Kittenfish: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romantic Comedy

by Brenda Lowder

“Giselle.” Her name resonates in Tarek’s low voice.

  “Yes?” She angles her chin toward him and flutters her lashes.

  “Tell me all about yourself.”

  “Okay,” she says, when I think most people would have demurred at the broad request. “I grew up in California. Marissa and I were in second and third grade together—”

  “What do you mean, ‘no’?” Brandon interrupts her to ask Tarek.

  Tarek swivels around and blinks at Brandon. “Excuse me?”

  Brandon leans across the table, gathering steam. “Yes. Excuse you. You were very rude just now.”

  Tarek cocks his head at him. “It took you long enough to notice.” He turns back to Giselle and leans forward, propping his chin in his hand and offering Giselle a wicked smile. “So what was Marissa like in second grade?”

  Lexy’s eyes slide to mine. Although we’d covered info on me for her character study, we’d focused more on her. Sharing stuff about me would take some improv.

  “She was delightful!” Lexy/Giselle gushes. “She loved to read. She helped the teacher sweep the classroom, right?”

  I nod, wondering if Tarek is buying this. He’s watching Giselle’s lips and hanging on every word, so I assume he is.

  Lexy raises her eyes to the ceiling and smiles as if remembering a particularly sweet memory. “And then there was the day she peed her pants in the middle of the classroom.”

  I spill my coffee. Tarek barks with laughter. Brandon turns the color of the inside of a grapefruit.

  “I did not!” I grab a wad of napkins and dab furiously at the coffee spilling onto the lap of my red dress.

  Giselle puts a hand over her mouth and giggles. “Oh, yes she did. She doesn’t want to admit it because she had a crush on Ricky Freidburg who was there, but she peed her pants, and it got all over him.”

  “What? All over the guy she liked?” Tarek is laughing so hard I’m afraid coffee might come out of his nose. No. Afraid isn’t the word. Really hoping is what I’m actually doing.

  “Oh, yes! There was pee everywhere.” She throws her arms wide to indicate the expanse of the room and leans against her seat back with a satisfied smile.

  “There wasn’t pee everywhere.” I hold a drenched napkin up like a dripping white flag.

  “Of course there was,” Giselle leans in and rolls right over my objection. “Children were sliding in it all over the place, doing turns like they were ice skating. She has a very big bladder,” she confides to the table.

  “My bladder is normal sized.” I turn to Brandon. I can’t tell if he suspects my bladder is abnormal or not. He’s looking around the table in horror, and I don’t know whether to back up Giselle’s outrageous slander for the sake of supporting her credibility or to try to defend myself so I don’t look like a panty-puddling nightmare with an exploding bladder the size of a barn.

  “You know what?” Brandon breaks in on Tarek’s laughter, and I can’t read his expression. “I have to go.”

  My stomach sinks to my knees. My first date since my fiancé left me for a stripper and he ditches me mid-coffee. I look at Brandon, and he must read something of what I’m feeling in my eyes because he’s quick to reassure me. “I just mean I have to go to the bathroom. All this talk of, you know.” He gestures to Tarek and Giselle, and they break out laughing again. Brandon squeezes my arm as if to shore me up in defense. “I’ll be right back.”

  My heart warms toward him, and I watch him head for the men’s room, turning around and changing direction completely when he realizes he’s gone the wrong way. When I glance back at our table, I find Tarek studying me.

  “Don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire,” he says in a low voice for my ears, not Giselle’s.

  “What?”

  He jerks his head in the direction that Brandon took. “Don’t jump into a relationship with boring Dog-boy now that you’re finally free.”

  Like Tarek should be the one giving me relationship advice. And I’m not finally free. I am ditched and devastated and broken and Tarek is the one who made me this way.

  “Oh, okay. Thanks.” I cross my arms and roll my eyes at him.

  “I’m serious.”

  I angle my head and try to skewer him with a withering glare. “Who says I’m interested in a relationship? Maybe I’m just going to use him for his body.”

  “Would he bother taking off the sweater vest if you did?” Tarek scoots closer to me, and his arm brushes my elbow.

  I yank my arm away. “Shut up.”

