Love in the Dark

by 12 Book Boxed Set (epub)

  Kimberly gives me a rueful smile as the door closes behind him. “I don’t think I made a new friend with him. He sounded pretty strict about staying in the room with you.”

  “He’s just protective,” I say, feeling defensive of him, even though it would probably be better if she thinks he’s an asshole. “You never really know what you’re getting with reporters.”

  For example, sometimes they show up thirty years younger than you think.

  She leans closer and gives me a conspiratorial smile. “All the more reason for him to be gone while we talk about your personal life.”

  “Oh.” I blink, trying to make sense of her words. “I thought you… well, I thought you’d ask me about my favorite composer and who I want to work with.”

  “I’m assuming your favorite composer hasn’t changed from the interview you did for BBC last year. As for who you want to work with, you should probably say Harry March even if that’s not true.”

  A huff of laughter escapes me. “Okay, so what do you want to ask me?”

  “My readers want to know the person behind the violin. They already know they’re going to get your best when they buy a ticket. They want to know something they can’t see onstage. What do you love about your best friend? Who’s the last boy you kissed?”

  Unease moves inside me. “I’m not dating anyone.”

  “Oh, come now,” she says, coaxing. “There must be someone you’re interested in. I know that you attend St. Agnes. That must give you even more opportunity to meet boys than if you only had tutors.”

  There is someone I’m interested in, but it’s wholly inappropriate. Wrong on every level. Completely forbidden. I barely even let myself think it, but Liam is the only person that comes to mind when I dream about kissing or sex. “It’s really just me and my violin,” I say, trying to sound breezy.

  I think that’s how a woman of the world should sound. Someone who doesn’t have a crush on the man who’s been her guardian for the past six years. That crush feels painfully childish with this woman sitting in front of me, everything about her sexy and grown-up.

  Thankfully she moves on to asking about friends and about school. Safe questions.

  When she’s done, she closes her notebook with a brusque snap. “Thank you so much for talking with me, Samantha. I appreciate your time and your candor.”

  My gaze hits the floor because I wasn’t completely honest. It’s not that I feel guilty about that exactly. I don’t owe a random reporter my deepest secrets. But I do feel guilty about having the secret, about having a crush on the man who’s only ever protected me.

  That man waits in the hallway when Kimberly opens the door. “Just the person I wanted to see,” she says. “The rest of my questions are for you.”

  3

  CHAPTER THREE

  The smallest violin comes in size 1/64th, perfect for children aged two and three.

  * * *

  LIAM

  Christ.

  Samantha stands behind the reporter, her eyes wide with curiosity. And something else. Betrayal? “Questions for me?” I ask, keeping my expression blank. I sure as hell hope she isn’t coming on to me with my ward in the same room.

  Kimberly gives me a wry smile. “Part of my interview process. I like to speak to the important people in the musician’s lives, get their perspectives.”

  I’ve been an important person in Samantha’s life for the past six years. It wasn’t a role I particularly wanted, but now that I’m here—the thought of her leaving makes me feel hollow. “I see.”

  “We can use your office,” the reporter prompts.

  “Right,” I say, hiding my reluctance. I don’t want to discuss my feelings for Samantha with anyone. They cut too deep for words. I don’t want to hinder her press opportunity. The way she stood up to me when she asked to speak to the reporter alone—it was a small thing, but it was new. God, she’s going to be eighteen in a few weeks. I can support her independence… even if it kills me.

  I stand aside to hold the door open for Samantha to leave. The last thing I need is her watching me while I talk about… what, exactly? My perspective, whatever that means. There’s a dark undercurrent to my thoughts about her. Like the way I keep thinking of her expression as she moaned.

  The betrayal in her wide brown eyes gets deeper as she passes by me on her way to the hallway. She’s hurt because I’m kicking her out of the room. She’d be hurt a lot more if she knew these thoughts I have about her. That’s why I plan on tamping them down—way down.

  I close the door and glare at a knot in the wood. Get your shit together, North.

  I’ve done some limited press for my company, making formal comments on the security for a high-profile client when it’s required. More than that, I’m on conference calls with some of the highest-ranking politicians in the country. Nothing rattles me.

  The look of betrayal in Samantha’s eyes—that rattles me.

  I don’t join the reporter at the armchairs. Instead I take a seat behind my desk, leaving her to sit on the other side. “Your questions?” I ask, my tone brusque.

  She sits down in a businesslike manner. “Thanks for taking the time, Mr. North. I understand that you’ve had custody of Samantha Brooks for six years.”

  “That’s right.”

  “How is it that you became her guardian?”

  “Her father passed away in—”

  “Of course, the death of Ambassador Brooks is a matter of public record. I’m referring to the fact that you aren’t related to Samantha through either blood or marriage.”

  The question hits me like a sledgehammer. I should have seen it coming. Years of military strategy should have prepared me for this, but I’m blindsided. For six years no one has asked me this question beyond the perfunctory reason that her father died. Her school, the society that awarded her a grant. I suppose it’s alarming that someone could so easily take custody of a child that isn’t theirs. A well-placed donation to a cause and a back-room deal with lawyers.

