Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody, Vol. 8

by Hiro Ainana

  Just as I’d imagined, most of the elves were quite slender. There wasn’t a chubby one to be found, nor were any of them particularly well-endowed in the chest department.

  “”

  “”

  “”

  For some reason, the fairies who’d fled from Nana now gathered on my head and shoulders. One particularly peevish one was pulling on my hair.

  It was actually a little painful, so I gently plucked that one from my head and lowered it to the table.

  The fairies grumbled at that, until Pochi broke a pastry into pieces and fed it to each of them.

  “”

  “”

  “”

  Powdered sugar was flying everywhere in the process, so I decided to clean up with Everyday Magic later.

  Evidently hearing the pleased exclamations of their fellows, more winged fairies started gathering around with demands.

  “”

  “”

  “Owie, please wait, sirs. I don’t have any more.”

  The fairies were speaking in the Elvish language, so Pochi shouldn’t have been able to understand them, but somehow they seemed to be holding a conversation.

  It was cute to watch Pochi get flustered at the fairies, but I decided I’d better throw her a lifeline.

  I took a basket full of pastries out of Storage by way of the Garage Bag and put it on the table.

  “Here you go.”

  As soon as the basket touched the table, the winged fairies flocked to attack it.

  Yikes.

  Some of them got a little overzealous and disappeared so far into the mountain of sweets that only their feet were left sticking out, while others were flung to the other side of the table, clinging to their own pastries.

  The elves who came over with Mia seemed interested in the baked goods as well, so I put another basket of them out on the table.

  “Tasty.”

  “Mm.”

  “Good.”

  Most of them gave this kind of single-word comment that I was used to from Mia, though a few went on longer tangents like her mother. Unfortunately, most elves seemed to favor the former.

  “My, that’s delicious. They’re really quite tasty. Say, did you make these, Mr. Satou? Did you really?”

  “They’re so good! I could eat a dozen of them.”

  “Hee-hee, me too. Is this sweetness honey? Or perhaps snow sugar?”

  I was beginning to build up something of a fan club, but not all the elves were quite so friendly toward me.

  One elf boy in particular charged right up to me, prodding me in the chest.

  “Lovers?”

  Uh, come again?

  I stared at him in bewilderment until Mia made a show of clinging to my side.

  “Duh!” she exclaimed, despite all evidence to the contrary.

  As it turned out, the boy harbored a crush of his own on Mia.

  Well, I was calling him a “boy,” but he looked the same age as Mia’s father and was in fact two hundred years old, making him older than Mia.

  “Why?”

  “Pretty, nice, strong, fun…”

  Mia’s response to the boy’s question went on for quite some time.

  “…Satou rescued me from an evil magician. He saved me! It was amazing! I’m so proud! Even Red Helmet and Yuya couldn’t do that. It’s true!”

  “Agreed. Master carried me out of the Cradle when it collapsed, I report.”

  Nana boastfully added her own supplement to Mia’s extensive case.

  Red Helmet was a ratfolk warrior who helped Mia during the Cradle incident, while “Yuya”—Yusaratoya—was an elf who owned a general store in Seiryuu City.

  Nana was probably referring to after I defeated the Undead King Zen in the Cradle, when I helped her and her sisters escape as it self-destructed and turned into salt.

  Unable to compete with Mia’s overwhelming declarations, the boy simply fled with a parting cry of “Won’t lose!”

  “I am sorry, Mr. Satou. Do forgive him. Mia is almost like a younger sister to Goya. They grew up together, you see.”

  Since all the elves looked so similar, I had already forgotten what Goya’s face looked like.

  His name, on the other hand, would probably stick in my mind, since it strongly reminded me of the Japanese word for bitter melon.

  “Goya is a good boy; he really is, you know? He’s a little too attached to Mia, that’s all. A bit overprotective, understand?”

  I later learned that Goya had taken Mia’s fiancé claim seriously and had come to put a stop to it.

  I would have to resolve that little misunderstanding before I left.

  “This bread looks like the shell of a cream puff; it’s delicious.”

  “It’s sort of like a Yorkshire pudding I had in a British restaurant once.”

  The snack time had evolved into a full-on banquet, so my companions and I went around tasting all the delicious food the elves had to offer.

  Piled up on the huge tree-stump table was a mountain of something like freshly baked Yorkshire puddings, surrounded by roast beef, meat pies, sausages, fish marinade, whole-roasted birds, and more.

  In addition to the meat dishes, there were also berry pie, cherry pie, platters full of salad and cut fruit, and even a tower of jelly.

  All of it was provided by the elves to celebrate Mia’s return.

  Brownies, the short-statured house fairies, flitted about among the elves, endlessly arranging more food.

  …Hmm? How odd. Something felt out of place, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

  “So chewyyy.”

  “You can use it to pick up the roast beef, sir.”

  “Master, please do try it with this teriyaki chicken, as well.”

  The beastfolk girls showed me how to use the pseudo–Yorkshire puddings to scoop up meat, so I tried each of them in turn.

  “Master, this pie is delicious, I report.”

  Powdered sugar from the pie was collecting in Nana’s cleavage, so I tied a napkin around her neck to match Pochi’s and Tama’s bibs.

