by Indiana Wake
“Yes, may I come in for a moment?” He sounded suddenly formal and it only added to her confusion.
“Well, I… yes.” She sat up fully until she was on the side of the bed and her feet on the floor. “I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?” She looked down at herself and, seeing that she was still fully dressed, slowly remembered everything that had gone before and how it was she had come to be lying on top of the bed in the first place.
“It’s still early, just a little after seven. I sent Janet to bed.”
“And is she all right?”
“She must be made of tough stuff, because there isn’t a mark on her. But I’ve warned her about climbing trees in the future.”
“She sure is made of tough stuff,” Grace said, remembering the child’s determination to display her customary disdain even when she had fallen from such a great height.
“But you’re making real good progress with her. I know it might not feel like that today, but I can feel it.”
“That sure is nice of you to say.” Grace made to rise to her feet.
“No, don’t get up.” He advanced into the room a few paces, holding his hand out as if to keep her seated.
“I was just going to clear up.”
“You don’t need to, I’ve done it. With the help of Janet, believe it or not.”
“Oh, well, thank you. You really didn’t need to, I would have…”
“I know you would have, but it was no trouble, I promise.”
“Well, then I guess I’ll just get an early night.” She felt suddenly unsure of herself and wondered what on earth was coming next.
“I know you must be feeling kind of turned upside down right now, Grace, but I wanted to ask you something. Well, offer you something, I guess.”
“Offer me something?” Grace couldn’t begin to imagine what he was talking about and could only hope that he wasn’t about to end her employment there and then.
She had hardly got straight in her mind all the things she wanted to say to him, all the pleas she had wanted to make and the promises that she would work hard every day up until it came time for her to leave.
“I know this is kind of out of the blue and I wouldn’t blame you a bit for being offended by it. But believe me when I say that I sure don’t mean any offense by it.”
“Offense by what?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to offer you marriage.” Of all the things she had been expecting to hear, that had not even featured. “Just a marriage in name, Grace. No expectations, nothing changing, just everything as it is now. You could keep your own room.”
“Marriage?” Grace said and could hear the wonder in her voice and knew that he must surely hear it too.
“I just think it might work out well for the both of us. I know I need you here for Janet, you’re the only one who’s come anywhere close to getting through to her. And honest to God, I just don’t know what will become of her if she and I just carry on the way we have done for the last two years.”
“I see.”
“And I reckon I could offer you a little security at the same time, a little stability for you and your child. I guess you could relax, not having to worry about the future. I know it’s a lot to take in, and as I said, I wouldn’t blame you a bit if you were offended. I mean, I know that you’ve suffered, I know what you’ve lost. And I’m not intending to replace your husband, not for a minute. Like I said, a marriage in name only. A partnership, I guess.”
“Thank you.” She realized it sounded somehow bizarre.
The truth of the matter was that she was by no means offended by Josh Lacey or his offer of marriage. She wasn’t sickened by it and she wasn’t afraid that he was telling her anything other than the truth.
And it did make sense, for she knew, she was absolutely certain, that she would never love again for as long as she lived. Peter had been the one, the only man who would ever hold her heart, and she knew it. So, what was the sense in saying no? She wasn’t holding out for true love anymore; she’d already had that.
If he was offering a marriage in nothing but name, a partnership as he had called it, wasn’t that the very thing to keep her and her child safe? Wasn’t that one of those opportunities she had sworn to herself she would take to see that her child had a good life?
“I guess I should give you a little time, a little privacy to think about it.” He nodded his head slowly before turning to leave the room.
“I accept,” she said, and he stopped dead in his tracks, turning back to look at her, his face curiously lit by the lamp he was holding. “And you’re right, it does make sense. And I’m very appreciative, really I am.”
“Right,” he said and sounded taken aback as if he had fully expected her to say no, if she answered him at all. “Right,” he repeated. “Well, goodnight,” he said and nodded again before turning to leave the room, closing the door behind him.
“Goodnight,” she said in a whisper to the closed door.
Chapter 9
“So, how’s married life treating you?” Connie asked with a broad smile. “I know it’s only been a few weeks, but you must have stories to tell.”
“I still can’t believe it,” Laura Price chipped in.
It had been an extraordinary comfort to Grace that Laura and Connie had taken to one another like old friends. The three had been meeting regularly around Connie’s kitchen table since they had met at her quiet wedding ceremony at the tiny church not far from the boarding house.
“It’s funny, but things haven’t changed at all. I mean, nothing. I still do my work about the house and do what I can to make friends with Janet, same as always. And Josh keeps the yard running and sits down at the kitchen table for three meals a day. I guess the only difference is the safety, you know? The safety of knowing I have a home and my baby is going to be well provided for.” Grace shrugged and reached for her cup.
“So, he’s not… bothering you?” Connie asked cautiously, and Laura let loose a high-pitched giggle.
“Connie!” Laura squeaked when she had calmed down a little.
