The Three Perils of Man; or, War, Women, and Witchcraft, Vol. 1 (of 3)

by James Hogg

  CHAPTER V.

  He set her on his milk-white steed, Himself lap on behind her, And they are o'er the Highland hills; Her friends they cannot find her.

  As they rode over hill and dale This lady often fainted, And cried, "Wo to my cursed moneye, That this road to me invented."

  _Ballad of Rob Roy._

  O cam ye here to fight, young man, Or cam ye here to flee? Or cam ye out o' the wally west Our bonnie bride to see?

  _Ballad called Foul Play._

  It is by this time needless to inform my readers, that these two youngadventurers were no other than the rival beauties of the two nations,for whose charms all this bloody coil was carried on at Roxburgh; andwho, without seeing, had hated each other as cordially as any woman iscapable of hating her rival in beauty or favour. So much had the siegeand the perils of Roxburgh become the subject of conversation, that theears of the two maidens had long listened to nothing else, and each ofthem deemed her honour embarked in the success of her lover. Each ofthem had set out with the intent of visiting the camp in disguise; andhaving enough of interest to secure protections for feigned names, eachdetermined to see her rival in the first place, the journey not beingfar; and neither of them it is supposed went with any kind intent. Eachof them had a maid dressed in boy's clothes with her, and five stouttroopers, all of whom were utterly ignorant of the secret. The princesshad by chance found out her rival's sex; but the Scottish lady and herattendant being both taller and of darker complexions than the othertwo, no suspicions were entertained against them detrimental to theirenterprise. The princess never closed an eye, but lay meditating on thecourse she should take. She was convinced that she had her rival in herpower, and she determined, not over generously, to take advantage of hergood fortune. The time drew nigh that Roxburgh must be lost or won, andwell she knew that, whichever side succeeded, according to the romanticideas of that age, the charms of the lady would have all the honour,while she whose hero lost would be degraded,--considerations which nowoman laying claim to superior and all-powerful charms could withstand.

  Next morning Dan was aroused at an early hour by his supposed prince,who said to him, "Brave yeoman, from a long conversation that I have hadlast night with these English strangers, I am convinced that they aredespatched on some traitorous mission; and as the warden is inNorthumberland, I propose conveying them straight to Douglas' camp,there to be tried for their lives. If you will engage to take charge ofthem, and deliver them safely to the captain before night, you shallhave a high reward; but if you fail, and suffer any of them to escape,your neck shall answer for it. How many men can you raise for thisservice?"

  "Our men are maistly up already," said Dan; "but muckle Charlie o'Yardbire gaed hame last night wi' twa or three kye, like oursels. GinCharlie an' his lads come, I sal answer for the English chaps, if theywar twa to ane. I hae mysel an' my three billies, deil a shank mae; butan Charlie come he's as gude as some three, an' his backman's naebean-swaup neither."

  "Then," said the counterfeit prince, "I shall leave all my attendants toassist you save my page,--we two must pursue our journey with allexpedition. All that is required of you is to deliver the prisoners safeto the Douglas. I will despatch a message to him by the way, apprisinghim of the circumstances."

  The Lady Margaret and her page then mounted their palfreys and rode offwithout delay; but, instead of taking the road by Gorranberry, as theyhad proposed over night, they scoured away at a light gallop down theside of the Teviot. At the town of Hawick she caused her page, who washer chief waiting-maid and confidant, likewise in boy's clothes, to cutout her beautiful fleece of black hair, that glittered like the wing ofthe raven, being determined to attend in disguise the issue of thecontest. She then procured a red curled wig, and dressing herself in aHighland garb, with a plumed bonnet, tartan jacket and trowsers, andHighland hose and brogues, her appearance was so completely altered,that even no one who had seen her the day before, in the character ofthe prince her brother, could possibly have known her to be the sameperson; and leaving her page near the camp to await her private orders,she rode straight up to head-quarters by herself.

  Being examined as she passed the outposts, she said she brought amessage to Douglas of the greatest importance, and that it was from thecourt; and her address being of such a superior cast, every onefurthered her progress till she came to the captain's tent. Scarcely didshe know him,--care, anxiety, and watching had so worn him down; and herheart was melted when she saw his appearance. Never, perhaps, could shehave been said to have loved him till that moment; but seeing what hehad suffered for her sake, the great stake he had ventured, and thealmost hopeless uncertainty that appeared in every line of his face,raised in her heart a feeling unknown to her before; and highly did thatheart exult at the signal advantage that her good fortune had given himover his rival. Yet she determined on trying the state of his affectionsand hopes. Before leaving Hawick, she had written a a letter to him,inclosing a lock of her hair neatly plaited; but this letter she keptback in order to sound her lover first without its influence. He askedher name and her business. She had much business, she said, but not aword save for his private ear. Douglas was struck with the youth'scourtly manner, and looked at him with a dark searching eye,--"I have nosecrets," said he, "with these my kinsmen: I desire, before them, toknow your name and business."