  A sigh of disappointment arose from a group of elves who’d been admiring her chest.

  “Welcome home, Mia! We brought sweet melons, your favorite.”

  “You still haven’t put on any weight, eh?”

  “We downed some ducks and deer during the hunt, so make sure you eat a bit of each.”

  A group of high-level elves peered in through the entrance, bows still in hand as they showed off their prey.

  Oh, that’s it! It was the meat that seemed out of place.

  I had thought elves didn’t eat meat, but here they were presenting all kinds of artisanal meat-based dishes and eating away without a care in the world.

  They weren’t as completely meat-obsessed as the beastfolk girls, but there wasn’t a vegetarian among the bunch.

  Well, except for one.

  “Oh, Mia! How will you ever grow up if you stay such a picky eater? You won’t, you know! Here, eat some meat; don’t be shy, now. Eat up, will you?”

  “Mrrr. Uh-uh.”

  “Eat.”

  Mia was trapped between her parents, both of whom were pressing her to eat meat.

  I guess I was wrong to think they were all vegetarians, then.

  In retrospect, when I first offered Mia meat, she simply mumbled things like “elf” and “meat” and formed an X in front of her mouth. I assumed that meant “elves don’t eat meat,” but I guess it was actually “Mia the elf doesn’t like meat.”

  Arisa had even said, Oh, so elves don’t eat meat? and Mia hadn’t corrected her.

  So all this time, she was just being picky?

  If it wasn’t a lifestyle choice or an allergy, then I should probably get her to start eating it.

  She seemed to enjoy
the tofu hamburg steak, so maybe that would make a good starting point.

  “Wait.”

  “No problem,” I answered Mia’s father.

  “Mrrr. Tenth time.” Mia, who was watching from the side, glowered up at him.

  Some elves had brought out a shogi board during the feast, and for some reason, I was now on a string of consecutive victories.

  This was probably a combination of my high INT skill, which allowed me to clearly visualize possibilities for the next dozen moves, and my experience making a shogi app game, during which I learned most of the classic strategies for reference’s sake.

  I guess the training hell I underwent at the hands of Mr. Tubs, the head planner for the shogi game, was still seared into my brain, too. He was a force to be reckoned with, having gone to national tournaments in his youth.

  It was to the point where it felt a bit like cheating, so I was happy to acquiesce to any requests for extra time.

  “Mr. Satou, would you like some fairy wine?”

  “I’d love some. Thank you.”

  I accepted the goblet of wine from Mia’s mother, savoring the beautiful ruby-red liquid with my eyes and nose before I brought it to my lips.

  The wine had a very light body, but it was more delicious than any I’d ever tasted. The mild, mysterious flavor sank into my tongue.

  Instead of assaulting the nostrils like strong liquor might, it had a gentle fragrance that roused the senses.

  It wasn’t quite as intense an experience as dragonspring liquor, but it was still fantastic.

  The cheeses, pies, and other delicacies the elves presented with it were good, but I thought it might make a good pairing with the Lessau County cheese I got in the old capital.

  “My, what an excellent cheese!”

  “It goes wonderfully with the wine.”

  My intuition was right, earning praise from the elves.

  “Done… Urgh.”

  Once Mia’s father made his move after lengthy contemplation, I moved my next piece without a second thought.

  “Master! This dish is incredible!”

  “Master, this fluffy white substance is delicious, I report.”

  Lulu was holding something like tofu cooked in miso, while Nana appeared to have located marshmallows. Both of them ran up and shoved a forkful into my mouth, then ran off to find their next dish.

  Well, at least they were enjoying the party.

  It was nice of them to feed me some and all, but I wished they’d be a little gentler.

  “Is it true that you’ve eaten hamburg steak before?!”

  Beyond the crowd of elves, I heard a cry from where the beastfolk girls were battling over the meat dishes.

  “Of cooourse?”

  “We sure have, sir! I can eat a hundred, sir!”

  Tama and Pochi posed victoriously for the crowd of excited elf girls.

  Liza was busy munching on a different meat entrée, so she simply nodded vigorously. The roasted drumsticks seemed to be her favorite.

  Just because it’s delicious doesn’t mean you should eat it bone and all, though, Liza.

  “Sir Satou! You know how to make hamburg steak, then?!”

  “I do indeed.”

  The girl who’d led the charge over to me clapped her hands together in delight and then pressed forward. “Please, won’t you teach me?”

  I nodded, and she flung her arms around my neck, pressing her cheek to mine with delight.

  “Would that mean you can make things like omelet rice and pizza, too?”

  “Y-yes, I’d be happy to make those for you sometime.”

  The second girl swooned at my response.

  Then a third one pressed forward, full of anticipation.

  “What about…c-c-curry rice?”

  “Sorry, I—”

  “O-of course, I should have known. Even Daisaku the Hero, who taught us the cooking of Nihon, said curry was too difficult to reproduce…”

  Her shoulders slumped with disappointment, so I finished what I’d been starting to say.

  “—I don’t have all the necessary herbs and spices on hand, but I do know the recipe.”

  The elf girl raised her face with renewed hope.

