The Golden Boy

by J Darcy

  Most of all, he wanted to be a man that deserved her.

  But considering she left, he didn’t think he was there yet.

  ◆◆◆

  “I don’t see the problem.” His voice faded in and out, and there was a gentle hum from the other end of the line that indicated his friend was probably driving, “It seems to me you know what the answer is.”

  Cade sat on his sofa, staring out the window. Just like his mood, the weather had changed from gorgeous sunshine to a dreary rain shower. After so many years living in LA, Cade was astonished to see the rain. The city practically came to a standstill whenever the sun disappeared, and today was no exception.

  Except he had no idea what the rest of the city was up to. He just knew he was at a standstill. It wasn’t like he had the desire—or energy—to do anything else. So, he followed his usual protocol when he felt he fucked up his life and called his best friend.

  “If I knew what the answer was, I wouldn’t have called you,” Cade shot back, hating how much of a petulant child he sounded like. When he was met with silence, he cursed and rubbed at his eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a dick. I’m just…”

  “You’re going through it. I get it.”

  Cade shifted on the sofa cushions, his phone resting on his thigh. “I thought we were moving in the right direction and she just left.”

  “Have you spoken to her?”

  He hadn’t. He did text her, inquiring if she got home okay, and all she had sent him was a thumbs up. He wanted to scream and stomp his feet, but deep down he knew this was his fault. If he had just told her how he felt months ago—no matter how scared he had been—they could already be living together. She wouldn’t have left his home because maybe, in this dream scenario, it would be hers too.

  “I texted her, but it didn’t lead to anything. I don’t even know what to say. I feel like I don’t have a right to be angry that she left.”

  From the other end of the line, Dean scoffed. Cade could just imagine him rolling his eyes. “Come on. That’s bullshit. You guys supposedly worked through some of those misunderstandings. You apologized for leaving. You were trying to become friends. Things are different now. You can be upset that she left.”

  Well, he was glad someone agreed, especially when he felt like this was overwhelming still his fault. Apparently, he vocalized that sentiment, because Dean laughed.

  “I mean, yeah, it is your fault. Two nights ago, you basically admitted to me that you loved her. You also said she was the woman for you.” He paused, and Cade could hear the sound of a car horn, “If that’s true, and you really feel that way, you need to tell her. Otherwise yeah, she may leave, thinking all you wanted was a quick fuck.”

  Cade swallowed. That was easier said than done. Talking had never been his strong suit. Talking about his feelings was even harder. He had never used the word love in a romantic sense. Hell, he had never been in love. Not until Kellie, anyways.

  Now, Dean was right. He needed to tell her. He wasn’t sure what was scarier—the prospect of admitting his feelings, or Kellie wrongfully believing that all he wanted was something casual.

  “What if she doesn’t believe me?” Cade muttered, his mind immediately jumping to the worst possible scenario, “Or what if she does and she doesn’t feel the same way? What the fuck am I supposed to do then?”

  It was his worst fear. Nothing had ever compared, either. Even when he began a career in such a competitive industry, a job title that many dreamed of and few achieved, he never held that kind of dread. He was confident in his abilities—probably borderline arrogant on occasion—so he never worried about his own achievements or successes.

  But with love—and Kellie—he didn’t share the same blind optimism. Instead, he could only think about the what-ifs, and the very real, very scary possibility that maybe she wouldn’t feel for him as he felt for her. It would break his heart, and frankly, he didn’t think he was ready for that.

  Then again, no one was ever ready for heartbreak.

  “You cross that bridge when you come to it, Cade,” Dean explained, his voice soft. “I’m not telling you not to be worried about it, but you can’t let your fear step in the way of your happiness. You just need to tell her, and if things don’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. But at least you’ll know that happiness isn’t an option. Then you can devote your time to moving on.”

  Moving on? Usually he trusted Dean, listening to every piece of his advice with enthusiasm, but the positive spin on his worst nightmare was making him sick. He appreciated that his friend was giving him options for what to do if things didn’t work out, but he simply couldn’t bare it.

  “Things have to work out. I love her.” The minute the words left his mouth, he had to say it again. “Yeah, I love her.” It just felt so good, so right, that he would happily say it again and again for eternity if it meant Kellie by his side. “I love Kellie Allen.”

  Dean practically snorted. “Well, I’m glad you were finally able to fucking say it. It only took you like what, two years?”

  “Fuck off. I said it, didn’t I?”

  “To me.” Dean laughed. “That’s an achievement, but you need to tell her. Be honest. What’s the cliché?” He paused, thinking over his words, before shouting, “Wear your heart on your sleeve! That’s it! Just go to her and put everything out there. Your love and forever on a fucking silver platter for her enjoyment.”

  Cade swallowed. It certainly sounded nice. Telling her he loved her. The prospect of holding her close, night after night. Hearing her whisper the same thing in his ear, after a vigorous evening of love making.

  Could he really be lucky enough for that to be his future? He certainly didn’t feel like he deserved it.