“Well, he is a man. You know what they’re like.” Connie shuddered amusingly. “My Bart was a nightmare, I can tell you.”
With that, the two younger women laughed until they cried with Connie thoroughly enjoying having their full attention.
Grace felt elated by the laughter. It was a true moment of forgetting her old sadness and she was made as joyful by the act of laughing as by Connie’s raucous comments.
As she slowly pulled herself together, breathing hard and wiping at her tears of mirth, Grace had a sudden sense of belonging. Not just with her two friends, but with life just as it was. It wasn’t what she had planned or expected, but somehow life had seen to it that she was safe, that she wasn’t alone, and that she had found herself in the home of a good man.
“No, he’s not, Connie.” Grace, still gently laughing, shook her head.
“Well, that’s something at least.” Connie nodded firmly.
“I guess the truth of it is, he’s a good man. A man of his word,” Grace went on.
“I reckon they are few and far between,” Laura added.
“They’re pretty rare.” Connie patted Laura’s hand. “However, you’re too young yet to be jaded by the ways of men. Wait a while and that will come naturally over time.”
Once again, the younger women laughed.
“Oh, how glad I am that this is where I came when I first arrived here in Oregon,” Grace said truthfully. “I know I was only here a short time but look at us now.”
“I’m glad you girls are here too. You liven up my lonely little life.”
“I’m not sure you needed much livening, Connie.” Grace smiled again.
“It sure is nice to see you smiling, Grace,” Laura said a little more seriously. “It’s been a real long road for you.”
“It has, but I’m managing now.”
“You always did manage,” Laura said with
admiration. “Even out there on the trail, you kept yourself going. You survived the worst of all things.”
“Thank you. It didn’t feel like it at the time, but I guess I have survived. Some days it all comes back, you know? A great wave of grief will pound over me and I almost drown. But I know life has to be lived and I have to keep moving. I have this little one to think of now. It’s not about just me anymore.” She laid a hand on her prominent belly.
“And you do look well, honey. I don’t think I ever saw a woman who seemed to have child-carrying suit her like it does you.” Connie rose to set the pan of water back on the stove. “More tea?”
“Yes, please,” Grace and Laura spoke as one.
“I must say, I do feel real healthy. I seem to have this energy all the time and I reckon the house was never so clean even when I was being paid to do the work.” She opened her brown eyes wide as if amazed by it all herself. “Josh keeps saying I need to take things a bit slower, but I honestly don’t know what else I’d do with my time.”
“He really is a good man,” Connie said and whistled through her teeth. “There’s many a man out there who’ll wait for a woman to give birth until they eat again. Can’t even fix themselves a slice of bread and butter.”
“I guess Josh had been used to doing for himself these last few years. Although, things sure did need straightening out when I got there.”
“But he was running that lumber yard of his too and managing that angry little child of his.” Connie looked full of admiration.
“True. He did as well as he could, and I truly admire him for that.”
“There’s a lot about Josh Lacey to admire,” Connie said. “After his wife died he never gave in. There’s many a man who’d be drinking and letting things go, but he always put that child of his first. He was never out of that schoolhouse speaking to Miss Martin when Janet first lost her ma. He wanted to check on her all through the day, he drove poor Miss Martin to distraction, bless her. But I don’t know how he had the strength when he had the house and business to run too. I reckon I have a lot of respect for that man.” Connie nodded firmly. “And he’s kind of a handsome one too. Now, that doesn’t harm his cause one little bit.” She raised her eyebrows.
“I can’t say that I’ve noticed,” Grace said and knew that wasn’t entirely true.
She’d noticed his fine looks from the beginning, she had just never dwelled on them. To appreciate him in that way seemed like a sure way to disrespect Peter’s memory.
“Do you think you’ll ever feel that way again? I mean, maybe one day in the future?” Laura was clearly interested to know but cautious about asking at the same time.
“I can’t imagine that I will,” Grace said with such speed she wondered who exactly she was trying to convince. “I guess that’s why I readily agreed to the marriage. He was offering security and he made it real clear that was all there was to it. Just two people helping one another through life. I knew that I would never love again, not after Peter, so there was no sense in turning down Josh’s offer. I knew I would never find anybody else, I wouldn’t even look, and Josh is such a good man.”
“Just don’t rule out anything, honey,” Connie said sagely. “We never know what’s around the corner in this life, and that includes how our feelings slowly change with the tides. There’s no guilt needed for that, life has a way of healing our ills.”
“I hope you didn’t mind me asking, Grace?” Laura said shyly.
“Of course, I don’t.” Grace reached out to take Laura’s hand. “I would never have made it this far without you by my side. And I know that you both care about me and it sure does mean a lot.”
“What do you say I cut up that apricot pie before we all turn to crying?” Connie said and instantly lightened the moment.
“I reckon that sounds like a fine idea.” Grace smiled broadly.
“Did you have a nice afternoon?” By the time Grace had returned home, Josh had already closed up the yard for the day and was sitting in the kitchen.
