Blue Plate Slayer

by Constance Barker

  Brody just shrugged and shook his head as he looked at the body at his feet. “I really have no idea what the cause of death was, Sheriff Atwater, but it would be pretty hard to get yourself rolled up in this banner after you killed yourself.”

  “Unless she rolled herself up first,” Babs said, with wide weepy eyes.

  “Weeeell, that’s not likely,” Brody said. “She didn’t have access to the switch to lift the thing up from inside there, for one thing.”

  “I agree,” Atwater said. “I’ll have the evidence team look for a remote in the water and that dress, but this looks like a fancy, designer homicide. Well, the crime squad and coroner will be here soon. Hopefully they’ll be able to shed more light on things for us.”

  We heard some voices getting louder from the thinning crowd near the end of the stage.

  “Sheriff Hayes! Tell ’em who we are. They’re trying to throw us out,” a familiar voice hollered to Brody.

  It was Red, along with Jake and Junior.

  “They’re alright,” Brody responded with a nod. “They’re with us.”

  Red snatched his arm from the grasp of a large, muscular officer. “I told you we were supposed to be here, ya big ox. You’re lucky I didn’t do my karate on you!”

  The officer held a stun gun in front of his face and sent arcs of high voltage lightning dancing menacingly between its angry-looking teeth. “Give it your best shot, gramps.”

  He must have heard me gasp, and he looked up to give me a smile and a wink. Then he lifted Red up onto the stage.

  Chapter Eleven

  “How the heck are the nine of us going to get into the game with eight tickets, Brody?” Red asked nervously as we approached the gate after a long wait in the opening-day line. Sheriff Atwater had generously given us the County’s box seats for the opener.

  “Yeah, Brody, how are you going to manage that?” Junior seconded.

  “Well, cowboy,” I said, with just a few people left in front of us before they took our tickets, “how?”

  Brody just smiled and winked. “Leave that to me, dear. Jake – come here.”

  I knew he didn’t wear his uniform on a nice sunny day just for the fun of it, but I didn’t really know what his plan was.

  “Mercy,” he said handing me all but one ticket, “pass these out to the others, and go in ahead of us. Jake and I will use this one.”

  Then he pulled out his handcuffs and put one end around his left wrist and the other around a shocked Jake Carter’s right.

  “What! What did I do, Sheriff?” Jake asked, a little anxiously.

  “Just play along, Jake.”

  We went in, and I turned around to see what Brody he was up to. He was standing very erect now, stone-faced and with his sunglasses on.

  “I need one more ticket,” the gatekeeper said.

  “The ticket is for my prisoner. I’m just here as his escort.”

  “No, I...”

  “This is the Bear Creek serial killer. He’s set to be executed in Alabama next week, and the governor granted his wish to come here in return for telling us the location of all 27 bodies. I’m on official duty.”

  The ticket man looked both scared and skeptical.

  “Don’t worry. He’s mildly sedated, and I have a taser and a hypo that’ll knock him out in seconds.”

  Jake turned his head quickly and shot me a worried glance. I gave him a reassuring smile, as the man at the gate rolled his eyes and nodded them through.

  “You can go to hell for lying, Sheriff,” Ruby said with a disapproving glare.

  “Who says I was lying?”

  The sun was bright, and the excitement was palpable as we took our seats near third base in Sun Trust Stadium.

  “Pretty good seats, Brody,” Red said as he plopped down in the seat nearest the aisle, forcing Jake, Babs, and Deloris to squeeze by him. Smoke, Junior, and Ruby filed into the row right in front of them, leaving the aisle seat for Brody and me.

  I gave Brody a look. “You don’t seriously think I’m going to sit on your lap for a three-hour ballgame, do you?”

  “The seat is yours, Mercy. I’ll sit here on the step.”

  “They’ll throw you out.”

  “They’re not going to throw out an officer of the law, dear. Trust me.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “I wonder what Sheriff Atwater wants us for, Brody,” I said as we walked into the Bridal Shop through the street entrance. “It sounded like it was something important.”

