Sparrows & Sacrifice

by Nellie K Neves

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Perhaps it was in my nature, or maybe it was because I’d gotten away with the long sleeves, but, as I walked to the garden on the eighth day, I noticed a couple sheets of warped plywood against the cabin wall. By lunch I had a plan.

  It took some time, but I used frayed ropes to drag a stump near the one I used to eat on with Moonlight. The plywood tilted as I let it fall over the top, but Harmony quickly stepped in and helped me level it with scraps of wood. Genesis saw our work and before long she had the children moving logs to rest parallel to our project and another set of stumps side by side to create a second table.

  That night, we ate shoulder to shoulder at our plundered dining set. Raife and Thomas watched from the perimeter shadows, frowns deepening on their cheeks as the laughter and talking spread through our makeshift family. I’d done nothing they could punish me for, but as their eyes narrowed in the lamplight I knew what I’d done was an act of war.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I waited for the other shoe to drop. My acts of rebellion hadn’t gone unnoticed. My enemy simply waited for the right time to act. I had to be ready. Days passed and nothing happened, but I refused to drop my guard.

  Two days later, I finished my work and started for the kitchen to deliver carrots from the harvest.

  “Will you fetch Moonlight?” Fern called after me from where she finished thinning the patch. I raised a hand to acknowledge her. Moonlight, or Chloe as I sometimes called her, was different than the other children. They were unaware, completely brainwashed by the world they’d assimilated into. Moonlight held a firm grasp of where she’d lived once before and often whispered of the life she remembered beyond the trees of Eden’s Haven. She had no respect for authority, feared nothing in retribution because her father was the guard, and spent most of her time climbing trees in order to catch a glimpse of the outside world.

  I knew Fern was more concerned with Moonlight being by her side, rather than her chores. Raife refused to hurt her, but there was no promise from the others. I’d never seen one of the children harmed, but I trusted Ryder’s instincts. I moved quickly down the muddy path that led to the children’s one-room schoolhouse cabin.

  I was nearly there when a scuffle caught my attention. A cry of anguish split the air. I spun so fast I tripped on my skirt. Men shoved against each other. A gun came loose from its holster. A flash of copper caught my eye. A body collapsed to the ground. He curled into a ball and braced himself against the onslaught of boots before they connected with his abdomen.

  Ryder.

  I ran toward him, screaming his name as I stumbled over my skirt. Pain clouded his eyes and creased brow. My name echoed on his lips even though he never uttered a word. Bruises mottled his skin, a water color of blues, blacks, and purples. Old and new, he’d taken the beatings I’d escaped.

  A scream erupted from my throat as I watched Raife rip Ryder’s body from the ground and slam him hard into the wall of a cabin. They were yelling at him. I couldn’t hear the words over my own pounding steps and hammering heartbeat. Arms pulled at my body, pinning me back. The scene swirled in my vision. My spirit propelled forward and my whole body whiplashed as Fern and Genesis restrained me. The door to the cabin opened and Ryder’s body fell inside.

  Screaming. Horrible shredded screams tore at my throat. The women pulled and tugged at me with an urgency I couldn’t understand. All I could do was try to get to him. Fern’s skin tangled up and tore under my fingernails as I clawed at her to free myself. Genesis’ face rushed up into mine, shouting and whispering in the same breath. Her hands pressed into my collarbone as she helped remove me from the center square. Before they shoved me into our cabin, I spotted Raife watching me, black eyes narrowed, the corners of his mouth turned up in a horrible smirk.

  I’d caused it. I’d hurt Ryder every time I’d struck back. Raife had put on the show within my sight because he needed me to see it. He needed me to know that every time I rebelled, no matter how quiet, Ryder would pay for it, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  The light of the dying day snuffed out as Genesis slammed the door shut and latched the lock. “Smother her with something or we will all be next!”

  Fern’s face filled my vision, her hazel eyes wide and frightened. “Sparrow, calm down, please breathe.”

