Me Life Story

by Scarlett Moffatt

  Back at my final trial, I was ten seconds away from finding out my fate. I was greeted by Ant and Dec; it was so encouraging to see their smiling faces and to encounter people who didn’t smell of sweat. That’s why I couldn’t smell the insects, all I could smell was soap, deodorant and cologne from the boys.

  Dec asked the questions. ‘What would it mean to you if you won, Scarlett?’

  I knew exactly what it would mean to me and trying to put it into words was proving a difficulty for my brain. As a kid, now this will come as a surprise to you, but I’ve always been a bit weird and I wasn’t accepted in a lot of social groups. I always felt a bit of an outsider looking in. So I feel that if I won I would be showing my little sister that it doesn’t matter, you can just be you and people will accept you for that.

  It meant more than just a crown and a title for me. I was doing it for all the little outsiders out there, to prove they can do anything they set their minds on, that they’re stronger than they think.

  ‘Good luck, Scarlett, you are – if you choose – about to do the final trial of the series. The Cavern of Claws.’

  My brain was like, right, what has claws? Erm, cats, no, that makes no fucking sense, Scarlett, why would they put you in a cave full of pussies? Erm, tigers? Right, head, you’re just being ridiculous now. Oh God, it’s going to be rats, isn’t it?

  ‘You have five minutes to dig into the cave above and to the side of you where some surprises lurk along with the stars.’

  I was put in a cave where I had to lie flat on my back. I felt like I was in a coffin, I could barely stretch my arms in front of me. As they closed the cave door I felt trapped and for a moment I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it. But then I remembered what I had just said to Ant and Dec. I whispered to myself, giving myself a little pep talk and doing something I detest – referring to myself in the third person. ‘Come on, Scarlett, you can do it, it’s just five minutes out of your life. You’ve overcome worse things than this,’ I whispered.

  It was so dark, that kind of darkness where you can’t even see the shadow of your hands in front of your face. I could barely hear Ant and Dec. I lay there with my mouth tightly closed, grabbing onto my goggles, ready for anything that was about to happen. The cave started to fill with cold water and – joy of joys – rats. Obviously, because the rats wanted to get out of the water, they all started to burrow under my neck, as that was the warmest area. One was trying to nibble at my collarbone. I had scratches on me afterwards for about three weeks. I was clawing at the walls, scraping them with my little nimble fingers. All sorts of creepy crawlies were falling on me, but I didn’t care; I just knew I wanted to get out of that confined space. I was like a woman possessed. I was screaming and pulling bits off the wall, pulling anything off! I was literally pulling the prop apart. I had bits of plasticine in my hand from pulling it away. I did it: I got all the stars in a minute and a half because I just wanted to get out.

  Even then, I apologised to the rats. When I got out, they wouldn’t get off me, so I was like, ‘Please, I’m sorry. I know you’ve just been scratching me, but you need to get down now.’

  One strange aspect of the show is that you can’t see the cameras – they’re hidden. So you essentially feel like you’re all alone. It was a great experience for me though. The only downside was missing my family. Even though I knew they were watching, I often forgot. Many a time I would say, ‘Oh, I can’t wait to tell my mam and dad.’

  And Ant and Dec would remind me: ‘Scarlett, they’re watching. They’re going to see this.’

  But every time I did a trial or something funny happened, I’d just want to pick up the phone and be like, ‘Guess what’s happened here?’, even though they would already know.

  I just wanted to discuss it with them and talk to my friends – ‘Carol Vorderman washed my hair today!’ I wanted to tell someone so badly, but you can’t. It was just unreal.

  The really good thing is that nothing has altered between my friends and me. They just see what I do as an extra job. I don’t ever feel that anyone I’m close to has changed the way they are with me or treated me any differently. They just see it as extra-curricular.

  ‘What are you doing today?’

  ‘Oh, I’m filming.’

  ‘Oh, right, have fun.’

  It’s actually people who I don’t really know, people who were horrible to us at school, who all of a sudden want to be my best friend. It’s really bizarre – the number of people who bullied me at school who are now saying, ‘Remember when we did this?’

