One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  So he ran on and Ali after him, till they came to the place, when the boy caught up a pebble and kicked it against the door. Ali laid hold of him and would have taken the dinar from him, but could not; so he said to him, ‘Go: thou deservest liberality, for thou art a sharp fellow, whole of wit and stout. God willing, if I become captain to the Khalif, I will make thee one of my lads.’ Then the boy made off and Ali went up to the door and knocked; whereupon quoth Ahmed ed Denef to the doorkeeper, ‘Open the door; that is the knock of Quicksilver Ali.’ So he opened the door and Ali entered and saluted Ahmed, who embraced him, and the forty saluted him. And Ahmed gave him a suit of clothes, saying, ‘When the Khalif made me captain, he clothed my lads and I kept this suit for thee.’ Then they seated him in the place of honour and setting on meat and drink, ate and drank and made merry till the morning, when Ahmed said to Ali, ‘Look thou walk not about Baghdad, but abide here.’ ‘Why so?’ asked All. ‘I came not hither to be shut up, but to look about me and divert myself’ ‘O my son,’ rejoined Ahmed, ‘think not that Baghdad is like Cairo. Baghdad is the seat of the Khalifate: sharpers abound in it and rogueries spring in it as plants spring in the earth.’ So Ali abode in the barrack three days, at the end of which time Ahmed said to him, ‘I wish to present thee to the Khalif; that he may assign thee an allowance.’ But he answered, saying, ‘When the time comes.’ So he let him go his own way.

  One day, as Ali sat in the barrack, his breast became straitened and his soul troubled and he said to himself, ‘Come, let us walk awhile in Baghdad and lighten my heart.’ So he went out and walked from street to street, till he came to the bazaar, where he entered a cookshop and ate the morning-meal; after which he went out to wash his hands. Presently, he saw forty slaves, with bonnets of felt and cutlasses of steel, come walking, two by two; and last of all came Delileh the Crafty, riding on a mule and clad in a coat of mail, with a gilded helmet on her head. Now she was returning from the Divan to the khan of which she was portress; and when she espied Ali, she looked at him fixedly and saw that he resembled Ahmed ed Denef in height and breadth. Moreover, he was clad in a striped cloak and a burnouse, with a steel cutlass by his side, and valour shone from his eyes, testifying for him and not against him. So she returned to the khan and going in to her daughter, fetched a table of sand, which she levelled and drew a geomantic figure, by which she discovered that the stranger’s name was Ali of Cairo and that his fortune overrode her own and that of her daughter. ‘O my mother,’ said Zeyneb, ‘what has befallen thee, that thou hast recourse to the table of sand?’ ‘O my daughter,’ answered Delileh, ‘I have seen this day a young man who resembles Ahmed ed Denef, and I fear lest he come to hear how thou didst strip Ahmed and his men and enter the khan and play us a trick, in revenge for what we did with his chief and the forty; for methinks he hath taken up his lodging with Ed Denef.’ ‘What is this?’ rejoined Zeyneb. ‘Methinks thou bast taken his measure.’

  Then she donned her finest clothes and went out into the town. When the people saw her, they all made love to her and she promised and retracted and listened and coquetted and passed from market to market, till she saw Ali coming, when she went up to him and rubbed her shoulder against him. Then she turned and said, ‘God preserve folk of discrimination!’ Quoth he, ‘How goodly is thy fashion! To whom dost thou belong?’ ‘To the gallant like thee,’ answered she; and he said, ‘Art thou married or single?’ ‘Married,’ replied she. ‘Shall it be in my lodging or thine?’ asked Ali, and she said, ‘I am a merchant’s daughter and a merchant’s wife and in all my life I have never been out of doors till to-day, when I made ready food and thought to eat, but found I had no mind thereto [without company]. When I saw thee, love of thee entered my heart: so wilt thou solace my soul and eat a mouthful with me?’ Quoth he, ‘Whoso is invited, let him accept.’ So she went on and he followed her from street to street: but presently he bethought himself and said, ‘What wilt thou do and thou a stranger? Verily it is said, “Whoso doth whoredom in his strangerhood, God will send him back disappointed.” But I will put her off with fair words.’ So he said to her, ‘Take this dinar and appoint me a day other than this.’ ‘By the Mighty Name,’ answered she, ‘it may not be but thou shalt go home with me this very day and I will take thee to friend.’

