Sick Fux

by Tillie Cole

  Drenched in blood, Dolly fell back from the Jabberwock, now dead by his former victim’s hand, his lifeblood draining to the floor.

  Dolly gasped for breath, her arms clawing her backward. Sobs began to cut through the gasps, and soon they were all that could be heard. Chest racking, her entire body shook. Tears cascaded down her cheeks.

  Then she saw me. She scurried to my feet and clung to my legs. “Rabbit . . . you came for me.” She cried as she gripped me tightly. Her head fell forward, resting on my knee. “Thank you,” she whispered, voice now completely cut and raw. “Rabbit . . . you came for me. Rescued me from the room of doors . . . Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you . . .”

  She was worshipping at my feet. Me, her god, her master . . . the one to whom she now finally belonged. She sobbed and sobbed, slumped on the floor. But I couldn’t fucking take it. Couldn’t see her lowly and down.

  My little Dolly wasn’t my fucking slave.

  She was my goddess, a fucking titan.

  Leaning down, I placed my finger under her chin, which I nudged up, commanding her to look at me. Her eyes were lowered, submissive to my touch. I shook my head. Dolly waited, patiently waited for me to speak, hooked on my every move.

  “A queen bows to no one,” I said, and Dolly’s face transformed. It lit with light and color.

  Dolly always belonged in color.

  Bending down, level with her eyes, I said, “Especially to her king.”

  Dolly gasped and jumped into my arms. Her mouth smothered mine as she kissed me. She kissed me and kissed me, throwing her arms around my head. She held on as she took from me what she needed.

  My doll queen dressed in blue.

  I held her back until she pulled away. Her eyes were dilated and her breath came fast. She let go of me and got to her feet. Dolly walked, silently, to the slain Jabberwock, spread-eagled on the floor. Taking the tie he wore around his neck, she dipped the fabric into the blood pooling around him and began writing on the wall behind. “SICK FUX,” this time written in crimson, written in his blood. His blood in payment for the crimes he had committed over the years. Dolly moved to his shoulder and pulled out my blade. She pulled a sodden playing card from her corset. She placed the card on his forehead.

  The Ace of Hearts.

  Dolly stared down at his face, now his death mask. She stood there for many minutes. Then she turned back to face me. “For you,” she said and handed me my blade. I sheathed it in my cane, not bothering to clean it.

  I wanted to keep the Jabberwock’s blood on my steel for a while longer.

  “I’m tired,” Dolly announced suddenly, a new kind of sadness edging into her sweet voice. She took my hand in hers. Her fingers were still freezing cold. “Let’s go, Rabbit. I no longer wish to be here.”

  Dolly pulled me through the doorway, but I guided her through the house. We showered quickly in a bathroom we found, ridding our skin of the Jabberwock’s tainted blood. We washed our clothes, not caring that they were wet afterward. It was hot outside. We would quickly dry.

  Once finished, I led her to the car. No music played as we pulled away. Dolly curled up on the backseat, wrapped in my jacket. Only minutes passed before her exhausted body succumbed to sleep.

  I looked more at her than the road as I drove. She had asked to go straight to a motel. But we were going somewhere else. Dolly had deserved what I was going to do for her anyway. But after tonight, I would make sure she adored it.

  She would never adore it as much as I adored her.

  My gut twisted as I saw her shift in her sleep, delicate hands clinging to my jacket for dear life. She brought my jacket to her nose and inhaled. My heart completely crumbled when her lips formed a small smile.

  As she breathed deeply in her sleep, all I could think about was tonight. How I had nearly lost her. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if she died, I would surely follow.

  There was no Rabbit without Dolly.

  There was no Dolly without Rabbit.

  As I drove to our destination, my eyes barely strayed from her. My little doll, broken, but not so much that she couldn’t be repaired.

  And I was the only doll master sufficiently skilled to perform those repairs.

  I stood back and surveyed the scene before me. I drew in a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair. Straightened my fresh suit and cravat that I’d taken from my case in the trunk. I shook my head, laughing a quick laugh at what the fuck I was doing.

  Then I glanced at the Mustang. My eyes fell on the sleeping blonde in the backseat. And I knew.

  Her.

  This was all for her.

  My brave little champion.

