On Every Side

by Karen Kingsbury

  “It's really her!” Jordan brushed away a tear and smiled. He began walking briskly toward Heidi, Faith still at his side. Dozens of images filled his mind… his sister walking home from school beside him…the two of them doing homework at the kitchen table…Heidi holding his hand as they crept into their mother's room in the days when her sickness first got bad… Heidi throwing herself over their mother the day she died and Jordan pulling her gently back, assuring her that no matter what, they'd have each other.

  Heidi being torn from him that day in their front yard and begging to stay The look in her eyes as the car drove out of sight.

  I promised I'd take care of her, Mom… but I never could because I couldn't find her. But now…I'll watch over her forever. Though his sister couldn't hear him yet, he talked to her anyway. “I'm coming Heidi. And I'm never, ever going to lose you again.”

  Heidi wanted to take Jordan Lee and race across the park to where her brother stood with Faith, but she couldn't do it, couldn't take her eyes off of him for fear he would disappear and everything about the past twenty-four hours would turn out to be nothing more than a haunting dream. She studied him, sur-prised at how tall he was, how he'd filled out. From the place where he stood, she couldn't tell if he looked the same, only that he'd become a man.

  God, I'm not sure I'm ready for this… Please, heal him of his anger and bitterness…let my light, Faith's light, be enough to make him want to come home.

  Do not be troubled, daughter…! know the plans I have for Jordan.

  Heidi exhaled softly. “Okay, Lord. I'm ready.”

  Jordan slowed his pace as he neared her, and Faith veered off to the play area where Rosa was waiting for her. Heidi watched silently as her brother nearly stopped twenty feet from her. He looked like he was seeing a vision. Heidi understood exactly how he felt.

  “Heidi…”

  She nodded, and her words came out like trapped cries escaping the recesses of her very soul. “It's me, Jordan…” She set the baby down in her stroller and stood to face him.

  There was no stopping him after that. He ran the remaining steps that separated them and swept her into his arms, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around in a full circle before set-ting her down. They hugged again, and he pressed his face against hers. “Heidi, I can't believe it's you.”

  She was sobbing and smiling all at the same time, and she took hold of his face, studying it through her tears.” You look the same.” Her hand flew to her mouth, and she nearly fell from the power of her weeping. “I… th-th-thought you were dead.”

  Once more he pulled her close, wrapping her in his arms, and smoothing his hand over her back, her hair, just as he'd always done when they were kids. In the place where her memo-ries lived, her brother had never died. Birthdays, special occasions, times when she remembered her mother… always Jordan was there. But now… to have him hold her like he'd done when she was ten years old…

  It was more than she could take. “Don't let go, Jordan… please.”

  “Shh… it's okay, Heidi. I won't.” His voice was a hoarse whis-per, choked by the immensity of the moment. “I thought I'd never find you.”

  Heidi had no idea how long they stood there, holding each other. It could have been hours or minutes. All she knew was she was transported back to the winter of 1985. No longer were they adults who'd spent half their lives apart, but a sister and brother certain that though the whole world might let them down, at least they had each other.

  Eventually Heidi's sobbing eased, but she stayed in Jordan's arms all the same. How many times had she ached for his protection, cried for his loving assurance in the months and years after hearing about his accident?

  And now… here he was. Alive.

  She closed her eyes. “Thank You, Lord…oh, thank You…You're so good.” She realized she'd whispered the prayer out loud, and pulled back some and grinned at him. “I told myself I wasn't going to cry.” She laughed and caught two quick breaths. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut, but she smiled all the same. “I wanted you to think I was pretty.”

  Jordan searched her face and his fingers came up to frame her cheekbones. “You're beautiful, Heidi. And you're…” She saw that his eyes were red, his cheeks wet. “You're all grown up.” He took in all of her and smiled even as more tears came. “The sister I lost was a little girl… but you… you look just like Mom did.”

  “That's what Faith said.” Cooing sounds came from the place where Jordan Lee lay, and Heidi motioned with her head in that direction. “I have someone I'd like you to meet.”

