One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  The sultan sent for the supposed dervish, and commanding all his attendants to retire, withdrew with him into his closet, and desired him to be seated; after which he said, “Wicked dervish, what could have induced thee to entice away my son, or to visit my kingdom?” He replied, “Heaven knows, O sultan, I did not entice him. The boy followed me to my lodging, when I said, ‘My son, return to thy father,’ but he would not; and I remained in continual dread till what was decreed occurred.” The sultan was softened, spoke kindly to him, and begged him to relate his adventures, when the pretended dervish wept, and said, “My history is a wonderful one. I had a friend whom I left as my agent and guardian to my family, while I was performing a pilgrimage to Mecca; but had scarcely left my house ten days, when accidently seeing my wife he endeavoured to debauch her, and sent an old woman with a rich present to declare his adulterous love. My wife was enraged, and put the infamous messenger to death. He sent a second, and a third, whom she also killed.”

  These last words were scarcely spoken, when the sultana bursting from her concealment ran up to the dervish, fell upon his neck, and embraced him: upon which, the sultan her husband was enraged, put his hand to his cimeter, and exclaimed, “What means this shameless behaviour?” The sultana, at once laughing and crying with rapture, informed him that the supposed dervish was her father: upon which the sultan also fell at his feet and welcomed him. He then ordered the other dervish his vizier to be released, commanded royal robes to be brought for his father-in-law, and a suite of apartments in the palace to be prepared for his reception, with an attendance befitting his dignity.

  When the old sultan had spent some time with his youngest daughter thus happily recovered, he became anxious to search after the others, and signified his intention of departing; but his son-in-law declared that he would accompany him on the expedition with a number of his nobles, and an army, lest some fatal accident might occur from his being unattended. Preparations were accordingly made for march, the two sultans encamped without the city, and in a few days began their expedition, which proved successful to their wishes. The aged monarch having recovered his children retired to his own kingdom, where he reigned prosperously till the angel of death summoned him to Paradise.

  STORY OF THE BANG-EATER AND THE CAUZEE.

  In a certain city there was a vagabond fellow much addicted to the use of bang, who got his livelihood by fishing. When he had sold the product of his day’s labour, he laid part of it out in provisions and part in bang, with which (his day’s, work over) he solaced himself till he became intoxicated, and such was his constant practice. One night, having indulged more than ordinary, his senses were unusually stupefied; and in this, condition he had occasion to come down into the square in which was his lodging. It happened to be the fourteenth night of the moon, when she shone uncommonly bright, and shed such a lustre upon the ground, that the bang-eater from the dizziness of his head mistook the bright undulations of her reflection on the pavement for water, and fancied he was upon the brink of the river. He returned to his chamber, and brought down his line, supposing that he should catch his usual prey.

  The bang-eater threw out his line, made of strong cord, and baited on several hooks with bits of flesh, into the square, when a dog, allured by the scent, swallowed one of the pieces, and feeling pain from the hook which stuck in his throat, pulled strongly at the cord. The bang-eater, supposing he had caught a monstrous fish, lugged stoutly, but in vain. The dog, agonized by the hook, resisted; at the same time yelping hideously, when the bang-eater, unwilling to quit his prey, yet fearing he should be dragged into the imaginary river, bellowed aloud for help. The watch came up, seized him, and perceiving him intoxicated, carried him bound to the cauzee.

  It happened that the cauzee often privately indulged himself with bang. Seeing the intoxicated situation of the fisherman, he pitied his condition, and ordered him to be put into a chamber to sleep off his disorder; at the same time saying to himself, “This is a man after my own heart, and to-morrow evening I will enjoy myself with him.” The fisherman was well taken care of during the day, and at night the cauzee sent for him to his apartment; where, after eating, they took each a powerful dose of bang, which soon operating upon their brains, they began to sing, dance, and commit a thousand extravagancies.

