The Fifth Child

by Doris Lessing

  Happiness. A happy family. The Lovatts were a happy family. It was what they had chosen and what they deserved. Often, when David and Harriet lay face to face, it seemed that doors in their breasts flew open, and what poured out was an intensity of relief, of thankfulness, that still astonished them both: patience for what seemed now such a very long time had not been easy, after all. It had been hard preserving their belief in themselves when the spirit of the times, the greedy and selfish sixties, had been so ready to condemn them, to isolate, to diminish their best selves. And look, they had been right to insist on guarding that stubborn individuality of theirs, which had chosen, and so obstinately, the best—this.

  Outside this fortunate place, their family, beat and battered the storms of the world. The easy good times had utterly gone. David’s firm had been struck, and he had not been given the promotion he expected; but others had lost their jobs and he was lucky. Sarah’s husband was out of work. Sarah joked dolefully that she and William attracted all the ill luck in the clan.

  Harriet said to David, privately, that she did not believe it was bad luck: Sarah and William’s unhappiness, their quarrelling, had probably attracted the mongol child—yes, yes, of course she knew one shouldn’t call them mongol. But the little girl did look a bit like Genghis Khan, didn’t she? A baby Genghis Khan with her squashed little face and her slitty eyes? David disliked this trait of Harriet’s, a fatalism that seemed so at odds with the rest of her. He said he thought this was silly hysterical thinking: Harriet sulked and they had to make up.

  The little town they lived in had changed in the five years they had been here. Brutal incidents and crimes, once shocking everyone, were now commonplace. Gangs of youths hung around certain cafés and street-ends and owed respect to no one. The house next door had been burgled three times: the Lovatts’ not yet, but then there were always people about. At the end of the road there was a telephone box that had been vandalised so often the authorities had given up: it stood unusable. These days, Harriet would not dream of walking at night by herself, but once it would not have occurred to her not to go anywhere she pleased at any time of the day or night. There was an ugly edge on events: more and more it seemed that two peoples lived in England, not one—enemies, hating each other, who could not hear what the other said. The young Lovatts made themselves read the papers, and watch the News on television, though their instinct was to do neither. At least they ought to know what went on outside their fortress, their kingdom, in which three precious children were nurtured, and where so many people came to immerse themselves in safety, comfort, kindness.

  The fourth baby, Paul, was born in 1973, between a Christmas and an Easter. Harriet was not very well: her pregnancies had continued uncomfortable and full of minor problems—nothing serious, but she was tired.

  The Easter festivities were the best ever: that year was the best of all their years, and, looking back afterwards, it seemed that the whole year was a celebration, renewed from a spring of loving hospitality whose guardians were Harriet and David, beginning at Christmas when Harriet was so very pregnant, everyone looking after her, sharing in the work of creating magnificent meals, involved with the coming baby … knowing that Easter was coming, then the long summer, then Christmas again.…

  Easter went on for three weeks, all of the school holidays. The house was crammed. The three little children had their own rooms but moved in together when beds were needed. Which of course they adored. “Why not let them sleep together always?” Dorothy, the others would enquire. “A room each for such little tiddlers!”

  “It’s important,” said David, fierce; “everyone should have a room.”

  The family exchanged glances as families do when stubbing toes on some snag in one of them: and Molly, who felt herself both appreciated but in some devious way criticised, too, said, “Everyone in the world! Everybody!” She had intended to sound humorous.

  This scene was at breakfast—or, rather, mid-morning—in the family room, breakfast continuing indefinitely. All the adults were still around the table, fifteen of them. The children played among the sofas and chairs of the sitting-room area. Molly and Frederick sat side by side, as always, preserving their air of judging everything by the perspectives of Oxford, for which, here, they often got teased, but did not seem to mind, and were humorously on the defensive. David’s father, James, had been written to again by Molly, who had said he must “fork out” more money, the young couple simply were not coping with feeding Uncle Tom Cobbleigh and all. He had sent a generous cheque and then had come himself. He sat opposite his former wife and her husband, and as usual both kinds of people were observed examining each other and marvelling that they could ever have come together. He looked fitted out for some sporting occasion: in fact, he was off skiing shortly, like Deborah, who was here with her little air of an exotic bird that had alighted in a strange place and was kept there by curiosity—she was not going to admit to admiration. Dorothy was there, dispensing tea and coffee. Angela sat with her husband; her three children played with the others. Angela, efficient, brisk (“a coper,” as Dorothy said, the “thank God” being unspoken), allowed it to be known that she felt the two other sisters took up all of Dorothy and left her nothing. She was like a clever, pretty little fox. Sarah, Sarah’s husband, cousins, friends—the big house had people tucked into every corner, even on the sofas down here. The attic had long ago become a dormitory stacked with mattresses and sleeping bags in which any number of children could be bedded. As they sat here in the great warm comfortable room, which had a fire burning of wood collected by everyone yesterday from the woodland they had been walking in, the rooms above resounded with voices, and with music. Some of the older children were practising a song. This was a house—and this defined it for everyone, admiring what they could not achieve themselves—where television was not often watched.