  "My name," said the princess pertly, "is Colin Roy M'Alpin,--I care notwho knows my name; but no word further of my message do I disclose saveto yourself."

  "I must humour this pert stripling," said he, turning to his friends;"if his errand turns out to be one of a trivial nature, and that doesnot require all this ceremony, I shall have him horse-whipped."

  With that the rest of the gentlemen went away, and left the two bythemselves. Colin, as we must now, for brevity's sake, term theprincess, was at first somewhat abashed before the dark eye of Douglas,but soon displayed all the effrontery that his assumed characterwarranted, if not three times more.

  "Well now, my saucy little master, Colin Roy M'Alpin, please condescendso far as to tell me whence you are, and what is your businesshere,--this secret business, of such vast importance."

  "I am from court, my lor'; from the Scottish court, an't pleaseyou, my lor'; but not directly as a body may say,--my lor'; notdirectly--here--there--south--west--precipitately, incontrovertibly,ascertaining the scope and bearing of the progressive advance of thediscomfiture and gradual wreck of your most flagrant and preposterousundertaking."

  "The devil confound the impertinent puppy!"

  "Hold, hold, my lor', I mean your presumptuous and foolhardy enterprise,first in presuming to the hand of my mistress, the king's daughter,--mylovely and queenly mistress; and then in foolhardily running your headagainst the walls of Roxburgh to attain this, and your wit and manhoodagainst the superior generalship of a Musgrave."

  "By the pock-net of St Peter, I will cause every bone in your body to bebasted to powder, you incorrigible pedant and puppy!" said the Douglas;and seizing him by the collar of the coat, he was about to drag him tothe tent-door and throw him into the air.

  "Hold, my lor'; please keep off your rough uncourtly hands till Ideliver the credentials of my mistress."

  "Did you say that you were page to the Princess Margaret? Yes, surelyyou are, I have erst seen that face, and heard that same flippanttongue. Pray, what word or token does my dear and sovereign lady sendme?"

  "She bade me say, that she does not approve of you at all, mylor':--that, for her sake, you ought to have taken this castle many daysago. And she bade me ask you why you don't enter the castle by the gate,or over the wall, or under the hill, which is only a sand one, and hangup all the Englishmen by the necks, and send the head of Philip Musgraveto his saucy dame?--She bade me ask you why you don't, my lor'?"

  "Women will always be women," said Douglas surlily to himself: "Ithought the princess superior to her sex, but--"

  "But! but what, my lo
r'? Has she not good occasion for displeasure? Shebade me tell you that you don't like her;--that you don't like her halfso well as Musgrave does his mistress,--else why don't you do as muchfor her? He took the castle for the sake of his mistress, and for hersake he keeps it in spite of you. Therefore she bade me tell you, thatyou must _go in_ and beat the English, and take the castle from them;for she will not suffer it that Lady Jane Howard shall triumph overher."

  "Tell her in return," said Douglas, "that I will do what man can do; andwhen that is done, she shall find that I neither will be slack inrequiring the fulfilment of her engagement, nor in performing my own. Ifthat womanish tattling be all that you have to say,--begone: the rank ofyour employer protects you."

  "Hold, my lor', she bade me look well, and tell her what you were like,and if I thought you changed since I waited on you at court. On myconscience you look very ill. These are hard ungainly features of yours.I'll tell her you look very shabby, and very surly, and that you havelost all heart. But oh, my lor', I forgot she bade me tell you, that ifyou found you were clearly beat, it would be as well to draw off yourmen and abandon the siege; and that she would, perhaps, in pity, giveyou a moiety of your lands again."

  "I have no patience with the impertinence of a puppy, even though themessenger of her I love and esteem above all the world. Get you hence."

  "Oh, my lor', I have not third done yet. But, stay, here is a letter Ihad almost forgot."

