Chasing The Bodyguard: An Irish Mob Action Adventure Road Trip Romance

by Grace Risata

  Any normal person would have been completely relaxed and fascinated by the Earth’s majesty.

  But could I enjoy it?

  Fuck no.

  Let me tell you why.

  I just spent the last twenty hours stuck in a run-down pickup truck with no radio, no air conditioning, and only a disgruntled asshole as my sole travel companion. Okay, it’s not like we drove twenty hours straight…of course we had to stop to get some sleep and take a few piss breaks, but still.

  I was extremely upset to put it mildly.

  There was no logical explanation for the total personality shift that transformed Sam from a passionate lover into king of the douchebags. Not only had he treated me with unnecessary cruelness, but he’d completely broken his sister’s heart.

  I wasn’t going to give up on him though. It takes a hell of a lot more than a man with a stubborn streak to bring me down. No one fucks with Leandra Donahue and gets away with it.

  Obviously I began to formulate a plan on how to turn this situation around. As we got closer and closer to the beach, everything fell into place and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

  This plan was bold, even for me, but I had complete confidence in a successful outcome. After all, I can be quite irresistible when I put my mind to something.

  Daring to approach Sam as he gazed wistfully at the vast ocean, I stood beside him and put ‘Operation: Grand Finale’ into action.

  “The view is magnificent, isn’t it?” I asked nonchalantly, as if I gave two fucks about sand and water.

  “Yes. I’ve never been to the West Coast before. I’m glad we came here.”

  “Me too. Can we talk, Sam?”

  “Sure,” he replied, staring straight ahead, gazing off into the distance.

  I took a deep breath and opened my heart, putting all the proverbial cards on the table.

  “Samuel Kent…ever since the night you first walked into my life, I can’t get you out of my head. Never has one person had such a profound effect on me. You are kind, loving, protective, considerate, brave, unselfish, handsome, strong, smart, funny, courageous, loyal, and trustworthy. There is not one quality I would seek in a life partner that you do not have. I can’t sleep at night until I know you’re safe. I can’t go one entire day without seeing you, or I begin to feel like a piece of me is missing. It would be my honor and privilege to walk beside you in this life and the next. I love you for so many reasons, I can’t even remember them all right now.”

  Yeah, kind of lame, but I never thought I’d be the one doing this. My palms were sweating and I came very close to passing out. Dropping to one knee, I asked the million dollar question.

  “Samuel Kent…will you marry me?”

  My heart pounded so loudly that the noise eclipsed that of the waves crashing against the rocky shore. I held my breath, eagerly awaiting his answer.

  He blinked a few times in shock, opened his mouth, and gave me a one word answer.

  “No.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Leandra

  As I walked down the stairs leading off the small private plane, I sent up a prayer of gratitude. The flying death trap hadn’t crashed, I was still alive, and we finally arrived back home in New York. Other than that, I was completely fucked.

  Do you want the definition of ‘awkward?’ Try spending way too many hours trapped in a claustrophobic chartered plane sitting next to the man that just turned down your marriage proposal with no concrete reason as to why he suddenly hated you after just sharing one of the most passionate nights of your entire life.

  Welcome to my personal hell.

  After dickface gave me his firm ‘no,’ I basically shut down and walked away. It’s not like I freaked out or anything. I did stand there for an additional minute and gave him a chance to explain himself, but he just stared blankly as though he didn’t even recognize me.

  Whatever.

  Fine.

  Be that way.

  No matter how much his stinging dismissal might have shoved a burning hot fireplace poker through my tender heart, I was willing to let it go. The ball was in his court. I had no choice but to go on with my life. It was business as usual for Leandra Donahue.

  So I called Ian, chartered a private plane from LAX to LaGuardia, flew all the way across the country while suffering in silence, and found myself back on home soil.

  It was now nine o’clock on Sunday night, I hadn’t eaten a decent meal in two days, and I was in the mood to end all moods. A strange sense of relief filled my heart when I saw Ian and Shorty waiting to take me home.

