Just Above a Whisper

by Lori Wick

  “We went to the other meetinghouse.”

  “Did you?” Cathy asked in a voice Maddie couldn’t label. “Is the new building all done?”

  “All but the last two pews. Mr. Zantow is still working on those.”

  “He does fine work.”

  The conversation came to a comfortable halt at that point, which gave Maddie a chance to think. For the first time, it occurred to her that her aunt knew nothing of the conversations she’d shared with Jace in the last few months, and she certainly didn’t know about dinner yesterday. Jace had wanted to talk about theocentricity the rest of the day. Maddie had never considered how much God was in the center of everything, and she could feel her own excitement mounting.

  “Do you have a long list today for the store?” Cathy asked. Cathy and her husband, Doyle Shephard, owned Tucker Mills’ general store.

  “No, Clara’s over there now. I’ll check on her later.”

  “You look a little tired.”

  “I am.”

  “Everything all right with you and Jace?”

  “Yes,” Maddie answered with a smile, thinking of how solicitous he’d been with her the whole day. Even amid his excitement about their dinner conversation, he had checked with her almost constantly.

  “Put your feet up.” Cathy suddenly stood and moved the footstool. Maddie took the offer and even fell asleep for a few minutes. Clara came looking for her not long afterward, and as soon as Cathy had put together a basket of baked goods for them, they returned to the Randall farm to work the rest of the day out.

  “Well, Reese,” Mrs. Greenlowe popped her head out the front door to the almost-finished porch, a surprised look on her face. “Zantow is done for the day.”

  “Yes, but he forgot a tool, and I need to look for it.”

  “Well, come in when you’re done and sit for a bit.”

  Reese’s mouth was opening when the door shut. Reese would have to explain that Mr. Zantow was waiting. She began to look around the porch, spotting various tools but not seeing the one he had described. She didn’t want to carry the entire lot back to the house, but it was looking as though she had no choice.

  A little more searching ensued before she began to move boards. Finally she spotted it: a chisel. Reese took long enough to explain to Mrs. Greenlowe that she couldn’t stay and started home.

  A certain level of frustration filled her when it seemed that everyone she passed wanted to talk. On a day when Mr. Zantow told her to take her time, it was hard to find a soul who wanted to visit. He would never understand that the last person to stop her had been Mr. Somer, the town’s complainer. He had decided to tell her all about his back and the remedy he was trying to alleviate the ache. Still shaking her head with the irony of it all, she sped up her pace, not wanting Mr. Zantow to be impatient with her.

  “Maddie and I talked for a long time after we left here on Sunday,” Jace told Douglas on Tuesday afternoon while sitting in the pastor’s study. He hadn’t planned to stop but had found himself with a little extra time. “She said I can come and see you whenever I like.”

  “You couldn’t before?” Douglas clarified.

  “Not without warning her that I was coming, and that’s my own fault. Twice I came home and told her I’d been here, and she got upset. She had so many questions before we were married, but I told her everything was fine. Now I’m the one looking for answers.”

  “And it upsets her.”

  “Very much. I had convinced her that all was well, and by my asking questions, it’s confused things in her mind all over again.”

  “Aren’t you thankful?” Douglas suddenly asked, and Jace looked surprised.

  “Yes,” he agreed softly. “I guess I am. If Maddie hadn’t been asking those questions all along, I don’t know if my mind would have been so troubled.”

  “How is she feeling, by the way?”

  “She’s all right. She was so pale at the table on Sunday that it scared me a little. And she did admit to me later that she felt dizzy, but she didn’t want to interrupt or miss anything.”

  “You both have good questions, Jace,” Douglas said.

  Jace shook his head a little, having a hard time believing that, but he was too desperate to argue the point.

  “I have to get back to the farm, but I do have one final question.”

  “Let’s have it.”

  “I want to believe that God would forgive me, but I’ve been smug and sure of myself. Now I want some part of Him, and what makes me think I have anything to bring or offer?”