  Douglas opened the letter. Well he knew the hand; there were but few inScotland who could write, and none could write like the princess. Itcontained a gold ring set with rubies, and a lock of her hair. He kissedthem both; and tried the ring first on the one little finger, and thenon the other, but it would scarcely go over the nail; so he kissed themagain, and put them in his bosom. He then read to himself as follows:

  "MY GOOD LORD,--I enclose you two love-tokens of my troth; let them be as beacons to your heart to guide it to deeds of glory and renown. For my sake put down these English. Margaret shall ever pray for your success. Retain my page Colin near your person. He is true-hearted, and his flippancy affected. Whatever you communicate to him will be safely transmitted to

  "MARGARET."

  It may well be supposed how Colin watched the emotions of Douglas whilereading this heroic epistle; and, in the true spirit of the age, theywere abundantly extravagant. He kissed the letter, hugged it in hisbosom, and vowed to six or seven saints to do such deeds for his adoredand divine princess as never were heard or read of.

  "Now, my good lor," said the page, "you must inform me punctually whathopes you have of success, and if there is any thing wanting that thekingdom can afford you."

  "My ranks are too thin," replied the Douglas; "and I have engaged totake it with my own vassals. The warden is too proud to join his forcesto mine on that footing, but keeps scouring the borders, on pretence ofpreventing supplies, and thus assisting me, but in truth for enrichinghimself and his followers. If I could have induced him and his wholeforce to have joined the camp, famine would have compelled the enemy toyield a month agone. But I have now the captain's brother prisoner; andI have already given him to know, that if he does not deliver up thecastle to me in four days, I will hang the young knight up before hiseyes,--I have sworn to do it, and I swear again to keep my oath."

  "I will convey all this to my mistress," said Colin. "So then you havehis only brother in your hold? My lor', the victory is your own, and theprincess, my mistress, beside. In a few hours will be placed in yourhands the primal cause and fomentor of this cruel and bloody war, theLady Jane Howard."

  The Douglas started like one aroused from slumber, or a state oflethargy, by a sudden wound. "What did you say, boy?" said he. "Either Iheard amiss, or you are dreaming. I have offered estates, nay, I haveoffered an earldom, to any hardy adventurer who would bring me thatimperious dame; but the project has been abandoned as quiteimpracticable."

  "Rest content, said Colin: "I have secured her, and she will bedelivered into your hands before night. She has safe passports with herto the Scottish court, but they are in favour of Jasper Tudor, son tothe Earl of Pembroke; so that the discovery of her sex proves her animpostor, and subjects her to martial law, which I request, for mymistress' sake, you will execute on her. My lady the princess, with allher beauty, and high accomplishments, is a very woman; and I know thereis nothing on earth she so much dreads as the triumph of Lady Jane overher. Besides, it is evident she was bound to the Scottish court eitherto poison the princess, or inveigle her into the hands of her enemies.All her attendants are ignorant of her sex, save her page, who is saidto be a blooming English country maiden. The Prince Alexander bade mecharge you never to mention by what means she came into your hands, butto give it out that she was brought to you by a miracle, by witchcraft,or by the power of a mighty magician." "It is well thought of, boy,"said the Douglas, greatly elevated--"I have been obliged to haverecourse to such means already--this will confirm all. The princess yourmistress desired that you should remain with me. You shall be my righthand page, I will love and favour you; you shall be fed with the breadand wine, and shall sleep in my tent, and I will trust you with all mysecrets for the welcome tidings you have brought, and for the sake ofthe angelic dame that recommends you to me; for she is my beloved, myadored mistress, and for her will I either conquer or die! My sword isher's--my life is her's--Nay, my very soul is the right of my beloved!"Poor Colin dropped a tear on hearing this passionate nonsense. Womenlove extravagance in such matters, but in those days it had no bounds.

  It was not long till the prisoners arrived, under the care of muckleCharlie Scott of Yardbire and Dan Chisholm, with their troopers, guardedin a very original manner. When Charlie arrived at old Chisholm's house,and learned that a _prince_ had been there, and had given such chargesabout the prisoners, he determined to make sure work; and as he hadalways most trust to put in himself, he took the charge of the youngEnglish nobleman and his squire, as he supposed them to be. The page hetook on his huge black horse behind him, lashing him to his body withstrong belts cut from a cow's raw hide. His ancles were moreoverfastened to the straps at the tops of Charlie's great war boots; so thatthe English maiden must have had a very uncomfortable ride. But theother he held on before him, keeping her all the way in his arms,exactly as a countryman holds up a child in the church to be christened.

