I clung to him. “I love you, Dad.”
He kissed my head. “I love you too, honey.”
That night, Andrew was loaded with questions about Devin. How did we meet? Why didn’t he know about him? Why did I keep it a secret? What was his house like? On and on. I did my best to answer questions in a positive way, even though I really wanted to throw Devin’s mom under the bus. Granted, not telling Devin was on me, but she’d been a part of it too. Would he confront her on that? Did he even believe me?
Together we packed a bag of his favorite books and toys. I packed his clothes, choosing the newest, nicest options to avoid being judged by his family. Too late for that, I told myself as I closed his bag.
As I lay in bed, I prayed that Devin’s mother didn’t take her dislike of me out on Andrew. My mother had said she wouldn’t. That she’d see Andrew as an extension of Devin, but I wasn’t so sure of that. When I told her I was carrying Devin’s child, she’d offered me money to go away.
I had to trust that Devin would look after Andrew. Not just his physical care, but protect him emotionally from his mother if necessary.
24
Devin
I don’t remember getting from the Moore’s apartment to outside. For a time, I stood on the sidewalk wondering where I was and what was happening. Slowly, it came back to me. I’d sent Doug home thinking I might stay with Serena. Serena who all this time knew I was Andrew’s father. She’d hid him from me and then never told me about my relationship to him.
I pressed my hand over my chest as the pain from that pierced my heart again. I was a fucking moron to not have seen who she was. The signs were there. I’d known practically from the beginning that she was hiding something, and what did I do? I went and fucking fell in love with her.
All of a sudden, an arranged marriage with Evie sounded appealing. At least she and I were friends. I trusted her. And even if she lied, I wouldn’t have the heartbreak I had now.
And what the hell was it she said about my mother? My mother was just elitist enough to do what Serena accused her of, and yet at the same time, I couldn’t trust one thing Serena said.
Needing some time to sort out the chaos in my head, I started walking. When I passed a bar, I stopped in for a drink. By the time I finished, I was antsy to get started on this new phase of my life, which meant going to my parents to tell them the news.
I called for a car, and twenty minutes later, I was walking up the steps of my parents’ home.
Here goes nothing, I thought as I worked my way to my father’s study. I stepped in and assessed the progress on turning it into a bedroom. It still had his desk and books, but a bed was positioned in the far corner.
There was no reason for my father to be navigating steps, and while there were other options such as a stair chair or installing an elevator, it seemed best to create one level living for him. Since my mother hadn’t slept with him in years, it didn’t put her out.
I stopped for a moment as I considered my parents. They didn’t have a marriage built on love, but they didn’t dislike each other. I suppose they saw their marriage as a business relationship. They’d each done their part and so the partnership worked. The only expectation was to always put the family and business first. Maybe they’d been smart to keep love out of it.
“Devin.” My mother frowned. “You look like hell? Is something wrong?”
“Yes. We need to talk.”
She looked at my father, who was sitting at his desk, while she was helping him sort through papers.
“According to your father, you should be pleased about the board meeting.” Her tone suggested she didn’t like my father’s report of how I ran the meeting. That was the least of her concerns now.
“It’s not about the business.” I pulled out my phone and texted my sister, asking if she was in the house to come down to Dad’s study. She responded that she’d be right down.
I went to the bar next to my dad’s desk and poured another drink.
“What’s going on, Devin?” my father asked.
“Let’s wait for Bri. I want to tell you all together.”
“Oh goodness, you’re not running off or doing something crazy again, are you?” my mother snapped.
I looked at her and knew that while Serena had lied about Andrew, she’d been honest about my mother.
I downed my drink and poured another.
“Go easy on that, son,” my father said.
The doors opened and Briana breezed in. “You rang?”
I nodded. “I have to talk to you all about something.”
She quirked a brow. “Sounds ominous.” She took a seat on the couch. “Can’t wait to hear it.”
I stood looking at them wondering how to start. Did I just blurt it out? I’m a father? Did I confront my mother first?
“Devin?” my mother prodded.
“Five years ago, before I left for Europe, I met a woman.” I turned my attention to my mother, wanting to gauge her reaction. Her eyes narrowed slightly, but I didn’t see anything that suggested what Serena accused her of.
“Ooh, I’m liking the sound of this already?” Bri said, her eyes glinting. Jesus, did she know how tortured I was feeling?
“I asked her to come with me, but she didn’t.” I watched my mom. She held my gaze defiantly. She did remember.
“Is she the first woman to say no to you? Oh wait, Evie doesn’t want you—”
“Brianna!” my mother snapped.
Bri rolled her eyes and sat back waiting for me to continue.
“When I got back, I ran into her again. And like before, I was drawn to her.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake,” my mother said. “You should know by now that lust isn’t love.”
I whirled on her. “What do you know of love?”
“Devin!” My father slapped his hand on his desk. “Have some respect.”
“Respect? Today I found out I’m a father.”
“What?” Bri shot up from the couch.