  “You don’t, Jace,” Douglas put it bluntly. “Well, you come with your sin, but nothing else. It’s all on God’s part, the grace and the saving. And the reason we can be certain of His love is because He tells us in His Word.”

  “It’s always back to the Bible, isn’t it?”

  “Thankfully, yes. Nothing else stays the same. The Bible is consistent, understandable for all who believe. I stake my very existence on it.”

  “And you think that if I believe, God will accept me?”

  “Yes. He’s looking for humble hearts who know they need a Savior. He’s waiting to be that Savior. He’s the only one who qualifies.”

  “Because He was sinless.”

  Douglas was able to answer with a pleased nod, glad to know this man had been listening.

  While Jace sat in the study working to take this in, Alison answered the knock she heard on the front door. She found Reese on the porch.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, Alison, but could I possibly speak with Douglas?”

  “He’s with someone, Reese. Can I help you?” she asked when she noticed Reese was trembling.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Come in,” Alison offered kindly. Reese Thackery had the most amazing effect on the pastor’s wife. She never saw her without wanting to say a kind word or do something for her.

  “I didn’t know who else to tell,” Reese said when Alison followed her into the parlor. “Mr. Zantow is dead.”

  Alison’s face filled with compassion. Just then a dish was dropped in the kitchen. It sounded as though something broke.

  “Give me just a moment, Reese.” Alison went swiftly that way and gave orders to her oldest son, Joshua, who was watching baby Jeffrey. When she returned to the parlor, shutting the door for privacy, it was only to pass through on the way to Douglas’ study. Both Douglas and Jace joined Reese in the parlor.

  “Reese,” Douglas began. “How did it happen?”

  “I don’t know. He wanted me to run an errand, and when I got back, he was slumped over his worktable.”

  “Sit down, Reese,” Douglas urged.

  “I don’t want to,” she stated plainly.

  No one debated the point, but neither could they miss the way she shook.

  “I wished him dead before I came to Christ,” she told Douglas, “but not anymore. I pray for him every day. He wasn’t an easy man to live with, but I didn’t hate him. I didn’t know who else to tell.”

  “I’ll tell you what we will do,” Douglas said, taking charge. “We’ll get Doc MacKay to check on him to be sure. All right?”

  “I’ll go get him,” Jace offered, “and meet you there.”

  “Thank you,” Douglas said, not even turning when Jace exited.

  “Would you like something, Reese?” Alison spoke up. “Water or tea?”

  “Maybe some water.”

  “Are you sure you don’t wish to sit down?” Douglas asked as soon as his wife exited.

  “I don’t think so,” Reese answered, but the hand she put to her face shook.

  The next few minutes passed in something of a haze for Reese. She didn’t remember drinking the water Alison handed her or accompanying Douglas out the door, but five minutes later they were at the workshop, entering to find Doc MacKay and Jace.

  “You were right, Reese,” the doctor said, coming directly to her. “He’s dead.”

  Reese nodded, comforted by his calm presence.
r />   “Did you touch anything or move him?”

  “No, but he didn’t answer, and I thought his eyes looked strange. I didn’t think to find you; I just went to the Muldoons’.”

  “You did fine. Why don’t you go to the house and make a fire. You look chilled.”

  “Would you like tea?” she offered automatically.

  “Yes. I’ll come and drink some with you.”

  Jace waited only until Reese had left—and they’d moved Mr. Zantow’s body onto the floor—to speak.

  “What will happen to Reese?”

  “I don’t know,” the doctor answered. “I’m not sure she knows.”

  “Will she have to lay out Mr. Zantow on her own?”

  “I’ll come and help her with that,” Doc MacKay confirmed. He turned away from the men, heading toward the door.

  “I’ll come in with you,” Douglas said before turning to Jace. “Thanks for getting Doc. Can we talk later, Jace?”

