A Daddy by Christmas

by Teri Wilson

  Anders bit down hard, clenching his teeth. He clasped his hands in his lap to keep them from shaking.

  Not now. Don’t fall apart now.

  He’d been handling things so well. Granted, he still couldn’t bring himself to open the door to Grant’s office and walk inside, but their argument was no longer the first thing his mind snagged on when he woke up in the morning or his final thought before he closed his eyes at night. He hadn’t forgiven himself, because how could he? But he’d managed to push those feelings aside and get on with things. He was functioning again. He was in control, just like always.

  Or so he’d thought.

  “Our first order of business will be the matter of the guardianship of Lolly Kent.” The judge looked up from her papers. “Is Mr. Anders Kent present?”

  “Yes, Your Honor,” Anders said, with a tremor in his voice that he’d never heard before—not even when he’d had to tell Lolly her parents were gone and they were never coming back.

  Chloe reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly. He didn’t dare look at her. To his horror, he realized that if he did, tears might well in his eyes. He hadn’t shed a tear since his parents died. Even then, at seventeen, he’d cried only once—at the funeral, and never again.

  “Hello, Mr. Kent.” Judge Norton nodded in his direction. “I assume you have an attorney here representing you, as well?”

  Anders’s attorney stood, introduced himself and asked to approach the bench. He passed Lolly’s birth certificate to the judge, along with copies of Grant’s and Olivia’s wills and the crisp new marriage license signed at the bottom by Anders and Chloe.

  It was all happening so fast. Too fast. The judge barely looked at the stack of documents before she motioned for Lolly to come forward. Lolly’s little head swiveled toward Anders, her eyes wide.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. She just wants to ask you a few questions.” He gave his niece the most reassuring smile he could manage.

  They’d known this was coming. The attorney had warned Anders and Chloe that the judge would want to talk to Lolly and ask her what living with Anders had been like. But he’d failed to tell Anders that his heart would feel like it was being ripped right out of his chest when he watched her walk toward the front of the courtroom.

  “This will all be over soon,” Chloe whispered. “It’s going to be fine.”

  He dropped his gaze to his lap, where her hand still rested on top of his—covering, protecting. The diamond on her finger glittered, reflecting a kaleidoscope of light in all directions. And when he finally looked at her, it was with the knowledge that she’d done the same. She’d been a stranger who’d come into his life during its darkest moment, and she’d been more than just a convenient wife. She’d infused the darkness with goodness and light.

  “Will it?” he asked. “Will it really be fine?”

  Because suddenly, he didn’t see how it could. The impending sense of doom in the pit of his gut wasn’t about Lolly. Not entirely.

  “Of course it will. Watch and see.” She smiled.

  I don’t want to lose her. She turned away, toward the bench where the judge was speaking in whispered tones with Lolly. I can’t lose her.

  Neither of them had said a word about what might happen after today. As far as he knew, they’d part ways on the steps of city hall the minute all this was over. They’d had a deal, and they’d both done their part.

  But deals could be renegotiated. He handled mergers and contracts on a daily basis. He excelled at it. He’d simply talk to her after the hearing and suggest an extension of their arrangement. They could postpone their separation, and maybe even date like two normal people.

  It would all work out. It had to. Right now he just needed to think about it rationally, like a business deal, so he could get through the rest of the guardianship proceedings.

  “Thank you, Lolly.” Judge Norton leaned forward and handed the little girl a candy cane. “You may sit down now. I’ll make the rest of this quick since it’s Christmas Eve. I’m sure you’re anxious to get home. We all are.”

  Lolly thanked the judge in a bubbly, animated voice, prompting a titter of laughter through the courtroom. Even Anders managed a chuckle. Now that he had a plan, he could breathe again.

  “All right, everything seems to be in order. It looks as though all the provisions of the guardianship have been met, and Lolly is clearly thriving under the care of Mr. Kent. I see no reason why custody can’t be granted at this time.” Judge Norton reached for her gavel. “I hereby appoint Anders Kent as the permanent guardian for Lolly Kent.”

  The gavel came down hard on the bench, marking an end to so many weeks of worry and speculation.

  “Merry Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. Kent. You, too, Lolly.” The judge winked. “You’re a family now.”

  * * *

  You’re a family now.

  The judge’s words resonated in Chloe’s mind with the utmost seriousness as she, Anders and Lolly made their way out of the courtroom.

  As relieved as she felt that Anders had been granted permanent custody of Lolly, Chloe had never felt like more of an impostor. Of all the lies she’d told in recent weeks, her wedding to Anders had been the biggest. She’d known that going in, obviously. But it hadn’t really sunk in until moments ago.

  She’d been so worried about getting her heart broken that she hadn’t thought long and hard enough about all the other things that could have gone wrong. What if they’d been found out? What if Anders had lost Lolly?

  The devastating potential had hit her like a blow while they’d been sitting inside the courtroom. She’d held Anders’s hand, and she’d done and said all the right things. But inside, she’d been terrified. Now she was almost too shaken to be relieved.

  It’s okay now. She concentrated on breathing in and out as Anders exchanged parting words with his lawyer. It’s all over.