  His smile is gloating. “What? I figure you’re fond of a sweater vest. You’re always clinging to the dull professor-types who wear them.”

  “Doesn’t she, though?” Giselle interjects, establishing her knowledge of my personal history. “They’re the worst. Why does she always do that?”

  Tarek glances sideways at her before turning back to me. “Thank you, yes. See? Giselle has noticed it too. It’s not just a trend with you—it’s a sickness.”

  Brandon strides toward us from the men’s room, and I hurry and gulp the rest of my coffee before standing up. My throat burns the whole way down. I address them all. “Well, this has been lovely, but Brandon and I really must go.”

  “Already?” Tarek looks at his watch. “It’s only been fifteen minutes.”

  “We have a big night to get to, right, Brandon?” I nudge him with my elbow.

  Luckily, Dog-boy is swift enough to back me up. “We certainly do. And sorry, Tarek, as much as I enjoy your company, there’s only room for two.”

  I gaze at Brandon with newfound respect. Boring sweater vest guy snuck in a sarcastic barb. How do you like that, Tarek? I take Brandon’s arm and smile up at him. He smiles back. I don’t miss the twinkle in his eye.

  Apparently neither does Tarek because he bristles and turns to Giselle. “We have plans tonight, too, don’t we?” He tries to take her arm. She slips out of his grasp and puts her purse strap over her shoulder.

  “No, sorry, Tarek. I must go.” She stands and moves next to me so the three of us are looking down at him, alone at the table. He shoots our trio a tight-lipped smile.

  “Bye!” I wave vigorously and set out for the door, Brandon and Giselle following me.

  When we hit the sidewalk outside, Lexy laughs, all trace of Giselle gone from her features. “That was fun! How’d I do?”

  I shoot a worried glance at Brandon, but he’s ogling the Porsche 911 parked at the curb and not listening to Giselle. “Great,” I tell her out of the side of my mouth. “I’ll talk to you later, Giselle.” I raise my eyebrows at her.

  She straightens. “Yes, of course. See ya later, boss!” She salutes and takes off for her car.

  I pivot to Brandon and appraise him with increased interest. I’d thought he was a prop, but it turns out he’s more than that. He’s someone who butts heads with Tarek, and I like him more for it.

  “So what do you want to do tonight?” I stuff my hands in my pockets.

  He raises an eyebrow at me and the beginnings of a smile hover on his lips. “Did you think I was bluffing about having big plans for us tonight?”

  I lean back on my heels and look up at him, my surprised amusement stretching my smile. “I did indeed.”

  He shoves his hands in his pockets and lets his elbows stick out like chicken wings. “Well, you’re wrong. We have plans. Big plans.”

  “So you’ve said.” I flip my hair over my shoulder. “And they are?”

  He gives me a sheepish look. “What do you think they are?”

  I put a finger to my chin. “Dinner at Asian Gardens and then a movie?”

  He smiles. “Funny, that’s exactly what I planned.”

  He holds his chicken-wing arm out. I take it.

  Chapter Eleven

  So why the sudden impulse to get a puppy?” I ask while nuzzling the most adorable Yorkie imaginable. Kya and I are at a dog park—a first for both of us—so the new member of her family can have an outing. My question is purely selfis
h. Twenty seconds cuddling this little sweetie and I desperately want one of my own.

  “Your new boyfriend.”

  “What?” The Yorkie—Valkyrie is her name—and I look at Kya. “You haven’t even met Brandon.”

  “I know. I know. But he’s ‘Dog-boy’ and there was all this talk of dogs, and I suddenly really, really wanted one.”

  With Kya working from home, it makes sense she’d want a furry companion. But motivated by Brandon? Have I really been talking about him that much? “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was going on and on about my Dog-boy.”

  It’s only been a week since our date, which went so well we have another one scheduled for tomorrow. He’s called a few times, and we’ve had some good chats, though I haven’t related our conversations to Kya. I’m running events over in my mind, but I really haven’t had time to bore Kya to tears yet with my relationship deets.