  “They’re going to kill him!” I didn’t recognize my own voice, hoarse and torn as though it’d been dragged behind a car for a mile. “I did this. They’re going to kill him. I have to—”

  Someone shook me hard, but I couldn’t register her face in the low light. “They won’t kill him. They want to break you. Stop fighting back and they’ll let him live.”

  Tears pinched at the interior of my eyes. I’d caused Ryder pain. I’d made him relive the nightmares of his childhood. I had no one to blame but myself.

  “If she keeps up like this it’s going to get bad.”

  The voices continued, but I couldn’t place the owners in the dim light.

  “She’ll be like Sky.”

  “Sky is with Cyrus. He saved her. Sparrow is spoken for, Cyrus won’t step in.”

  “Sky was spoken for.”

  A weight clenched the room. Her words held something deeper, a story never told.

  “Shh— Harmony, you know that is forbidden.”

  “Then where did he go? He was here and then he was—”

  “Transitioned,” Fern’s familiar voice caught my attention. “Rico was transitioned.”

  “There was no ceremony. No one is allowed to talk about it, so how could it be a transitioning?”

  Rico. Tasha’s boyfriend was Rico.

  “He left,” I was sure it was Genesis who spoke. “He left on an outing with the other men. Liam told me he deserted.”

  “Genesis, you know we can’t—”

  He was killed. I wanted to say it out loud, to tell them who I was and why I was there, to warn them of the danger they were in but I couldn’t. My cover was too important.

  Ryder was too important.

  “Either way,” Fern’s soft voice continued, “they won’t kill Ryder, and that means that Sparrow is still spoken for.”

  The light caught the regal curves of Genesis’ face as she looked over her shoulder. “None of us have seen Sky in months. We can’t let it happen again.”

  Harmony crept to the small window and peered over the edge. “They’re taking him away again. He’s alive.” Her voice tensed as if someone had wrapped a hand around her throat. “Raife is coming.”

  Fern’s fingers dug into my shoulder. “Keep your eyes down. Don’t say a word unless he asks you a question.”

  The door shook under the pressure of his pounding fist. Harmony shot me a look before she pulled the latch. The weight of the door shoved her back against one of the bunks but only a slight whimper escaped.

  “Sparrow. Outside.” The command meant to frighten me, hard and unyielding, and with his newest tactic on his side, I had to admit I was scared. Not for me, but for Ryder.

  “Raife,” Fern’s voice pawed at him, a wife meant to still the storm of her husband. “She was caught off guard, she hadn’t seen him in days and to—”

  “Mary Ann, that’s enough.”

  The use of her real name shocked the room to silence. A sharp reminder of her place and her lack of say. No matter his feelings for his wife, he had a job to do.

  I rose on my own and took two steps toward the door. On the third, Raife’s hand gripped the back of my neck and propelled me forward. Pain screeched through my palms and burned up my arms as I collided with the dirt and rocks outside the cabin. The world spun as I rolled. Air rushed from my lungs as my back slammed against a stump.

  “That behavior is unacceptable. Females will not interfere with our training,” his tone darkened, “no matter the cost.”

  As he towered over me, my mind ran through every possible retaliation.

  A swift kick at the knees.

  A strike upward into his stomach.
r />   A well-aimed rock thrown at his temple.

  Anything to show him he wasn’t in control.

  “Will you consent to let us train Brother Ryder in peace? Or will you continue to interfere, Sparrow?”

  I kept my eyes on the dirt as Fern had instructed. I matched her soft volume and replied, “I won’t interfere.” With all the contempt I wished to release from my fists, I added, “Sir.”

  My stunt ignited his rage. Five fingers shifted into my hair and clenched down, pulling a sharp cry from deep within me. He yanked me closer, hairs ripping from my scalp as he did.

  “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’ll find out.” I looked up to face his seething hatred before he said, “And when I do, you’re both dead.”

  One last thrust slammed me back against the ground. I lay still as he walked away. The other women waited until he was out of sight before they rushed around me. A flurry of soft hands checking for injury, exclaiming over this or that, but I was elsewhere. I knew where Tasha was. I knew why I hadn’t seen her in the week and a half that I’d been at Eden’s Haven. Tasha was Sky and Sky lived in Cyrus’ house.

