Sparrows & Sacrifice

by Nellie K Neves

  Chief Saunders’ office wasn’t spacious, and his bulky frame took up any square footage he had behind the desk. I wondered if this was what all police officers aspired to be, close to retirement and too fat to ever pass the physical again. I reprimanded myself quickly. I had nothing against cops. My distaste was with the chief and others who used their power to control those beneath them.

  “Miss Johnson,” Chief Saunders didn’t bother to stand as I entered, “glad to see you could make it. You seem to be recovering from your…” his voice trailed off as he looked for an appropriate word.

  What was there?

  Vacation?

  Imprisonment?

  Latest half-cocked idea?

  “Mutilation,” I supplied and reveled in his look of shock.

  “Lindy,” Uncle Shane scolded, but I didn’t flinch. Chief Saunders knew who I was, none of it could truly upset him.

  “Right,” the chief cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, “well, I’m glad you’re on your feet again.” If he was waiting for me to apologize or congratulate him on his good manners, it wasn’t going to happen. He finally picked up the dead air and said, “I bet you’re wondering why I asked you in today.”

  Again, I wasn’t willing to jump through his hoops. I cocked an eyebrow to invite him to keep talking.

  “About six months ago, my daughter, Tasha, informed me she was dropping out of the state university and leaving to live an alternative lifestyle.”

  I had a weakness when it came to puzzles and gossip, and he’d hooked me with the phrase ‘alternative lifestyle.’

  “There’s this group, it’s not far from here actually, they call themselves Eden’s Haven. They’ve created a compound of sorts near the Cascade National Forest.”

  “Not a real hospitable place, I would wager.” I couldn’t hide my cynicism. There weren’t many roads in that area, mostly a small highway that led to a dead end from what I remembered.

  “Nonetheless,” he cut off the rest of my negativity, “they have a stronghold there.”

  “So? What? It’s some religious thing?”

  “Not that I know of.” He rocked back in his chair and the hinge cried out in pain. “It’s an ecology thing. They’re living the green life.” I swore he nearly choked on the words as if she‘d chosen to be a terrorist or an axe murderer. After what I’d seen, there wasn’t a problem.

  “So why am I here? I don’t babysit, and I’m not dragging her home against her will.”

  Uncle Shane had stayed remarkably quiet through all of it, though instinct told me he’d been apprised of the entire story.

  “Tasha left with her boyfriend Rico over six months ago. I hadn’t heard from her in over four months when I finally got word.” Chief Saunders’ face turned up to the ceiling for a moment. He cleared his throat again. Emotion overwhelmed him and stole his voice.

  Uncle Shane picked up the slack. “They found Rico’s body two months ago in an alley in Seattle. He was stabbed four times and bludgeoned over the head. They found older injuries, like he’d been routinely beaten for months. Repaired cracked ribs, a couple of mangled fingers that had never healed right, and he was emaciated as if he was starved to death.”

  When I looked back to the chief, his eyes brimmed with emotion. “He had a note shoved in the bottom of his shoe. It had my name and precinct, and it was written in a woman’s handwriting.” His index finger and thumb pressed hard against his eyes as if he could pluck out the offending emotion. “What am I supposed to think, Miss Johnson? How am I supposed to react when I’m not even sure that my daughter is alive?” His strength returned like a storm building beyond the mountains. “I can investigate, I can pull strings, I can do a lot, but I know that Eden’s Haven is responsible for this, and I can’t touch them.”

  “Why not?” I asked. “Storm the castle, get your girl.”

  “It’s not that simple.” Uncle Shane sighed. “Beyond jurisdiction issues, we’re not even sure where the compound is. We sent in a couple of men a few weeks ago, not long after we found Rico, and we haven’t heard from them.”

  “We don’t know if they’re still wandering out there, or if they’re been taken captive, or if they’re dead,” the chief answered in a husky voice. “But she is my daughter, my only child, and I can’t give up.”