  “If you’d like, would you mind helping me collect the spices?”

  “Yes, I’d be thrilled!”

  The girl nodded eagerly, and I smiled in response.

  Sweet. Always good to have help with that kind of thing.

  The spice-based curry recipe was in one of the notepads I’d acquired at the black-market auction in Muraas.

  There was other useful information in there as well, but my top priorities were the recipes for curry and chocolate. Oh, and ramen, too.

  I promised the Elvish chefs I would exchange recipes with them, and soon we were having a lively discussion about cooking. Even Lulu joined in.

  My game against Mia’s father was over in about an hour, and I declined the next match, citing my exhaustion from recent travels.

  As night fell, I went out to the veranda and looked around at the elf village.

  The sounds of laughter and music filled the air, suggesting that there were parties going on in other tree houses, too.

  A large group seemed to be celebrating around a bonfire in the clearing below.

  “Satou.”

  “What’s wrong, Mia? Should the guest of honor really be leaving her seat?”

  “Mm.”

  Mia tugged on my hand and led me away from the tree house, passing by the party in the plaza.

  “How far are we going, exactly?”

  “Almost.”

  As I followed Mia, I gazed around at the homes of the elves, so smoothly integrated with nature.

  After we went down a mossy wooden staircase, we arrived in a clearing where colorful mushrooms grew in neat circles. These were fairy rings, the same transportation devices we’d used to get from the entrance of the forest to this residential area.

  “Here.”

  I followed Mia into one of the fairy rings.

  “Teleport.”

  At Mia’s command, the fairy ring shimmered and flashed.

  I wasn’t sure where we were going, but knowing Mia, she wouldn’t take us anywhere dangerous.

  The speed of the flashes increased, and the light emanating from the ground grew brighter. Then, once the flashing ended, we were teleported away.

  An instant later, we were standing atop an open hill overlooking a town in a different part of the forest.

  This town bore little resemblance to the tree houses that were built in harmony with nature. Smooth roads led up to the hill at even intervals, lined by perfectly spaced one-story houses.

  It was systematically designed and constructed, almost reminiscent of a modern Japanese town or even city.

  If the place we just came from was the home of the elves, then what in the world was this?

  I let my eyes wander as I contemplated this puzzle.

  Above us was a transparent canopy, supported by what seemed to be tree branches. It was large enough to cover the entire town.

  No, those weren’t branches. They were the roots of the World Tree.

  Feeling a tug on my sleeve, I looked down to see Mia, whose eyes held a mischievous glint.

  “Real town,” she explained simply.

  …“Real”?

  Is the town up in the trees a fake, then?

  Still confused, I opened my map to check our current position.

  This seemed to be the other elf residence that I’d noticed on the map earlier.

  “Do the elves normally live here, then?”

  Mia’s only response was another “Mm.”

  Still holding my hand, Mia led me to a nearby spot that appeared to be a tram platform.

  Near it were some objects that looked like the Floating Boards produced by Practical Magic.

  The boards were transparent, but they did have color, so this spell must not be the one I was familiar with.

  Sh
ortly after we reached the platform, a young boy arrived on another board.

  He seemed young—that is, except that he was sporting a beard that didn’t suit his face at all.

  It gave me painful flashbacks to when I’d tried to grow a beard myself.

  …It’s all right. Not everyone looks good with a beard.

  “Welcome home, Mia. You brought him here already? …Hello there, I’m Tutoreiya. Just call me Tuya, please. I was studying in the land of humans until about a hundred years ago.”

  The boy seemed friendly enough.

  According to his explanation, the village we were just in was constructed purely for visitors, intended to have “that elf-like touch.”

  That being said, it wasn’t meant to be deceitful or mean-spirited. It was just a place for welcoming and entertaining guests. It was constructed about four hundred years ago, largely under the direction of the Saga Empire hero Daisaku, who grew weary of battle and came to live out the rest of his days in the land of the elves.

  Now things were starting to make sense.

  A forest village with tree houses was far closer to the image we Japanese people would have of an elf home than this semi-futuristic, half-underground city.

  Getting fed up with my lengthy conversation with the boy, Mia yanked my hand impatiently, so I promised to chat with him some other time.

  “Ride.”

  Mia expertly hopped onto a Floating Board at the platform. It sank ever so slightly before returning to its original height.

  At her urging, I jumped onto a board next to Mia’s. She stated a few numbers that sounded like an address, and the board took off.

  Though I hadn’t given any commands, my platform shifted into motion to follow Mia’s.

  Streetlights with a fluorescent-like brightness blinked as if to guide us along.

  The houses were all fairly similar in size, on lots that were probably about seven thousand square feet. They all had slate roofs and walls of what looked like white resin.

  Overall, the architecture struck me as more modern than anything fantastical.

  It wasn’t long before I realized why: the windows.

  In the Shiga Kingdom, most houses had relatively small windows made from wood boards, which were generally just holes for lighting and ventilation.

  Here, though, the houses had large, clear glass windows and even had glass doors.

  Duke Ougoch’s mansion did have windows made from orc glass, but they were used much more sparingly, and most of them had fixed fitting.