  So he followed her till she came to a house with a lofty porch and a padlock on the door and said to him, ‘Open this lock.’ ‘Where is the key?’ asked he. And she answered, ‘It is lost.’ Quoth he, ‘He who opens a lock without a key is a knave, whom it behoves the judge to punish, and I know not how to open doors without keys.’ With this she raised her veil and showed him her face, at which he took one look that cost him a thousand sighs. Then she let fall her veil on the lock and repeating over it the names of the mother of Moses, opened it without a key and entered. He followed her and saw swords and armour of steel hanging up; and she put off her veil and sat down with him. Quoth he to himself, ‘[Needs must thou] accomplish what God hath decreed to thee,’ and bent to her, to take a kiss of her cheek; but she covered it with her hand, saying, ‘This beseemeth not but by night.’ Then she brought a tray of food and wine, and they ate and drank; after which she rose and drawing water from the well, poured from the ewer over his bands, whilst he washed them.

  Presently, she cried out and beat upon her breast, saying, ‘My husband had a signet ring of ruby, which was pledged to him for five hundred dinars, and I put it on ; but it was too large for me, so I straitened it with wax, and when I let down the bucket into the water, the ring [must have] dropped into the well. So turn thy face to the door, whilst I put off my clothes and go down into the well and fetch it.’ Quoth Ali, ‘It were shame on me that thou shouldst go down into the well, whilst I am present; none shall do it but I.’ So saying, he put off his clothes and tied the rope about himself and she let him down into the well. Now there was much water therein and she said to him, ‘The rope is too short; loose thyself and drop down.’ So he did himself loose from the rope and dropped into the water, in which he sank fathoms deep, without touching the bottom of the well; wlilst she veiled herself and taking his clothes, returned to her mother, to whom said she, ‘I have stripped Ali the Egyptian and cast him into the Amir Hassan’s well, from which there is no chance of his escaping.’

  Presently, the Amir Hassan, the master of the house, who had been absent at the Divan, came home and finding the door open, said to his groom, ‘Why didst thou not lock the door?’ ‘O my lord,’ answered the groom, ‘indeed I locked it with my own hand.’ Quoth the Amir, ‘As my head liveth, some thief hath entered my house!’ Then he went in and searched right and left, but found none and said to the groom, ‘Fill the ewer, that I may make the ablution.’ So the man lowered the bucket into the well; but, when he drew it up, he found it heavy and looking down, saw one sitting therein; whereupon he let it fall into the water and cried out, saying, ‘O my lord, an Afrit came up to me out of the well!’ Quoth the Amir, ‘Go and fetch four doctors of the law, that they may read the Koran over him, till he go away.’ So he fetched the doctors and the Amir said to them, ‘Sit round the well and exorcise me this Afrit.’ They did as he bade them; after which the groom and another servant lowered the bucket again and Ali clung to it and hid himself under it, till he came near the top, when he sprang out and landed among the doctors, who fell a-cuffing each other and crying out, ‘Afrit! Afrit!’

  The Amir looked at Ali and seeing him a young man, said to him, ‘Art thou a thief?’ ‘No,’ answered Ali. ‘Then what dost thou in the well?’ asked the Amir; and Ali said, ‘I was asleep and dreamt a dream of dalliance; so I went down to the Tigris to wash myself and dived, whereupon the current carried me under the earth and I came up in this well.’ ‘Tell the truth,’ said the Amir. So Ali told him all that had befallen him, and the Amir gave him an old gown and let him go. He returned to Ahmed ed Denef’s lodging and told him all that had passed. Quoth Ahmed, ‘Did I not tell thee that Baghdad is full of women who play tricks upon men?’ And Ali Ki
tf el Jemel said, ‘I conjure thee by the Mighty Name, tell me how it is that thou art the chief of the lads of Cairo and yet hast been stripped by a girl?’ This was grievous to Ali and he repented him of not having followed Ahmed’s advice.

