Maddie left after dinner and went back to the hotel. She’d had a terrific day, and wished she had more of them. She was going to see them briefly the next day, but they all had a lot to do. They were leaving for Hawaii the following morning and she was heading for Mendocino.
Laura looked at Ben sheepishly after Maddie left. “Your mom always scared me. She’s really sweet with the kids, and even with me. The Chanel bag is a beautiful gift. I’d forgotten how nice and generous she is.”
“She’s a sweet person. It’s my rotten older sister you need to watch out for, not my mother.”
“She’s just so famous. I always thought she disapproved of me.”
“My mother isn’t like that. She’s a hardworking woman and she was always a great mom to us, no matter how busy she was. I never realized how tough it is when kids grow up. It left a hell of a hole in her life, especially with two of us out here. I hate thinking of her all alone in New York, although she’s used to it by now.”
“We’ll have her out more often. I promise,” she said and kissed him, and they went upstairs to their bedroom with his arm around her.
Maddie sat with the children while they ate dinner the next day. She told them stories about when their father was a little boy. He came home from the office late, looking harried, and Laura and the nanny had been packing for Hawaii all afternoon. Ben smiled when he saw his mother in the kitchen with the kids. That was how it should be, and he hoped it would stay that way now.
He had called his sister from the office that afternoon and read her the riot act about everything she’d said to their mother about assisted living, and having early Alzheimer’s, and all the rest.
“Where did you get off saying that kind of crap to her? She was terrified,” he had told her.
“You have to admit, she’s been crazy. Driving across the country like that seems pretty insane to me,” Deanna said stubbornly.
“I don’t think it was crazy at all. She took stock of her life, she went back and saw people she hadn’t seen in twenty years, and figured out what she wants to do now before she really does get old and falls apart, if she does. But she isn’t there yet, by any means. The trouble with you, Deanna, is you have no imagination. And you’d damn well better make an effort to spend some time with her, and be nice to her. We all need to do that while we have her. One day we’ll be sorry we didn’t. And our kids barely even know her. She’s terrific with them, just like she was with us.”
“She was never that terrific with me,” Deanna said, sounding insulted. He just hoped he had gotten through to her. What she had done when their mother broke her ankle was inexcusable.
“Maybe that’s because you were a pain in the ass even as a kid. You were hateful as a teenager,” he told her. “But we’re all grown-ups now, and it’s time to give back to her. You owe her an apology.”
“For what? Telling her to get rid of that death trap she lives in?”
“That and a whole list of things you had no business saying to her, and you know what they are. She has a right to do what she wants, and live where she wants.”
“I’ll think about it,” Deanna said icily. “Is she coming back to New York now? I assume she’s flying, not driving back.”
“She’s going to see Millie in Mendocino first for a few days.”
“I’ll see her when she gets back,” Deanna said noncommittally.
“Wait until she invites you, or call first. Don’t just drop in on her. Have a little common courtesy and respect.” He wasn’t letting her off the hook.
“Do I need an engraved invitation now?” she said caustically.
“No,” he said. “All you need is a heart. It would be a good place to start. She’s our mother, Dee. That’s a sacred relationship, or it should be.”
“Since when did you turn into such a mama’s boy? You hardly ever have her out to visit either, and your wife doesn’t like her.”
“It’s going to be different now,” he said, and he hung up a few minutes later. It was his last day in the office before their trip to Hawaii, and he was too busy to spar with his bitchy sister. It was just too bad her husband never yanked her chain. Ben thought she needed it.
* * *
—
When Maddie left them that evening, she kissed the children and Laura, and Ben held her tightly in his arms in a hug for a long moment.
“Take care of yourself, Mom,” he whispered to her. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Ben,” she said, looking deep into his eyes, and she smiled at him. “Thank you for everything.” There were tears in his eyes when he waved goodbye to her. He was sorry to see her leave. Laura came up and put an arm around his waist.
“We’ll have her back soon,” she promised. It had been a great visit. Hopefully, the first of many more to come.
Chapter 11
Maddie was just closing her bags, getting ready to check out of the hotel, when William called her. She had sent him a text thanking him for the flowers when she arrived, and she told him on the phone that they were still beautiful.
“How was your visit with your son?” he asked her.
“Wonderful. The best one ever. I spent most of it playing with the kids. Ben and I had a nice dinner alone on the first night. That’s never happened before. He sent his wife to a benefit without him, so we got some time together. You just caught me. I’m leaving for Mendocino, to see my daughter. She finished a book, so she’s letting me come up.”
“How long will you be there?”
“As long as she can stand me, a few days at most. She likes her own company. She gets nervous if I hang around too long.” It intrigued him how she seemed to adjust to each of her children’s personalities and needs, and accommodated them. He expected his son to fit into his life, but Theo was very young. Her children were adults and sounded complicated.
“Is that what I have to look forward to? A three-day limit when I see my son, once he grows up?”
“Maybe. Depending on what his wife wants.”
“I’d better enjoy him while I can. I had an idea last night and I thought I’d run it past you. I didn’t realize you were going to Mendocino.”