  The second my brother laid eyes on my disheveled appearance, sour expression, and general aura of despair, he rushed over and starting yelling.

  “What the fuck happened, Lee? You look like shit!”

  “I missed you too, asshole,” I replied, patience running thin. “What vehicles did you bring?”

  “The Range Rover and the Mercedes.”

  “Shorty, drive him back in the Range Rover,” I ordered, waving a hand dismissively in Samuel’s direction. “Ian and I will take the Mercedes.”

  Without waiting for a response, I made a beeline for the black sedan. Once my ass was ensconced in luxurious German leather, I let out a sigh and began to massage my aching temple.

  Ian slid into the driver’s seat and wasted no time peeling out of the airport parking lot.

  “Would you care to let me know what the fuck is going on or would you like me to guess? I can be quite intuitive if I apply myself.”

  “It’s late, Ian. I need one night to decompress and then things can return to normal tomorrow. All I want is a large pizza and a warm bath.”

  “You’ll have both in due time, Lee. Where were you and what caused your obvious distress?”

  “I look that bad, huh?”

  “You’re wearing ratty discount store clothes that smell like you slept in them for a week, there’s not a hint of makeup to be seen, and your hair…well…it’s basically a rat’s nest,” he kindly pointed out. “If I was a betting man, I’d say that Samuel finally gave in to your advances, things did not go quite as planned, and the situation got real messy in a hurry. He’s in love with you, but you broke the poor guy’s heart and now we’re still stuck with him as your bodyguard.”

  “Quite the opposite actually. I met his family, he lied and told them we were married, I had the best night of my life, and he completely flipped on me the next day. He was the one to end things…not like they’d ever really began in the first place.”

  Ian let out a low whistle of surprise.

  “I didn’t see that coming.”

  “Yeah, me neither,” I admitted.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you had a shitty time.”

  “That’s the thing…no matter what bizarre situations life kept throwing at me, I bounced back in victory every fucking time. I had an amazing adventure this week, Ian. Even though I was a stranger in a strange land forced to survive armed only with my wits and determination, every second was extremely enjoyable. There was a wicked mother-in-law villain and a slutty Beverly Hillbilly blonde bitch that reminded me of Elly May Clampett. But I also made friends with a cool biker dude and the sweetest girl you’d ever want to meet in your life. I had a bar brawl and worked as a lumberjack one day. Would you believe I actually sort of met a guy in a coma?”

  “If he was in a coma, I’m assuming he didn’t shake your hand?”

  “Asshole! Are you even paying attention?”

  “Of course I am, Lee. It seems too crazy to be true, actually. If I didn’t know better, I’d ask you to share whatever drugs you managed to find. It sounds like the ‘trip’ of a lifetime, pun intended.”

  “It was pretty awesome. In fact, it kind of reminds me of ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ I landed somewhere completely different from home. I met some wonderful friends and dealt with evil forces. Yet I took it all in stride and made the most of every single day. When I really look back on it, the whole situation just r
einforces how strong in spirit I truly am.”

  “Well, even though you look like crap, it’s good to know you still have no self-esteem issues. Cough cough, narcissist, cough cough.”

  I whacked him in the arm and nearly ran us off the road.

  “So how do things stand with you and Samuel now?”

  “No idea. I’m pissed at him, but I haven’t given up yet. What does dad always say? Know when to bide your time and back away. Let them think you’re off licking your wounds while you’re really just waiting to come back twice as hard.”

  “He said that?”

  “Yes, he said that! Don’t you ever listen?”

  “No. That’s why you run the whole operation and I get to sit back and make movies. Some of us are born leaders and some of us are happy to do nothing at all.”

  “Give yourself some credit. You managed to keep things from falling apart for a whole week. Where are we at with everything?”