  ‘No.’

  I think they want fame by association. But I don’t want them to think that what they did at school was all right. It’s not that I’m holding grudges – I think you become a bitter person if you do that – but I just don’t want to associate myself with those people or think that I ought to be nice to them. I don’t have to be any more.

  It’s so funny because as a family we never missed an episode of I’m a Celebrity, so I know the programme back to front. When I was in the jungle, my knowledge of the show was a standing joke. All my camp-mates called me ‘the encyclopaedia’.

  I’d be saying to the others, ‘We haven’t done the second eating trial yet. One is normally at the beginning, and then we do another one later.’ So I’d be waiting for it. I would also tell them, ‘Eight more days till Cyclone. Seven more days. Six more days.’ I’d have a countdown.

  I knew, too, that I was going to be doing a trial underground because there hadn’t been one yet. So I went into the Bushtucker Hut and told the producers, ‘You do know that I hate being underground.’

  ‘Don’t worry, your trial is not underground.’

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘No, it isn’t.’

  ‘Yes, it is. I know it is. We may as well start to talk about it now because I know that I am doing one underground. I’ve watched this show since I was twelve. Do not try and make out that I don’t know what I’m talking about!’

  When it came to the final day, I was ridiculously nervous. The three of us – Joel Dommett, Adam Thomas and I – were sitting down in the camp waiting to hear who was going to be the King or Queen of the Jungle.

  My mam and dad have brought us up with a lot of manners. So every time that I was saved, I would say thank you. I was the only person that said thank you. But I remembered Sam Quek had said, ‘You need to stop saying thank you. It comes across desperate.’

  ‘It is not. I’m just genuinely thankful that people have voted.’ I cannot help it. I also say sorry when I shouldn’t. I am just very English.

  So every time I was saved, I was like, ‘This is so bizarre. Why have I stayed and Carol Vorderman, Larry Lamb and all these amazing people have gone?’

  When it was down to the last three, and Ant and Dec said Adam had come third, I was just looking at Joel as if to say, ‘What?!’ We were both bemused. Joel and I had spent the whole time in the jungle sleeping. I thought, ‘How can we be as entertaining as Adam? He’s so funny all the time.’ Adam has the most contagious laugh and honestly he is so cheeky. His character from Emmerdale, well, that’s basically him, he played himself – a cheeky loveable guy.

  Then it was just Joel and me. I was pleased that Joel was technically, no matter what the outcome, the new King of the Jungle because he is a decent bloke. The one question all my friends asked me when I got out of the jungle was, ‘Did you fancy Joel?’ Now obviously I was with Luke when I was in the jungle and I am not one to even look at men in that way if I’m in a relationship. But if I was single then of course I would fancy Joel, not just because he has a beard and a six-pack but because he is kind, funny, he has the sweetest mum, Penny, and he’s just as awkward as me (I’ve never known anyone else like that in my life). But even if I was single, he dates models and unless I’m modelling watches you won’t be seeing me walking down any catwalks soon.

  Getting back to the final, statistically it is men who normally win – I think because it’s mainl
y young girls who vote. In fifteen years, only five women had won: Kerry Katona, Carol Thatcher, Stacey Solomon, Charlie Brooks and Vicky Pattison. I thought, ‘I know that I haven’t won, but this is still amazing. I got to go in at the beginning and then I have lasted until the end.’

  As Joel and I left the camp, I remember walking across the bridge and actually hearing other people. That was weird because for ages it had just been a small group of us. So to hear other people was like, ‘Oh God, I feel I am going back to reality.’

  I almost did not want to leave because it was lovely in the camp; it was like a little bubble and there was no TV or phones. I thought, ‘Oh no, it’s over.’ That’s all I could think of as I was walking across the bridge. My mind wasn’t even thinking about who had won. I just kept thinking, ‘Oh, it’s over.’

  What was it like the moment I found out I’d won? Amazing! It all went so quickly. We stood and we watched our best bits, and I stood next to Joel and held his hand. I was all ready to say, ‘Yes, mate, you’ve won!’