“Yes, it was real nice to sit with Connie and Laura for a while.” Grace smiled at him. “Thank you so much for letting me go.”
“There’s no letting about it, Grace. I’m not your employer anymore.” He started laughing. “Not that I would have tried to stop you seeing your friends even when I was. Friends are important.”
“No, I know you wouldn’t.” Grace took off her light shawl and hung it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “I just don’t like to leave you to it all. You know, and Janet.” She looked over to the stove and could see little tendrils of steam rising from a pot on the top of it. “Now, I was going to do that.” She put her hands on her hips.
“Grace, I’m sensible enough to put a pot of leftover stew on the stove without burning the house down.”
“It’s just that you have so much else to do.”
“You forget that I used to do all of this when it was just Janet and me. Not always very well, I guess that’s true, but well enough.” He rose from the kitchen table to make his way back over to the stove and Grace raced over to his side.
“I’m home now, you can leave that to me.” She reached for the heavy wooden spoon to stir the stew before he had a hope of picking it up.
“Sooner or later you’re going to have to start taking it easy. You’re only a few weeks away from giving birth to that baby of yours and then you’ll have to put up with the idea of me doing a few things around the house.” Josh was clearly amused by her determination.
“You know, Connie has spent the afternoon singing your praises,” Grace said teasingly. “And I reckon she was right.”
“Well, that sure is nice to hear. I won’t be vain and ask what she said, I’ll just be thankful that she said it.” Josh grinned in a way that was almost boyish and Grace drew in her breath involuntarily.
He really was a handsome man and she was beginning to wish that Connie hadn’t gone out of her way to remind her of the fact. Those kinds of ideas were just too complicated and they would inevitably bring feelings of guilt along with them.
“It looks like you’ve done a fine job here, it’s warm enough to serve.” Grace concentrated hard on staring down into the pot of leftover stew.
“All right then, I’ll go round up Janet and Jimmy.”
“Is Jimmy still with us?” Grace was pleased, she liked the boy.
“Just long enough to sit down and eat and then I’m sending him home while the sun is still shining,” Josh said and then wandered out of the kitchen.
As Grace set out the bowls and spoons on the table, she realized that she was humming. She hadn’t absentmindedly hummed a little tune for a very long time and she was overwhelmed with a strong sense of peace and contentment.
She was pleased that Jimmy would be sitting down with them for dinner because he always lightened the mood. It seemed that Janet couldn’t maintain her surly demeanor with her friend around, it was just too much of an effort.
Maybe one day she would be able to reach Janet, have her realize that she was at the very center of a family who wanted only the best for her.
But it was true to say that, since Josh and Grace had married, Janet had become angrier still. She had been furious from the very moment that her daddy had told her that he was to marry again. Grace had known it would come and it was hardly a shock when it happened. She just hoped that things might improve even just a little before her baby arrived.
If it had been hard for Janet to cope with the idea of her father marrying again, Grace couldn’t help but wonder how she would manage when there was another child in the house.
Once again, she thought that only time would tell.
Chapter 10
The following Saturday, Janet had seemed to hover about the house all morning. Grace was surprised, given that Janet was normally nowhere to be found on that particular day of the week. Most other Saturdays, she and Jimmy would be out somewhere exploring, playing, and probably still climbing trees.
She had been as non-communicative as ever, barely answering Grace’s occasional questions with a grunt or single word answers. Grace couldn’t understand why Janet was hovering in the house, but she was certain that there was a reason for it. And, just before Josh was set to come back in at midday after closing the yard, Grace decided to find out just what it was.
“Is something troubling you, Janet? You’re normally out with Jimmy on a Saturday, aren’t you?” When Janet didn’t respond, Grace continued. “You haven’t had a falling out, have you?”
“No, I haven’t fallen out with Jimmy. We never fall out, we’re best friends.” Janet was instantly defensive.
“Then is he away somewhere? Are his family off visiting or something?” Grace persisted.
“No, I just wanted to keep to the house today.”
“That’s nice,” Grace said and decided that she had done everything she could to open the door and it was now up to Janet whether she walked through it. “Well, I’ll just get some bread-and-butter ready. Your pa will be in from the yard in a minute.”
Grace smiled airily and carried on about her business in a nonchalant fashion. She was aware the whole time that Janet was still in the kitchen, she could hear the scrape of the chair as she settled herself down at the table.
But it didn’t feel quite as oppressive as it usually did. Although, it was true to say that Grace was well used to Janet’s attempts to intimidate her with silent staring... it certainly didn’t have the effect it used to have.
But Grace could sense an air about Janet, the feeling that she had something she wanted to say and her usual attempts to create tension between the two of them were somehow playing second fiddle. Whatever it was, Grace hoped that Janet would have the sense to get started on it before Josh came in. Undoubtedly, if she had anything to say to Grace of importance, her father coming in at the wrong moment would inhibit her.
“I need you to help me with my reading and writing,” Janet said in a flurry as if the words had simply been expelled with her breath.