  “Let’s wait until we get back to your place for a full briefing. You’re going to want Shorty in on this. It’s not pretty, Lee…”

  Great. Let’s add some more stress to my life, as if I didn’t have enough already.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Leandra

  After the week I just had, the simple act of a ten minute shower put me in a better frame of mind. Once you add in the steaming hot extra cheese, mushroom, green pepper, and onion pizza waiting on the table when I got out, things were definitely looking up.

  I plopped down at my kitchen table, wearing only the softest bathrobe that money could buy, and sighed in contentment.

  Home felt good. It felt damn good.

  Ian and Shorty both sat across the table and prepared to update me on all the crazy shit that happened last week.

  “Is someone missing from the table?” Shorty asked with a raise of his eyebrows.

  “No,” I replied firmly, taking a large bite of my dinner and moaning in ecstasy. You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. No one on Earth makes pizza like we do in New York City.

  “What about your highly respected second in command?” he reminded me, knowing exactly what buttons to push.

  Cocking my head and pretending to look puzzled, I finally broke the silence to ask a question.

  “Did I, or did I not give a direct order that no one is to be allowed access into my apartment unless it was the two of you?”

  “You did.”

  “I specifically stated that no other people were welcome at this time. Not Angie, not the Queen of England, and not even the ghost that’s rumored to haunt this building. Therefore, it would appear that everyone is currently present and accounted for, would it not?”

  “I just meant---”

  “I’m fully aware of who you meant, Shorty. Unless you would prefer to have two people present and one thrown off my fucking balcony, you would be wise to shut the fuck up.”

  “A simple ‘thank you’ for running the show in your absence would have been appreciated, Leandra.”

  “The act of being in charge is thankless in nature. Everyone wants a piece of the pie, a cut of the profits, a taste of power. Would you like it permanently?”

  Of course I had no intention of handing over the reins. This was merely a test to see if the man enjoyed things a little too much while I was away. Before I left, mutiny remained a threat around every corner. I needed to know if Shorty had any unsettling ideas I should be aware of.

  “Absolutely not, Leandra. No one is happier to have you back than I am. I can’t take a fucking shit without someone knocking on the door and interrupting me. ‘What should I do about this dilemma?’ and ‘This person pissed me off!’ and ‘You need to make a decision right this very second!’ It’s enough to give me a damn heart attack. No one can do a fucking thing without having their hand held around here. From deciding where to go for replacement washers and dryers for the Laundromat, to breaking up fights between the guys at the gym, and don’t even get me started on handling all the financial stuff…fuck. I knew you’d come back eventually, otherwise I would have taken the first plane to Mexico and begged your dad to let me live in his garage.”

  We all shared a good laugh, Shorty and Ian cracked open a few beers, and I sucked down my pizza in record time. Once everyone had calmed down, we moved into the living room and I happily curled up on the couch while business was discussed. My brother was the first to speak.

  “I’ll let Shorty give you the rundown, because I really didn’t do much besides walk around and look tough. I paid a visit to all the restaurants, the gym, the club, and anywhere you’d usually turn up to make your presence known.”

  I gave him a nod of gratitude and then turned my attention to the other man.

  “You know I appreciate your help, Shorty. It goes without saying that you’ll be fairly compensated for the extra work. What did I miss last week?”

  “Well, we did find out a lot of very useful information while you were away. Seamus is the traitorous fuck that fed all the inside information to the Barsotti family. Evidently he’s had a bug up his ass ever since you took over, Leandra. The guy thinks women are only useful to cook, clean, and fuck. Naturally he found it demeaning to take orders from a lady. At the first opportunity, the little prick ran to Carmine Barsotti and tried to make a deal.”

  “The plot thickens,” I said with a smirk. “What was this deal of the century?”

  “In return for handing over any and all information on us, Barsotti allows Seamus to take charge of whatever and whoever remains standing when the dust settles.”

  “How does it all play out?”