  I opened the trunk. The boombox was at the front. I pressed play, knowing the songs would be perfect for this moment. Slow music filled the air. I paused, hidden by the trunk’s open lid. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt and tipped my head back. I took in the sky above . . . and I smiled.

  She would get exactly what she wanted.

  Moving to the backseat, I leaned in and stroked Dolly’s cheek. She shifted with a soft moan, but did not wake. Smiling at her stubbornness, I stroked her cheek again, this time whispering, “Dolly?”

  She pulled my jacket higher over her shoulders. So I tried again. “Little Dolly darlin’,” I said, louder this time. Dolly’s eyes blinked open. She stretched out her arms. I watched her, mesmerized, and then she turned to look at me.

  A small smile pulled on her lips. “Rabbit . . .” she said, her voice still weak from the experience of hours before. Her hair had dried on the journey, and her clothes were no longer soaked. “I’m tired,” she said and curled back in to go back to sleep.

  I shook my head, my chest feeling light, for once, at how cute she could be. “But I have a surprise,” I announced and watched her eyes slowly open.

  Dolly turned to face me. Her eyebrows were lifted. She turned her head again, this time in the direction of the music. “Is that my boombox playing?”

  I nodded, then held out my hand. “Come.”

  With a confused smile, Dolly took my hand, and I helped her rise from the backseat. Needing to feel her against me, I wrapped my arms around her. Dolly squealed lightly as I lifted her from the car. She met my eyes, and I swallowed, nervous about what she would think of all this. It wasn’t me. I didn’t think like this. I didn’t operate this way.

  It was the most nervous I’d been about anything in my life.

  And I never felt nervous. It was strange to feel the emotion. It had taken me a while, when she was sleeping, to label it.

  I was nervous she would hate it.

  I was nervous that I couldn’t do it.

  I placed Dolly on the ground, and a blush burst on the apples of her cheeks. That blush destroyed me where I stood. Always had; that, and her dimples, which caved when she smiled.

  Dolly slipped her hand in mine, and I stared at our joined hands. Remembering she had liked it before, I brought her hand to my lips and pressed a soft kiss on it.

  Dolly gasped. Her breathing increased in speed.

  “Come,” I said again and led her to the trunk of the car.

  “Rabbit? What’s happening?” she asked, looking around us.

  I let go of her hand. “Close your eyes.”

  Dolly shook her head, smiling, but then did as I asked. I watched her face for a moment as she stood there with her eyes closed. Trusting me completely. My chest squeezed yet again. Forcing myself to move, I lifted the gift from the trunk. “Open your eyes.”

  Dolly did as she was told . . . and her blue eyes grew so huge they resembled the moon. “Rabbit,” she whispered as she made to take the dress from me. Her eyes traveled up and down, drinking in its entire length. She reached out her hand, seemingly scared to touch the sparkling blue material.

  “It’s . . .” Tears built in her eyes. “It’s . . . it’s for me?”

  I nodded. “For you.” I nudged my head in her direction. “Put it on.”

  Dolly blew o
ut a long breath, then she took the dress from my waiting hands. I reached into the trunk for the shoes. When I turned to give them to her, I paused. Dolly was silhouetted by the full moon. In the center of the field we had parked on, there was only us; she and I, and a sky full of stars.

  I didn’t care for them. Their beauty paled in comparison to her majesty.

  Dolly had shed her clothes. The milky skin of her back looked paper-white in the moon’s glow. She lifted the dress over her head and slid it effortlessly down over her body. I walked to where she stood. I knew she knew I was behind her when her shoulders tensed for a moment. Then her head tipped to the side, offering me her neck.

  Unable to resist, I gently pushed her hair to the side and pressed a soft kiss on the side of her throat. She gasped, and goosebumps covered her skin.

  I passed the shoes over her shoulder, and then lowered my hands to zip up her dress. I pulled the zipper up very slowly. I savored the view as I covered each inch of pale skin. I stepped back and waited for her to put on her shoes.

  When they were on her feet, she turned. My eyes feasted on her as I inspected her from head to toe. The long blue dress fell to her ankles. The sparkly silver shoes sat perfectly on her little feet.

  “You like?” she asked nervously, smoothing her hands over the full skirt.