  Jace was swift to agree, exiting the workshop behind Douglas. He wanted to get home. He wanted it in the worst way. It was getting dark, and Maddie would be worrying, but it was bigger than that. He had things he had to speak to her about, things that wouldn’t last another day.

  The doctor found Reese by the fire, her arms wrapped tightly about her body. She didn’t turn but spoke when she heard the door.

  “What killed him?”

  “Probably his heart. Had he been sick or complaining of anything?”

  “No, nothing like that. He had more work than he had time for. That was the only thing troubling him.”

  The kind doctor began to make the tea. Reese had put the kettle on but done nothing else. A widower for more than ten years, he was adept at taking care of such things and was laying the table when Douglas entered.

  “Does the preparation work have to be done this evening?” Douglas asked of Doc MacKay.

  “There’s no need to rush. We’ll see to it in the morning.”

  “Why don’t you come and stay with us tonight, Reese?” Douglas offered. “We have plenty of room.”

  Reese turned from the fireplace for the first time but only stared at him.

  “Reese,” Doc MacKay tried. “Do you feel safe staying here tonight?”

  “I never felt safe staying here,” she said quietly. “Not since my father died. Tonight would be the first time.”

  “Maybe you should go to Muldoons anyway,” the doctor pressed.

  “I won’t sleep much, Doc, and that will only disturb them. I’ll be all right.”

  At last her voice sounded normal. The doctor looked to his pastor and nodded, telling Douglas he could take his leave.

  “We’ll check on you in the morning, Reese,” Douglas told her.

  “Thank you.”

  Reese finally sat down. She pulled a teacup close to her and wrapped her slim fingers around it. She was quiet, but the distant stare was gone.

  “Are you going to eat something? Is there enough food in the house?”

  “There’s enough food to feed the church family,” Reese said, her tone and words sounding the way they always did. “I’ll fix us something.”

  The town doctor settled back and carried on a light conversation while Reese worked. They ate companionably, like old friends, which in fact they were. And not until the meal was over did Doc MacKay mention what must be done in the morning. Reese was pragmatic about it; after all, she’d laid out her father. As the doctor left, they established a time for him to return the next day. Upon his exit, Reese didn’t wait long to turn in, not sleepy, but lying in her bed not having to listen for noises for the first time in many years.

  “I was starting to worry,” Maddie said to Jace as he came in the kitchen door. She’d heard him come into the yard but waited while he fed the stock.

  “I thought you might be. Mr. Zantow died, and I couldn’t get away.”

  “I didn’t hear the bells,” Maddie said in confusion.

  “Clara and I have never heard the bells out here. We’re just a little too far away. And besides, they probably won’t ring them until morning.”

  “Was he sick?” she asked.

  “I don’t think so. Reese looked too shocked for it to have been expected.”

  “I forgot about Reese. What happens to indenture papers when the holder dies?”

  “I don’t know,” Jace answered, thinking about how lost she’d looked. “I was talking to Mr. Muldoon when I found out,” he added, sounding as shaken as he felt.

  Maddie put her arms around him, wanting to be close.

  “Listen to me, Maddie,” Jace spoke from above her head. “We have to do this together.”

  Maddie didn’t need an explanation. She knew exactly what her husband was talking about. At the same time, she remembered she’d wanted this for a very long time.

  I’ll go with you, Jace,” she told him, a peace stealing over her. “I’ll go see Mr. Muldoon whenever you want to.”

  “Mr. Zantow was gone without warning. Do any of us really know how long we have?” Jace moved enough to see her face. “We have to take care of this, Maddie, and soon. I’m not ready for eternity, and you’re not either.”

  Maddie looked into Jace’s face and thought she could easily cry. He was scared. He was excited, but fear was evident as well.

  “I ordered a cradle, assuming he would complete it in plenty of time.” Jace’s voice was thoughtful with wonder. “And now he’s gone.”

  Maddie didn’t reply to this—there was no need. It was very sobering news. Death was a part of life, but also a sad part.

  “Do you want anything to eat?” Maddie asked after a long time. “I’ve got tea ready.”

