Worth It

by Linda Kage

  It had broken my heart when the guard had turned me away.

  A dark cloud passed over Knox’s face. “Your birthday? I wasn’t...” He flinched, but then continued. “I wasn’t allowed visitors that day.”

  I opened my mouth to ask, but that haunted pallor on his face made me close my mouth, hoping he’d tell me.

  He didn’t, of course.

  Sighing, I decided maybe I needed to be the one to open up before he would. I had no idea what had happened to him to change him this much, but I was determined to find out.

  So I laid all my cards on the table, face up. “I waited for you,” I confessed.

  Slowly, he looked up, his brown eyes a little glossy and wet.

  “I waited for you for four years with no word from you whatsoever. And I would’ve waited more...until two weeks before you were supposed to be released, I learned you’d killed two people. And one of them just happened to be the son of my father’s lawyer.”

  He didn’t react at all. No regret, no anger, no explanation, no nothing.

  I lifted my hands in frustrated defeat. “And suddenly those two weeks left to wait became thirty more years.” My voice broke. “I couldn’t wait thirty years, Knox.”

  His eyes were sad when they shifted my way. “You shouldn’t have even waited four.”

  I sniffed. “No, I guess I shouldn’t have. You kept us apart by killing him. You know that, right? When you showed me that your need for vengeance meant more to you than getting out to be with me, you slaughtered everything we could’ve had together. You are the one who kept us apart.” Shaking hard, I wrapped my arms around my chest, hugging myself. “I just hope it was worth it for you.”

  The bastard remained mute. I’d just spewed stuff at him I didn’t even believe to get a reaction from him, but he merely stood there, a complete freaking stone with zero emotion.

  I sniffed, unable to believe him. Frustrated, pissed, and heartbroken, I spun away and stormed down the apartment hall.

  I made it around the corner and into the stairwell before I slid down onto the top step and bawled, burrowing my face into my hands as the misery consumed me.

  The Knox I’d known would’ve found me. He wouldn’t have been able to handle my tears. He would’ve sat beside me, and talked to me, and hugged me until everything was okay again.

  But the stranger I’d just walked away from stayed away.

  So I cried even harder because it was finally hitting me that the boy I’d once loved was truly, horribly gone.

  I hated the days she came late. Actually, I hated it when she couldn’t show at all. But those didn’t happen very often. Usually, her family paid her as much attention as my family paid me, and she could come out into the woods without anyone knowing or caring.

  But I always stressed through every hour she didn’t show. What if she was hurt, or her family had found out, or she’d changed her mind and decided sneaking around with me wasn’t worth it after all? Then I got to thinking that it might be best if she did give up on me, because I started to imagine the future, and it didn’t just have me in it. I had to think about her. And a future with her in it looked sad, because I had no idea how to take care of her.

  Before, the idea of just being a drifter and picking up any spare job I found would’ve been fine. Now, though, now I needed something secure, something permanent, something good enough to take care of both of us if I had to. No way in hell was I going to turn out like my dad and sponge off my woman, letting her break her back to bring in all the money and raise all the kids. I was going to be a man City could be proud to call hers.

  Which only freaked me out more, because I had no idea how to become that person.

  When I heard footsteps coming, jerking me from my panic, I jumped up, relieved. The dock swayed under me as I loped down the ramp to meet her on the shore.

  “Hey.” I grinned as soon as she cleared the trees in her sandals and shorts and short-sleeve shirt. Her hair was bound up in a ponytail today, but I knew I could have it down and in my hands before the afternoon was over.

  “Hey,” she said back, though her voice sounded distracted and her gaze seemed elsewhere. When she hugged herself, I frowned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She was shaken. I didn’t think I’d ever seen her this upset before, like scared and troubled upset.

  I took her shoulders in my hands. She tried to smile, but her lips trembled. Her hands shook slightly as she gripped my forearms and stepped up onto her toes to kiss me.

  But I pulled back. “City?” Maybe her brother Max had seen us together.

  It’d only been the night before that we’d listened in on him and Mercedes giving secret relationships such a bad name. Maybe he’d been too distracted to say anything then, but today he had. Maybe... I don’t know.

  I’d been anxious all day, still worried that City might turn around and decide not to forgive me for the things I’d said to her. I continued to feel awful about it, and I certainly hadn’t forgiven myself. That’s why I’d been so impatient to see her again today, for reassurance that we were okay.

  “It’s nothing,” she said, shaking her head as she sent me another fake smile.

  “Don’t lie to me. Something has you rattled.”

  She sighed as if disgusted by my persistence, but then she closed her eyes and dove at me, burrowing into my chest.

  “It’s stupid,” she mumbled.

  “I don’t care if it’s the most idiotic thing in the world. It’s bothering you, and I want to know what’s going on.” I scooped her up into my arms and began to carry her.

  Tightening her arms around my neck, she clung to me with a gasp. “Where’re we going?”

  “I’m taking you to the tree. That seems to be where we talk best...and make out less.”

  She grinned, and her eyes lit with amusement. “I seem to remember one very steamy kiss at that tree.”

  I snorted. “I said make out less, not at all. You really think I’m going to let you go today without getting my tongue down your throat at least once?”