  The noise which they made attracted the notice of the sultan, who with his vizier was traversing the city, disguised as merchants. Finding the doors open, they entered, and beheld the cauzee and his companion in the height of their mirth, who welcomed them, and they sat down. At length, after many ridiculous tricks, the fisherman starting up, exclaimed, “I am the sultan!” “And I,” rejoined the cauzee, “am my lord the bashaw!” “Bashaw!” continued the fisherman, “if I choose I can strike off thy head.” “I know it,” returned the cauzee, “but at present I am not worth beheading; give me first a rich government, that I may be worth punishing.” “Thou sayest true,” answered the fisherman; “I must make thee fat before thou wilt be fit for killing.”

  The sultan laughed at their extravagancies, and said to his vizier, “I will amuse myself with these vagabonds to-morrow evening:” then rising up, he and his minister departed.

  The next evening the cauzee and the fisherman indulged themselves as before, and while they were making merry, the sultan and his vizier entered, but in different disguises from those they had worn on the former night. They brought with them a strong confection of opium, which they presented to their hosts, who, highly delighted, greedily devoured it, and such were the effects that they became madder than ever. At length, the fisherman starting up, exclaimed, “The sultan is deposed, and I am sovereign in his stead.” “Suppose the sultan should hear thee,” replied the prince. “If he opposes me,” cried the fisherman, “I will order my bashaw to strike off his head; but I will now punish thee for thy insolent question.” He then ran up and seized the sultan by the nose, the cauzee at the same time attacking the vizier: it was with difficulty that they made their escape from the house.

  The sultan, notwithstanding his tweak by the nose, resolved to divert himself further with the bang-eaters, and the next evening putting on a fresh disguise, repaired to the cauzee’s house with his vizier; where he found the happy companions in high glee. They had taken it into their heads to dance, which they did with such vehemence, and for so long a time, that at length they fell down with fatigue. When they had rested a little, the fisherman perceiving the sultan, said, “Whence comest thou?” “We are strangers,” replied the sultan, “and only reached this city to-night; but on our way through the streets, hearing your mirth, we made bold to enter, that we might participate it with you. Are ye not, however, fearful lest the sultan should hear you on his rounds, and punish you for an infringement of the laws?” “How should the sultan hear us?” answered the fisherman; “he is in his palace, and we in our own house, though, perhaps, much merrier than he, poor fellow, with the cares of state upon his mind, notwithstanding his splendour.”

  “How comes it,” rejoined the sovereign, “that you have not visited the sultan? for you are merry fellows, and I think he would encourage you.” “We fear,” replied the fisherman, “his guards would beat us away.” “Never mind them,” said the sultan; “if you choose I will give you a letter of recommendation, which I am sure he will pay attention to, for we were intimate when youths.” “Let us have it,” cried the fisherman. The sultan wrote a note, directed to himself, and departed.

  In the morning the cauzee and the fisherman repaired to the palace, and delivered the note to one of the guards, who, on sight of it, placed it on his head, prostrated himself to the ground, and then introduced them to the sultan. Having read the letter, the sultan commanded them to be led into separate apartments, and to be treated respectfully. At noon a handsome collation was served up to each, and at sunset a full service, after which they were presented with coffee. When about two hours of the night had passed, the sultan ordered them into his presence, and on their making their obeisance re
turned their salutes, and desired them to be seated, saying, “Where is the person who gave you this letter?”

  “Mighty sultan,” replied the fisherman, “two men who last night visited our house inquired why we did not repair to your majesty, and partake of your bounty. We replied, that we feared the guards would drive us away; when one of them gave us this note, saying, ‘Fear not; take this recommendation to the sultan, with whom in my youth I was intimate.’ We followed his direction, and have found his words to be true. We inquired whence they came; but they would not tell us more than that they were strangers in this city.” “It is,” continued the sultan, “absolutely necessary that you should bring them to my presence, for it is long since I have beheld my old friends.” “Permit us then to return home, where they may possibly visit us again,” said the fisherman, “and we will oblige them to come with us.” “How can you do that,” replied the sultan, “when the other evening you could not prevent your guest escaping, though you had him by the nose?”