  Then, when Ant and Dec announced the outcome, I was just in hysterics because I was really shocked and I didn’t think that I would ever win. I just burst into tears. I couldn’t help it.

  I was sitting on a throne in the middle of the Australian jungle. I had just been crowned Queen of the Jungle on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! The shock and awe of it all completely overwhelmed me.

  Why was I crying on the throne? I honestly do think it was because I went from just sitting on the couch watching I’m a Celeb to sitting on the couch watching it and being on TV watching it, to knowing that I was sitting on that throne while people were sitting on their couches watching it. It was really weird. It was not like anything I’d ever experienced.

  Another reason for the tears was because it all happened to me so quickly. I was sort of catapulted onto TV. It is not like I’d been doing adverts since I was a child, where people gradually learn what it’s like to appear on TV. I was never that person really. I was in a complete daze.

  I still find it hard to believe. I was thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m sitting on the throne, and it’s just bizarre.’ Even Ant and Dec said, ‘I just feel like I need to give you a hug,’ because I was just in shock.

  I was like, ‘What on earth is happening?’ Then when I walked across the bridge, I jumped because the fireworks were louder than I was expecting. Thank God I didn’t fall off.

  I could see my mam, but I couldn’t get to her because the people had to take photographs of me first. So you can see me on the bridge trying to get to her with everyone shouting, ‘Stay there!’ I started crying again because I just wanted to give her a big hug.

  Even today, I look back on that moment and go, ‘Wow, how did that happen?’ It is bizarre, but my dad always claims it stems from him. He has always said to me – and I’m sure every dad says this to their kids – ‘You are destined for better things. That is why we couldn’t give you little first names. We had to have you up there, on another level.’ That’s why I was called Scarlett Sigourney.

  But it’s very nice that my parents always had great faith in me – and they were right to as well, you know. My success means that some people’s dreams are a little bit closer because when I was growing up there were literally no women with northern accents on the telly.

  You never think it’s possible, but now that it’s happened, it’s a good thing. I feel that because I’m from such a small town that nobody has heard of, it is nice if kids watch me and think, ‘Oh well, I’ve got an accent like that. So I could maybe do that if I wanted to.’

  It was so sweet. All my friends and family back home were so supportive. I couldn’t wait to see everybody and thank them. I called Luke as soon as I got back to the hotel. I mean he did actually come on Skype on the Extra Camp show but he was that emotional, bless him, he couldn’t even speak.

  ‘Luke, can you believe it?’ I cried as I called him.

  ‘Of course I can, of course I can believe it. Oh, Scarlett, wait till you get home, you are going to be so overwhelmed. Everyone has been so supportive, it has been unbelievable. There’s a banner with your face on in Bishop Auckland pound shop, the Mitre pub has loads of pictures of you up, every shop has posters, people had T-shirts with “Vote Scarlett” on, Jackie Taylor – your mam’s mate – even got a van printed with your name and face on. I got a hoodie made for me and Bonnie Blue [our dog]. And have you seen the video of the party yet?’

  ‘No, what video?’

  ‘Oh, I’ll send you it now.’

  All my family had had a huge party for me on the night of the final. They got big cut-outs of Ant and Dec and a throne. They had crowns and a big cake decorated with spiders. They all got T-shirts they’d walk around town in. Honestly, it was incredible.

  They recorded everybody in the Mitre pub from the moment Dec announced, ‘And the new … Queen of the Jungle is Scarlett Moffatt!’ Everybody got up and cheered; my family were crying. Watching all the happy faces of the people I cherished the most made all of the awful trials and challenges worthwhile. My auntie Janine and uncle Richie started dancing on the chairs, our Demi and Ben were buzzing, the Potters – Adele, Kerstie and Tammie – were bursting with pride. When my mam and dad showed me that video back at the hotel that’s when it hit me. I had just won. It wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t just a fantasy, I hadn’t made it up in my mind – it was really my life.