  “Right. Tell her.” He ran a hand through his hair, his mind returning to the previous evening. As much as he enjoyed the sex, and the passionate kisses they shared, he almost missed their dinner more. Just two people enjoying each other’s company as the rest of the world drifted away.

  That’s what it felt like with Kellie. The rest of the world ceased to exist. It was precisely why he found it so difficult to focus when Kellie and TJ were flirting so much. No matter where he was, if Kellie was around, his attention was drawn to her. It forced him to watch every single one of their interactions like a hawk, flaring his jealousy up like a lighter on a matchbox.

  “Will you do that?” Dean asked, breaking Cade’s train of thought, “Because it’s about time you guys figured this out. I say that as both your friend, but also your current boss.”

  Cade smiled for the first time since before he realized Kellie wasn’t in his bed this morning. “Do you actually care about my happiness or are you more worried about the state of your film set in a month?”

  Dean hummed. “Please. I don’t get paid enough to deal with interpersonal conflicts like a glorified HR rep. I just want to see you happy and in love, man. Maybe if you find the one, your good luck will pass onto me.”

  “So, is this about good karma?” Cade taunted, not willing to stop messing around with his buddy, “I guess you really don’t care.”

  “Alright. I’m hanging up now. Go get your girl. Please.”

  When the other line went dead, he slid his phone onto his coffee table and laid back on the sofa. Dean was right. There was nothing more he could do about his relationship with Kellie. The one solution to their problems—or at least moving them in the right direction—was simply telling her how deeply he cared.

  Or rather, how desperately and unequivocally he was in love with her.

  He just needed to look into those perfect green eyes and say those three scary words.

  Cade glanced out the window, watching at the rain continued to fall. Just like the water would cleanse the city, maybe it would do the same on his life. Maybe, he could finally be the man he wanted to be, with his dream woman by his side.

  He had nothing to lose anymore. His relationship with Kellie was fraught enough as it was,
and if they continued to dance around each other, things would only get worse. It was time for him to put everything out there, just as Dean had recommended.

  Dealing with any consequences would come next. In some ways, he thought a broken heart, or a difficult work relationship was better than the uncertainty and longing. There would be no more guessing about the future or beating himself up over hurting her.

  Cade was going to tell her how he felt and that was that. If she felt the same way, then they could bask in their shared feelings and catch up on missed time. If she didn’t share his feelings, then Cade would cope with the loss and mend his broken heart.

  It would hurt. But Dean was right. Then he’d know and be able to move on.

  He glanced out the window, the rain still falling steadily. With a deep breath, he jumped to his feet. He was going to do this. Nothing was going to stand in his way—not fear, or nerves, or the unusual rain shower attacking his city.

  On shaky legs, he slipped into his shoes and a jacket, and grabbed his keys. He made a sprint for his car, trying to keep himself as dry as possible. It wasn’t like he was prepared for rain—he lived in LA. He didn’t own an umbrella.

  Once he was inside the shelter of his car, he gripped the steering wheel. There was no turning back now. The next time he returned to his home, it would be as a distraught mess, or the happiest man alive.

  He knew which option had his vote.

  Chapter 14

  Kellie had not done much in the hours since sleeping with Cade. She wasn’t sure what she could call their activities. Sex? Fucking? Did she dare label it making love? It was scary and anxiety-inducing and part of the reason she took a page out of his book and ran. She hadn’t slept much after returning home, and the following day hadn’t been much better.

  She spent the first half of her Sunday afternoon just watching the rain. As someone who grew up in Florida, and now spent most of her time in New York, the rain was oddly comforting. Considering the fear and uncertainty surrounding her love life, comfort was something she really needed.

  When she had her fill of watching the raindrops pound against the glass of her window, she eventually tried other methods of keeping herself busy. It was the only way not to think about Cade or obsess about his text asking if she got home okay.

  Seeing the message had been heartwarming yet devastating. It was proof that he cared about her and another reminder why she was falling for him. But at the same time, it was just a text. As if her leaving was not a big deal or any skin off his back.

  Maybe he truly didn’t care. Maybe he was enjoying his Sunday, relishing in the overcast weather, watching television, and having a grand time. She tried desperately not think about him too much. It would only upset her further.

  That was how she spent the first part of her day, huddled under blankets, trying to focus on a book or a TV show as the rain pounded against the side of her home. It was a successful endeavor for a short while, but eventually her doorbell rang, and she was forced to confront the outside world.

  One glance out the long window beside her door confirmed her greatest fantasy. Cade stood on the other side, seemingly drenched from the rain. His dark hair was plastered to his head and a steady stream of water dripped from his nose. Now, he was under the cover of her porch awning, but it seemed the walk from the street to her home had done enough damage.

  For a few moments, she just stared at him through the window, unbelieving of his presence. It was too fantastical. It felt straight out of a film, even if she didn’t know what he was going to say. Eventually, with her heart in her throat, she opened the door and met his dark gaze.

  She couldn’t speak.

  “Kellie.” Cade began, his deep voice tickling her ears. Between the steady stream of rain and the rich timbre of his voice, there was a cacophony of gorgeous sounds practically melting her insides. She wished she could capture it and replay the soundtrack forever. “You left.”