  Raife’s warning echoed in my ears, one more phantom who’d ordered my death. Something sick burned inside of me as I thought of his threat. When it was all over, when I finally reunited Tasha with her father, Raife and I would have a battle on equal ground. Then he would see exactly how it felt to be brutalized by someone stronger than he was.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Despite Raife’s retaliation, the tables remained. A new unity blossomed among the women. Dinners bubbled over with chatter and laughter. Three days after we started using them, Genesis worked with the oldest children to craft a shelter from the rain using only scrap lumber and tarps that had been deemed unworthy for the male half of the compound. Not only did we eat at a table, but we were dry when we did it.

  It had never been my goal to unite the women. I was merely sick of eating with my food in my lap, but as the days moved forward I noticed more of them watching me, the old suspicion gone and a new respect in their eyes. Somehow, I’d become a leader to them. The thought chilled me because it was dangerous, for me, but more so for Ryder.

  By the end of the week, I noticed Fern had started wearing my long sleeve red top. I wanted to ask her about it, but I knew she’d brush it off. I thought about Raife’s words, how he had called her by her real name, and I wanted to know more about that relationship. But those weren’t topics we could discuss within earshot of her husband.

  Every day, I watched for Ryder, for any sign that he was still alive. Four days after I saw him thrown against the cabin, I spotted him through the trees as I worked in the garden. He was sandwiched between Thomas and another man I didn’t recognize. With his hair ruffled and unkempt, it reminded me of the night we’d first met. The bruises had faded and I was relieved that I didn’t see any new ones. There was no swelling at his jaw like the last time I’d seen him, but the rifle that crossed his chest made me nervous. He held it firm in his grasp, no hesitation, no reluctance.

  Glancing first over my shoulder to see if I was alone, I waved my arms overhead, trying to gain Ryder’s attention before the others saw me. His stare remained fixed in front of him, expressionless, flat and void of the man I knew.

  I’d studied brainwashing extensively, both in school and on my own. I found the success of the Korean prisoner of war camps especially interesting. I’d always thought that if I could understand it, then I could resist it. Of course, it was all part of my plan to become an FBI agent, long before everything had fallen apart.

  It started with denial of self, removing everything that gave the individual their identity. That was followed by a barrage of guilt, usually accompanied by physical assault and pain. I’d seen that firsthand in Ryder only days before. Typically, the prisoner was granted reprieve, a time where the attacker tries to reason with his victim. This was the moment where ideals shifted. The attacker was a friend trying to help the victim see the error of his ways. From the blank stare on Ryder’s face, I wondered if his training was complete and, more importantly, if they’d succeeded in rewiring his brain.

  The wind picked up, a cool breeze laced with the mists of rain that hadn’t materialized. Ryder’s eyes slipped closed as he took in a breath of fresh air. Inexplicably, his face turned and our eyes met.

  Nothing.

  There was nothing there.

  No recognition, no secret message, nothing but a blank, carved-out version of my partner. They’d gotten to him. He’d broken. As he turned away, I faced the truth.

  Ryder was gone.

  Chapter 20

  Though I wanted to, I couldn’t risk tears. I was alone. Alone was all I’d known for years, but it used to invigorate me. Why did it leave me tense and twitchy this time around? Every part of me stayed rigid, waiting for the imminent attack.

  Dinners improved. With the addition of the dining space, no matter how rudimentary it was, Harmony added a few extra bits to our meal. Never meat, but occasionally rice or bread or other grains that let our stomachs remain satiated for a little longer.

  I’d noticed the lack of protein early on, too common to be a coincidence. I’d seen the livestock: chickens, two milking goats, and four fat hogs. There was no reason we couldn’t eat eggs or supplement with more goat’s milk.

  Without protein, the women remained weak. Such a simple way to shackle us. My strength slipped away day by day. When I was alone in the garden, I often took a few seconds to press out five pushups or, if I had to carry something to Rain for the livestock, I’d curl the basket up and down to work my biceps. Weakness couldn’t be an option.

