Short Stories From Austria- Ferdinand Von Saar

by Ferdinand Ludwig Adam

  , However, carissima madre '- I used to always call it that - is, however, something happened. Something quite unexpected, sad - - 'And now I told her hesitantly and with great caution what could not remain secret.

  She had to sit down. 'My God,' she brought out with difficulty, 'so quickly, so suddenly! And what will Ginevra say about that? She's a strong girl - but still - - I think she's already there, 'she added, listening.

  In fact, the light footsteps of Ginevra were heard outside, and immediately thereafter she herself rushed into the room, her face reddened by the air, a basket on her arm, which she hastily set aside, and then, as usual, to my breast to fly.

  ,There you are!' called her.,I knew it! All along it has occurred to me in my mind that I would meet you here to come home! '

  'With your hunches!' said the mother. 'If you knew what brought him here -'

  She turned pale easily. 'What do you mean, mamma ?' she asked in a faltering voice, looking at us both with breathless tension.

  And now she too learned what was to come.

  With each word she heard, she blanched, her arms slowly sinking at her hips; she stood frozen for a while. But then she ran her hand slowly over her forehead and said, 'We could have anticipated that this would happen sooner or later. And since it can not be changed, we want to wear it with steadfastness. When do you have to leave? '

  ,In three days.'

  Of course, that will be soon, very soon. But all the same. Vienna is not out of the world and you will love me there like here. '

  'Well, who knows,' said the mother with forced jocularity, 'does he forget us in Vienna?'

  'How can you speak like that, madre ', she snapped. As if you did not know from your own life that even the greatest distance, the longest separation of feelings, like ours, are not able to change anything! On the contrary, they are only strengthened. Not true?' - she turned to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders - did not we, we are each other's for life? '

  ,Forever!' I replied and kissed her on the forehead. 'And look,' I went on, suddenly overcome by a comforting thought, 'perhaps fate will tear me away from you in the best of intentions. I meet in Vienna with my uncle, who is a wealthy man. He loves me like a son and will certainly be determined to do something for our future. We are both still young and can wait. '

  'Yes,' she replied, 'we can and will wait.'

  But already the feeling had come over me to have expressed a groundless hope. For the first time, at least, I had nothing to expect from my uncle; on the contrary, I had the conviction that at once he would be hostile to a relationship which in his ambitious plans for my military career might not seem to him desirable. To drown out this awkward consciousness, I said quickly, 'And whatever happens, after all, I come to the weapons exercises for a vacation that can not be denied me. I am sure that I will return in late autumn and live in the fortress with a friend or here in an inn. Then we can take some weeks for the separation harmless. '

  'And rejoice the more intimately of the reunion,' she added, looking deep into my eyes. 'But you are staying today?'

  'You know, I can not; at most until three o'clock. It will be granted us only one more evening - tomorrow. I'll come as early as possible - goodbye. '

  'Goodbye,' she repeated quietly. But at least you can have lunch with us today. I will arrange the necessary. ' And she rose to look at the kitchen, where the landlady was already busy at the hearth.

  'Strange girl!' said the mother, when we were alone now, with wet eyes., This fortitude! You would not think it possible. I myself was in tears on the same occasion and was unable to catch myself for days. And you! She is really her father. '

  Later, Ginevra, pale as usual, but quiet as usual, set the table, and we sat down to a meal, of which little was touched by monosyllabic conversation. Even later, it remained completely quiet in the familiar room. I sat with Ginevra hand in hand on a small sofa opposite the mother, who had done a knitting job and looked at it wistfully from time to time. Finally it was three o'clock and I got up.

  'See you tomorrow, ' said Ginevra, shaking my hand.

  'Tomorrow - for the last time!'

  ' Not for the last time!' she spoke forcefully.

  But when I now shook hands with the mother and turned to the door, the backward pain broke out in her with elemental violence. With a loud cry, she rushed up to me and embraced me with her arms.

  So we stood for a long time, while she held me convulsively and wet with her hot tears; then I broke away.”

  V.

  The colonel paused and stared silently for a while. “I'd like to break off my story here,” he said then; “Because the role that I am beginning to play now is nothing short of brilliant. But I want to impose my penance and continue in the context.