  “Seamus planned to conveniently arrange a meeting with you on the pretense of ratting out Hawk as the mutinous thief. Once you showed up, presumably with me and Samuel for protection, there would have been an ambush.”

  I nodded my head while envisioning the whole scenario, when a deafening THUD pounded against the main entry door to my apartment. The door flew open and an intense survival instinct kicked in, causing me to duck down while simultaneously pulling out a nine millimeter handgun that was safely secured under the coffee table.

  “Don’t shoot!” Shorty screamed suddenly, about one second away from blowing Samuel’s head off with his own gun.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Ian shouted, face ghostly pale, hand clutching his chest in fear. “You don’t know how to knock, asshole? I almost had a fucking heart attack!”

  “This is why you’re not in charge,” I yelled at my brother. “Two people have guns trained on the intruder, and one giant dumbass just pissed his pants on my leather furniture!”

  “I did not piss myself, bitch! All this is beside the point! What is he doing charging in here, guns blazing, like we live at the OK Corral and it’s high noon?”

  “I tried the door knob and it was locked, so I shouldered it open,” Samuel replied sheepishly while staring at me.

  “Had it really been locked, you wouldn’t have gotten in at all,” I explained. “The handle sticks sometimes. The real question, is why the door was not safely secured in the first place. I want answers and I want them immediately!”

  “The apartment is secured,” Shorty snapped with impatience. “No one gets access to this floor without a key to the building and a special elevator code. Dipshit here lives across the hall. Good luck keeping his ass out.”

  “From now on, the door gets locked and stays locked. It could have easily been Seamus blowing our fucking heads off! He’s so eager to do the job, why not just give him a gun and line us up execution style! Save the guy the trouble of planning the ambush entirely!”

  I swear we’d all be dead by now if it wasn’t for me actually using the brains God gave me.

  Samuel remained standing in the entryway, hands on his hips.

  “Seamus was planning an ambush? Why do I get the feeling I’m missing out on importation information that is a vital part of my job? Has something changed? Am I not still tasked with keeping her alive? Since when am I
kept out of the loop?”

  “Since you couldn’t keep your cock in your pants,” Ian blurted defiantly, earning him a look of surprise from Shorty and a gasp from me that rivaled any sound Chrissie had ever made.

  But ours weren’t the only reactions in the now silent room.

  Samuel marched over to my brother, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and hauled him to his feet. This was no easy task considering Ian was a solid six feet of muscle. True, he had an aversion to working out, but a well built physique and natural strength was in our DNA. Ian never went looking for trouble, but he didn’t back down from it either.

  “What did you just say?” Samuel growled.

  “That is my sister, you heartless son-of-a-bitch. If you think I won’t have her back in any situation, then you’re a damn fool. Take your fucking hands off me before I break them.”

  Samuel narrowed his eyes and slowly backed away. Ian’s words must have struck a nerve, because the other man raised his hands in a show of truce.

  “How about we start over? I’ll pretend you never excluded me from a conversation that I have every right to be a part of, and no one has to get the shit beaten out of them. Fair enough?”

  All eyes turned to me as if waiting to find out the next move. Would Samuel be allowed to stay or would I make him leave? Decisions, decisions.

  I motioned for the man to sit on a leather recliner across from me, and Shorty repeated the info on our old friend, Seamus.

  “It doesn’t add up,” Samuel remarked in confusion. “If that cocksucker planned an ambush, why were Barsotti’s goons trying to run us off the road last weekend? Wouldn’t they lay low and let him get the job done? It makes no sense to show their hand at this point.”

  “They don’t want Seamus in charge,” I explained, wondering why it was up to me to do all the strategizing around here. “If the Barsotti crew wanted me gone as head of the family, they would have had ample opportunities to make a play. Simply put, they used Seamus for information and then ‘accidentally’ let it slip that he was the leak. This is not anything we didn’t already know. Bennie already ratted out Hawk and Seamus for stealing the dry cleaning money. We’re not stupid…we don’t totally have our heads buried in the sand.”