  Her brother's eyes danced, and he linked arms with her, leading the way to the stroller.

  She looked from her baby to her brother.

  “Jordan, meet Jordan Lee.” Heidi grinned at him as she saw the surprise in his eyes.

  “You… you named her after…”

  A sound that was part laugh, part cry came from Heidi. “Yes we wanted her to always know about her Uncle Jordan.”

  He looked at his niece for the first time his mouth opened and he stared at her, speechless. “Oh…” The last part of the word lingered in the cool November air. Several seconds passed and finally Jordan looked at Heidi, his face full of questions. “Can I… would you care if I held her?”

  Heidi giggled, wiping an errant tear as she gently lifted the infant and set her in Jordan's arms. Again the resemblance was wonderfully clear. Heidi stood behind him and studied her daugh-ter over Jordan's shoulder while he clutched the baby in a stiff embrace, holding his niece as though she might break in two.

  “She looks just like you.” Heidi put her arm around Jordan's back and pressed her cheek against his.

  He turned and gave her a crooked grin.” Yeah, she does, doesn't she?” His eyes lit up. “Hey you haven't told me about your husband.” He gestured with his elbow at her wedding ring. “I saw it from the parking lot.”

  Heidi laughed again. “His name is Charles. He's wonderful and charming and he loves me more than life itself. He's a pedia-trician at the local family clinic and he can't wait to meet you.”

  “You've told him about me?”

  Heidi angled her head and locked eyes with him. “I never stopped talking about you, Jordan. He feels like he knows you.”

  They heard voices drawing near and they turned at the same time to see Faith and Rosa walking toward them. Heidi watched Jordan's reaction, noticed the way his eyes locked onto Faith's, and she had the sense that whatever it was the two of them shared, it was deep. Lasting. Heidi smiled as she remembered how Faith and Jordan had been as kids.

  Whatever had gone on between the two of them since Jordan had been back, it hadn't been all bad.

  “I've gotta take Rosa home.” Faith was breathless from playing with the girl, her cheeks red and striking, her smile all for Jordan. No doubt about it, Heidi thought. There was a definite attraction between Faith and her brother…

  Faith led Rosa up to Jordan. “Rosa, I'd like you to meet someone else.” Faith's eyes lifted and connected once more with Jordan's. Without looking down, her face lit up and she continued. “His name is Mr. Riley” Her eyes filled with warmth. “He's my friend.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Riley” Rosa held out her hand.

  For several seconds Jordan seemed unable to break eye con-tact with Faith, then he looked down and smiled. “Nice to meet you, too. You're sure a pretty girl, Rosa.” Jordan did a little bow “I understand you're a foster child.”

  Rosa's dark, silky lashes moved up and down as she blinked twice and looked from Jordan to Faith and back to Jordan again. “How'd you know?”

  “I told him, honey.” Faith stood behind Rosa, her hands on the girl's shoulders.

  Jordan nodded. “She wanted me to know because I used to be a foster child, too… a long time ago.” He shot a glance at Faith and slipped his arm around Heidi. “Mrs. Benson is my sister.”

  Heidi leaned around Jordan and winked at Rosa. “We were both foster children.”

  Ros
a's eyes grew wide. “Really? Wow…” Her expression seemed instantly infused with hope. “And you both found fami-lies, right?”

  Heidi felt Jordan's pain at the child's comment as strongly as if they shared one heart. She resisted the urge to wince as Jordan struggled for the right words. “Everything worked out, if that's what you mean, sweetie.”

  Faith pulled Rosa gently back from the others. “Well, we've got to get going.”

  Rosa bid Heidi and Jordan good-bye, a grin still plastered across her face. She reached out for Jordan again but this time with a hand that was misshapen and missing fingers. As though realizing her error, the girl froze. Heidi forced her face to remain unmoved by the sight and watched while Jordan hid his reaction as well. At first Rosa seemed unsure what to do, her hand sus-pended in the space between her and Jordan, her eyes filled with questions.

