree. He released his hold and sunk his teeth once more into the loose skin around my neck. I fought the hold, kicking out with my legs and gnashing my teeth to no avail. He swung his head violently from side to side pulling me from the ground. Acute pain lanced from my shoulder to my injured leg while hot streams ran down my sides.
He tossed me again. This time when I hit the tree, I didn’t get up. He walked over to my limp form, a gruesome smile twisting his canine features. Charline took advantage of his distraction and made a break for it. He spun to stop her, his savage growl making her trip and fall.
My eyes widened with horror as he stepped away from me to stop her. Without a doubt, I knew he’d kill her. She was nothing more than bait to lure me out here and he didn’t need her anymore. With the last of my strength, I pushed back up to my feet and lunged. My jaws sank into his ruff, but found no purchase. He spun to dislodge me and I tightened my hold.
Tears sprung to my eyes and my jaw ached, but I didn’t let go. He growled again as Charline stumbled back to her feet and lurched toward the woods. Distant crashes that didn’t match her faltering steps filled the air.
The mutt used all of his weight to slam us into the ground. My skull bounced off an exposed rock and I lost my hold. His head swiveled toward the encroaching noise and he snarled. Fearing a renewed assault on Charline, I barked to regain his attention.
He transferred the snarl to me and advanced. I curled in on myself and whimpered. He was almost on top of me when another crash came behind him. His head jerked up, exposing his throat. I dug deep into the well of my waning strength and surged off the ground.
Satisfaction rolled through me as hot blood poured into my mouth. I shoved the urge to gag as deep as I could and sank my teeth deeper. He yelped and backpedaled, swinging furiously to dislodge me. Try as I might, my hold wasn’t enough and when claws tore at my chest and belly, I let go. He returned with a vengeance and I barely rolled away in time.
Jaws snapped on empty air and his furious roar ripped through the forest. His face contorted with rage, foam dripping from his jowls. I struggled back to my feet, determined to buy Charline as much time as I could. Dirt went flying as he launched at me once more. Rather than brace for impact, I pushed forward to meet him head on, my body a missile of muscle and purpose.
My good shoulder rammed into him, causing him to lose the little balance he’d regained. His claws scrabbled furiously, searching for purchase as I used my back legs to kick his out from under him. Growls along with dirt and debris filled the air as we each fought for the upper hand. The wolf within grew to fill every inch of me as I battled for survival. Then, I found my opening.
With single-minded purpose, my jaws closed perfectly around his throat. Fresh blood pooled between my teeth and poured out the sides of my mouth. He thrashed violently and I tightened my hold, sinking my teeth deeper into the sensitive flesh.
A crash stole my attention and I looked up to see a woman with fiery hair cowering behind a pair of wolves, one a light, sandy shade, the other, nearly the color of night. The dark one took a step forward and I gave a low warning growl. He stopped and lowered his head, but didn’t bare his throat in submission. My growl deepened. I squeezed my jaw, causing my prey to whimper. The dark one looked back at the lighter and larger of the two.
He barely had a chance to shift his stance, before I twisted my head. A crunch like so many leaves ready to burn echoed in the early twilight. The lifeless wolf fell to the ground with a muted thud. His blood immediately soured in my mouth. I cast a wary glance at the others and slowly padded away from the corpse to find water.
Leery of his pack seeking retribution, I hastened my steps. I’d gone a fair distance when I caught the faint, crystal scent of my quest. The source turned out to be a small spring winding through the twisted roots of several trees. I cast about for any present danger then lowered my head to drink. The bitterly cold liquid made quick work of the foulness growing between my jaws.
A ripple of awareness shivered down my spine and I glanced up to find the dark wolf from earlier. I hesitated, not sure if he was a threat, then slowly returned my attention to the stream.
Finished with my drink, I went in search of a meal. A stubborn ache in my shoulder was troublesome, but I shook it off and kept going, the dark wolf following after like a shadow. He stayed a healthy distance away, so I let him be.
When the wind shifted and I finally caught his scent, a sense of familiarity washed over me and I stopped to give him a chance to catch up. He hesitated before getting closer. I waited until he was next to me, then returned to my search. With two of us, there’d be a better chance of taking down a deer.
He caught the scent first and slid into the lead. We became nothing more than passing shadows in the growing dark. Hunting with him was natural and I was grateful for the extra set of jaws when I realized the size of the buck. Seamlessly, we drifted apart and circled around to guide our prey to his end. By the time my hunger was fully satiated, complete darkness had descended.