  As I cleared my plate to be washed and stacked away by Breeze and her team of children, a firm grip closed over my shoulder. My heart leapt into my chest. My muscles tightened to retaliate, but Raife’s coal black eyes held me still.

  “Sparrow, you are needed.”

  “For what?” I snapped, completely forgetting my place in their world.

  Instead of an answer, he shoved me hard. I caught myself on my fingertips and straightened slowly, my eyes fixed on the ground as Fern had advised.

  “Your man requires you.”

  The words filled me with dread. What did they have planned? Was it another lesson? Was my abuse Ryder’s final test? I had no choice but to follow. Thomas’ gun jammed against my ribcage assured me of that. I trailed after Raife, but I dared not look at any of the women. Seeing fear in their eyes would only increase my own. Each step felt like the march to an executioner’s chair. I was Marie Antoinette, and the gallows waited for me.

  Thomas shoved me hard through the alley of two cabins, well on the other side of the compound. I nearly slammed into Raife, but stopped short of him. For the remainder of the trip, I fantasized plans for revenge on Thomas. I was positive that I wanted to jab the muzzle of his gun between his ribs at least once.

  Our group stopped in front of Cyrus’ home. From where I stood, I saw the entire encampment— the bus, the cabins, the two rusted-out trucks, and the forest that surrounded us. It was no wonder Cyrus had chosen the property. From his vantage point, he’d be able to see everything. He could control everything. We were pawns, which drove me to wonder what game we were playing.

  When Raife stepped away, I braced myself for attack. Men milled around, but not like before, circling and taunting me. Two chopped wood on the side of the house. Another cleaned a gun in the distance, but with no speed or urgency. Two others sat on rocks, chatting casually, not what I’d expected. Ryder sat on a stump to my right, no shirt to hide his bruises, eyes forward and fixed on a distant point. There was no tension in his bruised jaw, no emotion in his face. As before, he was gone.

  I waited for the order to call for my abuse, but it didn’t come. Instead, Thomas’ gun fell away from my back as he left to start a portable generator.

  Raife watched my confusion with delighted amusement. “Sparrow, Brother Ryder needs to be cleaned up. This is your chore sin
ce he has taken it upon himself to claim you.”

  “Cleaned up?” I hoped it wouldn’t seem as though I was belligerent. Ryder had to look better than I did. It’d been nearly two weeks since I’d showered, unless you counted the moment I’d snuck a washrag while helping to wash the clothes by hand. I ran it over my skin as fast as I could before Ivy lectured me for my vanity and waste. Ryder’s skin, by contrast, was bruised but clean.

  “First year initiates are not permitted long hair. His length has surpassed the regulatory length. You will cut it.”

  I didn’t even cut my own hair. Twice a year I went into Ferndale and paid someone nine dollars to clean up the ends. How was I expected to manage Ryder’s?

  “How short should it be?” My eyes bounced from man to man as I examined the options. Raife’s was longer, at least three inches and full. Thomas kept his hair buzzed to the scalp. I realized many others were the same military cut. It pained me to think of Ryder falling into the same faceless crowd of Cyrus’ minions.

  “He has been instructed that he can keep the style, but it must be cut shorter for his training to continue. Vanity won’t be tolerated at Eden’s Haven. Remember to limit your touch.”

  Thomas pressed the clippers into my hand. His fingers trailed over my skin like bugs. “Don’t get any funny ideas with those, little Sparrow.” Other wicked promises were hidden in the depths of his tone.

  Raife stayed close, watching me as I stepped to Ryder, still and unmoving. I’d kept my hands to myself for so long. I knew it’d be my undoing. The stump he sat on made Ryder my exact height. There was no way to cut his hair as Raife had commanded unless I touched him.

  The clippers buzzed in my hand, and the generator remained an ever-constant rumble. His skin prickled as I set a hand to his shoulder and the clippers to his scalp. It wasn't as if I knew what I was doing, but if I could keep him from total conformity then it felt like another silent rebellion. They were bent on changing everything about him, but if I could let him keep one aspect that reminded him of his real life, wasn't it my obligation to do so?