  “My, my, Knox Parker. You certainly do have a way with words.”

  “I’m a teenage boy, remember. Sex might not be the most important thing I want from you, but oh, it’s always on the dream list.”

  “Really?” She looked hopeful, which probably wasn’t good for my libido because my dick went instantly hard and turned just as hopeful as she looked.

  “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask that. And here we are. The trouble tree.”

  “The trouble tree?”

  As I leaned my back against it and slid down to the root base with her in my lap, I nodded. “Yep. It seems to be the tree where we come to shed all our troubles.”

  Her smile was soft. “I like that.”

  I nuzzled my nose to hers. “I figured you might. Now, talk, little girl. Or I’ll tickle it out of you.”

  She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “I won’t be able to make it out here tomorrow. It’s the big cotillion day.”

  I stroked her hair and wound a coiled lock around my finger. “Yeah, I’ve seen flyers for that. I thought it was in the evening, though, when I’ll be working.”

  “It is, but Mom is having a photographer come over to take my picture in our gazebo at noon. I have to get into my dress and put on my makeup and everything for it.” She made a face, but I smiled.

  “I bet you’ll look beautiful.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I always feel like a poodle at a dog show whenever the cotillion rolls around. It’s the only time my mother really pays attention to me.”

  “And this is what has you worried?” I asked, not buying it.

  She sighed. “No. But I was hoping it would divert your attention enough to forget about it.”

  “I won’t ever stop worrying about what’s bugging you until I know you’re better.”

  “But it’s really—”

  “Stupid. I know. Now lay it on me.”

  “Fi
ne. My father’s lawyer came to lunch today.”

  “Okay,” I pressed.

  “And he brought his family with him, including his...son.”

  “Tad?” I’d heard her talk about how her father’s lawyer’s son was her brother Garrett’s best friend, and how they were nearly inseparable.

  “No, the other son,” she whispered. “The younger one. Jeremy. He’s my age, but since they live up north, they go to Ellamore, not Southside with us.”

  I nodded, ready to murder this Jeremy guy for whatever he’d done. “And?”

  “And nothing.” She groaned and flopped her head onto my shoulder. “That’s why it’s so stupid. He didn’t do anything, he’s just always given me the heebie jeebie creeps. My skin crawls every time he looks at me. And today—”

  When she broke off so suddenly, I gripped her waist. “Today?”

  “He just...” She winced and shook her head. “He said something that disturbed me.”

  “What did he say?” I nearly yelled.

  She jumped and gaped at me. “It wasn’t that awful, don’t worry. I’m sorry, Knox. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  I growled out a sound and waved her apology aside. “Just tell me what he said, and I’ll judge for myself if I should worry.”

  “Okay, fine. He told me I looked good today, like better than usual, that there was a certain glow about me. Then he asked me if I’d finally lost my virginity.”

  “He said what?” I grew rigid with outrage, ready to kick Jeremy the lawyer’s son’s ass.

  “But it was more like, ‘Finally got your cherry popped, huh?’ And he leaned in really close with one of those oily, cocky grins. It just...” She shuddered in my arms. “It skeeved me out.”

  “And it should. That was a totally inappropriate question. Who the hell is this guy?”

  “I told you. He’s my father’s lawyer’s—”

  “Yeah, I got that part. Don’t ever get stuck alone with that creep.”

  “Oh, trust me. I make sure I don’t. And today, I think he actually tried to get me alone. But I kept escaping him. I just have this feeling he’d try something if he ever did corner me...and he wouldn’t care if I was willing or not.”

  “Then there’s probably a good reason you feel that way.” I pulled her in close and kissed her hair.

  “So you don’t think I’m being paranoid and overreacting.”

  “Hell, no. Trust your instincts, always. Sometimes they know more than your brain does.”

  She sighed suddenly and went totally lax against me. “This is why I love coming to you. You always make me feel better.”

  “That’s my job.” I pressed my mouth to her temple. “Boyfriend Duty number one.”

  Humming out a sound of pleasure, she lifted her hand to my heart and continued to lounge against me. The bark of our trouble tree was beginning to bite into my spine, but with her in my lap and our legs entwined as they stretched out in front of us, I wasn’t moving a muscle.

  I don’t know how long we sat that way without talking, just enjoying nature abounding around us. I kind of thought she might’ve dozed off, and I loved that she was comfortable enough to fall asleep in my arms.

  Enjoying the serenity of the moment, I played with her hair, braiding a few tendrils together and then combing it free.

  When she drew in a deep breath and smoothed her hand over my chest, I realized she was still awake after all.

  “You know,” she murmured, her voice drowsy as if she might drop off any moment. “You still haven’t told me what you want to be when you grow up.”

  I grinned at her persistence and brought her hair to my nose to smell it. “Because I don’t know.”

  Her fingers worked slowly down my chest toward my stomach. “What about colleges? Do you just want to go to Ellamore, or did you have something else in mind?”

  I sighed and dropped the lock of hair. “I’m not going to college.”

  “But—”

  “There’s no way I could afford it.”