I found a comfortable spot to curl up and appreciate my fullness. The dark wolf continued to mirror my movements and lay down a short distance away.
The hunt had been fairly quick, but my body ached like I’d been running for hours. I struggled to remember what had led to having that other wolf’s throat between my jaws, but came up empty. Whatever the reason, he was dead now. I rested my head between my paws and fell into a dreamless slumber.
When I opened my eyes again, the light of dawn drifted between branches overhead, painting the ground a golden glow, and my dark companion was gone. I amus
ed myself awhile by following his trail until I found a path of black rock that smelled of burning things. Interest lost, I wandered back the way I'd come, drifting between trees and trailing small wildlife.
The day passed uneventfully with only the smells and sounds of the forest to keep me company. As the sun progressed across the sky, I grew anxious. Where was my hunting companion? It made no sense to me why I would be worried about a strange wolf, but there I sat, in the last place I'd seen him, waiting for him to return.
I was staring up through the canopy at broken patches of twilight when a scent tickled my nose. My body realigned itself, zeroing in on the source. I searched the shadows, my inexplicable anxiety dissipating like morning mist. A form detached from the trees and stepped into view. All of the anxiety came crashing back two-fold.
The ruff along my spine stood straight up as I took in the two-legged figure that smelled disconcertingly like my hunting partner. I shook my head to change the image, but it remained.
The creature took a cautious step towards me and I mirrored the motion in reverse. We continued our slow dance until he was fully separated from the foliage. He stood there as if made of stone, waiting. The smell of wolf tangled with something almost so subtle as to be lost, not quite fear, something else, something more.
“Sara.” My ears pricked forward. His voice was soft, a whisper in the fading light. “You need to remember. It’s okay, I’m right here.”
Something bubbled at the back of my mind. I stamped it down. Slowly, I closed the gap between us. My body tensed to run as I stretched my neck forward. I kept my eyes locked on him as I reached to get a better scent and hopefully answers. The bubbling sensation returned and I took a final, fateful step forward.
I sat and gazed into his face while he seemed to search mine. I didn’t flinch when his hand found its way to my head. The pressure was comforting and filled with affection. His fingers stroked back and the bubbles burst. Sounds and images exploded to life in my mind.
I was sitting in this man’s house happy and content. I was running across rivers of black tar and tearing through brush, terror gripping me. I was looking at the moon overcome with awe at the full, white sphere. I had two legs, not four. My name was Sara and his was Michael. We were in a kitchen kissing. He was lying down, torn apart. I was in an office, a parking garage, in front of a house with a blue door. A monster that was all teeth stood in front of me.
Pain wracked my body as something that flashed white in the night tore it apart. I cried out, wanting to fight the flood, but it was too late, nothing could hold back the tide. Images and sensations flashed in rapid succession until the taste of blood filled my mouth.
Something deep inside tore and I collapsed. My body betrayed me as it tried to go in all directions at once. Pain encompassed everything. Then one crystal clear thought emerged: I’m changing.
I lay there in a pool of sweat and dug earth, adjusting to this new body. And it is new. I understand. I remember. After a few seconds, I pushed up to my hands and knees, then to my feet. My legs shook beneath me as I searched the near perfect darkness for Michael. I found him sitting against a tree a short distance away.
“Michael,” I croaked, my voice hoarse and foreign.
In an instant he was by my side and wrapping his arms around me. The embrace burned on my fresh skin, so exposed without the thick layer of fur. I looked into his eyes, which glinted yellow in the night.
“I killed him.”
32
Instinct
Indistinct voices buzzed like white noise through my sea of darkness. I focused on the static of sound, but clarity brought no recognition.
“What are we going to do?” The high-pitched voice drifted across the ocean of nothing.
“You need to rest,” a deeper voice responded, low and full of worry. “I should take you home.”
“I’m not leaving until I know she’s alright. You’ve already gotten your way once. I won’t be bullied.” Fight and exhaustion laced the eerily familiar voice. “You lost a lot of blood, Charline. Remember what the doctor said.”
Charline?
I know that name.
“For heaven’s sake, I doubt standing here worrying myself sick counts as strenuous activity. She was my friend before the rest of you showed up. I was there the first time she woke up and I’ll be there this time.”
Friend.
Charline is my friend. We work together.
I like Charline.
“Maybe not the standing, but definitely the worrying yourself sick,” the deeper voice argued.
David.
