Four Moons: The Complete Collection: (Books 1 - 4)

by Amos, Richard

  Chapter Eighteen

  Backpacks, energy bars, coats, boots—all the gear needed to go up a mountain. Even a grappling hook! So cool! We got so much stuff, and it was sitting in the middle of the hotel room’s living space, a big pile of awesomeness.

  We were chilling in the bedroom, eating some crisps, coming down from the lights of the city. Even though Tokyo was in a somber mood, it was nothing short of amazing. There was a vibe to it I wasn’t aware of—almost mystical, otherworldly. Bright yet dark, and I’d even seen Mount Fuji in the far distance when we’d bought our energy bars, the snowy peak smothered in red moonlight.

  Our disguises had held up well. No one gave us a second glance. Cool. Exactly what we’d wanted. Mega pleased. And my ruby ring was still hiding my swords. All good, all good. For now.

  I wanted more. To see more, to do more, to see my place of birth in Ota City. I knew that much about myself. Would I be able to find out more about my mum there?

  Sakura. Her name was Sakura Murakami. What was her maiden name?

  Ota City was the ward of my birth, and where the Tokyo Alpha’s seat was. Think manager under my dad. Every city and town had an alpha of their own to run things, but all of them answered my father.

  Tokyo’s manager was Yua Ito.

  Right now, though, even if I was buzzing from our day out in the thick of it, my mind was on the mission.

  “This silver moon, G. What the hell if it comes out tomorrow or something? I’d need to get to Mount Tate now, right? That’d be impossible.”

  “I know what you mean.” He was lying down on his bed, arms behind his head. “But I think we have time. Not a lot, but enough to start as soon as we get what your uncle is ‘purchasing.’”

  “Yeah. What do you think my uncle’s up to?” That word. Uncle. “Wow.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “You know, the uncle thing.”

  G sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Man, he looked so yummy in a vest and trackies, big arms out for my eyes to feast on.

  Seriously?

  He nodded. “Your dad never mentioned a brother or any family. He wouldn’t. That’s not him. Still, I find it a bit odd. He must’ve really wanted to bury any connection to his family. From what Ryoka said, he’s just like your grandfather.” I watched the thought process pass across his handsome face, the way someone looks when they’re all torn up about saying it like it is. “Cold.”

  Tame word, but strong coming from the lips of the beta. He wasn’t supposed to say a bad word about his master, the man he was sworn to die for.

  “You think it’s my fault?” I said. “Like if I hadn’t been born, the whole mess wouldn’t have happened in the first place?”

  Ugh. So much for not sticking it on myself.

  “No, Aki. Don’t think like that. None of this is on you, okay?”

  In that moment, something took over me. Like I was a raw nerve suddenly exposed. All the family revelations were peeling me open. And he was here, G, as he always was, by my side, listening to me, being all patient and understanding.

  I’d gone from A to a whole new alphabet. I wanted to talk. Secrets and pain were now flooding my brain, memories of Colin once again. If my mum had been around, or even my uncle, would it have been different? Would they have protected me, held me back from all the mess, even made my formative years less of a shitshow?

  Vulnerability comes in vicious cycles with me. One moment I’m good, flipping everything the middle finger, happy to be alive and healthy. But then something would shake me, drag up the pain, and burn me all the way down to the roots of my soul.

  I think the soul burning was the worst pain. It meant I couldn’t offer the middle finger, that I wasn’t okay.

  Fuck! I hated feeling weak.

  “Aki?”

  “You asked me about Colin.”

  “What about him?”

  I drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “You’ve seen the way he acts around me, the way I get all funny.”

  “I have.”

  I just started talking, letting the words fall out. “When I finally got myself some fighting skills back in the day, I was free from the bullying shit I was given at the academy. Bullies had their arses handed to them when my legs and fists became weapons. I could finally beat the crap out of them, and they knew it. Me and my katanas that’d steal their wolfy side. My sword skills had come on mega quick. I was so much stronger, ready to take the world by the balls, pull those nuts off, and make them my own. No more abuse, no more being called a ‘dirty faggot bitch’ and threatened with rape.”