  It was a very different mood than the first time I walked through that long echoey corridor with the girls and Red just a couple of days ago. The place was still open for business, but today it was abuzz with uniformed deputies and plainclothes detectives who had set up their base of operations near the front desk. An officer behind a large, long table stacked with papers and folders tipped his hat to us as Brody and I walked by.

  “You know why he wants us, Mercy,” Brody said with his trademark, all-knowing grin. “He wants help from two of the best crime-solvers in the business.”

  Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too, but I’m not quite as shamelessly conceited as my lawman.

  “I’m sure he just wants to ask me some questions about the day I was here trying on dresses with Petorina, Brody.”

  “Mercy!”

  I heard the petite voice of the executive producer of the TV show calling me, just as we were about to greet Sheriff Atwater. I looked at him for permission to go and see Izzy.

  “Go ahead, Mercy,” he said. “I do need to talk to you, but I can go over some things with Sheriff Hayes first – that is, if the two of you are willing to help us out a little on this investigation. We’re kind of at an impasse right now.”

  “Of course, Sheriff,” I said with a nod.

  “Mercy!” Izzy exclaimed, waving for me to come over, “I was just going to call you. We’re ready for your final fitting. Come on!”

  I gave Brody a little wave and trotted over to Izzy, near the set with the white couches in the middle of the showroom.

  She looked like an adorable teenager in her short skirt and very short top, and I gave her a big hug. Her eyes glistened as she smiled back, though I almost felt that something was bothering her.

  “I don’t know why, Izzy, but I always feel so happy when I see you. I thought the final fitting wouldn’t be for a few more days.”

  “Well, when we’re working with a big celebrity like you, we do our best to over-deliver, Mercy. Do you see the dressing room with the big red poster on the door?” she asked, pointing and turning me slightly.

  “The one I used for the show?”

  “The one right next to it. Here’s my security card to unlock the door. Just swipe it and walk right in and wait for me. I’ll be right there with the first cut of your custom gown in a minute! Shoo now!”

  She went hurriedly off toward the storage rooms, as I walked quickly, excited to see my gown, all in one piece now. My thoughts turned to Petorina, and I almost expected to see her as I approached the door. It didn’t seem right that I was feeling so happy, and the wonderful lady who designed my wedding dress was, well...dead.

  I slid the card and opened the door briskly, all in one motion and took one step inside. Then I froze in my tracks.

  Four frightened eyes looked up at me. Antoinette, the manicurist and makeup girl was laying over a desk, and Dandy Dan was right on top of her. My jaw dropped, and I backed out of the room more quickly than I had entered, without being able to sputter out a single word.

  I ran back to the middle of the showroom, sat down on the big couch, and put my face in my hands. My heart was beating fast now, and I felt like I might faint.

  A moment later I felt an arm around my shoulders and heard Brody’s voice. “What’s is it dear?”

  I looked up at him with a blank stare. “Nothing.”

  “It has to be something, Mercy. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “I wish that is what I saw, Brody,” I said
patting his cheek as I began to feel a little better.

  “What was it?”

  I looked and pointed back toward the dressing room. “It was something I haven’t seen since my days at the hospital, when I went into a supply room when the young interns had been putting in long shifts.”

  He looked a little puzzled, but I didn’t really want to spell it out for him. “It was Dandy Dan and Antoinette.”

  “And? Are they okay?”

  “Oh, they’re just fine Brody – really fine. But...”

  “But what?”

  “Well...let’s just say...I’m pretty sure that Dandy Dan isn’t really gay.”

  “Oh,” he said with a puzzled look on his face. Then the light bulb went on in his brain. His eyebrows went up. “Ohhh!”

  “Yes, ohhh!”

  “You mean...?”

  I nodded.

  “No wonder you looked like you were in shock.”

  “Well, I just wasn’t expecting it. I’m sure it was more traumatic for them than it was for me.”

  Brody and I stood up, in front of the sofa, as Izzy approached from one side and Dandy Dan from the other. She was carrying a large Stenfield’s bag, in their trademark lavender and gold colors, which presumably concealed my dress. Dan got there first.