“I just got the invitation a couple of days ago.”
“I’d like to come up and see you. We could spend the day in the Napa Valley, or in the city if you prefer. I’d like to see you before you go back to New York. I’m sure it sounds crazy, but I miss you, Maddie.” She was touched to hear it. She had thought of him too, but she’d been busy with her son and grandchildren. She thought about it as he asked her.
“I really need to get back. I’ve been gone for a long time. My desk must look like a nightmare. I’ve never played hooky like this.” But the idea of a day or two with him appealed to her too. “There’s almost no phone service where my daughter lives.”
“That must be inconvenient.”
“She likes it that way. Why don’t I call you when I leave Mendocino? If my assistant isn’t screaming for me by then, and if it isn’t too short notice for you, you can come up to the city and we can spend a day or two together. I’d enjoy it.”
“I’ll wait to hear from you. I can be in the city before you get down from Mendocino. I’ll book a room for myself just in case.”
“Thank you for being flexible.”
“It’s worth it to see you,” he said. She booked a room for herself when she checked out too. She had been planning to stay there for a night before she flew out after Mendocino, but another day wouldn’t make too much difference. And she liked the idea of seeing William. There was something very peaceful and soothing about him, and at the same time very masculine. She had enjoyed his company and their intelligent conversations about subjects that interested them both.
She left the city half an hour later and headed north to Mendocino. It was a sunny day when she started her dri
ve, but the weather got foggier and the landscape more austere as she neared her destination. Milagra lived just outside town, and as Maddie drove up to the house, she smiled. It looked like something in one of her daughter’s novels. Milagra kept the place neat and tidy, but Maddie always expected a vampire to open the door when she rang the bell. She had stopped at the bakery in town and was carrying a bag of pains au chocolat and croissants, and she had bought a bunch of flowers.
It took a long time for Milagra to come to the door, and Maddie wondered if she was out. She finally opened it with a serious expression. She was wearing a ripped sweatshirt with bleach stains on it, and jeans that were torn. It was a fashionable look at the moment, but Milagra’s jeans looked as though they had been run through a shredder, not intended by a designer.
“I’m working on an outline,” she said, frowning at her mother, who knew the drill. No hello, no hug, no kiss. She had had an idea, and instantly disappeared like a ghost. Maddie always stayed in the same room, and knew where to go. She took her bags upstairs and set them down. The clothes she wore were already damp from a thick mist outside. And she went back downstairs to put the croissants away and the kettle on for a cup of tea.
Milagra reappeared an hour later, looking relieved and pleased to see her mother. “Sorry, Mom. It just came to me right before you got here. I’ve got to grab the ideas when they come. If I don’t, I forget the nuances.”
“No worries.” Maddie smiled at her, happy to see her. They hadn’t seen each other for almost a year. Milagra was waiflike and eccentric and always had been, even as a child. She would hide under the stairs somewhere or in a closet for hours, and not respond when you called her. She had told Maddie when she was five that people were too big and the world was too loud. But she had found her niche, and the people she wrote about were as odd as she was herself. Deanna had complained as a teenager that it was like living with the Addams Family. Milagra was beautiful in an ethereal, translucent, almost transparent way. She hated bright sunlight, and her skin was china white. She had Maddie’s blond hair and blue eyes, but everything about her was paler, as though filtered by an invisible film, like a fine white veil. Her three large dogs were asleep in the living room, and the cats were hiding under a chair, eyeing Maddie with suspicion. The dogs had thick curly coats and were a mix of some kind.
“So how are you?” Milagra asked as she sat down at the kitchen table with her mother. Maddie set a cup of tea down in front of her.
“I’m fine. How are you? I thought you just finished a book. You’re starting another one?”
“I had the idea in the shower this morning. Sometimes it happens that way, the next idea rolls out right away, or sometimes it takes a lot longer. They want to give me a four-book contract next time.”
“That’s great. I just drove out from New York,” Maddie said by way of conversation. She didn’t usually bother Milagra with the details of her life. Milagra didn’t want to know.
“Why did you do that?” Milagra looked puzzled.
“I wanted to see some people on the way. I stopped in Boston and Chicago, and I went to Wyoming. I was hoping to see Andy, but he died two months ago. I saw Sean, and he sends you his love. He’s married and has two little boys, and they’re expecting twin girls.” Milagra smiled at the report and nodded. She didn’t react to Andy’s death at first. She digested it for a while.
“That’s sad about Andy. Was he sick?” she finally asked her mother.
“Yes, he was.”
“Are you still in love with him?” She always went right to the heart of the matter.
“I loved him, and I was sad when Sean told me he died. But I can’t say I was ‘in love’ with him anymore. I hadn’t seen him in seventeen years. That’s a long time to carry a torch.”
“Some people do,” Milagra said dreamily. “I’m a vegan now.” She had been a vegetarian before, and her mother could see she’d lost weight. She was rail thin. It also ruled out the croissants Maddie had bought, which were made with butter.
“What do you eat?”