  “What?”

  I let out an unsteady breath at the memory. “Yeah. All the time. No one never did anything to me like that, but they’d say stuff like ‘I’m gonna make your boy cunt bleed.’”

  G tensed up big time. I saw his hands ball into deadly fists. “And these people are still in the pack, I presume?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.”

  I nodded. “After they’d say it, they’d slap me around. Once they…pissed on me.”

  “Aki…”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Don’t say it’s fine. I want to know who these people are right now.”

  “What’s the point? We’re here, they’re—” I stopped, took a moment. “I haven’t seen them in years. A real long time. They’re out in the world, part of the army, stationed somewhere. Fuck knows. Derek was one of them. He’s dead, so fuck him.”

  He didn’t say anything, but he so wasn’t done with this. He let me speak.

  “So, yeah. Colin. I might’ve been free, but I was also mega lonely. I wasn’t the only gay in the city, obviously, but it felt that way. No action. Nothing. I went on a few dates; a warlock, a human, had a bit of a fumble, but nothing more than that. They didn’t want relationships and stuff. Too young. Wanted fun and shagging. They all seemed too immature to me. Bit arrogant for an eighteen-year-old to say, eh? But that’s the mindset I was in, thinking I was so much more mature than peeps my own age. What a prick.”

  G still didn’t say anything, just watched me from his bed.

  “Then, Colin happened. I never… Look, we all know Colin’s rep for loving the ladies. Turns out, he likes different slices of pie, and he wanted a chunk of mine.” A deep breath. “I was at a gay club in Soho, a basement place, real sawdust and spit venue with a lower level darkroom. I’d wandered down there a few times, but never had the balls to get down and dirty in the dark. I watched, and one night, I was standing right beside another watcher, beer in my hand. One guy had another guy upside down, but I was more interested in Colin standing right next to me. I remember my jaw being on the floor, not knowing where to look, but my eyes were glued to his face.”

  Still no reaction from Gabriel.

  I kept going. “We found a corner to talk in, and he told me how he kept this side of himself a secret. Nobody’s business.”

  The memories were thick and real. The club, the smell of sex, the moans of pleasure in the air, the two of us close together in an alcove.

  Tenshi, he’d been so handsome. Now I only saw his ugliness, but then…wow. In his black jeans and white shirt open at the top to show off the V of his white marble flesh. Perfect stubble, smoldering dark eyes, and the way he swigged his beer was mega sexy.

  “I’d rather not make this a big deal,” Colin had said.

  “I won’t say anything.”

  He reached for me, pinching one of my spikes—a hairstyle I’d rocked back then, dyed blue-black. “Bouncy,” he’d said. “And pretty greasy.”

  “It’s the gel.”

  “It’s cute. You’re cute.”

  Colin calling me cute? What the hell? I’d been dreaming, too many beers in my system. But nope. No dream. More like a dream come true. And he ended up taking me back to his house that was set back from the Thames.

  That house…

  I’d been so impressed with the whites
and chromes and expensive TVs—some real slick bachelor shit, which was nothing more than a house of pain and fucking sorrow in the end.

  He’d been so kind, so cool. We’d chatted and listened to some music, drunk some more beer, kissed, then slowly taken off our clothes. He’d had me that night, and it’d felt like the first time. Amazing, hot, tender, and he’d made me a bangin’ breakfast the next morning.

  I ended telling G that part with my eyes starting to well up. “He’d been everything. So romantic. It was our secret, but I didn’t mind we weren’t public. I had him, the geezer who couldn’t be tamed by any woman. Me. I. Had. Him. I was eighteen, and I’d bagged myself a forty-four-year-old guy with abs and muscles and eyes for me. Me! He was such a charmer. How lucky was I? But then…then the beatings started.” There was a wobble in my voice.

  G leaned closer across the gap between our beds. “Oh, Aki. Stop if you want.”