  Then Ed Denef gave him another suit of clothes and Hassan Shouman said to him, ‘Dost thou know the girl?’ ‘No,’ answered Ali; and Hassan said, ‘It was Zeyneb, the daughter of Delileh the Crafty, the portress of the Khalif’s khan and hast thou fallen into her toils, O Ali?’ ‘Yes,’ replied he; and Hassan said, ‘O Ali, it was she who took thy chief’s clothes and those of all his men.’ Quoth Ali, ‘This is a disgrace to you all.’ Then said Hassan, ‘And what thinkest thou to do?’ And he answered, ‘I purpose to marry her.’ ‘Put away that thought from thee,’ rejoined the other, ‘and console thy heart of her.’ Quoth Ali, ‘O Hassan, do thou counsel me how I shall do to marry her.’ ‘With all my heart,’ replied his comrade. ‘If thou wilt drink from my hand and march under my banner, I will bring thee to thy will of her.’ And Ali answered, saying, ‘I will well.’

  So Hassan made him put off his clothes and taking a saucepan, heated therein somewhat as it were pitch, with which he anointed him, and he became like unto a black slave. Moreover, he anointed his lips and smeared his eyes with red kohL Then he clad him in a slave’s habit and giving him a tray of kabobs and wine, said to him, ‘There is a black cook in the khan, and thou art now become his like; so go thou to him and accost him in friendly fashion and speak to him in the blacks’ lingo, saying, “It is long since we foregathered in the beer-shop.” He will answer thee, “I have been too busy for this; for I have on my hands forty slaves, for whom I cook the morning and the evening meals, besides making ready a tray for Delileh and the like for her daughter Zeyneb and the dogs’ food.” And do thou say to him, “Come, let us eat kabobs and drink wine.” Then go in with him into the saloon and make him drunk and question him of his service, how many and what dishes he has to cook, and ask him of the dogs’ food and the keys of the kitchen and the larder; and he will tell thee, for a man, when he is drunk, tells all that he would conceal, were he sober. [When thou hast learned all this of him,] drug him and don his clothes and sticking the two knives in thy girdle, take the vegetable-basket and go to the market and buy meat and greens, with which do thou return to the khan and enter the kitchen and the larder and cook the food. Dish it up and put henbane in it, so as to drug the dogs and the slaves and Delileh and Zeyneb. Then serve up and when they are all asleep, go up into the upper chamber and bring away all the clothes thou wilt find hanging there. And if thou have a mind to marry Zeyneb, bring also the forty carrier-pigeons.’

  So Ali went to the khan and going in to the cook, saluted him and said, ‘It is long since I have foregathered with thee in the beer-shop.’ Quoth the cook, ‘I have been busy cooking for the slaves and the dogs.’ Then he took him and making him drunk, questioned him of his duties. Said the cook, ‘Every day I cook five dishes for the morning and the like for the evening meal; and yesterday they sought of me a sixth dish, rice dressed with honey and saffron, and a seventh, a mass of cooked pomegranate-seed.’ ‘And what is the order of thy service?’ asked Ali. ‘First,’ answered the cook, ‘I serve up Zeyneb’s tray, then that of Delileh; then I serve the slaves and give the dogs their sufficiency of meat, and the least that satisfies them is a pound each.’ But, as fate would have it, he forgot to ask him of the keys. Then he drugged him and donned his clothes; after which he took the basket and went to the market. There he bought meat and greens and returning to the khan, with the two knives stuck in his girdle, saw Delileh seated at the gate, watching those that went in and out, and the forty slaves with her, armed.