  “Tea sounds fine. How are you feeling?”

  “Good,” she told him truthfully, and for the next few hours, they went about their normal routine. Not until it was time to turn in did the discussion return to their eternity again. The timing couldn’t have been worse. It didn’t let either of them sleep until late in the night.

  Alison sat in the dark of the bedroom, five-month-old Jeffrey at her breast, her heart praying for Reese Thackery. If she looked out the window and peeked around the tree, she could just make out the Zantow house. There were no lights burning, and Alison hoped that meant Reese was sleeping soundly.

  Jeffrey fell sound asleep when Alison wasn’t paying attention, and she bounced him a little to see if he wanted more, but he was completely relaxed, boneless as a cat, and ready to go back to bed.

  Alison tucked him into his cradle and slipped back into bed with Douglas, who had learned to sleep through the night feedings. Alison fell back to sleep too, but not before she had time to talk to God about trusting Him. Douglas had been talking about trust in his sermons. Trust was always the issue when she prayed. Did she pray believing God had a plan and she wasn’t the center of the universe? Or was she more willing to lie in her bed and tell God what to do with Reese Thackery’s life?

  Sleep came swiftly, but only because on this night Alison chose to pray in belief, knowing that God’s love for Reese laughingly outweighed her own.

  The bells rang early. First nine times, and then 48 times for Mr. Zantow’s age. Reese and Doc MacKay certainly heard them, but it didn’t deter the work. They had moved the body into the parlor, where the coffin and a piece of hastily prepared white sheeting were ready for the body.

  Doc MacKay sent Reese from the room just one time. Other than that, they worked side by side, doing what had to be done for the funeral the next day. While they worked, they talked. Doc MacKay, a fellow believer, wanted to know how Reese was really doing.

  “Are you afraid for the future, Reese?”

  “Not afraid, but certainly not sure of anything.”

  “Have you ever seen your papers? Do you know what to expect?”

  “I did see them one time, but not to read.” She made a face. “By the time I realized I should know what they said, my father was gone. I shouldn’t have been such a chicken.”

&n
bsp; “What do you mean by that?”

  “I never asked to see them because I feared angering Mr. Zantow.”

  The doctor nodded in understanding and asked, “Do you own anything in this house?”

  “A few items in my room, but nothing of value.”

  “Will you try to find work and stay in Tucker Mills?”

  “That’s exactly what I’ll do. I don’t know if anyone will hire me, or if I will be able to make enough to live on. I just know that I don’t wish to be indentured any more.”

  “I don’t think it will come to that,” Doc MacKay reassured her. “Don’t forget, you have the church family.”

  Reese smiled at him, her heart taking comfort in the reminder. She didn’t know what the future would bring, but she could trust that God had a plan. She could also thank Him for saving her and putting her with a church family that loved her unconditionally.

  Three

  The viewing was not largely attended. Mr. Zantow did work for many people, but he did not have a great many friends. Reese had sat by her father’s casket in this same living room, but she did not sit next to Mr. Zantow’s coffin. He was not family, and she felt to do so would give a false impression of their relationship. She had discussed her decision with Doc MacKay and Douglas, and they both agreed that it was a wise one.

  But Reese was in the house. She greeted people who came in the door and thanked them when they spoke kind words. What she hadn’t expected was the outpouring of good wishes directed toward herself.

  You’ve deserved better all these years, Reese.

  He didn’t know how good he had it.

  You’re a good girl, Reese.

  I hope whatever you do now, you’ll be happy.

  And on it went for more than an hour. The townsfolk came, said very little about Mr. Zantow, save how good he was at his craft, and then turned their attention to Reese, whom they thought so much of.

  When it was time for the coffin—one that Mr. Zantow himself had made—to be loaded onto the wagon that would go to the cemetery, Reese found herself mostly surrounded by her church family. Mrs. Greenlowe was also in attendance, as were Jace and Maddie Randall.