  The poor fisherman, and his companion the cauzee, were now confounded at the discovery that it was the sultan himself who had witnessed their intoxication and ridiculous transports. They trembled, turned pale, and fell prostrate to the ground, crying, “Pardon, pardon, gracious sovereign, for the offences we have committed, and the insult which in our madness we offered to the sacred person of your majesty.”

  The sultan, after laughing heartily at their distress, replied, “Your pardon is granted, for the insult was involuntary, though deserved, as I was an impertinent intruder on your privacy; make yourselves easy, and sit down; but you must each of you relate to me your adventures, or some story that you have heard.” The cauzee and the fisherman, having recovered from their confusion, obeyed the commands of the sultan, and being seated, the latter related the following tale.

  Story of the Bang-eater and His Wife.

  There lived formerly, near Bagdad, a half-witted fellow, who was much addicted to the use of bang. Being reduced to poverty, he was obliged to sell his stock. One day he went to the market to dispose of a cow; but the animal being in bad order, no one would bid for it, and after waiting till he was weary he returned homewards. On the way he stopped to repose himself under a tree, and tied the cow to one of the branches while he ate some bread, and drank of an infusion of his beloved bang, which he always carried with him. In a short time it began to operate, so as to bereave him of the little sense he possessed, and his head was filled with ridiculous reveries. While he was musing, a magpie beginning to chatter from her nest in the tree, he fancied it was a human voice, and that some woman had asked to purchase his cow: upon which he said, “Reverend mother of Solomon, dost thou wish to buy my cow?” The bird croaked again. “Well,” replied he, “what wilt thou give if I will sell her a bargain.” The bird repeated her croak. “Never mind,” said the foolish fellow, “for though thou hast forgotten to bring thy purse, yet, as I dare say thou art an honest woman, and hast bidden me ten deenars, I will trust thee with the cow, and call on Friday for the money.” The bird renewed her croaking, which he fancied to be thanks for his confidence; so leaving the cow tied to the branch of the tree, he returned home exulting in the good bargain he had made for the animal.

  When he entered the house, his wife inquired what he had gotten for the cow; to which he replied, that he had sold her to an honest woman named Am Solomon, who had promised to pay him on the next Friday ten pieces of gold. The wife was contented, and when Friday arrived, her idiot of a husband having, as usual, taken a dose of bang, repaired to the tree, and hearing the bird chattering, as before, said, “Well, my good mother, hast thou brought the gold?” The bird croaked. Supposing the imaginary woman refused to pay him, he became angry, and threw up his spade, which frightening the bird, it flew from the nest, and alighted on a heap of soil at some distance. He fancied that Am Solomon had desired him to take his money from the heap, into which he dug with his spade, and found a brazen vessel full of gold coin. This discovery convinced him he was right, and being, notwithstanding his weakness, naturally honest, he only took ten pieces; then replacing the soil, said, “May Allah requite thee for thy punctuality, good mother!” and returned to his wife, to whom he gave the money, informing her at the same time of the great treasure his friend Am Solomon possessed, and where it was concealed. The wife waited till night, when she went and brought away the pot of gold; which her husband observing, said, “It is dishonest to rob one who has paid us so punctually, and if thou dost not return it to its place, I will inform the (walee) officer of police.”

  The wife laughed at his folly; but fearing the ill consequences of his executing his threat, she planned a stratagem to prevent them. Going to the market, she purchased some broiled meat and fish ready dressed, which she brought privately home, and concealed in the house. At night, the husband having regaled himself with his beloved bang, retired to sleep off his intoxication; but about midnight she strewed the provisions she had brought at the door, and awakening her partner, cried out, in pretended astonishment, “Dear husband, a most wonderful phenomenon has occurred; there has been a violent storm while you slept, and, strange to tell, it has rained pieces of broiled meat and fish, which now lie at the door!” The husband, still in a state of stupefaction from the bang, got up, went to the door, and seeing the provisions, was persuaded of the truth of his wife’s story. The fish and flesh were gathered up, and he partook with much glee of the miraculous treat; but he still threatened to inform the walee of her having stolen the treasure of the good old woman Am Solomon.