  She waves a hand in the air and scoops Valkyrie from my arms so she can take a turn cuddling her. “Oh, you aren’t bad. But I’m hearing about him from Tarek, too, and he keeps calling him Dog-boy. You know how suggestible I am. I went out and got myself a Dog-girl. Didn’t I, sweetums? Who’s a pretty girl? Who’s a pretty girl? Yum, yum, yum.” This last part was directed at the dog and not me, presumably.

  I scrunch my face up at her. “Why’s Tarek talking about Dog-boy?”

  “I don’t know.” She rolls her eyes but then gets distracted and makes kissing noises at the puppy again. “He’s, like, obsessed with him or something. Talks about him a lot. Thinks you can do better.”

  I kick a tuft of grass by my feet. “Forgive me if I don’t take Tarek’s opinion into consideration. He was just fine with Liam and look at how well that turned out.”

  Kya looks up from Valkyrie, her brow furrowed, and frowns. “Tarek never liked Liam. In fact, Liam really bugged him.”

  I press pause on petting Valkyrie, my fingers still twined in her silky fur. “Really?”

  Kya nods. “Yeah. He hated getting together with him.”

  “Hmm. But they were so buddy-buddy there at the end. I thought they were real friends.”

  Kya shrugs. “I don’t know what happened. Maybe he grew on him. I just know he always thought Liam was too dumb for you and a bit of a peacock.”

  I snort-laugh and shake my head. Much as I hate Liam right now, if anyone in the world is a peacock, it’s Tarek.

  Kya looks at me sharply. I put a hand to my mouth and clear my throat like I’m trying to get a cough under control. For the sake of our friendship, I change the subject. “How’s it going with Ms. Lady Trainer?” Kya’s calves—which I can see clearly in her capri yoga pants—are well-defined, so I have a guess.

  “Great!” Her whole face lights up with her smile. “We’re going out together very soon.”

  I nudge her arm. “And you wait till now to tell me? That’s awesome. Congratulations, Ky.”

  She laughs and her cheeks redden. I feel warm inside for my friend and find myself hoping a new relationship will be something good for her. It’s been a while since she’s had a girlfriend.

  “Thanks.” She shrugs. “We’ll see how it goes. I don’t want to jinx it.” Which means she’ll say no more on the subject until I call her for a full report. I cross my fingers and send a wish up to the billowy clouds that she’ll find happiness in love.

  Funny how I still believe in love, despite Liam and Tarek and the many other reasons not to.

  “So what did Tarek think of Giselle?” Strangely, Kya has been silent on the subject. When I brought it up on the phone with her, she clammed up.

  “I think he likes her.” She studies me carefully and I wonder what she’s not telling me…or what she suspects. “But I know she’s got a boyfriend, so I think it’s a dangerous situation for Tarek to be in, romantically speaking.”

  As if he hasn’t been in it before. I shake my head, injecting some invented sadness into it and sigh. “I’m not sure it’s going to last.”

  “What?”

  “Giselle’s relationship with her boyfriend. You know the whole long-distance thing is just too hard. And he doesn’t have any plans to come to the US.” I lean toward her conspiratorially. “They’ve been fighting a lot lately.” I grimace and shrug.

  Kya tilts her head at me, and there’s definitely something she’s not sharing. There’s a gleam of suspicion in her too-smart eyes, but I don’t know if it’s doubt about what I think I know or doubt about Giselle’s entire existence.

  “Hmm.” She puts Valkyrie down on the grass. The little brown dust mop sniffs the lawn and canters about, but doesn’t stray far from our legs.

  After a minute, Kya says, “I think Tarek might be glad to hear that.”

  I nod and watch Valkyrie chomp down on a blade of grass.

  “Which makes me wonder why you’d mention it.” She shoots me a side-glance.

  Ah-ha. Yes, too smart. I choose my friends for their brains, not their brothers.

  She continues. “I would think you wouldn’t let your dear old friend anywhere near big, bad wolf Tarek, and yet here you are going on a double date with them, no less. Without me as a buffer, by the way, which never happens.”

  I start to interrupt, but she holds a finger up and pushes on. “And she’s already got a boyfriend, but you somehow let that slide even though you were recently dumped and have always been a strong believer in fidelity. Some would say obsessive about it, even.”