My mother’s lip curled as she turned away.
“You knew, Mom. She came to you five years ago.”
“What?” My father looked up at my mother. “What’s he saying, Katherine?”
When she looked at my father, her expression had softened, like this situation was nothing.
“I had no way of knowing if she was telling the truth. She was probably just mad that Devin left her. She wanted money.”
“If that’s true, why didn’t she take the money you offered to make her go away?”
“Oh, Mother, you didn’t.” Bri said.
“You have no idea if that child is yours. She left. Didn’t even take the money. That’s proof the child isn’t yours, as far as I’m concerned. And now she’s probably trying to get back at you or me. Or get support for the child.”
I pulled out my phone and opened my picture app. “Look at him.” My mother turned away. “Look at him!” I commanded. “Tell me he’s not mine.”
I held out the phone showing a picture I took of Andrew in the cockpit of the plane the day I took him and Serena to the museum.
My father stood and leaned toward me over his desk. Bri moved next to me and looked as well.
“Oh Devin, he’s cute. He’s definitely yours,” Bri said.
“You can’t know that for sure,” my mother snapped. “You need a DNA test.”
“Stop!” I clenched my fist. “Why would you do this? I’ve missed four years of his life.”
“I told you why. I had no way of knowing she was telling the truth. I was protecting you.”
“Bullshit!”
“Devin,” my father warned.
“No. She wasn’t protecting me. She was protecting her reputation. Everything this family does is about maintaining an illusion. It’s exhausting.”
“He’s right about that,” Brianna said as she took my phone and studied the picture. “Is that the plane?”
I nodded. “He wants to be a pilot.”
“So, you
’ve been spending time with him but didn’t know he was yours?” Bri asked.
“Yes.” My jaw hurt from being so tight.
“The mother didn’t tell you?” Brianna looked at me.
“No.”
“See, he may not be yours,” my mother said matter-of-factly.
“Stop!” I slammed my hand down on the desk. Everyone jumped. “For once in your life, could you have some empathy? My fucking world just crashed and you’re a part of it, mother.”
She stiffened. “She could have told you.”
“You could have too. You’re my mother.” I turned away and sucked in a breath trying to get myself under control. I knew my mother would find it easier to dismiss me if I appeared unhinged. Finally, I turned back, and pointed my figure at my mother. “He’s coming here tomorrow and you will be kind to him.”
“Maybe you should take him to your place,” Bri said.
“He needs to meet his family. He’s a Roarke. All this,” I held my hands out to indicate the house and all that my family owned. “It will be his someday.”
My mother hissed out a breath. “He’s not one of us.”
I leaned to her. “Whose fault is that?”
“You don’t talk to me like that.” Her hard eyes stared back at me. “That woman wasn’t good enough for you.”
She was right about that, but that wasn’t the point. “He’s a part of me. A part of you. Can you be so heartless?”
“Devin.” My father’s voice was stern but not censuring. “If you believe he’s your son, the boy will be welcome—”
“We should have a DNA—”
“The boy will be welcome here,” my father said to my mother.
She gave him a scathing glare.
“This is an innocent child, Katherine. It isn’t his fault he’s in this situation. It sounds like it’s partly your fault.” I wondered if it was his illness that made my father seem much more empathetic.
“I will not—”
“He will be welcome in the home and Devin and the mother can work out whatever needs to be done.”
“What about our reputation?” my mother hissed.
“I suspect that if what I’m hearing is true, we’re probably lucky that this woman didn’t sell the story about how Katherine Roarke tried to sell her grandchild.” My father sat and ran a hand over his head. He looked exhausted.
“I did not sell my grandchild. I’m not convinced it is my grandchild.”
“You offered her money to go away,” Bri said. “That sounds like selling to me.”
“I don’t have to take this!” With her chin up, my mother strode out of the room.
My father looked up at me. “You’re sure that this child is yours?”
I nodded.
“Have you talked to a lawyer yet?”
“Not yet.”
“What? Why? You’re not going to take him away from his mother, are you?” Brianna stepped up next to me, putting her hand on my arm. “That would be too cruel.”
“You think I should be nice to her?” I quirked a brow.
“I meant for the boy.”
I gritted my teeth, wondering how long before they fell out from all the tension. “I’m not taking him from her, but I’m damn well going to protect my rights.”
“Good.” She smiled. “I’m an auntie. How fun.” She turned and skipped from the room.
I was left with my father. Slowly he stood. “I’ll do my best to keep your mother under control, but you’d be wise to have a paternity test—”
“You saw him.”
My father held up his hand. “I did. But your mother may not be the only one to question his paternity. It would protect him and you to have it confirmed officially. It would protect the mother’s reputation as a gold-digger as well.”
While I didn’t care much about protecting Serena’s feelings, I didn’t want her smeared either.
I suppose he had a point about having a confirmation to shut up people who might question it. But in the end, all that mattered was that I believed it. I knew it. Andrew was my son.