  It took her a moment to process his words. She cleared her throat and tugged her sweater closer to her body, the chill of the afternoon air—along with his voice—causing goosebumps to erupt across her arms. “Yes. I did.”

  “Why?” He asked, his voice far softer than she expected, “Was it…” He shook his head and sucked his teeth, “Revenge or something?”

  She briefly wondered if she should have been angrier about his question—insulted, even. It implied that she was petty and childish. But truthfully, she was too tired to play these games anymore, and it wasn’t worth the fight when he seemed genuinely confused.

  “No. Of course not.”

  He ran a hand through his wet hair, causing it to stick in a million different directions. He managed to look adorable and handsome, pissing her off immensely. “Then why? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something?”

  She looked away, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. “I left for the same reason you did back in London. I was scared about what came next. I don’t know how you feel about me. I mean, sure, I know you’re attracted to me. And you—” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

  Cade took a step forward. “I what?”

  Kellie sighed and looked back to him. “When you were drunk, you told me you loved me. I didn’t want to get my hopes it, and I wasn’t ready to potentially have a bad conversation over a bowl of fucking Lucky Charms and the morning news.”

  His eyes had widened as she spoke. Apparently, she was right to be weary of his words. Given his reaction, she had to assume that he had absolutely no memory of his drunken love confession.

  “You hurt me when you left, but god, I get it now.” She continued to ramble on, suddenly just vomiting up the words, “I feel that same fear, and uncertainty, and anxiety about our future. I laid in that bed and contemplated every good and bad outcome to come and eventually, I felt sick to my stomach. The easiest decision for me was leaving. Which is what I did.”

  Cade swallowed and nodded. “I told you I loved you when I was drunk?”

  She had to look away again. She couldn’t meet his gaze when he eventually had to explain that his drunk words were utter nonsense. “Yes. I was putting a blanket over you as you were falling asleep. Then you said you loved me.”

  “Fuck.”

  Tears were building in her eyes. This was a mistake. Texting would have been easier. Fucking email for all she cared. But to be in his presence when he declared that they had a great fuck but nothing more was certain to destroy her.

  “Cade, you can go—”

  “I didn’t want to be drunk the first time I told you.”

  His words cut her off. They also caught her completely off guard.

  “What?” She choked out. Her mind was moving about a mile a minute. Kellie couldn’t begin to even understand his words, let alone process them. They were that ridiculous. That unbelievable.

  “I wanted it to be a lot more romantic,” He ran another hand through his hair, his shoulders dropping in disappointment, “Hell, any situation where I remembered would have been ideal.”

  Kellie still stared at him, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled to form words. Finally, she choked out the same one syllable word. “What?”

  Cade met her gaze, his chocolate brown eyes filled with something that Kellie was finally able to recognize. It was admiration. Affection. Maybe even reverence.

  “I love you.” His words were the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. It was better than holding her diploma from Julliard, or accepting her first major film role, or taking a bow after a particularly perfect show. “I love you and I’ve been struggling for awhile with how to say that and what to do about it.”

  She continued to stare at him, unsure of what to say. The mixed bag of emotions she was feeling had her stomach in knots and her head in the clouds. She loved him—terribly so—but it didn’t eliminate the pain and anxiety he had caused since the moment she met him.

  “I’ve fucked this up so much,” He explained, his voice close to pleading, “I betrayed your
trust. I hurt you. All because I couldn’t pull my head out of my ass and admit what I wanted, let alone have the balls to admit how much I care about you.”

  Kellie took a deep breath, still reeling from his admission. “And what do you want?”

  His response was swift. “You. Always you.” He ran another shaky hand through his hair and smiled sadly. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

  “What changed?” It was a reasonable question. After all the back and forth, it was challenging for her to believe that he wanted her and only her. She was still scared that the other shoe would drop. That in a matter of time, he would change his mind.

  Cade cleared his throat. “Everything and nothing. I’ve always had feelings for you. It just took me awhile to admit to myself how I felt. I realized after seeing you with TJ, and hurting you again, that I couldn’t lose you. Now, I’m ready to deal with the consequences if you don’t feel the same.” He took a step forward and grabbed her hand, his palm damp from rainwater. “I would rather be miserable, and heartbroken because you turned me down, than to never tell you how I felt. I’m willing to take the risk and admit that I love you because the possibility that you feel the same way makes this all worth it.”

  He shook his head, his wet hair shaking with the movement. He looked so boyish, and adorable, and it absolutely destroyed her. “This is me, telling you how I feel.” Cade continued, his voice thick, “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for making this harder than it needed to be. But I need you to know that I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be your friend, and your lover, and your boyfriend, and anything that you’ll let me be.”

  All Kellie could do was stare at him, desperately trying to digest the fact that he loved her. Cade Campbell was in love with her. Cade Campbell wanted to be with her. Kellie Allen, the same girl who had braces until she was fifteen and still cried over videos of dogs and babies. She was a dork in Hollywood clothing, and the thought of him wanting anything to do with her was still as surreal as her having a lucrative acting career.