  “Oh, dear, sweet Mercy! I’m so sorry you had to see that. But it really wasn’t what it looked like, sweetie.”

  “Oh, yes, it was.” Izzy said with the huge bag slung over her tiny shoulder. “I saw you slip into your office with Miss Blonde Bombshell from Planet Bazoombas. Everybody knows what you’ve been up to, Danny boy.”

  “And now so do we,” I said to Izzy gingerly, as I handed her back her security card.

  “So, it was you who sent sweet Goldilocks skipping merrily into my office,” Dan said accusingly, still in character with his hands on his hips.

  “Did I?” she said, feigning naiveté and putting her free hand to her chest in a manner that reminded me of Scarlet O’Hara. “It was an honest mistake. I’m sure I sent Mercy to the dressing next to the door with the red poster, didn’t I, dear?”

  “Uh...um...” I couldn’t answer.

  Izzy looked at me again. “This is the same man who offered to help you out of your dress before the show the other day. Remember, Mercy?”

  I did remember, and I was so glad I had followed my instincts and refused. I felt Brody take a step towards Dan now.

  “Really, Dan...Mr. Taormina? That was so chivalrous of you.”

  Brody stepped into Dan’s space, nearly chest-to-chest with him now. I could feel the fire building in his veins, but I trusted him to remain civil.

  “But I didn’t, Sheriff! I didn’t do anything! I left the dressing room, I swear.”

  “You can drop the phony act, Taormina,” Brody said brusquely, taking a cleansing breath and stepping back. We know you’re not as dainty as you put on.”

  Dan was red-faced now and had a look of fear and urgency in his eyes. “No, I really can’t drop the act, Sheriff! If I’m outed as a straight man, my career will be ruined!”

  How the world has changed, I thought. “Your secret is safe with us, Dan. Right, Brody?”

  He looked at me and then at Dan; then at me again. “Whatever you say, dear. Yes.”

  Izzy grabbed my elbow. “Come on, Mercy. Let’s get you into this gown!”

  I gave Brody a little wave and she glared at Dandy Dan as we walked off toward the dressing room.

  “Sorry I did that too you, Mercy. But I just figured it was about time that Dan got the comeuppance he deserved.”

  I just nodded in silence as we went into the small, familiar room. She hung up the gown and I began pealing myself out of my sweatpants and light hoodie that I had worn to the ballgame.

  “Izzy,” I said as she unveiled the beautiful gown that made my heart soar.

  “Yes, Mercy?”

  “You and Dan have a thing – a relationship, don’t you? I mean, like you’re romantically involved.”

  She took a deep breath. “You really are a detective, aren’t you, Mercy,” she said with a smile as she sat in the chair next to me. “We used to be together, Dan and I. I found him doing the weather in a little TV station in New Mexico, and we started dating. I was a news producer there when I first came to the US. After I started This Dress Is the Best, the show was floundering, and I needed help. Dan begged me to bring him in. He created this wonderful persona and convinced me that Dandy Dan could turn things around...and he did. It was hard being together but not being able to give each other little hugs and kisses. We both had to commit to the Dandy Dan character while we were here, and even in public once he became well-know. But,” she said with a firm, brave smile, “I guess it wasn’t so hard for him!” She wiped a small tear from the corner of her eye and jumped to her feet.

  “Now, Mercy! Let’s get you into this gown! Then I’ll get our fitter and head seamstress.”

  She slipped the slinky gown over my head, and I knew it was going to fit like a glove.

  “It’s perfect, Izzy! I don’t think it is going to need any adjustments at all!”

  “Not so fast, Mercy! I have to zip it up, measure the train, and I also have to know how high your heels will be on your wedding day. Now, pull that bra out of there and I’ll pull the laces tight and zip it.”

  There was a short zipper that went up over my hips, then several hooks, and then laces that went up almost to the choker.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this fabulous in my life, Izzy,” I said as I pulled it tight to fasten the hooks. “Oh! Maybe I will need it let out a little.”