  I shook my head. “I need to tell you.” Another shuddery breath—felt like I was letting loads of them out recently. “He was jealous of me going out, hated that I went clubbing. Thought clubbing was for people looking for action. I wasn’t looking for that. I just wanted to go out and dance, and he wouldn’t ever come with me. Not even to that underground place. Couldn’t understand why I wanted to dance because it made me look like a fool, like a desperate slut.” Tears were set free. “Then came the beatings. Pure rage. He’d never hit me in the face, but he’d go to town on me, proper kick the shit out of me. I was right back there again, back to being the victim at the academy, at the mercy of some wanker. And I took it because I loved him. I wanted to make him happy, to keep him. What if he left me? I’d die. I really, really loved him, G.”

  Gabriel took my hands, and I met his gaze as the tears ran wild. “Aki…”

  “The kind of love that hurts,” I continued, “when it aches so bad, where you know you’d die of a broken heart if this person left you. So, I took it all, thought it was me, that I’d done something to deserve this. Shit personality? Immature? What had I done to make him so angry? And then, on the flip side, he’d be so tender with me, kiss me and hold me and make love to me to make me better. But it wasn’t love. No way. He took what he wanted. From me, from other women. He didn’t beat them, not that I knew of. No, he was the charming Colin to them. He’d bring them home for one-night stands.” Man, this was like being kicked and punched all over again. “He’d…” Fuck. I couldn’t say it, couldn’t… No. I could. I had to. “He’d tie me up all day, gag me, leave me in this cupboard next to the bedroom. I couldn’t move or make any sound at all. He was good at shutting me up. Sometimes, I’d mess myself.”

  G’s hold tightened on my hands, but he didn’t say anything. Our eyes were still locked together.

  “I’m sorry, G. You don’t—”

  “Talk.”

  It took me half a minute to get myself together, remembering sitting in my own piss and shit where I couldn’t hold it in from dawn until midnight. “He’d have sex with these women, make me listen to them for hours. Then he’d come in and smack me for the mess I’d made, strip me, chuck me into the shower, beat my naked body some more, then cry. Yeah, cry. Tell me how sorry he was, then he’d kiss me—” I broke into proper sobbing, slipping down onto the floor.

  G came down with me, taking me in his arms as the sobs became wails. I buried my face into his chest and let everything pour out of me.

  Colin had killed all the stars I’d ever dreamed of. Romance was dead. Relationships were for other people. I’d stick to sex and living alone. One night—wham, bam, cheers very much. Get the fuck out now so I can make some cookies and not have to deal with your body in my personal space anymore.

  All the dead stars weeping.

  My crying lasted a whole hour.

  Finally, able to sit up straight again, I said, “I got away from him. Those fucking rose spectacles were broken eventually, and I got myself free from the abuse. I didn’t sleep for months, but he didn’t come for me. Never. And that was it. Over. Done. He went back to being him, and I put my life back together. I did my hunting thing, baked, then met you when Dad decided I needed a bodyguard.”

  We were sitting opposite each other on the floor, backs leaning against our beds, our legs tangled up together.

  “I don’t know if Dad knew. And you don’t have to say anything about him, G. But, yeah, I started to think he did know about us. I dunno anymore, though. The bullying he ignored, but that?”

  I was feeling empty, probably ‘cos I’d offloaded. But stronger too, the tears dried up.

  “I need some fresh air.”

  I got up and left him sitting there, sliding the doors open and stepping out onto our balcony, leaning on the railing. I drank down the cold air, feasting my peepers on the amazing lights of Tokyo. Defo been some fucking homecoming so far.

  I guess I was making progress in my life when it came to barriers and stuff. I mean, G living with me was a massive deal, even if it weren’t for that long, and so was sharing this hotel room with him. He was in my space. Sure, I’d had sleepovers with bitch-face, former bestie, but that was different. Me and G had been spending every day together, living in the same space.

  Proper alien situation!

  G joined me a few minutes later. “When I was a kid, I got my ass beat badly by some kid in Crispin Grove, Texas—my hometown.”

  I turned to look at him. “I don’t think I’ve heard you say that name before. Dawson Ranch, yeah, but not the actual town your parents’ place is at.”