  I nodded and met her eyes. Moving back to the boombox, I fast-forwarded the cassette until the song I wanted came on. As the opening bars began to play, I turned and held out my hand to Dolly. Blushing, eyes lowered, she came to me.

  She always came when I called.

  Dolly slid her hand into mine. She waited, breath held, for what I would do next. I brought her hand to my mouth, gave it a swift soft kiss, and then bowed. Looking up from my gentlemanly position, I asked, “May I have this dance?”

  Dolly’s face betrayed her shock. She didn’t speak. Instead she nodded her consent. Standing straight, I pulled her against my chest. I held out our hands and carefully placed the other around her waist. Dolly placed her hand on my shoulder. I looked into her eyes. They were locked on me. Her cheeks full of color.

  As the song started, and a man sang about being unable to live with or without someone, I swayed us in time to the beat. Dolly never looked away as I held her close, letting the lyrics tell her how I felt. I disagreed with not being able to live with Dolly. I could definitely do that. We were never to be parted.

  Not even in death, I was sure.

  “Rabbit,” Dolly said quietly as her blue eyes glittered against the stars. “You do not dance.”

  I smirked and pulled her even closer. I felt the heat coming off her skin. Smelled the roses I always smelled when she was close. “Tonight, apparently, I do.”

  Dolly rewarded me with a smile, then a giggle that floated up into the air. We danced as the song played out. When the next song began, one equally as slow, she looked around us and asked, “Rabbit? Is . . . is this a prom?”

  Bringing our joined hands to my chest, I nodded. “Your prom, Dolly darlin’. A well-deserved prom, just for you.”

  “And you,” she said breathlessly. She seemed overawed by it all. Dolly tipped her head back and looked up at the stars. “Rabbit . . . a blanket of stars.” She looked to the right. “And the moon so full and bright.”

  “They came out for you,” I said, and the brightness of her smile could have rivaled the midday sun.

  We danced. We danced for three more songs. Dolly’s face was flushed from dancing. When I stopped, I bowed low again and kissed her hand. “Thank you for the dance, little Dolly.”

  She giggled.

  As I straightened, I saw the spark in her eyes return, the spark that had been lost destroying the Jabberwock. I saw the lightness return to her bones and saw the innocence he had temporarily stolen filter back as if delivered by moondust.

  “Close your eyes again,” I said.

  “Rabbit!” she scolded. “No more presents. I feel utterly spoiled already!”

  “One more.” I waited for her to close her eyes, a stern look on my face. Dolly laughed, but then did as I asked.

  I went to the trunk and took out the final present. I made my way back to Dolly and stopped before her. “Open,” I said. Dolly’s eyes fluttered open. She waited as I kept the present behind my back. When I decided she had waited long enough, I brought the gift from behind my back.

  Dolly’s eyes widened in amazement. Her hands masked an audible gasp. “Rabbit . . .” She slowly put out her hand. She ran her fingertips over the glittering stones. “A . . . a . . . a crown,” she half-cried in disbelief.

  I lifted it up. With Dolly’s eyes regarding me with nothing but adoration, I slipped the crown on her head. “For my queen.”

  I fixed it in place and stood back to admire my work. I couldn’t take my attention off her. My little Dolly. My little Dolly, once broken, healed by a pretty dress and a crown. Standing before her king like the royalty she was.

  My queen of the dark.

  “Well?” she asked nervously, placing her hands down by her sides.

  I took a step toward her. Then another. I studied her crown, the bright blue of her eyes, the pink of her lips. “Perfection,” I stated, my voice low and husky.

  Dolly dropped her gaze, then lifted it back to whisper, “Silly Rabbit.”

  My lip hooked up at the corner. She was back. My little Dolly was back with me. Not lost. But by my side. Taking her rightful place as my queen.

  Heeding Chapel’s words, I moved my mouth toward hers. I was unhurried as I approached. Dolly held her breath as I ran my lips around hers, barely touching. I felt her shiver as I teased her mouth. Then I pressed forward, fusing our mouths. Dolly moaned lightly at my touch. Unfamiliar warmth ran down my spine as I took from her only her taste. Only her kiss, nothing more.

  When I pulled away, I pressed my forehead against hers and just breathed. Dolly’s hand came up and lay on my chest. The night was silent, and so were we.