  Then carefully, tenderly, Jordan took her hand in his. He held it, closing his strong fingers over her entire hand while he stooped closer to her. “Hope to see you again sometime, okay?”

  Relief flooded Rosa's face and she nodded, her head angled sweetly. “Me too”.”

  Without-hesitating, Jordan leaned over and kissed her hand the way a king might kiss the hand of a princess. Heidi shot a glance at Faith and saw tears in her eyes. Something special was happening between the two of them.

  No, she thought, studying the scene once more. It was some-thing special between the three of them.

  When Faith and Rosa were halfway back to the car, Heidi took a chance. “You're in love with her, aren't you?”

  Jordan slid himself onto the top of the table and anchored his feet squarely on the bench beneath him. “Rosa? She's a little young forme…”

  Heidi peeked at Jordan Lee and saw she was sleeping. Then she took her place on the table next to Jordan and linked her arm through his. “You know who. Faith Moses…Faith Evans, what-ever. You're in love with her.”

  Jordan shrugged and cocked his head so he could see Heidi better. “It wouldn't matter if I was.” His eyes grew sad, and Heidi sensed he didn't want to broach the next subject. Finally he sighed and stared back out in front of him. “If you saw me on the news you must know why I'm here.”

  Heidi held her breath. Lord, gwe me the words… “Yes. I know.”

  He studied her again and exhaled slowly. “Something tells me you're just like Faith and Mom and the other believers. You love God more than reason, right?”

  “What makes you say that?” She tried to see into the depths of his soul.

  Jordan sighed and gazed at a passing cloud. “I don't know Something in your eyes. A glow or a warmth I can't really explain. I saw the same thing in the eyes of this teacher I came up against in court…and in Faiths eyes. It's what I remember seeing in Mom's eyes.” He looked back at her and Heidi ached for him. “Am I right?”

  She slid an arm around him, leaning her head on his shoulder like she'd done when she was little. “You are. I love God, I've never stopped. And deep inside, you haven't either.” She paused. “Sometimes our walk with the Lord gets a little confusing, that's all.”

  Jordan uttered what sounded like a frustrated sigh, and Heidi felt his shoulder tense beneath her. “We have a lot to catch up on, Heidi. The whole religion thing isn't…I don't want to talk about it.”

  His reaction shook Heidi. Lord, he's as bad off as Faith said. Maybe worse. “Okay, fair enough. Let's catch up, then.” She asked him about the accident at camp, his school days in New Jersey, and what it was like to play collegiate baseball. She even asked about his position at the HOUR organization. It broke her heart to imagine him sold out to a firm that was so obviously against the very beliefs the country was founded on, but she was careful not to share her feelings with Jordan. That was God's territory, not hers.

  All she wanted to do was let him know he was loved— regardless of his opinions.

  They were an hour into the conversation when she pulled an envelope from her pocket and held it out to Jordan. She noticed how time had yellowed it and made the creases sharp and pro-nounced, but the letter was still safely inside. Just as it had been that long-ago day. Scribbled across the front in their mother's handwriting was a single word: Jordan.

  Heidi felt the tears again. “Here…it's for you.” In all her life she hadn't imagined she'd get the chance to do this. But now that they were together, she wasn't about to wait another minute.

  He looked at it. “What is it?”

  “A letter. From Mom.”

  Jordan took it from her slowly, as though it were made of gold dust. For a long time he stared at the envelope, running his fin-ger over his name. Then his eyes rose to meet Heidi's. As he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “How'd you get it?”

  The answer was bound to make Jordan sad. After all, he'd never had a chance to come back to the house for any reason.” My social worker said I could go through my things and save what I wanted.” Heidi paused, remembering the moment. “I checked my bedroom, and he went into Mom's room. He looked through the drawers and stuff. The letters were in her nightstand. Right on top. I always thought about opening yours, but I…”

  He looked at her, his eyes wet again, too. “You what?”

  She blinked and stared at her hands. “I guess a part of me always hoped I might find you again. Even after they told me you were dead.”