  That’s all it took to make Samantha mine.

  She knows we’re not related, but she thinks I was friends with her father. I could use that line with the reporter, but it sounds like she’s done her homework.

  How deep has she been digging?

  “I knew her father,” I say, choosing my words with care. I didn’t know him as a friend, but I knew who he was. And I knew everything about him. “He passed without someone to care for her. I felt it was my civic responsibility to step in.”

  “Civic responsibility,” the reporter repeats, sounding skeptical.

  “That’s right.”

  “The demands of raising a child prodigy are not ordinary. She has a famous violinist in his own right living nearby—you covered his expenses and pay a generous salary so she can meet him once a week. You deal with press interviews.” She gives a little smile. “Like this one.”

  “It’s no problem.” This press interview is becoming a big problem.

  From the smile playing at her lips, she knows it. “It’s interesting that you were unmarried and had no children of your own when you decided to take on this civic responsibility. Had you met Samantha before you became her guardian?”

  The question dances perilously close to, Had you met Samantha’s father before you became her guardian? I don’t mind lying to protect Samantha’s privacy, but that might make things worse. It would be possible to confirm that there’s no record of her father and me ever being in the same room together. How much does she know?

  I stand up and face the window, which overlooks acres of North property.

  “We hadn’t met,” I say without turning.

  She was a twelve-year-old with messy brown hair and lost brown eyes. I had been completely out of my depth. It’s a wonder she’s turned out as smart and self-sufficient as she has, but I don’t kid myself. She was mostly grown-up at age twelve.

  Terrified and alone, yes. But she already knew how to survive—she’d learned that out of n
ecessity.

  Kimberly appears beside me, the sunlight bright on her pale skin. This is the kind of woman I should take to bed. The kind of woman that should make my cock hard. It’s wrong, it’s so fucking wrong, that all I can think about is Samantha’s moan.

  “That’s interesting,” Kimberly says, her voice low, as if she can see inside me. What would happen if she knew the truth? If she printed the truth in an article? “That the court couldn’t find someone else to care for her. That they trusted you when you didn’t even know her.”

  “The world is a stark place,” I say.

  There aren’t always people who care about kids. My brothers and I learned that early. Samantha deserves more than that. She deserves all the safety and comfort I can find.

  She deserves the truth too, but she’s not getting that.

  Kimberly turns so that her body is between mine and the window. She faces me, her breasts brushing my chest through our clothes. “I think you have secrets, Mr. North.”

  I’m not sure she’s even aware of it, the choice she’s giving me. I can kiss her. I can fuck this woman right now, and it will be enough to throw her off the scent. She may not realize it, but it’s there, shining in her eyes. She wants oblivion, and my body can give it to her.

  Am I willing to do that to protect Samantha’s privacy? Hell yes.

  Don’t be so fucking noble, North. You’re not protecting Samantha. You’re protecting yourself.

  And it wouldn’t exactly be a hardship to have sex with a beautiful woman. Even if she’s not the one I want. Kimberly’s body sways toward me, sensing my deliberation. I catch her and keep her close, feeling her warmth. Why does she do nothing for me? No woman has done it for me. Maybe it’s more than a dry spell.

  Maybe I’ve been fundamentally broken.

  Except that seeing Samantha makes my blood run hot.

  That’s when I decide to do it—I need to fuck this woman if only to prove that I can. If only to prove that Samantha is safe from my baser desires. I’ve always known I’m a fucked-up son of a bitch. That’s why I picked a profession that could get me killed any minute. Someone has to do the job. Might as well be me.

  Then Samantha changed everything. For the first time I actually wanted to stay alive.

  I never would have shackled a woman to me. Never would have had children of my own, but Samantha… she’s in a different category. The judge granted her custody to me, but from the moment he signed that piece of paper, I belonged to her.

  My head lowers. I’m determined to exorcise my sexual demons with this woman who clearly wants this, who can handle it and walk away unscathed. Our lips meet. Every muscle in my body remains as hard and cold as marble. Desperation courses through my veins. How can I keep Samantha safe from this? From me?

  An image of Samantha’s face flashes through my head, her eyes closed in ecstasy, a low sound of pleasure vibrating through her throat. My eyes are closed, too. That’s all I can see. I grasp the jaw of the woman I’m holding, then slide my hand to her neck. My other hand slides back to clench in her hair—something is wrong, this isn’t what her hair would feel like. I pull hard enough that she makes a soft sound of protest.

  My eyes snap open. What the hell am I doing?

  I take a step away from the woman. She deserves more than a man who’s imagining someone else. And Samantha deserves more than a guardian who thinks about her while fucking.

  Kimberly’s breathing hard. Her hand goes to her throat, where the skin is still red from my grip. “I knew it would be intense with you. But that was—”

  “A mistake,” I say, trying to soften my voice. Failing. I’m hard all over and nothing that happens in this room can fix that. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

  In fact I really didn’t kiss her. Our lips were a millimeter apart before I stopped. That’s how close I came to finally finding relief, and all I feel is betrayal to Samantha.