  He took courage and entered; but Delileh knew him and said to him,’Back, O captain of thieves! Wilt thou play a trick on me in the khan?’ When he heard this, he turned and said to her, ‘What sayst thou, O portress?’ ‘What hast thou done with the cook?’ asked she. ‘What cook?’ answered he. ‘Is there here another cook than I?’ ‘Thou liest,’ rejoined she; ‘thou art Quicksilver Ali the Cairene.’ And he said to her, in slaves’ lingo, ‘O portress, are Cairenes black or white? I have always been a servant.’ Then said the slaves to him, ‘What is the matter, cousin?’ Quoth Delileh, ‘This is none of your cousin, but Quicksilver Ali the Egyptian; and meseems he hath either killed your cousin or drugged him.’ But they said, ‘Indeed this is our cousin, Saadullah the cook.’ ‘Not so,’ answered she; ‘it is Quicksilver Ali, and he hath dyed his skin.’ Quoth the sharper, ‘And who is Ali? I am Saadullah.’ Then she fetched ointment of proof, with which she anointed Ali’s forearm and rubbed it; but the black did not come off; whereupon quoth the slaves, ‘Let him go and dress us the morning meal.’ ‘If he be indeed your cousin,’ said Delileh, ‘he knows what you sought of him yesternight and how many dishes he cooks every day.’ So they asked him of this and he said, ‘Every day I cook you five dishes for the morning and the like for the evening meal, lentils and rice and broth and fricassee and sherbet of roses, and [yesternight ye sought of me] a sixth dish and a seventh, to wit, rice dressed with honey and saffron and cooked pomegranate-seed.’ And the slaves said, ‘Right.’ Then said Delileh, ‘Take him in, and if he knows the kitchen and the larder, he is indeed your cousin; but, if not, kill him.’

  Now the cook had a cat, which he had brought up, and whenever he entered, it would stand at the door of the kitchen and spring on his shoulders, as soon as he went in. So, when Ali entered, the cat saw him and jumped on his shoulders; but he threw it off and it ran before him to the door of the kitchen and stopped there. He guessed that this was the kitchen-door; so he took the keys and seeing one with traces of feathers thereon, knew it for the key of the kitchen and opened the door therewith. Then he entered and setting down the greens, went out again, guided by the cat, which ran before him and stopped at another door. He guessed that this was the larder and seeing one of the keys with marks of grease thereon, knew it for the key and opened the door therewith; whereupon quoth the slaves, ‘O Delileh, were he a stranger, he had not known the kitchen and the larder, nor had he been able to distinguish the keys thereof from the rest; verily, he is our cousin Saadullah.’ Quoth she, ‘He knew the places by the cat and distinguished the keys, one from the other, by their appearance: but this imposeth not upon me.’ Then he returned to the kitchen, where he cooked the morning-meal and carrying Zeyneb’s tray up to her apartment, saw all the stolen clothes hanging up; after which he went down and carried Delileh her tray and gave the slaves and the dogs their ration. The like he did at sundown and drugged Delileh’s food and that of Zeyneb and the slaves.

  Now the doors of the khan were opened and shut with the sun: so he went forth and cried out, saying, ‘O dwellers in the khan, the watch is set and we have loosed the dogs; so whoso stirs out after this hath but himself to blame.’ Now he had delayed the dogs’ supper and put poison therein; so, when he set it before them, they ate of it and died. Then he went up and took all the clothes and the carrier-pigeons and opening the gate, made off to the barrack of the Forty, where he found Hassan Shouman, who asked him how he had fared. So he told him what had passed and he praised him. Then he caused him put off his clothes and made a decoction of herbs, with which he washed him, and his skin became white as before; after which he donned his own clothes and going back to the khan, clad the cook in the clothes he had taken from him and made him smell to the counter-drug: whereupon he awoke and going forth to the greengrocer’s, bought vegetables and returned to the khan.

  When the day broke, one of the lodgers in the khan came out of his chamber and seeing the gate open and the slaves drugged and the dogs dead, went in to Delileh, whom he found lying drugged, with a scroll on her neck and at her head a sponge steeped in the counter-drug. He set the sponge to her nostrils and she awoke and said, ‘Where am I?’ Quoth he, ‘When I came down from my chamber, I saw the gate of the khan open and the dogs dead and found the slaves and thee drugged.’ So she took up the scroll and re
ad therein these words, ‘None did this thing save Ali the Egyptian.’ Then she awoke the slaves and Zeyneb by making them smell to the counter-drug and said to them, ‘Did I not tell you that this was Ali of Cairo? But do ye conceal the matter.’ Then she said to her daughter, ‘How often have I told thee that Ali would not forego his revenge? He hath done this in requital of that which thou didst with him and he bad it in his power to do with thee other than this; but he refrained therefrom out of courtesy and a desire that there should be friendship between us.’ So saying, she put off her man’s clothes and donned woman’s attire and tying the kerchief [of truce] about her neck, repaired to Ahmed ed Denef’s lodging.