  Sarah’s husband, William, was not at the table, but lounging against the dividing wall; and the little distance expressed what he felt his relation to the family was. He had left Sarah twice, and come home again. It was evident to everyone this was a process that would continue. He had got himself a job, a poor one, in the building trade: the trouble was that he was distressed by physical disability, and his new daughter, the Down’s syndrome baby, appalled him. Yet he was very much married to Sarah. They were a match: both tall, generously built, dark, like a pair of gypsies, always in colourful clothes. But the poor baby was in Sarah’s arms, covered up so as not to upset everyone, and William was looking everywhere but at his wife.

  He looked instead at Harriet, who sat nursing Paul, two months old, in the big chair that was hers because it was comfortable for this function. She looked exhausted. Jane had been awake in the night with her teeth, and had wanted Mummy, not Granny.

  She had not been much changed by presenting the world with four human beings. She sat there at the head of the table, the collar of her blue shirt pushed to one side to show part of a blue-veined white breast, and Paul’s energetically moving little head. Her lips were characteristically firmly set, and she was observing everything: a healthy, attractive young woman, full of life. But tired … the children came rushing from their play to demand her attention, and she was suddenly irritable, and snapped, “Why don’t you go and play upstairs in the attic?” This was unlike her—again glances were exchanged among the adults, who took over the job of getting the children’s noise out of her way. In the end, it was Angela who went with them.

  Harriet was distressed because she had been bad-tempered. “I was up all night,” she began, and William interrupted her, taking command—expressing what they all felt, and Harriet knew it; even if she knew why it had to be William, the delinquent husband and father.

  “And now that’s got to be it, sister-in-law Harriet,” he announced, leaning forward from his wall, hand raised, like a band-leader. “How old are you? No, don’t tell me, I know, and you’ve had four children in six years.…” Here he looked around to make sure they were
all with him: they were, and Harriet could see it. She smiled ironically.

  “A criminal,” she said, “that’s what I am.”

  “Give it a rest, Harriet. That’s all we ask of you,” he went on, sounding more and more facetious, histrionic—as was his way.

  “The father of four children speaks,” said Sarah, passionately cuddling her poor Amy, defying them to say aloud what they must be thinking: that she was going out of her way to support him, her unsatisfactory husband, in front of them all. He gave her a grateful look while his eyes avoided the pathetic bundle she protected.

  “Yes, but at least we spread it out over ten years,” he said.

  “We are going to give it a rest,” announced Harriet. She added, sounding defiant, “For at least three years.”

  Everyone exchanged looks: she thought them condemning.

  “I told you so,” said William. “These madmen are going to go on.”

  “These madmen certainly are,” said David.

  “I told you so,” said Dorothy. “When Harriet’s got an idea into her head, then you can save your breath.”

  “Just like her mother,” said Sarah forlornly: this referred to Dorothy’s decision that Harriet needed her more than Sarah did, the defective child notwithstanding. “You’re much tougher than she is, Sarah,” Dorothy had pronounced. “The trouble with Harriet is that her eyes have always been bigger than her stomach.”

  Dorothy was near Harriet, with little Jane, listless from the bad night, dozing in her arms. She sat erect, solid; her lips were set firm, her eyes missed nothing.

  “Why not?” said Harriet. She smiled at her mother: “How could I do better?”

  “They are going to have four more children,” Dorothy said, appealing to the others.

  “Good God,” said James, admiring but awed. “Well, it’s just as well I make so much money.”

  David did not like this: he flushed and would not look at anyone.

  “Oh don’t be like that, David,” said Sarah, trying not to sound bitter: she needed money, badly, but it was David, who was in a good job, who got so much extra.

  “You aren’t really going to have four more children?” enquired Sarah, sighing—and they all knew she was saying, four more challenges to destiny. She gently put her hand over the sleeping Amy’s head, covered in a shawl, holding it safe from the world.

  “Yes, we are,” said David.

  “Yes, we certainly are,” said Harriet. “This is what everyone wants, really, but we’ve been brainwashed out of it. People want to live like this, really.”

  “Happy families,” said Molly critically: she was standing up for a life where domesticity was kept in its place, a background to what was important.

  “We are the centre of this family,” said David. “We are—Harriet and me. Not you, Mother.”

  “God forbid,” said Molly, her large face, always highly coloured, even more flushed: she was annoyed.

  “Oh all right,” said her son. “It’s never been your style.”

  “It’s certainly never been mine,” said James, “and I’m not going to apologise for it.”

  “But you’ve been a marvellous father, super,” chirruped Deborah. “And Jessica’s been a super mum.”

  Her real mother raised her ponderous brows.

  “I don’t seem to remember your ever giving Molly much of a chance,” said Frederick.

  “But it’s so co-o-o-ld in England,” moaned Deborah.

  James, in his bright, overbright clothes, a handsome well-preserved gent dressed for a southern summer, allowed himself the ironical snort of the oldster at youthful tactlessness, and his look at his wife and her husband apologised for Deborah. “And anyway,” he insisted, “it isn’t my style. You’re quite wrong, Harriet. The opposite is true. People are brainwashed into believing family life is the best. But that’s the past.”