  “I—”

  “And he’s talking to her online, but she’s all over the place. Running hot and cold. Left and right. He can’t pin her down, and it’s driving him crazy. That doesn’t happen to him.” She turns on the bench and looks straight at me. “Something’s going on.”

  I scratch my neck, which I can feel overheating, and watch Valkyrie run in a little circle, chasing her tail. The green grass stretches out over a little hill behind her. A man and his young son jog up the path and pass us. “I don’t know what you mean.” I’m careful not to meet her eye.

  “Mmhmm. I don’t buy it.”

  “I think that big dog is looking at Valkyrie.” I point at a German shepherd coming up the walking path with his owner, a tall, brunette woman in athletic wear.

  She leans toward me. “Don’t change the subject.”

  “What’s the subject?” I make the mistake of glancing at her and quickly look back at the approaching dog and woman.

  She tugs on my sleeve. “What’s the deal with Giselle?”

  I shrug. “She’s my friend. From when I was a kid. You know the story.”

  “Yes. I know the story.”

  I pretend I don’t hear the accusation in her words. “Then you know everything.”

  “I don’t think I do.” Her words are clipped. She’s deciding how mad she should be at me.

  “Ky—”

  “No, I’m serious. There’s something about this Giselle business you’re hiding.”

  “No, Ky. Wait, I think Valkyrie’s getting violated.”

  Kya follows my eye line to where the very large German shepherd seems to be attempting to mount the very small Yorkie. Kya shrieks and runs for her mythical warrior. I look around for the athletic owner of the German shepherd and see she’s on the phone, arguing loudly and not looking at what her furry progeny is doing.

  Kya rescues Valkyrie in time. When she returns to our bench to insist we leave immediately, she forgets to follow up on her recent line of questioning.

  For now.

  ∞∞∞

  On Saturday I take my new camera to my mom and dad’s house. I haven’t visited since the wedding that never was. Considering a few weeks have elapsed, I’m hoping my parents are past expecting to recoup any wedding costs.

  My mom hugs me when I walk in the door. I embrace her for a moment longer than usual, clinging to the pale blue tea-length swing dress she’s wearing. My mom isn’t what you would call modern or even the least bit au courant. She would’ve been at home in the fifties. All her life she wanted to
be a wife and mother. It was really the only career path to which she’d ever aspired. Perhaps because of her old-fashioned inclinations, her wardrobe fits her outlook with matching skirts, jackets, and blouses in muted pastels and trim little suits that would only need a hat to make her into an actual fifties’ housewife.

  She gives me an extra squeeze. “It’s okay, sweetie. You’ll find true love someday.” I pat her back and wiggle free. So much for thinking she’s gotten past my non-wedding.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I head over to where my dad is sitting in his chair and give him a side-hug without making him get up. He doesn’t like to get up.

  My dad’s always been much more casual than my mom. Jeans and T-shirts with slogans he doesn’t get—that’s him. Today’s shirt says, “Brace for Impact,” and I wonder if a giant meteor is on a path to collide with Earth. Or if he thinks there is. He pats my arm. “Don’t find your true love until I’ve finished paying for this one.”

  I kiss his cheek and try to ignore the prickling in my eyes. The vision of Liam and his stripper cooking and ballroom dancing in his kitchen is seared onto the surface of my brain. I sink onto the sofa seat nearest Dad and wipe my eyes.

  “There, there, Pumpkin,” he says, his voice suddenly softened. “I was only joking.”

  “I know,” I say. But I also know deep down he wasn’t. And besides being torn up at losing Liam and petty with jealousy and resentment for his newfound love, I do feel guilt for the money, knowing how hard my dad works as a local store manager and what sacrifices my parents have made for me. It’s enough to start me blubbering.

  “Hey now, none of that here,” Tarek says as he holds the curtain to the sliding glass door aside and steps into the living room from the backyard, followed by Kya.

  I jolt in my seat and a sickening dread creeps over from the dirt he’s tracking onto my parents’ living room floor into the pit of my stomach. “What are you doing here?” My parents’ house should be a safe, Tarek-free zone.

  “We were playing on the swing set.” Tarek and Kya laugh, sounding just like they did fourteen years ago. I have no doubt that’s what they were really doing.

  “Toddlers,” I accuse.