  The farewell had been a far more touching one. I had given Ginevra a ringlet with blue stone when she was shedding, which latter presented a small heart in the taste of that time. She herself broke the golden cross she wore constantly and let it go.,Take!' she said. 'It is a keepsake of my father; the only jewel that I have of him. His mother already carried it. Support 'now you until we are reunited in memory of me.'

  It made me feel confident, and I felt how victorious the image of Ginevra, whose figure trembling in the pain of separation, whose pale, tear-stained countenance I had constantly in mind during the journey, would withstand all new impressions. There were not too many at the beginning. For the first thing was to gain a firm foothold in the regiment, where the unwanted inset had been received with suspicious restraint, which made a doubly zealous fulfillment of duty a duty. Nor did I have any relatives in Vienna except my uncle, and he was a true old man, who, despite his high connections, avoided the so-called society with harsh recklessness. His recovery was to visit a famous inn in the inner city every night, where he lived comfortably in the circle of some old-age and co-thinkers after the day's troubles and worries. Now he had his pleasure in introducing me there and, as often as possible, in the most delicious way, where the champagne was not saved. So my free time was taken almost exclusively by him, at the most, that I visited the theater once in a while. But my greatest pleasure was and remained the correspondence with Ginevra. We wrote each other regularly every eight days, which under the circumstances at that timeIt was like today's daily writing, and it does not work say with what excitement I vomited every letter of Ginevra, with what delight I read it - and read again.....

  Thus more than three months had passed when the adjutant of the battalion with which I stood became seriously ill and was assigned to take over his duties for the time being. The commanding Major, a Baron Dumont, came from a French immigrant family and was considered a highly incompetent man, to which, however, a certain good nature was praised. Since he had never become quite powerful in the German idiom, he depended very much on his adjutant, whom he, incidentally, also loved to cultivate as a kind of personal court service. As a bad horseman, he liked to see him romp about his beautiful horses; on walks he was accompanied, and in the evening one was asked to have tea once and for all, whereas, of course, one had to resort to spending hours playing pikett or ecarté with him, the only pleasure that he knew. He was married to a Polish countess, who at the time of my arrival at the regiment was on a farm near Lemberg, but who suddenly appeared in Vienna one day. At the first sight of this woman I had a peculiar sensation; I did not know, it was fright or pleasure - maybe both together. The countess might have been about twenty-eight, and her face was already slightly weathered; on closer inspection, however, it showed a lovely profile, and the pale lips revealed two rows of the most delicious teeth in a smile. From At the first sight of this woman I had a peculiar sensation; I did not know, it was fright or pleasure - maybe both together. The countess might have been about twenty-eight, and her face was already slightly weathered; on closer inspection, however, it showed a lovely profile, and the pale lips revealed two rows of the most delicious teeth in a smile. From At the first sight of this woman I had a peculiar s
ensation; I did not know, it was fright or pleasure - maybe both together. The countess might have been about twenty-eight, and her face was already slightly weathered; on closer inspection, however, it showed a lovely profile, and the pale lips revealed two rows of the most delicious teeth in a smile. From Not too tall, she distinguished herself by slow, but extremely graceful movements; Hands and feet were the nicest I have ever seen. Her rich hair was a dull, dull brown, and the gray eyes, half-hidden by the eyelids, had something extinguished that could suddenly turn into a startling flash. In addition, the soft, foreign pronunciation, the elegant informality of a perfected lady of the world - and one had to tell oneself that one is here facing a highly seductive appearance. Her husband seemed a bit cramped by her presence, and he was clearly right that she had asked me with great courtesy to continue my evening visits. So now we played to three Whist with the straw, and after tea we chatted, and the housewife liked to stretch out in languid comfort on a chaise longue and smoke cigarettes, which at that time was something quite unheard of. This behavior was maintained even when other gentlemen were sometimes invited; she then loved to keep Cercle in such a casual manner. Ladies were never consulted; the Countess declared that she was not yet in the condition to take up actual social relations. Against her, she showed a kind of maternal confidentiality, which often increased to all sorts of naive little caresses. Even in the presence of her husband, she stroked my hair, touched my shoulder in a polite manner, flattered my shoulder, or left her hand as if unconsciously resting on mine for a long time.

  It would have been time to feel the golden cross that I wore more often. Not that the image of Ginevra was clouded or even blurred by the intimate intercourse with the beautiful woman; no, it still shone in full clarity against me, but from much more Distance as before, where it had accompanied me, so to speak, at every turn.