“Now. You’re going to have to think about running this business and being a father. I know today, young people think they can do everything, but you’ll need to consider getting a nanny.”
I closed my eyes, remembering what it was like spending time with Andrew, in contrast to my doing that stuff growing up with a nanny.
“One step at a time,” I said, not wanting to discuss it with my father. Would I need childcare? Probably. But right now, I was going to focus on being Andrew’s father.
I headed up to my room. As I went down the hall, I considered which might be best for Andrew. Or maybe I should have him sleep in my room.
I opened my door and found Bri sitting on my bed.
She stared at me with that smile sisters got when they were ready to hassle you.
“I’m not in the mood.” I took off my coat and tie, tossing them on a chair.
“Oh come on, Devin. You have some explaining to do. Who is the mother?”
I went to the window, looking out over the river. “It doesn’t matter.”
Bri came and sat in the window seat. “I know I’m a pain in the ass sister, but I’m a pain in the ass sister that cares for you.”
I sat next to her. “Her name is Serena.”
“The event lady? No wonder she was pissed when I told her you were canoodling Evie at the anniversary party.”
God, that felt like a million years ago. “She accused me of cheating and lying and the whole time she was keeping him from me.” I looked at Bri. “Is there something wrong with me?”
Her expression was a mixture of pity and annoyance. “Don’t get all melodramatic, Devin. No. There’s nothing wrong with you. But there is with this family. I have to tell you, in her situation, I might have thought twice about disclosing that information.”
“Really? I’m his father.”
“His grandmother offered money to make her go away. Mom knew that child was yours. Was her grandchild, and she sent her off. Who’d want their kid around that kind of callousness?”
I rolled my shoulders. “I can see that, but—”
“But what?”
“I told her I loved her. Since the moment I saw her again, I’d pursued her hard. Worked to convince her I was sincere.” I looked at Bri with my heart bleeding out. “She wouldn’t have ever told me if she had her way.”
“Oh Devin.” She threw her arms around me. For a moment, I let myself be held by her. But I didn’t have time to wallow in my pain. Only pussies did that.
I pulled away. “I’ve got to get ready. He’s coming tomorrow at nine.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
I smiled. Despite the pain, thinking of Andrew filled my heart. “You’ll love him. He’s so smart.”
“Well of course. He’s a Roarke.” Her brows pulled together. “Will you have him take your name?”
I nodded. “Maybe I should ask him though. I know he’s only four, but I don’t want to overwhelm him with change, you know?”
She stood and smiled. “You’re going to be a great dad. And me, I’m going to be the best auntie ever.” She put her arm through mine. “Come on, let's go find him the best room in the house. I think some of our old toys are in the attic. Let’s see what cool treasures we find there.” She stopped. “No…let's take him up there and let him explore.” She grinned as she led me out the door. “It’s going to be so fun.”
25
Serena
The next morning, I woke to a cold, rainy day. The gray, dreariness fit my life, I decided. Normally, I’d take the subway in the city, but since Andrew was going to the Roarke home, I didn’t want him showing up wet and tired from the walking the invariably went with taking the train. So, I ordered a car.
My mother and father stopped by as I helped Andrew put on his backpack.
“I’m going to see my daddy,” he told them. He was keeping a firm upper lip, but I could see he was ner
vous. The mother in me wanted to protect him from his anxiety, but I knew I couldn’t.
“You’re going to have a good time, too,” my mother said. I could see in her face that she was feeling like I was. She was putting on a brave front for him. “I made you some cookies to share with your dad.” She handed him a plate. “Oh and, I’ve tapped the Irish stew recipe on the top.”
I quirked a brow.
“Way to a man’s heart is through the stomach, right?” she said.
I gave her a wan smile. I appreciated her effort, but cookies and stew wouldn’t make up for what I’d done.
“You ready?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“You have fun, young man,” my father said. He didn’t look like he’d slept all night. When I had the time, I’d have to reassure him that it was okay he leaked my secret. I suspected no matter how it came out that Devin would have taken it badly. Should he have heard it from me? Yes, but I’d waited so long that there was no way he wouldn’t have been upset.
“I will, Grandpa.”
They rode with us down to their floor, and then it was just Andrew and I. Me and him against the world, I remember thinking when the nurse put him in my arms after a long labor.
“I love you, Andrew.”
“I love you too, Mommy.” He leaned against me as the elevator slid down.
“I just want to be sure that you know that. You’re going to spend some time with your dad because we both want you and we have to share.”
“I know.” He shrugged. I guess it was a good thing that he didn’t feel like I was trying to get rid of him.
The car was waiting when we exited the building. I helped Andrew in and gave the address for the Roarke mansion. I wondered if I should warn Andrew how different it would be there. Devin might think I was somehow trying to sway his experience, so I kept it to myself.
We pulled up in front of the limestone home along Riverside Drive in the upper west side of the city. My hands shook as I helped him from the car. Please God, don’t let them hurt my baby, I whispered the prayer as I walked Andrew up the front steps to the arched front doorway.
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