  The sensual haze slowly lifts from the reporter’s eyes, replaced with that shrewd journalistic instinct I should never have let into this house. “Because you’re seeing someone else?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “It might matter, if it’s something worth writing about.”

  My eyes narrow. “You have an accusation? Come out and say it, Ms. Cox.”

  “I’m a journalist. I only have questions.”

  “I shouldn’t have kissed you because you’re here to do a story on Samantha Brooks, the prodigy, the soloist, who has incomparable talent and a hell of a bright future. You’re not here to take your clothes off for me. Unless that’s a perk that comes from Classical Notes Magazine now.”

  She flinches, which makes me a true bastard. She’s done nothing wrong except be damn good at her job. It’s the only way I can get her to back off the damn story.

  There is no story.

  Nothing has ever happened between me and Samantha, and that can’t change. No matter how badly I want her. No matter how hard I ache for just one taste.

  4

  CHAPTER FOUR

  String players, like violinists, tend to have larger brains. This is due in part to the complex motor skills and reasoning required to play the instrument.

  * * *

  SAMANTHA

  The string vibrates on a C sharp, the note echoing in the chamber after my bow lifts.

  Silence descends in slow degrees. I could be turning the page to my sheet music or tightening a string. I could be doing any number of things to continue practice, instead of sitting with my violin across my lap, the bow clutched artlessly in my fist. I have lived a thousand lives in the dramatic rise of a musical piece, feeling the intensity grow, the complexity develop. This moment in my life should have been marked by an entire orchestra, bodies moving in harmony, instruments an extension of bone and flesh.

  Instead there’s only a curious quiet, so rare and therefore precious.

  I feel the answering stillness in the room next door. He could be shifting pieces of paper, noiseless and precise. He could be examining numbers and tactical formations on the flat privacy screen, but I know he’s noticing the lack of music. We’re connected enough that I can tell he’s wondering what I’m doing.

  I’m wondering the same thing.

  Booted footsteps cross the gleaming parquet floor. Every aspect of this room has been designed to enhance sound, and it turns his approach into a military drum. He appears in the archway. The doors remain open every afternoon, even though my practice must disturb his work. Liam North takes his responsibilities seriously.

  And I’m his responsibility.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, crouching in front of me, taking in every aspect of my body with an impersonal evergreen glance. This is the way he corrects my position—no slouching, no leaning. He treats violin practice like a drill, and I am his soldier. I must do it right, must do it again, do you want to give up? No, sir.

  Mostly, mostly, I love this about him. Today I don’t.

  What’s wrong? This crush on him. It’s wrong and taboo and completely unstoppable. “I don’t feel good,” I say, which isn’t entirely a lie. I don’t feel good, but I don’t feel bad either. Instead I feel… enervated. There hasn’t been room in my life for feelings before. Only music.

  He studies me with the same impassive expression he would give a map. Around this corner and aha, there, through that mountain pass. Something he must traverse. “Since when?”

  Since Kimberly Cox came to the house.

  Since he kissed her in his office while I watched through a crack in the door. Though it would be more accurate to say she kissed him.

  She stalked him through the house like a tiger over the plains.

  And I followed her like a house cat, clumsy, copying.

  She pressed her body against his. I heard his surprised inhale of breath, so quiet, so quiet. Heard the sound that came low in her throat. Her whole body moved in some purely feminine way, like water, so fluid. And he was a rock, solid and hard. Her hand reached between th
em, and he became somehow more still.

  Until he grasped her wrist and pushed her away.

  Something became warm inside me. Warm and new. Seventeen years old means I know what sex is about but I’ve never seen it, not that close, not with a man I looked up to like a father. Well, not exactly a father.

  He may have legal custody of me, but I’ve never quite seen him as a father.

  Something flashes through Liam’s dark eyes. Worry? “Is it the tour?”

  “No, of course not. I’m ready for the tour.” Though ready isn’t exactly the word I would use to describe myself. Terrified and breathless, maybe. The interview also drove home how soon I’ll leave for the tour. Three months from now I’ll walk out these doors.

  Three months from now everything will change.

  Liam puts his hand on my forehead, the contact so sudden I make a squeak of surprise. “No fever,” he mutters, more to himself than to me. “Should I call Dr. Foster?”

  “It’s probably nothing,” I say quickly, besieged by an image of the doctor making a house call. Wet, he would announce after an examination. And flushed. And clenching her thighs every time you look at her. It’s an acute case of lust, I’m afraid. Only one thing can cure it.

  I can understand Liam’s surprise. When’s the last time I caught a cold?

  Maybe never.

  In this household bodies are treated like one of the well-oiled guns in his cabinet. Organic vegetables and grass-fed beef. We sleep on a schedule designed for optimum performance. There’s no entry in the procedure for Samantha has a crush on Liam North, the man who’s taken care of her for the last six years.

  “Rest,” he says, nodding his head, decisive. “You’ll take the rest of the day off.”

  “I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow.” Maybe once I’ve hidden under the covers, touching myself and pretending it’s him, making myself come about a thousand times.