  The Lady Jane Howard had plenty of the spirit of romance about her, butshe neither had the frame nor the energy of mind requisite for carryingher wild dreams of female heroism into effect. She was an only child--aspoiled one; having been bred up without perhaps ever being controlled,till she fell into the hands of these border mosstroopers. Herdispleasure was excessive.--She complained bitterly of her detainment,and much more of being sent a prisoner to the camp. When she foundherself in muckle Charlie Scott's arms, borne away to be given up to theman whom of all the world she had most reason to dread, she even forgotherself so far as to burst into tears. Charlie, with all his inordinatestrength and prowess, had a heart so soft, that, as he said himself, "alaverock might hae laired in't;" and he farther added, that when he saw"the bit bonny English callan', that was comed o' sic grand blude, growsae desperately wae, an' fa' a blirting and greeting, the deil a bit buthis heart was like to come out at his mouth." This was no lie, for hiscomrades beheld him two or three times come across his eyes with hismailed sleeve--a right uncouth handkerchief: and then he tried tocomfort the youth with the following speech: "Troth, man, but I'm uncowae for ye, ye're sae young an' sae bonny, an' no' a fit man at a' tosend out i' thir crabbit times. But tak good heart, an' dinna bedauntit, for it will soon be over w' ye. Ye'll neither hae muckle tothole nor lang time to dree't, for our captain will hang ye directly.He hangs a' spies an' messengers aff hand; sae it's no worth naebody'swhile to greet. Short wark's aye best i' sic cases."

  "He cannot, he dares not injure a hair of my head," said Lady Janepassionately.

  "_Canna!_" said Charlie, "Gude faith, ye ken that
's nonsense. He can aseasily hang ye, or do ought else w' ye, as I can wipe my beard. An' asfor the thing that the Douglas _darena_ do, gude faith, ye ken, I neversaw it yet. But I'm sure I wish ye _may_ be safe, for it wad do littlegood to me to see your bit pease-weep neck rackit."

  "It was most unfair, as well as most ungenerous in your prince to detainme," said she, "as my business required urgency. I had regular signedwarrandice, and went on the kindest intent; besides, I have a greataversion to be put into the hands of Douglas. How many cows and eweswould you take to set me at liberty?"

  "Whisht, whisht, Sir!" said Charlie; "Gudesake haud your tongue! That'skittle ground. Never speak o' sic a thing. But how many could ye affordto gie, an I _were_ to set you at liberty?"

  "In the first place, I will give you five hundred head of good Englishnolt," said Lady Jane.

  "Eh? What?" said Charlie, holding his horse still, and turning his earclose round to the lady's face, that he might hear with perfectdistinctness the extraordinary proffer. It was repeated. Charlie wasalmost electrified with astonishment. "Five hunder head o' nout!"exclaimed he: "But d'ye mean their heads by theirsels?--cuttit aff,like?"

  "No, no; five hundred good live cattle."

  "Mercy on us! Gude faith, they wad stock a' Yardbire--an' Raeburn,"added he, after a pause, putting his horse again slowly in motion; "an'Watkerrick into the bargain," added he, with a full drawn sigh, puttingthe spurs to his beast, that he might go quicker to carry him away fromthe danger. "For troth, d' ye ken, my lord, we're no that scarce o'grund in Scotland; we can get plenty o' that for little thing, gin wecould get ought to lay on't. But it's hard to get beasts, an' kittle tokeep them i' our country. Five hunder head o' black cattle! Hech! anCharlie Scott had a' thae, how mony braw lads could he tak at his backo'er Craikcorse to join his master the warden! But come, come, it cannabe. War somebody a Scots lord, as he's an English ane, an i' the samedanger, I wad risk muckle to set him free. But come, Corby, my finenaig, ye hae carried me into mony a scrape, ye maun carry me out o' thisane, or, gude faith, your master's gane. Ha, lad, ye never had sic aback-fu' i' your life! Ye hae five hunder head o' black cattle on't, yedog, an' ye're carrying them a' away frae your master an' Yardbire wi'as little ceremony as he took you frae Squire Weir o' Cockermouth. Ah,Corby, ye're gayan like your master, ye hae a lang free kind o'conscience, ye tike!"

  "But, my dear Sir," said Lady Jane, "you have not heard the half of myproffer. You seem to be a generous, sensible, and good naturedgentleman."

  "Do I?" said Charlie," Thanks t' ye, my lord."

  "Now," continued she, "if you will either set me and my page safely downon English ground, or within the ports of Edinborough, I'll add fivethousand sheep to the proffer I have already made you."

  "Are ye no joking?" said Charlie, again stopping his horse.

  "On my honour I am not," was the answer.