  Sitting up on my lap so she could face me, she shook her head. “That’s nonsense talk, Knox. There are all kinds of loans, scholarships—”

  “Scholarships?” I sniffed out an incredulous laugh. “I’m barely making it through high school without flunking. I was already held back one grade. There will be no scholarships for me. And I don’t want to start out in debt...when I’m pretty sure I won’t even make it through to a full degree.” Especially since I planned on saving every extra penny I earned from here on out to help support her through school, if it came to that.

  Her brow crinkled with confusion. “Wait, you were held back a grade?”

  I nodded and began to play with her hair again to distract myself from my growing shame. I didn’t like admitting to her what a dumbass I was. I wanted her to see me as someone...worthy.

  “Second grade,” I said, “Because my reading scores sucked ass. Took them another year to realize I had dyslexia.”

  She tipped her head to the side, squinting as if trying to figure out a puzzle. “So...was your sister held back too?”

  “Mercy?” I frowned, wondering how she’d come to that conclusion. “No, she doesn’t have dyslexia. Just me.” Not even any of my younger brothers had ended up with it.

  “Oh...huh. I guess I always thought you two were twins...because you were in the same grade.”

  And that was all she said about it. No mention of my dyslexia. No questions about how I made it through. Just simple acceptance, as if it were no big deal.

  “I’m a year older than Mercy,” I explained. “Which is another humiliation, being in the same grade as your younger sister. She likes to tease me about what an idiot I am.”

  City’s eyes narrowed. “Whatever. You’re not an idiot at all. You’re one of the smartest, most logical people I know.”

  “Oh yeah?” I loved her defense of me and had to smile as I asked, “What brought you to that conclusion?”

  “I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Maybe from spending every day with you this summer. We do talk, you know. A lot. And I can’t tell you how many small tidbits of information I’ve learned from you. I’ve also noticed what a snap memory you have.”

  “Yeah, it’s been my only saving grace, because my reading skills suck ass.”

  “Well, all of you seems valuable to me.” She kissed my cheek. “So maybe you’ll never make the best grades in school because your eyes see things differently. You’re still amazingly wonderful in so many other ways. You have street smarts and survival skills. You can still be anything you want to be.”

  “I guess I’ll have to think about what I want to be then,” I murmured, awed by her complete sense of faith in me.

  “That’s a good idea, since you’re going to have to have some kind of plan after you graduate from high school next spring.”

  “I do have a plan,” I said. “To get out.”

  She sent me an odd look. “And go where?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Wherever. I’ve always wanted to get away...go somewhere where I’m worth something, where I’m not a piece of shit Parker, where I can just be Knox and make my own way.”

  Sympathy flooded her baby blues as she cupped my face in both hands. “You’re worth something to me.”

  I pressed my forehead to hers. “And that’s why I’m waiting to see where you go first. Because wherever you are, that’s where I’ll be, too.”

  Her lips parted. “Knox,” she whispered.

  “I love you, City.” My voice broke with uncertainty as I realized this was the first time I was telling her the actual words. Aloud. “You are my future.”

  “Oh my God. Oh my God.” Her fingers shook against my cheeks and her eyes went all glassy and wet. Then her trembling lips curved into the most beautiful smile ever. “Is it okay if I say it back?”

  I laughed because I was so relieved. “I would actually really appreciate it if you did.”

  She gave one of her high-pitched fa
ngirl screams. “Then I love you too. Oh my God, Knox. We love each other.”

  “Yeah, I caught that.” Then I kissed her, wet and opened mouth and so hungry that I grew a little too enthusiastic. Before I knew it, I was gripping her hip and grinding her down hard into my lap until she was riding my erection through our clothes, and my lips were devouring hers.

  “Wait, wait, wait,” she gasped, pulling free of my mouth and pressing her head to mine.

  She might’ve separated our lips, but she continued to press down on my straining cock.

  “I’m sorry,” I immediately apologized. “I’m stopping. I didn’t mean to get so...”

  “No, it’s okay. I just needed a minute.”

  I nodded. “Take all the time you want, baby. We have the rest of our lives. We don’t have to rush anything.”

  Blowing out a breath, she nodded. “Okay. Thank you.” Almost exactly one minute later, she heaved out another deep breath. Then she looked up at me and asked, “How many girls have you been with?”

  Totally not expecting the question, I pulled back in surprise. Then I smirked. “I sit next to them in my Home Economics class all the time.”

  She nudged my chest to scold me even as she grinned. “Shut up, Forrest Gump, I’m serious.”

  Still feeling the need to tease her, because she looked kind of jealous, and I liked it, I asked, “How many do you think?”

  After biting her lip a thoughtful second, she said, “Eight?”

  Wondering where she’d come up with a number like that, I shook my head. “Nope.”

  Cheeks paling, she croaked, “More? Oh my God, can I even count all of them on my fingers and toes?”

  When I shook my head again, she began to edge away from me. She looked so crushed and horrified, I had to stop messing with her. I grabbed her hand and tugged her back. “Because the number doesn’t even reach high enough to be counted on a single finger.”

  My answer confused her—I could tell because she frowned and stared at me as if I made no sense. Then her head swished back and forth. “But...”