  “I don’t get it. You sent in two cops on official business; they’re gone, and no one is up in arms over this?” There was more to it than that. I could feel it in my bones. “None of this is sanctioned, is it?” They didn’t confirm or deny, but it was enough. “Where did you get those volunteers then?”

  “I paid them.” The chief shifted in his seat. “We did a deputizing ceremony so that they were willing.”

  “Who were they? Homeless men off the street?”

  “No,” Uncle Shane was quick to step in, “they were professionals, wilderness survival and all that.”

  “A lot of good it did them,” I said.

  The tension thickened. I wanted to walk away, but they both knew I couldn’t leave a puzzle unsolved.

  “They didn’t look the part,” I surmised after a moment. “They were too eager, and the cover looked rehearsed.” My head dropped forward in defeat. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I need to know that Tasha is okay. If you can convince her to come home, that’ll be even better, but for now I need peace of mind.”

  Uncle Shane waited for the chief to stop talking before he said, “The only thing we know is that Tasha and Rico said they’d start from Marble Creek Campground and head south on one of the trails. From there, the only directions were to have a campfire every night and to ‘get lost.’”

  “Because that’s not foreboding or anything.” I shifted and leaned back in my seat. “Are you turning me loose out there? I know I’m tougher than most, but I’m not a survivalist. I haven’t gone camping since I was a kid.”

  “Can you get him?” Chief Saunders asked my uncle. Shane promptly stood and motioned to someone just beyond the door.

  My defenses rose like a drawbridge on a castle.

  An officer stepped through the door that Shane held open. The frame of his body filled the entire doorway. At least one and a half of me could fit inside his shadow.

  “This is Owen Cox. He’s volunteered to accompany you on this,” Chief Saunders faltered for a moment before he finished with, “trip.”

  “Whatever you need, Chief.” Officer Cox’s voice boomed like thunder and left me just as unsettled. From his biceps that resembled tree branches, to his perfectly gelled blond hair, I knew I’d never be comfortable working with him. He was attractive, but he knew it and that made me dislike him from the start. Spending days, possibly weeks, wandering in the back country with the meathead was less than appealing.

  “Are you sure I can’t go alone?” I asked in my usual dry sarcasm.

  Uncle Shane tried to speak but Officer Meathead, I mean Cox, spoke first.

  “It’s going to be dangerous out there, but don’t worry I can keep us both safe, honey, with one arm tied behind my back.”

  I doubted they could bend that far with all the bulk he’d added. I rolled my eyes and glanced back at Shane. “You’re sure this is necessary? Does he have any undercover skills at all? He’s going to get me killed.”

  “Hey sister, I’m right here. You have a problem, you can talk to me.” Cox folded his arms across his chest and his girth doubled.

  I rose to my full height, which was well beneath his, and squared my shoulders. “Not everything is about strength, you know. Most of my fieldwork experience has been about intelligence and ingenuity. I have to think on my feet. I’m not sure you think too far beyond which protein powder you’re going to scarf down before your next set of reps.”

  The chief’s hands rose to separate us. “Officer Cox is very qualified, Miss Johnson. You could stand to learn a bit about his discipline and respect for the law.” He turned to Officer Cox. “Owen, Lindy has done her time in the field. She’s quick on
her feet and understands undercover work better than almost any officer I have ever met.”

  High praise from the chief, not the sort I typically received. I’d learned to keep my mouth shut before he changed his mind.

  Well, most of the time.

  “You’ll work together in the field. If you choose to prepare together, that’s up to you, but I want you ready in nine days.”

  I stepped out of the office and again felt the scrutiny of the entire precinct. Owen stepped out behind me and caught my arm. Eager to get his beefy mitts off me, I tore away from his grasp. He lifted his hands in defense.

  “Touchy aren’t we?”

  “I have my reasons.”

  “Anything to do with that scar?” He motioned to my face, but he was staring at the one that peeked from behind my neckline.

  I grasped the two edges of my shirt and pulled them together in my grip. The chief’s voice beckoned me back into his office, and I was happy I didn’t have to answer the officer’s question.