  "They'll stock a' Blake-Esk-head an' the Garald-Grains," said Charlie:"Hae ye a free passport to the Scottish court?"

  "Yes, I have, and signed with the warden's name."

  "Na, na, haud your tongue there; my master has nae name," said Charlie:"He has a good speaking name, an' ane he disna think shame o', but naename for black an' white."

  "I'll show you it," said Lady Jane.

  "Na, ye needna fash," said Charlie; "I fear it wad be unmannerly in meto doubt a lord's word."

  "How soon could you carry us to Edinborough?" inquired Lady Jane,anxious to keep muckle Charlie in the humour of taking her any wheresave into the hands of Douglas.

  "That's rather a question to speer at Corby than me," said Charlie; "butI think if we miss drowning i' Tweed, an' breaking our necks o'er theRed-brae, an' sinking out o' sight i' Soutra-flow, that I could tak inhand to hae ye in Edinborough afore twal o'clock at night.--Bad thingsfor you, Corby."

  "Never say another word about it then," said Lady Jane; "the rest arequite gone before us, and out of sight. Turn to the left, and ride forEdinborough. Think of the five hundred cows and five thousand sheep."

  "Oh, that last beats a'!" said Charlie. "Five thousand sheep! how monyis that? Five score's a hunder--I'm sure o' that. Every hunder's fivescore; then--and how mony hunder maks a thousand?"--

  "Ten," said the page, who was forced to laugh at Charlie's arithmetic.

  "Ten?" repeated Charlie. "Then ten times five hunder that maks but aethousand; an' other ten times five hunder--D--n me if I ken how mony iso' them ava. What does it signify for a man to hae mair gear than he cancount? I fancy we had better jogg on the gate we're gaun, Corby."

  "I am sure, friend, ye never had such a chance of being rich," said LadyJane, "and may never, in all likelihood, have such a chance again."

  "That is a' true ye're saying, my lord, an' a sair heart it has gi'enme," said Charlie; "but your offer's ower muckle, an' that maks me dreadthere's something at the bottom o't that I dinna comprehend. Gude faith,an the warden war to suffer danger or disgrace for my greed o' siller,it wad be a bonny story! Corby, straight on, ye dog: ding the brains outo' the gutters, clear for the camp, ye hellicat of an English hound.What are ye snoring an' cocking your lugs at? Od an ye get company likeyoursel, ye carena what mischief ye carry your master into. Get on, Isay, an' dinna gie me time to hear another word or think about thisbusiness again."

  The young lady began here to lose heart, seeing that Charlie had pluckedup a determination. But her companion attacked him in her turn with allthe flattery and fair promises she could think of, till Charlie foundhis heart again beginning to waver and calculate; so that he had noother shift but to croon a border war-song, that he might not hear thisdangerous conversation. Still the page persevered, till Charlie, losingall patience, cried out as loud and as bitterly as he could, "Haud yourtongue, ye slee-gabbit limb o' the auld ane. D--n ye, d'ye think a man'sconscience is to be hadden abreed like the mou' of a sack, an' crammedfu' o' beef an' mutton whether he will or no? Corby, another nicker an'another snore, lad, an' we'll soon see you aff at the gallop."

  Thus ended the trying colloquy between muckle Charlie Scott o' Yardbireand his two prisoners; the rest of his conversation was to Corby, whomhe forthwith pushed on by spur and flattery to the camp.

  When the truth came to be discovered, many puzzled themselvesendeavouring to guess what Charlie would actually have done had he knownby the way what a treasure he had in his arms,--the greatest beauty, andthe greatest heiress in England;--for Charlie was as notable forkindness and generosity as he was for bodily strength; and, besides, hewas poor, as he frankly acknowledged; but then he only wished forriches to be able to keep more men for the service of his chief. Somethought he would have turned his horse round without further ceremony,and carried her straight to Yardbire, on purpose to keep her there for awife; others thought he would have risked his neck, honour, and everything, and restored her again to her friends. But it was impossible forany of them to guess what he would have done, as it was provedafterwards that Charlie could not guess himself. When the truth came tobe divulged, and was first told to him, his mouth, besides becomingamazingly extended in its dimensions, actually grew four-square withastonishment; and when asked what he would have done had he known, hesmacked his lips, and wiped them with the back of his hand as if histeeth had been watering--and, laughing to himself with a chucklingsound, like a moor-cock, he turned about his back to conceal his looks,and only answered with these emphatic words: "Gude faith, it was as weelI didna ken."