  “If you don’t like it, then why are you here?” demanded Harriet, much too belligerently for this pleasant morning scene. Then she blushed and exclaimed, “No, I didn’t mean that!”

  “No, of course you don’t mean it,” said Dorothy. “You’re overtired.”

  “We are here because it’s lovely,” said a schoolgirl cousin of David’s. She had an unhappy, or at least complicated, family background, and she had taken to spending her holidays here, her parents pleased she was having a taste of real family life. Her name was Bridget.

  David and Harriet were exchanging long supportive humorous looks, as they often did, and had not heard the schoolgirl, who was now sending them pathetic glances.

  “Come on, you two,” said William, “tell Bridget she’s welcome.”

  “What? What’s the matter?” demanded Harriet.

  William said, “Bridget has to be told by you that she is welcome. Well—we all do, from time to time,” he added, in his facetious way, and could not help sending a look at his wife.

  “Well, naturally you are welcome, Bridget,” said David. He sent a glance to Harriet, who said at once, “But of course.” She meant, That goes without saying; and the weight of a thousand marital discussions was behind it, causing Bridget to look from David to Harriet and back, and then around the whole family, saying, “When I get married, this is what I am going to do. I’m going to be like Harriet and David, and have a big house and a lot of children … and you’ll all be welcome.” She was fifteen, a plain dark plump girl who they all knew would shortly blossom and become beautiful. They told her so.

  “It’s natural,” said Dorothy tranquilly. “You haven’t any sort of a home really, so you value it.”

  “Something wrong with that logic,” said Molly.

  The schoolgirl looked around the table, at a loss.

  “My mother means that you can only value something if you’ve experienced it,” said David. “But I am the living proof that isn’t so.”

  “If you’re saying you didn’t have a proper home,” said Molly, “that’s just nonsense.”

  “You had two,” said James.

  “I had my room,” said David. “My room—that was home.”

  “Well, I suppose we must be grateful for that concession. I was not aware you felt deprived,” said Frederick.

  “I didn’t, ever—I had my room.”

  They decided to shrug, and laugh.

  “And you haven’t even thought about the problems of educating them all,” said Molly. “Not so far as we can see.”

  And now here was appearing that point of difference that the life in this house so successfully smoothed over. It went without saying that David had gone to private schools.

  “Luke will start at the local school this year,” said Harriet. “And Helen will start next year.”

  “Well, if that’s good enough for you,” said Molly.

  “My three went to ordinary schools,” said Dorothy, not letting this slide; but Molly did not accept the challenge. She remarked, “Well, unless James chips in to help …” thus making it clear that she and Frederick could not or would not contribute.

  James said nothing. He did not even allow himself to look ironical.

  “It’s five years, six years, before we have to worry about the next stage of education for Luke and Helen,” said Harriet, again sounding over-irritable.

  Insisted Molly: “We put David down for his schools when he was born. And Deborah, too.”

  “Well,” said Deborah, “why am I any better for my posh schools than Harriet—or anyone else?”

  “It’s a point,” said James, who had paid for the posh schools.

  “Not much of a point,” said Molly.

  William sighed, clowning it: “Deprived all the rest of us are. Poor William. Poor Sarah. Poor Bridget. Poor Harriet. Tell me, Molly, if I had been to posh schools would I get a decent job now?”

  “That isn’t the point,” said Molly.

  “She means you’d be happier unemployed or in a filthy job well educated than badly educated,” said Sarah.

  “I’m sorry,” said Molly. “
Public education is awful. It’s getting worse. Harriet and David have got four children to educate. With more to come, apparently. How do you know James will be able to help you? Anything can happen in the world.”

  “Anything does, all the time,” said William bitterly, but laughed to soften it.

  Harriet moved distressfully in her chair, took Paul off her breast with a skill at concealing herself they all noted and admired, and said, “I don’t want to have this conversation. It’s a lovely morning.…”

  “I’ll help you, of course, within limits,” said James.

  “Oh, James …” said Harriet, “thank you … thank you.… Oh dear … why don’t we go up to the woods? … We could take a picnic lunch.”

  The morning had slid past. It was midday. Sun struck the edges of the jolly red curtains, making them an intense orange, sending orange lozenges to glow on the table among cups, saucers, a bowl of fruit. The children had come down from the top of the house and were in the garden. The adults went to watch them from the windows. The garden continued neglected; there was never time for it. The lawn was patchily lush, and toys lay about. Birds sang in the shrubs, ignoring the children. Little Jane, set down by Dorothy, staggered out to join the others. A group of children played noisily together, but she was too young, and strayed in and out of the game, in the private world of a two-year-old. They skilfully accommodated their game to her. The week before, Easter Sunday, this garden had had painted eggs hidden everywhere in it. A wonderful day, the children bringing in magical eggs from everywhere that Harriet and Dorothy and Bridget, the schoolgirl, had sat up half the night to decorate.

  Harriet and David were together at the window, the baby in her arms. He put his arm around her. They exchanged a quick look, half guilty because of the irrepressible smiles on their faces, which they felt were probably going to exasperate the others.