  Time passed; not even the ever-present tick-tock of my pocket watch could be heard. “I have something else to show you,” I said and took her hand.

  Dolly let me lead her deeper into the field. Farmland in the middle of nowhere. Just us, the sky and our sins. I knew Dolly had seen the blanket on the ground by the slight hitching of her breath. I didn’t turn to face her at first. As I too looked at the blanket, I thought of what she had said about the movie she had watched.

  I wasn’t sure I could do this.

  But then Dolly’s hand slid onto my shoulder, and I felt her press her forehead against my back. I dropped my head forward and breathed deeply. I pushed away the dark thoughts that were threatening to spring forth. I cast out their abusive touches and sounds from my head.

  And I turned, slowly, my eyes closed. Dolly’s little fingers rubbed soothing strokes down my cheek. “Rabbit.” At Dolly’s whisper of my name, I let my eyes open. She took a deep breath.

  I knew then that she was just as nervous as me.

  “I don’t know if I can do this . . . like you want,” I admitted, my head twitching at the thought of taking her slowly. Gently. No blood. No biting or scratches down my back.

  “Neither am I.” She let out a pained laugh. With shining eyes, she whispered, “But we can try.”

  I sighed, tensing as Dolly’s deft fingers began to unbutton my vest. My hands dropped to my sides as she pushed the vest off my shoulders. She untied my cravat, removing the pin that had, only few hours ago, freed her from the room of doors. The black silk fluttered to the ground as she released it from my neck. My shirt came next, and I stood before her, shirtless, and still tense.

  Dolly took a deep breath, and her eyes fell to my bare chest. Her hands rested on my pecs, then they started to slowly explore. My jaw clenched as she ran her fingers over the many clocks I had tattooed on my skin. Tattoos that Chapel had painstakingly drawn with a needle and ink. Tattoos that had said goodbye to Heathan, and in his place had birthed Rabbit. She circled me, stopping at my back. I knew she was lo
oking at her face staring back at her. Then I felt her lips kiss that spot. Her lips were like the butterflies I would catch and kill as a child. Tickling the skin.

  Dolly moved around. She laid a kiss over my heart.

  It beat faster in response.

  I hissed as she broke away. I stared down at the black headband in her hair. That was always there—constant, familiar . . . Dolly.

  This was my Dolly before me. The only person I had ever let in. The only person who had ever wanted me for me.

  The killer by my side.

  I could do this.

  Or at least I had to try.

  Dolly was a statue as I reached out and pushed her hair from her shoulder. She closed her eyes. By the time she had opened them, I was pressed against her, chest against breasts. I let my hands drop from her shoulders to her back. Dolly’s breath fanned against my neck. I gritted my teeth as I pulled her zipper down. My fingertips grazed her bare skin as the zipper exposed her back. Taking a deep breath, I stepped back, and the dress that had been resting against my body fell slowly to the floor. I swallowed a lump in my throat as Dolly stood before me, naked and vulnerable.

  She lifted her chin. She moved forward and placed her hand at my waist. Her fingers crept lower until they had taken possession of my button. Dolly opened it and gently pulled down my zipper. My pants slid into a heap on the ground.

  I was just as exposed as her.

  Dolly sighed as she glanced down. More tattoos. More clocks. No square inch left unmarked. Dolly looked at me, waiting for instruction. I took her hand in mine and led her to the blanket.

  We lay opposite one another, no words being said, just air being shared. I shifted closer, my attention dropping to her lips. I moved in. I kissed her, and Dolly kissed me back. I wrapped my hand in her hair, but I did not pull. Didn’t try to dominate, just let it happen; no aggression, simply feeling.

  Dolly sighed against my mouth. The sound hit my chest.

  She liked it like this.

  I fought back my need to take her hard, and rolled her onto her back. I braced over her naked body. I stared into her eyes. She stared right back. Then I let my gaze fall. I crawled down her body, placing soft kisses on her neck, her breasts, her stomach and her thighs. Dolly slipped her hands into my hair as I moved back north. She searched my face, and then said, “Take me, Rabbit.” I held back my urge to seize control. “Make love to me.” A smile played on her lips. “Like they did in the movie. Under the stars. Just her and him, and their making of love.”