  He shrugged. “Famous for its apples. Real good apples, Aki. So, this kid. Potter White. Big kid, had a real sleazy group of friends. Called themselves The Bruisers. And they were. Everyone was terrified of them, me included. They ragged on me big time. I was a skinny kid who loved books. My favorite thing to do was, on sunny days, find myself a tree and curl up with a good story, spending hours out in the warm air.”

  “Sounds amazing.”

  “It was. Well, while it lasted. There was always a moment when The Bruisers would find me. Even in the most secluded spots. Those spots were worse, really because there was no one around to help me. But I liked to hide for as long as I could. They hunted me down every day.” He turned his head away from me, casting his gaze out to the city. “My mom would tell me to stay at home, Dad, too. It would’ve been safer that way, but why shouldn’t I enjoy the pretty weather?”

  “Too right, G. Too right. What did your parents do?”

  “Confronted the parents of each kid. They were all human; my mom and dad were wolves. Neither of them resorted to violence much, but my mom did give Potter’s parents an ass whooping like they’d never had before for running their mouths. Things died down for a year after I’d turned twelve.”

  “So, you weren’t old enough to shift yet.”

  “Nope. Six months later, things got bad again. My dad got into fights over me with the fathers of The Bruisers, and I’d spend every night crying in my bed. I was forbidden from going out, trapped in my room because of the way they’d messed me up one day in the woods on the other side of town, dumping me in the brook. My mom got arrested because she almost killed Potter’s mom. I thought I was going to lose her forever, that they’d lock her up for what she’d done. Potter’s mom never did walk the same afterward, but my mom got a warning and had to do community service because of it. No jail time, but it was all because of me. Life sucked for a while then. No one would talk to us, scared of us, and school was hell. Verbal abuse in the corridors, spat at—all of it.”

  “G, I’m so sorry.”

  “Then, my thirteenth birthday happened.”

  “Oh, shit. Yes! Shifty time.”

  He didn’t smile at that.

  “Sorry, bruv. I’m an insensitive twat.”

  “No, you’re not. That should’ve been a celebratory moment. But it wasn’t. The Bruisers and their parents had chosen that night, when it was just the three of us having a party for me because I had no friends, to attack the ranch. Fu
ll-on pitchforks and flaming torches. And guns.” He closed his eyes. “My dad got shot. He turned out okay, but it was a close one. That sent me over the edge before my mom could react. I shifted into a wolf and ended up killing Potter, his friend Billy, and Billy’s dad before my mom stopped me as the SCU rolled up. My first kills. I can still taste their blood.”

  Whoa. Shit. “G…” I reached for him, my hand going to his right bicep.

  “I lost myself. I vowed I’d never let anyone do that to me again.”

  “But they bullied you. They did it. They pushed you, took it way too far.”

  He shook his head. “That may be so, Aki, but I needed to be better than that, to be in control, to be stronger and better. So I pushed myself and got better. Became beta to the alpha of Texas, then worked my way up to being who I am today.” He sighed. “But I still hear the screams at night, feel the guilt in my guts. My dad says, like you, they deserved it. The whole town does. You won’t find anyone there who sympathizes. If it hadn’t had been them, it would’ve been us. That’s why all of those from that group moved away with their families. But I feel it still, Aki. Hard sometimes.”

  I gave him a squeeze.

  He tensed up, eyes still closed, face contorted with what looked like nasty pain. “I went off a bit there. I wanted to tell you that I understand. Different stories, not the same, but in a way, they are. Like a connection.” He opened his eyes but didn’t look at me. “Your head and heart are so full of sorrow, Aki, and I wanted to help.”

  “You did, G,” I answered softly. “I’m sorry…so sorry.”

  He turned his head. I couldn’t help it. My hands were doing their own thing. I reached for his cheek, resting my palm on his stubble. “Thanks for telling me.”

  “Same to you,” he whispered.

  His body turned to face me, and he took me in his arms. There. My head was back on that shoulder pillow again. I’d missed it. Man, had I missed it.

  I couldn’t deny our relationship was changing. It’d been changing for a long time, and I’d been out in the lake of denial. Maybe he had too. Denial buddies. Didn’t mean I wanted it to change, to come off the lake. Stay in denial? I wanted to slap myself silly.