The knowledge fought back as if it was being pulled from some deep pit.
“Michael, help me out,” David said.
Michael.
My sea of darkness exploded with blinding light. I blinked against the brightness and a circle of blurry outlines materialized above me. Unfortunately, with sight came sensation. I groaned at the deep hurt that seemed to surpass my physical body to touch my soul. A couple more blinks brought the blurry faces into focus.
“Thank heavens. She’s awake.” Charline sighed her relief and my gaze latched onto the thick layers of gauze wrapped around her upper arm.
I quickly averted my gaze and sought to get my bearings. From my limited perspective, I made out the edge of the couch, yet more gauze wrapped around my own arm, and an exceptionally anxious David, but no Michael. I eventually found him standing back, clearly trying not to hover and failing miserably. We locked eyes and he stepped forward. I let out a pained wheeze as I maneuvered to sit up
“Easy now.” Michael’s hands engulfed my shoulders, steady and supportive.
I fought a wave of dizziness as he helped guide me to a sitting position. I closed my eyes against the spinning and didn’t open them again until my stomach settled.
“Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” The concern in Michael’s voice plucked at my heart. I went to shake my head and thought better of it.
“How long have I been out?” I rasped out, the words barely distinguishable from the rustling of fabric.
“A few days.”
I groaned at the impossible task of explaining yet another absence from work.
Charline placed a delicate hand on my leg. “Don’t worry, doll, I pulled some strings and made sure you’re covered.”
I offered her a wan smile and shifted to a more comfortable position. As my hand pushed against the couch, I realized it wasn’t the navy of Michael’s overstuffed one. “Where am I?”
Concern flashed across Michael’s face and he turned to Charline.
She quickly schooled her own alarm and patted my knee. “You’re home, sweetie.”
My gaze riveted on her fingers covered with scrapes that went up her arm to disappear beneath the hefty bandage. The bruising around them turned her fair skin into a mottled canvas of purple and yellow that climbed like a vine all the way to her face. Her normally vibrant curls were pulled back in a tame low pony, revealing a thin line of scab on her neck. She patted my knee again and I tore my gaze away from the wound to meet her green eyes.
“I’m fine.” One of the men grunted, but she ignored him. “I’m more worried about you.”
“We thought it might be easier if you woke up in familiar surroundings, so we brought you home.” Michael glanced from me to Charline, uncertainty etched in his features.
I looked around, slowly taking in the newly labeled surroundings. “This isn’t my home.”
Worry crashed over Michael like a wave, clouding his face and edging his scent. His gaze darted once more to Charline. Her mouth hung open as she struggled to find words.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Both of them looked at me. “We—” A hand appeared on her shoulder.
“Let’s give them some space,” David said softly.
“But…” Charline looked back at me, her eyes filled with anxiety as David gently steered her from the room.
I glanced back at Michael and it
finally clicked why everyone seemed so concerned; they genuinely thought I didn’t know where I was. In an attempt to assuage his fears, I looked him straight in the eye and willed him to understand.
“This is not my home.”
He blinked and looked away. With a sigh, I reached out and grabbed his hand. He met my gaze once more as he sat beside me, but fear still darkened his eyes.
“This isn’t my home, not anymore.” I looked around again, taking in the complete lack of personality and permanence. “This place belongs to someone else, someone who has never been part of this world, someone who lived a lifetime ago.” The tension slowly drained from his shoulders and I gave his captive hand a gentle squeeze. “Can you tell me what happened?”
“How are you feeling?” he asked instead of answering. I squeezed his hand tighter, sensing a deeper meaning to the evasion
“What happened?” I repeated and he paled.
“The mutt is dead...”
Acceptance resonated inside of me, hollow without attachment. “I killed him.”
A riot of emotions played across Michael’s face—concern, relief, fear, trepidation—each one fighting for precedent. “Yes.” He tried to pull his hand away and I held it tighter.
“What are you not telling me?”
He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, highlighting the dark circles smudged beneath them. Lines that hadn’t been there before emphasized a level of exhaustion that matched my own. The urge to reach out and comfort him, to tell him everything would be alright, welled up inside me, but I remained still. His dark brown eyes focused on mine and the sadness in them broke my heart.
“What is it?”
“Sara.” He paused and placed his other hand over mine. “When David and I caught up with you in the woods, you killed the mutt.”
“I... know? It’s a bit fuzzy, but I remember fighting him.” More specifically, I remembered getting my ass handed to me and the taste of blood.