  Cox grabbed my arm as I turned to go back. I jerked again, but his hand clamped like a vice.

  “You know I don’t need you either. I’ve heard plenty about you, Lindy Johnson. Can’t follow orders, can’t cut it as a cop, another emotional woman out there bungling up the work we do.”

  Fear fogged my mind as adrenaline flooded my veins. Because of my absence, Uncle Shane looked back and took of note of the officer’s grip. As he took one step forward, Cox dropped his arm.

  “It looked like she was going to fall. I had to catch her. I was worried, what with her disease and all.”

  Even as I kept my head high and stepped back into the office, I could still feel the print of his hand on my arm. His words stuck to me like peanut butter, oily and slick but impossible to remove.

  “I want you to see the psychologist,” the chief said. “I need to know that you’re stable.”

  I felt my jaw clamp shut in anger. “Are you going to send your sociopath out there as well?”

  Pressure from Uncle Shane’s hand warmed my shoulder. “You need to talk about things with someone, Lindy. You trust Dr. Rawlings.”

  The stipulation was stupid since I was the one doing the favor, but I relented. “Anything else?”

  The old chief hesitated for a moment as if he didn’t want to say it. “If you can do this, if you bring Tasha home, Lindy, I’ll do everything in my power to help you become a police officer.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I thought about what he’d promised as I drove home. Long before my diagnosis, and before the cases that had changed my life, that was what I’d wanted. My father had been a prosecutor my entire life and I’d spent many afternoons watching him work in the courtroom. I’d met police officers in our days together, I’d watched my uncle, and I made a career path. Start with a background in psychology and criminology, then become a police officer, a detective, an FBI agent, and then work as a profiler for the FBI.

  I liked to believe it was my diagnosis that had derailed it, but there was more than that. Petty crimes from my youth, bad interviews, and my own rotten attitude had stolen the option away early. I’d given up on the idea entirely until Saunders was willing to offer up a clear path again.

  I made the appointment with Rawlings because the offer was too good to pass up. I’d play nice with Officer Cox. Perhaps there was something redeemable about him. I’d find Tasha. Then the decision would be mine again, though I had no idea what I would choose.

  Chapter 4

  I gave up trying to talk to Officer Owen Cox on the phone. Any plans I offered were discarded and written off by my partner in the next breath. He was a typical chauvinist. I’d seen my share of it over the years. I’d always been strong willed and that had a tendency to threaten the men around me. In order to keep the peace, I let Owen make the plans. They weren’t bad plans, but they weren’t mine.

  Even as we shopped for supplies together, if I chose the gear, he immediately hated it. He refused to let me carry anything heavier than a box of matches, and I had to constantly deal with his blatant flirting with any woman we came in contact with. As we packed my car with the gear we’d bought, he glanced my way a few too many times.

  “What?” I snapped the word at him like an angry dog.

  “Geez,” he put his hands up as if I’d attacked him, “you don’t have to get all hormonal.”

  I slammed the back door shut on my SUV and spun to leave, eager to get some distance from him.

  “I was going to say, you wouldn’t look half bad if you tried a little.”

  My feet hesitated, not because he’d won me over, but because he’d triggered an internal debate over whether to slap him or get in my car and leave.

  “I mean, other than that scar, you’re not that ugly.”

  In order to stop myself, I gripped the car handle and took three deep breaths. “We’ve got our gear. Let’s agree to stay away from each other until it’s time to go.”

  “Look, I’m not coming on to you. But I feel as your partner, I should let you know some stuff.”

  He’s a cop, I thought to myself. Assaulting a police officer is a felony. I had to admit, I still considered it.

  “Don’t worry,” I said after a deep breath, “if you can keep your hands to yourself, I promise it’s not a temptation for me.”

  Cox closed the space between us to three feet. A fist clenched around my lungs. Blood surged within my veins. No amount of self-talk could ease the slam of my heart.