  In the morning the foolish bang-eater actually repaired to the walee, and informed him that his wife had stolen a pot of gold, which she had still in her possession. The walee upon this apprehended the woman, who denied the accusation, when she was threatened with death. She then said, “My lord, the power is in your hands; but I am an injured woman, as you will find by questioning my unfortunate husband; who, alas! is deranged in his intellects. Ask him when I committed the theft.” The walee did so; to which he replied, “It was on the evening of that night on which it rained broiled flesh and fish ready dressed.” “Wretch!” exclaimed the walee, “dost thou dare to utter falsehoods before me? Who ever saw it rain any thing but water?” “As I hope for life, my lord,” replied the bang-eater, “I speak the truth; for my wife and myself ate of the fish and flesh which fell from the clouds.” The woman being appealed to, denied the assertion of her husband.

  The walee being now convinced that the man was crazy, released his wife, and sent the husband to the madhouse; where he remained some days, till the wife, pitying his condition, contrived to get him released by the following stratagem. She visited her husband, and desired him when any one inquired of him if he had seen it rain flesh and fish, to answer, “No: who ever saw it rain any thing but water?” She then informed the keeper that he was come to his senses, and desired him to put the question. On his answering properly he was released.

  The fisherman had not long been in the service of the sultan, when walking one day near the house of a principal merchant, his daughter chanced to look through a window, and the buffoon was so struck with her beauty that he became devoted to love. Daily did he repair to the same spot for weeks together in hopes of once seeing her, but in vain; for she did not again appear at the window. At length, his passion had such an effect upon him that he fell sick, kept his bed, and began to rave, exclaiming, “Ah! what charming eyes, what a beautiful complexion, what a graceful stature has my beloved!” In this situation he was attended by an old woman, who, compassionating his case, desired him to reveal the cause of his uneasiness.

  “My dear mother,” replied he, “I thank thee for thy kindness; but unless thou canst assist me I must soon die.” He then related what he had seen, and described to her the house of the merchant. When she said, “Son, be of good cheer; for no one could so readily have assisted thee in this dilemma as myself. Have patience, and I will speedily return with intelligence of thy beloved.” Having spoken thus, s
he departed, and upon reaching her own house disguised herself as a devotee. Throwing over her shoulders a coarse woollen gown, holding in one hand a long string of beads, in the other a walking staff, she proceeded to the merchant’s house, at the gate of which she cried, “God is God, there is no God but God; may his holy name be praised, and may God be with you,” in a most devout tone.

  The merchant’s daughter, on hearing this devout ejaculation, came to the door, saluted the old woman with great respect, and said, “Dear mother, pray for me:” when she exclaimed, “May Allah protect thee, my beloved child, from all injury!” The young lady then introduced her into the house, seated her in the most honourable place, and with her mother sat down by her. They conversed on religious subjects till noon, when the old woman called for water, performed her ablutions, and recited prayers of an unusual length: upon which the mother and daughter remarked to one another that the aged matron must certainly be a most religious character. When prayers were ended, they set a collation before her; but she declined partaking, saying, “I am to day observing a fast.” This increased their respect and admiration of her sanctity, so that they requested her to remain with them till sunset, and break her fast with them, to which she consented. At sunset she prayed again, after which she ate a little, and then uttered many pious exhortations. In short, the mother and daughter were so pleased with her, that they invited her to stay all night. In the morning, she rose early, made her ablutions, prayed for a considerable time, and concluded with a blessing upon her entertainers in learned words, which they could not understand. When she rose up, they supported her by the arms respectfully, and entreated her longer stay; but she declined it, and having taken leave, departed; promising, however, with the permission of Allah, to make them soon another visit.