  One evening, when we were back at the Whist and I had some mistakes in the game to owe, the Countess said, 'But what are you doing, mon enfant ? You are suffering from an irresponsible absent-mindedness. Are you even in love? '

  'You ask questions of conscience, Lodoiska,' remarked her husband with his stereotypical smile.

  'And if that were so, Countess?' I answered half in earnest, half in jest.

  'That's how I would understand it,' she answered. Because love is the right of youth. And where is the object of your feelings? Here in Vienna? '

  , Not at all. Far - very far from here. '

  She did not reply and hastily stuck her cards together. 'Is it a young girl?' she asked after a while.

  'That goes without saying,' said the major.

  ,Nice?' she continued for a moment.

  'Uncommon,' I threw down, holding on to the broken tone.

  ,Brunette?'

  ,Blond.'

  She paused, turning her attention back to the game. When the Robber was finished, she got up and said that she suffered from migraines today and therefore wanted to retire early. So, too, I set out earlier than usual, saying good-bye to the Major, as always, with a benevolent handshake.

  From that evening on she watched me with a certain reserve. She participated in the play less often and meanwhile retreated to the adjoining salon, where she fantasized on the piano or played pieces by Chopin. Then she came back in and took her usual position on the chaise longue. If I looked for her, could I notice that her eyes were fixed on me with a very strange expression.

  All this did not fail to set me into a certain restlessness, which was not without influence on the correspondence with the distant lover. It was as if I had something to keep quiet, to keep secret, and as a result my letters were less round and flowing than before; they became more forced, more fragmented. Ginevra did not seem to notice. Their lines breathed the usual equally serious passion, which contained in words of every exuberance, but struck the purest and fullest heart-sounds. And always the ever-growing joy was expressed that now the time is nearer and nearer, about which I would appear on vacation in Leitmeritz.

  But that was what only increased my anxiety. For the more mature I considered this matter, the clearer it became to me to what unreasonable promise I had been carried away. How could I, after having been in the regiment for barely six months, inquire for a vacation, especially now that I was in a special service, the end of which could not be foreseen; for the adjutant, though already on the way to recovery, needed a longer rest. And quite apart from these weighty reservations: I had to justify my request somehow. By which? With family matters? One knew, of course, that my uncle lived in Vienna, and how would this one, whom I seldom see anyway anyway, behave in accordance with my intention? Certainly denying, the more refusing, when I inaugurated him, for which I had already decided for a moment, into the whole matter. So, in fact, I was completely at a loss and did not know what to do.

  In this embarrassing state of mind, I went on a foggy October evening, after a lonely and thoughtful Tour around the Glacis, into the apartment of the Major, whom I had stayed away for three days. The astral lamp was already burning in the playroom; But in the semi-darkness of the salon, Countess Lodoiska was sitting at the piano, whose tones had already sounded to me at the entrance.

  When she became aware of my appearance, she shouted to me without interrupting, 'Come in there. It's too bright outside for me; the lamp hurts my eyes. ' Then she got up and, with the light of a light fire flickering in the stove, came to me in fantastic light. She wore a simple, tight-fitting cloth dress, from whose dark blue a broad white collar and high cuffs shone brilliantly. Her full hair, on which she seemed to take little care, framed her shimmering face in loose crests.

  'You must be content with me alone today,' she began in a melancholy tone. Dumont has inevitably accepted an invitation. I apologized myself; because I'm not so inclined to go out into the world. '

  She had sat down at a pouf that stood in the middle of the saloon, and with a wave of her hand invited me to take a seat next to her.

  'I have not been in the best mood for some time', I said, sitting down.

  'I've noticed,' she replied softly and thoughtfully. 'Trust me, what pushes you.'

  It was not easy for me to answer. 'Well,' I said finally, 'maybe you still remember my explanations - or actually hints about a matter of the heart - -'

  ,Yes; I remember.'

  “I had in this regard,” I continued hesitantly, “to take a vacation, but I see that there are obstacles that can not be overcome.”

  'Then do not think about it,' she threw lightly.