  All of my best friends (the girls, I call them) had a party in the local BR (this is the old British Railway Working Men’s Club). They were there with their vodka and cokes and had recorded the final too. I couldn’t believe their reaction, I mean you know your friends love you but when things like this happen you realise how much. Even my friend Bam who doesn’t get emotional about anything was in tears. My bestie Sarah and Nicola Morris were hugging, Kelly was jumping up and Sam and Billie summed it up: ‘Fucking get in,’ they screamed.

  It felt amazing to win. Weirdly, winning the jungle helped massively with my anxiety and panic attacks. I realised that I could fight my head demons and I was in control. I was way stronger than I thought. I also realised that I needed to stop being so anxious about being accepted. After all, people had gone out of their way to vote for me, for SCARLETT MOFFATT – that’s little me. I felt like I had finally been accepted, not just by other people but by myself. I realised there and then I had to stop being so harsh on myself.

  As Bruce Lee said:

  ‘Defeat is not defeat unless accepted as a

  reality in your own mind.’

  Chapter Seventeen

  CHRISTMAS TIME, COLD MASHED POTATO AND WINE

  According to tradition, you should eat one mince pie on each of the twelve days of Christmas to bring good luck. (Yule be pleased I told you this fact).

  Six million – that’s the number of rolls of Sellotape that will be sold in the UK in the run-up to Christmas. (5.95 million – that’s the number of rolls where you can’t find where the tape ends).

  The chances of a white Christmas are just one in ten for England and Wales, and one in four for Scotland and Northern Ireland.

  Hopping off my seat slightly dazed and jet-lagged (after twenty-seven hours of travelling), I clambered down the aeroplane steps. Arriving into Newcastle Airport was an amazing feeling. It felt so good to be home. Smelling those Gregg’s sausage rolls and seeing people without coats on even though it was December just warmed my heart. I couldn’t believe how many people had turned up to the airport to greet me – I don’t mean family, I mean people who I’d never met who had supported me throughout the jungle. I grasped my little sister’s hand and tried not to cry. I will remember that feeling for the rest of my life, I was just on a high. A Christmas high.

  Apart from telly, one of my great loves is Christmas. I believed in Santa until I was eleven. I found out he didn’t exist from my teacher in Citizenship class. She said something about different beliefs and about how no grown-up believed in Santa. I was like, ‘What?’ All the kids wer
e laughing. So I went home and asked me mam and dad, ‘Why did you not tell us when I went to secondary school that Santa wasn’t real?!’

  ‘Sorry, we just wanted you to believe,’ my mam replied.

  ‘I’m at big school now. You should have told us that Santa wasn’t real, man.’

  But I think my parents just wanted me to believe in kiddie stuff for as long as possible. That shattering disillusionment when I was eleven hasn’t put me off Christmas, though. I still absolutely adore it. I’m the biggest Christmas fan ever. You know the super-enthusiastic main character in the movie Elf? That is me! I’m like, ‘It’s Santa. Woo hoo!’

  I just buy stuff that I don’t even need – anything that’s red and green or looks festive. I’m all into it. I don’t ever buy coffee from coffee shops, but if the cup has got a Santa face on it, I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I need it in my life.’

  I start buying mince pies in November and eat pigs in blankets as a snack (it’s festive, it’s allowed, the calories don’t count). One of the highlights of the year for me is when Gregg’s do their Christmas specials. They do chicken bakes with stuffing or cranberry sauce in them. Sometimes they really mix things up and have turkey pasties. They also do special hot chocolate where you get cream and marshmallows and gingerbread men with candy canes so they are more Christmassy. I literally put about 40kg on at Christmas. You can’t help it. Every night you’ve an excuse for a Snowball. I quickly put on the weight I had lost in the jungle.

  Me and my dad have a little tradition, the Moffatts’ ‘Twelve Days Before Christmas’. We drink a pint of Baileys each night on the build-up to the big day. My dad and I drink Baileys like it’s water. I can’t work out how many units of alcohol that is but to be frank, I don’t care. Like I said, it doesn’t count because it’s Christmas.