  But the finality of the matter was little comfort. What, exactly, was over? Just the worry about Lolly’s custody?

  Or her relationship with Anders?

  She swallowed and did her best to smile as Anders embraced them both in a group hug. Chloe’s father used to do the same thing when she’d been a little girl. He would wrap his big arms around Emily, and then Chloe and her siblings would pile in. Her dad called it a family hug, and it had felt so much like this one that she couldn’t quite breathe all of a sudden.

  Are we a family?

  Are we really?

  She stepped out of the embrace and crossed her arms, steadying herself.

  They should have talked about what would happen today. She had no idea whether she’d be sleeping beside Anders again tonight, whispering his name as he made love to her, or whether he expected her to pack up her things and leave.

  She almost wished they’d stuck to their original agreement. At least then she would have known where she stood.

  “Are you all right?” Anders studied Chloe as Lolly busied herself unwrapping her candy cane. “You’ve gone pale.”

  She nodded, blinking rapidly. “I’m fine. I just...”

  I just don’t know where we go from here.

  I just think I might be in love with you.

  She shook her head, trying to force the thought right out of it. Falling in love had never been part of the bargain. Sex was one thing, but love was another matter entirely. She didn’t want to be in love. She couldn’t...not with someone who might not love her back.

  Been there, done that. Never again.

  “Sorry. I promise I’m really fine.” She cleared her throat and nodded toward the courtroom. “That was just more intense than I expected.”

  He curved an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “But it’s over now.”

  There was that word again: over.

  She stiffened against him, and something that looked suspiciously like hurt flashed in h
is sapphire eyes.

  Chloe’s cell phone rang from the depths of her purse, and she bent to search for it so she wouldn’t have to see that terrible look on his face. “I should probably get this. It might be my mom or Allegra calling about the recital tonight.”

  Anders nodded and crossed his arms, and for a quiet, confusing moment, he looked exactly as he had the first time she’d ever laid eyes on him—all hard lines and chiseled resistance. It made her heart beat hard in her chest, and when she finally located her phone, her hands shook as she dragged it out of her bag.

  “Oh,” she said, frowning down at the device’s small screen.

  “Is it about the recital?” Anders asked.

  “No.” Chloe swallowed. “It’s the Rockettes.”

  The contact information for Susan Morgan, the dance troupe’s general manager, flashed on her phone’s display. Chloe hadn’t spoken directly to Susan since the day she’d been removed from the performance schedule. Her reindeer shifts were supervised by someone much further down the chain of command.

  “Answer it.” Anders arched a brow. “It could be good news, right?”

  It could.

  Or it could be bad news, but either way, knowing would be better than uncertainty. Nothing in her life was certain at the moment, especially her relationship status. Facebook needed to invent a whole new description for this scenario.

  She fixed her gaze with Anders’s and pressed the button to accept the call. “Hello?”

  “Hello, this is Susan Morgan from the Rockettes. Is this Chloe?”

  “Yes, it is. Hi, Ms. Morgan.” She gave Anders a slight smile. Susan sounded cheerful, not at all like a person who was about to fire somebody on Christmas Eve.

  “Excellent. Listen, Chloe. I know this is last minute, but I also know you’re anxious to start performing again. I’ve heard you’ve been working really hard on the promotional end of things, and I assure you that your time spent on flyer duty hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Chloe began to pace in front of the low bench where Lolly sat swinging her legs to and fro.

  This was it. She was getting her job back, and her life was finally going to return to normal. Chloe had been waiting for this moment for a long time—since Thanksgiving Day.

  She wasn’t sure why it didn’t seem as exciting as she’d thought it would.

  “One of the girls in the touring company just sprained her ankle, and we need a replacement. If you’re able to leave for Branson tomorrow, the spot is yours.” Susan’s voice brimmed with enthusiasm, as if she was Santa Claus granting Chloe’s biggest Christmas wish.

  “Branson?” Chloe’s feet stilled, and Anders’s eyes locked with hers. “I don’t understand.”

  The Rockettes had a smaller group of dancers that toured the country, performing in various venues, from coast to coast. The touring company traveled by bus, and they were on the road for up to nine months of the year. Chloe had never performed with the touring group, nor did she know any of its members.

  “If you want to get back onstage, this is your chance. The bus leaves tomorrow afternoon,” Susan said.

  “But tomorrow is Christmas.”

  Now it was Anders’s face that went pale.

  “I’m emailing you the details. Think it over and let me know as soon as possible.” Chloe could hear Susan’s fingers tapping on her computer keyboard. “But I’m going to be honest with you, Chloe. This is a onetime chance. It’s this or nothing. Understood?”

  “Yes,” Chloe said. “I do.”

  I do.

  Wedding words.

  She ended the call and glanced up at the puzzled expression on her husband’s face.

  “Good news?” he asked, and there was an edge to his voice that rubbed her entirely the wrong way.

  He didn’t know the facts, and besides, she wasn’t sure she even wanted to go on tour. Shouldn’t they talk about what was happening between them?

  Was there anything happening between them, or had she simply been fooling herself all this time?