  'Yes, if only that would be the case. I made a certain commitment - you expect me - - '

  Not every expectation can be fulfilled. But confess to me, mon enfant, 'she continued in the old familiar tone, seizing my hand,' who is the young lady? Is she from a good family? Do you have serious intentions? '

  It was difficult for me to answer. However, I have such - although - '

  'To oppose difficulties in this respect too?' she added quickly.,I understand. It's a poor girl you can not immediately make your wife. But say: have you made a binding promise? Or would it be, “she said, looking expressively into my eyes,” would the relationship have gone so far that you would not be able to resign?”

  I understood what she meant.,Oh no!' I called; 'That is by no means the case.'

  'Then it is a true happiness that you will be held back here, dear friend! Consider how dangerous for you - and also for your beloved - would be a reunion. It could then really give you the obligation to marry the girl. And how did you want to do that? You may be forced to give up your entire career, as many have before you - to eternal remorse. And all this in your years! No no; knock that thing out of your mind! '

  I did not quite understand what she was saying. Because she was very close to me; her warm breath, her frizzy hair brushed my cheek. I felt it settle over me like a heavy, numbing veil. I did not reply and only sighed deeply.

  'Poor child,' she said, putting my hair out the forehead strokes, 'poor child, do you really love her s
o much?'

  She might read a very different confession in the look I now gave her, and an expression of cruel triumph passed over her features.

  'You will forget everything if you stay with us. And you stay with us - right? '

  She held out my hand, which I seized and covered with passionate kisses.

  She let it happen with a smile; then she pressed her head firmly to my shoulder, and whispered, 'Finally!'

  I sank to her feet.

  VI.

  More than a year had passed since then, but I was drowning myself in the delirium of a passion that had already begun to fill me with all the torments that bring about similar relationships. At that time I had told Ginevra very briefly that it was impossible for me to go on holiday; I would explain the reasons in detail in my next letter. But I moved that from day to day - to finally refrain. What should I have written? Two letters, which Ginevra had now received - I had to confirm receipt of the second on a note - did not bother me to read, but pushed them uninterruptedly into a compartment of my desk and put the cross on it, so that it could be me no longer remind me of my faithlessness.

  Then, on a brilliantly cold January day, just as I was about to take part in a carriage ride into the Prater, which Lodoiska, who loved this pleasure, had proposed, a letter was delivered to me-I was just leaving my apartment door. A look at the address was enough to let me know he was from Ginevra's mother. Startled, I quickly pushed him into the breast pocket of my coat, determined not to let the unexpected joy of the day stifle me with this unexpected reminder. When I came home late at night and wanted to get the letter out, he no longer found himself; Since he had put his coat down several times, he had to slip off his bag. This loss touched me most embarrassing. Who knew who the writing had fallen into the hands of, and during the next days I had the expectation that it would somehow get back to me. But that did not happen, and I finally thought I saw a hint of fate in it. I had been spared the bitter choice whether I should have read the letter or not; besides, I could easily imagine what he had contained. Nevertheless, my conscience was stirred up again by this incident, and I had, in spite of all the attempts of exaggeration, constantly to think of the pale, decrepit woman who wrote to me in her motherly grief. Of course, with time, these after-effects became weaker and finally passed completely. and I finally thought I saw a hint of fate in it. I had been spared the bitter choice whether I should have read the letter or not; besides, I could easily imagine what he had contained. Nevertheless, my conscience was stirred up again by this incident, and I had, in spite of all the attempts of exaggeration, constantly to think of the pale, decrepit woman who wrote to me in her motherly grief. Of course, with time, these after-effects became weaker and finally passed completely. and I finally thought I saw a hint of fate in it. I had been spared the bitter choice whether I should have read the letter or not; besides, I could easily imagine what he had contained. Nevertheless, my conscience was stirred up again by this incident, and I had, in spite of all the attempts of exaggeration, constantly to think of the pale, decrepit woman who wrote to me in her motherly grief. Of course, with time, these after-effects became weaker and finally passed completely. Nevertheless, my conscience was stirred up again by this incident, and I had, in spite of all the attempts of exaggeration, constantly to think of the pale, decrepit woman who wrote to me in her motherly grief. Of course, with time, these after-effects became weaker and finally passed completely. Nevertheless, my conscience was stirred up again by this incident, and I had, in spite of all the attempts of exaggeration, constantly to think of the pale, decrepit woman who wrote to me in her motherly grief. Of course, with time, these after-effects became weaker and finally passed completely.