  “I don’t think so, Mercy. You want it tight and form-fitting above your waist. Otherwise you’ll get looseness and gaps in the bra area.”

  I definitely didn’t want that! “Well, I trust your judgment, Izzy. You’re the professional.”

  “Ouch!” she moved her finger quickly to her mouth. “Gosh darn it! That always happens when I’m doing hooks. I tore my nail a little bit, but it’ll be okay. There! Stand on your toes to allow for about a four-inch heel, unless you’re going with spikes...or flats.”

  “Four is okay. Maybe five will make me feel more regal.”

  She pulled a pair of wedges that looked like sloping wood blocks form behind the door and put them in front of the mirror.

  “Stop up on these and take a look.”

  I looked at myself in the beautiful dress as she put a silver belt around my waist. There was just a touch of bling on the skirt, which I loved, and the sheer fabric from the sweetheart neckline to the glittery choker was perfect.

  “So? What do you think, Mercy?”

  I couldn’t talk, and she knew I was close to losing it. I nodded slowly.

  “Should I get the veil?”

  I quickly shook my head, vigorously, eyes wide.

  She laughed and gave me a warm hug. “You might be the most beautiful bride ever, Mercy Howard.” She went to the door and threw me a crying towel as she opened it. “I’ll be right back with Hilda and Leona. They’ll get that fit and skirt length perfect for you.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Do we really have to go back home, Mercy?” Babs asked with a sigh as she closed her suitcase. “I kind of like being a big-city girl. Can’t we just stay?”

  “Sure, Babsy,” Deloris said with more than a hint of sarcasm. “Mercy can just rent 2,000 square feet or so in the exclusive Buckminster Galleria Mall for five or ten thousand a month, and then we can sell a two-dollar cup of coffee and scrambled eggs right here. And we can live in this fancy hotel for 300 bucks a day.”

  “Really?! Do you think you can really do that, Mercy?” Babs looked like an adorable little girl with the hope in her eyes.

  Ruby scowled at the old girl. “Deloris...! Not nice.”

  I looked at my lovable, cherubic waitress and put my hand on her shoulder to prepare her for the letdown. “Sweetie, most months we don’t even take in ten-thousand dollars, and I have to buy the food and
pay the help out of that. And electricity and insurance and a lot of other things too. I’m afraid we’re going to be small-town girls for a long time, Babs.”

  “Yeah, I knew that,” Babs said glumly, sitting heavily on the bed. “It’s just nice to hope and dream once in a while.”

  My phone rang. “Give me a minute, girls. It’s Brody. Hi, babe. What’s up? Mmhmm...mmhmm...Oh! Really?...Um, sure. Okay, then. Meet us in the lobby in a few minutes? Great. Bye!”

  Six eyes were looking at me, and I returned a deadpan stare. “What?”

  “Mercy! It sounded like Brody had some news,” Ruby said.

  “Yeah,” Deloris added. “Would you care to share it with us?”

  “Please?” Babs said.

  “Well, I’m afraid it’s bad news, ladies.”

  “We have to take the bus back?”

  “They want us to pay the hotel bill?”

  “We’re being arrested for murder?”

  “Worse,” I said. I had their undivided attention now. “Sheriff Atwater wants us to stay a couple more days until they get a better handle on Petroina’s murder.”

  “We’re not suspects, are we?” Babs asked with a hint of fear.

  “I’m not,” Deloris answered her. “I don’t know about you, though, Babsy.”

  “You cut that out now, Deloris,” Ruby scolded, giving Babs a big hug. “None of us are suspects...are we, Mercy?”

  “I don’t think so. But that’s not the worst part.” I broke my stone-face and smiled. “Brody’s going to buy us all brunch in the Crystal Lounge downstairs. Now, let’s go!”

  Brody was white as a sheet when he got the bill.

  “Five-hundred bucks for that breakfast!” Red said, taking a glimpse at the check. “That’s probably as much as the Old School Diner makes in a whole day!”

  “I wish!” I said. “I’m lucky if we have one good Sunday over 400 in a month. But there were nine of us.”

  “And champagne and crab and prime rib,” Ruby added.