“Mostly greens and beans. I eat a lot of lentils, broccoli, brussels sprouts, kale. Bert always tries to get me to eat fish, but I won’t.”
“Who’s Bert?” Catching up with Milagra was always a challenge. It was like coming in at the middle of a movie. Maddie was never sure who the players were from year to year, although for the most part Milagra led a very solitary life. She needed time to write her books. Maddie worried at times that she lived in an imaginary world, and not a very healthy one at that.
“He’s a friend,” she said in answer to her mother’s question, and offered no further explanation. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“It’s wet out. There was a heavy mist when I came in.”
“I’ll give you a slicker. I love it like this.” Maddie always did whatever Milagra wanted. She was grateful to see her. She was like a mirage that appeared from time to time and then vanished again. They took the dogs with them and walked to the beach. The dogs loped along and didn’t seem to mind the damp weather. They dug for shells in the sand once in a while, or ran off with a stick, and Milagra ran with them. She was long and sleek and graceful, and smiled at her mother as they strolled along slowly.
They went back to the house an hour later. Maddie was chilled to the bone. Milagra shook out her damp hair and took off her slicker, just as Maddie noticed a big plastic bag on the porch. She picked it up, and it smelled of seafood. She peeked inside and it was full of fresh crab.
“Bert dropped it off for you,” Milagra explained, then took it and made a face at the smell. “Do you like crab?” She knew very little about her mother. She only paid attention to herself.
“I love it.” It was fresh and local.
“Who is this Bert? It’s the second time you’ve mentioned him since I got here.” Milagra didn’t answer, took out a big pot and filled it with water to cook the crab.
“He’s just a friend,” she finally answered, same response as before, with no further explanation.
“It was nice of him to bring crab for me.”
“I told him I thought you’d like it.” The way she spoke of him, and refused to answer questions about him, made him sound like an imaginary friend. Milagra had had several when she was growing up. One of them had lasted for several years, a little girl named Jennifer that Milagra said she played with. She outgrew them eventually, but it took a while. All the doctors had ever been able to tell Maddie about Milagra was that she was different. There was nothing wrong with her that they could tell, and she tested normally. She wasn’t learning delayed, in fact she was very bright, but she was socially awkward and had an overactive imagination, and now she was making a living from it with her novels. She had had crushes in school, but she’d never really dated, and high school boys didn’t want to deal with girls like Milagra. They wanted bold, social ones who wore short skirts, had big breasts, and were willing to make out in parked cars. They didn’t want to deal with girls as fey as Milagra. She had won a poetry prize in college, and published her first novel at nineteen. She’d been writing them ever since.
Milagra towel-dried the dogs, and when the water boiled, Maddie dropped the crab in. It was going to make a delicious dinner and it was a shame Milagra wouldn’t eat it. “You’re sure you won’t try some?” Maddie tried to tempt her, but she made a face and shook her head. Maddie had an odd feeling that there was something Milagra wasn’t telling her, but she had no idea what it was.
A little while later, Maddie was startled when she heard a phone ring. She wasn’t even sure Milagra had one, but she pulled it out of a cupboard and answered. Maddie could only hear Milagra’s side of the conversation.
“Mom says she loves it. She’s cooking it for dinner….I’ll call you later.”
“I’m never sure if you still have a phone,” Maddie said casually.
“I
do. I don’t answer it most of the time, and sometimes I forget to pay the bill, so it lapses for a while until I pay. Bert says I need one, it’s safer. So I have one.” At least he was an imaginary friend who knew how to use a phone. “I don’t use it most of the time, except when he calls me.”
“Is he like a boyfriend, or just a friend?” Maddie asked bravely, and Milagra shrugged.
“I don’t know. I don’t see him when I’m writing,” she said, which was almost all the time.
“Does he live around here?” She was curious now. She couldn’t remember the last time Milagra had a man in her life. And if she did now, it was a major change since Maddie had last seen her. Maddie hated knowing so little about her daughter’s life. But Milagra preferred it that way, and Maddie tried to respect it.
“He lives in Fort Bragg.” It was the port several miles away. “He checks on me to make sure I’m okay. He’s a good person.” The crab was cooked by then and Maddie drained it, and put it on a platter to cool off. There was far more than she could eat alone.
“Can I meet him?”
“Sure. I guess so.”
“Maybe he’d like to have dinner with us, that’s a lot of crab. I can’t eat all of it myself.”
“I’ll ask him,” she said, and went to the cupboard where she kept the phone. She told him to come by at six, and Maddie couldn’t wait to meet him.
When he rang the doorbell at six o’clock, Maddie was setting the table, and she looked up to see an enormous man filling the doorway. He had a healthy face, red from the cold, and a thick crop of dark hair. He was as brightly colorful as Milagra was pale and almost invisible. He seemed to fill the room when he walked in, and smiled shyly at Maddie. Everything about him was unexpected. He walked over to shake Maddie’s hand. He was wearing a lumberjack shirt, blue jeans, and rubber boots, which he left at the door. He was strikingly tall, about six-foot-six, and his hand grasping Maddie’s was huge.
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