  “I heard about your last case, how you fell for that psychopath, and he kept you locked up.”

  I fumbled with my keys as he pressed on the distance between us. I had no reason to be afraid, but my hands trembled anyway. Tears fuzzed my vision. A pending scream jammed in my throat.

  “Please back up,” I whispered, but he didn’t seem to hear me.

  “If you ever need to talk about it,” the heat of his bulbous frame burned against my skin, “I’m more than happy to listen.”

  I can’t explain what happened next, or why it happened, but as he set his hand on my shoulder, I felt Dallas near me. I smelled the trees. The rustle of the wind against the tarp on the haystack caught my ears.

  Danger.

  My life or his.

  Turning into his grip, I closed my hand around his wrist and twisted it until he gasped in pain. The heel of my palm slammed against his throat, causing him to stumble back a few steps, cursing and coughing the whole way. The evening glow of the street lamps in the parking lot returned and everything about Dallas and his memory faded away.

  Words evaded me. There was no explanation for what I’d done. In a panic, I ducked into my car, fired up the engine, and fled.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Knowing it was only a matter of time before Uncle Shane called, it seemed smart to beat him to it. Instead of driving home, I headed for his house. After Aunt Stella died, he moved to a new place closer to Ferndale with less property to maintain. He claimed I was the only reason he’d stayed in Washington, and though I didn’t doubt that I played a major role, I knew he loved the little town as much I did.

  My uncle had a sort of sixth sense about him, and I wasn’t surprised to see him sitting on the porch steps as I pulled into his driveway. Granted, I suppose, it was just as probable that Cox or the chief had ratted me out.

  “You couldn’t play nice for once, could you?” he asked as I walked up the lit cobblestone path. “He says you attacked him.”

  “I told him to back up.” I filled the space beside him on the stair.

  “Cox says he was comforting you and you went ballistic.”

  “He wasn’t comforting me.”

  His sigh filled the night. “Did he come on to you? I know he’s a ladies’ man, but I guess I thought that—”

  “Since I’m hideous it wouldn’t be a problem?”

  “That’s not what I said, Lindy.”

  But he hadn’t corrected me either.

  “I don’t know what happened,” I said afte
r a moment of silence. “I needed space, he touched me, and I freaked out.” I sighed. “Am I off the case?”

  The closer our departure got, the more I realized how unprepared I was. With only five days left, the biggest threat to the case was me.

  “No, Cox is pretty embarrassed that you got the best of him. He doesn’t want that circulating.” Uncle Shane paused only a moment before he added, “Dr. Rawlings is no longer a strong suggestion. It’s a requirement.”

  I let the silence land before I agreed. “Understood.”

  Uncle Shane looked up at the stars, likely reaching out to Aunt Stella, a silent plea for her to guide his wayward niece. For once, I was happy to ask the intrusive questions.

  “How are you holding up?”

  He shrugged and shook his head with a gentle smile. “Some days are better than others. I made a friend while you were away. We watch the games and talk some. It helps. You?”

  I followed his gaze to the stars and repeated his answer. “Some days are better than others.” I shivered once from the cold. “I sure miss her.”

  “Not a day goes by,” Uncle Shane assured me. “You can’t forget your soulmate.” He let the quiet expand for a moment before he asked, “Have you talked with Ryder lately?”

  I sighed and let my head drop forward. “Once. Why?”

  A sneaky smile perked his cheeks. “Can’t I be in the loop on these sorts of things?”

  “He’s got a girlfriend. He never came to visit me when I was sick, and, I don’t know, at some point in time, shouldn’t I give up? When the universe says no this many times, isn’t there a limit?”

  “First of all, you weren’t exactly coherent for a while there; you can’t assume you know everything. Second, never give up on something real, Lindy. Never.”

  I thought he might expound further, but he had a way of letting me stew over what he’d said. I’d always thought he fancied himself a bit of a romantic and a philosopher rolled into one. It didn’t surprise me that he couldn’t let Ryder go, even when I felt desperate for relief from his spell.