  “Yes,” she said woodenly. “They want me to join the touring company.”

  “I see.” He cleared his throat. “Congratulations.”

  Seriously? That was all he had to say? Congratulations?

  She still hadn’t said she was actually going anywhere. And she didn’t know what she expected him to say, but she definitely thought it would be something more than a single word.

  Her chest grew tight, and a flare of panic hit her somewhere behind her breastbone.

  Actually, a single word would have been fine. She just thought it would be a different one. The word she most wanted to hear wasn’t congratulations; it was stay.

  Oh God, he wasn’t going to say it, was he? Their deal was over, and he was perfectly fine with her turning around and walking away.

  “The tour leaves tomorrow.” What was she doing? She was acting as though she wanted to be on a bus to Branson tomorrow when that was not what she wanted at all.

  She bit her lip and blinked up at him.

  Please ask me. Please just say it.

  Stay.

  “I heard.” He took a deep breath, and for a moment he looked at her in a way that reminded her so much of the way he had on their wedding day that her panic ebbed. Maybe she really did love him, and maybe—just maybe—he loved her, too.

  But then his gaze shifted until he was no longer looking her in the eyes, but instead at a blank space slightly over her head. “A clean break is probably for the best.”

  He didn’t mean it.

  He couldn’t.

  She waited for a good three seconds, giving him as much of a chance as she could for him to take it back, to somehow make those terrible words go away.

  But he didn’t. He let them settle into her bones, into her soul, until the only thing she could do was turn around and walk away, with her heart breaking cleanly in two.

  * * *

  “But I don’t understand.” Emily Wilde’s coffee sat untouched on the table in the cozy kitchen of the brownstone as she stared blankly at Chloe.

  Breaking the news to her mom about the Rockettes tour wasn’t going nearly as well as Chloe had expected, and she hadn’t even gotten to the part about her marriage being a big fat fake. She’d hoped the pair of gingerbread lattes she’d picked up en route from the courthouse would soften the blow, but clearly it was going to take more than a Christmas-flavored beverage to worm her way out of the mess she’d created.

  “Why would you leave to go on tour? It doesn’t make any sense.” Emily picked up the coffee and put it back down without taking a sip. Not a good sign.

  Chloe took a deep breath. “Because if I don’t go, I won’t be a Rockette anymore.”

  It was time to tell the truth...about everything. “I lied about why I haven’t been performing the past few weeks. I wasn’t injured. I was fired.”

  She winced, waiting for the dressing-down that was surely coming. She definitely deserved it.

  But instead of rebuking her, Emily just shook her head and smiled. “I wondered when you were going to get around to telling me the truth.”

  Chloe blinked. “You mean you knew?”

  “Yes, dear. Of course I knew. I’ve been a ballet teacher long enough to know when a dancer is too hurt to perform and when she’s faking it.” She lifted a brow. “I’m also your mother, so I know when you’re going through something. I didn’t want to push. I figured you’d tell me when the time was right.”

  Her mother had known the entire time. Chloe wasn’t sure whether that made her feel better or worse. Then again, she was about as low as she could possibly get at the moment. There was no worse. This was it. This was heartbreak.

  She took a shuddering inhalation and blinked hard against the tears that she’d been holding back all afternoon. If she cri
ed now, she’d never stop. All she had to do was get through the rest of the day and the recital later tonight. Once she was on a bus headed away from Manhattan, she could cry all she wanted.

  “I guess now’s the time.” She gave her mom a watery smile. “I didn’t want to tell you. I was ashamed because I’d put my career first for so long, and when it all came crashing down, I realized how much I’d missed my family. I wanted to make it up to you...”

  “Oh honey. Is that what working at the school and the new floors and the rest of the improvements have been about?”

  Chloe nodded. “Yes.”

  But that wasn’t quite the truth, was it? Not all of it, anyway. And she didn’t want to lie anymore. It was too exhausting. Lies had led her to where she was right now, and she’d never felt more lost. “It started out that way, but spending so much time there made me remember how much I love it. I don’t want to see the school close, Mom. It can’t.”

  Emily’s lips curved into a bittersweet smile. “The school won’t be there forever, but that’s okay. If and when it closes, I’ll be okay. So will you. In the end, it’s just a building. The heart of the studio is our family, and family is forever. You don’t need to ask my forgiveness or make up for anything. I love you unconditionally, sweetheart. I’m just glad you’ve finally come home, no matter what brought you back.”

  And now she was leaving again.

  Chloe stared down at her coffee. She couldn’t bring herself to meet her mother’s gaze anymore. She knew what going on tour would look like. It would seem like she was running out on Anders and Lolly, like she was making her same old mistakes. Which was precisely why she didn’t want to go.

  She had to, though. Her pretend marriage had turned into a very real disaster. Anders had point-blank told her she should leave.

  Perfect timing...a clean break.

  The words kept spinning in her mind, over and over again. She couldn’t make them stop.

  “Stay,” Emily whispered. Then she said it again, louder this time. “Stay, Chloe. Don’t go on tour.”

  They were the words she’d longed to hear, the only words that mattered. But they were coming from the wrong person. “Mom, I can’t...”