  Jordan drew her close and hugged her for a long time. When he pulled back he stared at the envelope and then at her. “You got one too?”

  She sniffed once and nodded. “I've read it so often the folds are starting to wear out.”

  Jordan's eyes were flooded by what looked like an ocean of grief as he tucked the letter into his back pocket. “Thanks, Heidi.” His voice was tender, his eyes even more so.

  They heard someone approaching from behind. Heidi turned and saw Charles, his eyes full of questions. She nodded toward him, assuring him it was all right to come closer. He had told her that morning he might stop by sometime around two if they were still at the park.

  Now here he was, and Heidi felt happy enough to float. She climbed down to meet him, hugging him and leading him by the hand to meet Jordan. Then she looked into her brother's eyes and spoke the words she'd only dreamed of speaking. “Jordan, this is my husband, Charles. Charles, my brother, Jordan.”

  The men shook hands, and Charles grinned. “You look pretty good for a dead guy.”

  All three of them laughed, and what little tension had existed dissipated like morning dew on a summer sidewalk.

  They made small talk for a few minutes before Charles's beeper went off. He glanced at it. “Looks like my time's up.” He reached for Jordan's hand again and for a brief instant caught Heidi's eye. “Listen, we'd love to have you come for Thanksgiving dinner if you can make it.”

  Even after all the years that had passed, Heidi knew Jordan well enough to know he was choked up. Too much so to speak. Instead he nodded, swallowing hard, his eyes focused at some-thing on the ground.

  Fresh tears nipped at Heidi's eyes and she slid an arm around both of them. “What he's trying to say is, ‘Yes, thanks, I'd love to come.’”

  Jordan looked up and shifted his gaze from Charles to Heidi and back to Charles again. “She's right.” He grinned, though his eyes glistened with tears. “That's exactly what I'm trying to say.”

  Twenty-seven

  Joshua Nunn turned in early that night and almost immedi-ately slipped into the strangest dream. He was in front of a crowd of supporters at Jericho Park, and everyone had an instrument of some kind. “We are here to represent God's people,” he heard himself say. Then all at once instruments appeared in everyone's hands and they began to play. The sound was more beautiful than a hundred concert choirs, and not only that but someone was singing. Joshua gazed into the sky and saw hun-dreds of golden men circling above the park—-just like the one who'd appeared to him that day in his office.

  A voice boomed from the heavens, and Joshua fell to the ground. “See, Joshua, I have delive
red Jericho Park into your hands…” The words faded, absorbed by the music of the people, who were now forming a line and looking to Joshua. What do I tell them, Lord? I don't have the words.

  This time the voice was silent, echoing loudly within the chambers of his heart. Be strong and courageous, Joshua. I will go before you. Tell the people to march around the walls.

  Joshua opened his mouth to give the command, but the people were already making their way around the perimeter of the park, playing music as they went.

  “Can we shout?” a man yelled from the back of the line.

  “Yeah, can we shout yet? Tell us when…”

  “We want to shout…”

  The voices grew into a chorus of grumbling that silenced the music. Joshua raised his hand high in the air. A surreal silence came over the park, and Joshua looked from person to person, realizing for the first time that he could see into their hearts… the condition of their souls.

  “Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout.” Joshua smiled, for the hearts of the people were good. “Then… shout!”

  The music resumed and the people began marching, only instead of their moving around the park, the park and its walled-up statue seemed to be revolving beneath them. At the end of one full rotation the sun disappeared and heaven's golden men shone like stars in the sky. Just as quickly, the sun returned and the people set out around the park again. This happened six times. On the seventh rotation, the sun remained in the sky and the people marched around the park seven times.

  “Wait a minute, this isn't right.” Joshua yelled out the words, but no one was listening. “This is the story of Joshua in the Bible. Stop! Can't you hear me? Stop! We need real answers here, not a bunch of people marching in place!”

  Joshua's hands and legs trembled and suddenly he was falling to his knees, about to cry out to God for help, when there was the loudest, most convincing sound Joshua had ever heard.