One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Then he stole up behind the Jew, with his drawn sword in his hand; but the other turned and conjured, saying to his hand, ‘Hold with the sword;’ whereupon Ali’s right arm was arrested and abode half-way in the air, holding the sword. He put out his left hand to the weapon, but it also abode fixed in the air, and so with his right foot, leaving him standing on one foot. Then the Jew dispelled the charm from him and Ali became as before. Then Azariah levelled a table of sand and drew a geomantic figure, by which he found that the intruder’s name was Quicksilver Ali of Cairo; so he turned to him and said, ‘Who art thou and what dost thou here?’ ‘I am Ali of Cairo,’ answered the sharper, ‘of the band of Ahmed ed Denef. I sought the hand of Zeyneb, daughter of Delileh the Crafty, and she demanded thy daughter’s robe to her dowry; give it to me and become a Muslim, if thou wouldst save thy life.’ ‘After thy death,’ answered the Jew. ‘Many have gone about to steal the robe, but could not avail thereto; so, if thou wilt take good advice, thou wilt begone and save thyself; for they only seek the robe of thee, that thou mayst fall into destruction; and indeed, had I not found by geomancy that thy fortune overritdeth my own, I had cut off thy head.’

  Ali rejoiced to hear that his luck overrode that of the Jew and said to him, ‘There is no help for it but I must have the robe and thou must become a true believer.’ ‘Is this thy last word?’ asked the Jew, and Ali answered, ‘Yes.’ So the Jew took a cup and filling it with water, conjured over it and said to Ali, ‘Quit this shape of a man for that of an ass.’ Then he sprinkled him with the water and straightway he became an ass, with hoofs and long ears, and fell to braying after the manner of asses. The Jew drew a circle round him, which became a wall against him, and drank on till the morning, when he said to Ali, ‘I will ride thee to-day and give the mule a rest.’ So he locked up the robe and tray and rod in a cupboard and conjured over Ali, who followed him. Then he laid the saddle-bags on his back and mounting, rode forth of the palace, whereupon it disappeared and he rode into Baghdad, till he came to his shop, where he alighted and emptied the bags of gold and silver into the trays before him. As for Ali, he tied him up by the shop-door, where he stood, hearing and understanding all that passed, without being able to speak.

  Presently, up came a young merchant with whom fortune had played the tyrant and who could find no easier way of earning his livelihood than water-carrying. So he brought his wife’s bracelets to the Jew and said to him, ‘Give me the worth of these bracelets, that I may buy me an ass.’ ‘What wilt thou do with him?’ asked the Jew, and the other answered, ‘I mean to fetch water from the river on his back, and earn my living thereby.’ Quoth the Jew, ‘Take this ass of mine.’ So he sold him the bracelets and received Ali of Cairo in part payment, in the shape of an ass, and carried him home. Quoth Ali in himself, ‘If the ass-man clap the pannel on me and load me with water-skins and go half a score journeys a day with me, he will ruin my health and I shall die.’ So, when the water-carrier’s wife came to bring him his fodder, he butted her with his head and she fell on her back; whereupon he sprang on her and smiting her head with his mouth, put out that which his father left him. She cried out and the neighbours came to her assistance and beat him and drove him off her breast. When her husband came home, she said to him, ‘Either divorce me or return the ass to [his former] owner.’ ‘What has happened?’ asked he; and she answered, saying, ‘This is a devil in the guise of an ass. He sprang upon me, and had not the neighbours beaten him off me, he had done a foul thing with me.’

  So he carried the ass back to the Jew, who said to him, ‘Why hast thou brought him back?’ and he replied, ‘He did a foul thing with my wife.’ So the Jew gave him his money again and he went away; and Azariah said to Ali, ‘Unlucky wretch that thou art, hast thou recourse to knavery to cause him return thee to me? But since it pleases thee to be an ass, I will make thee a laughing-stock to great and small.’ Then he mounted him and rode till he came without the city, when he brought out the powder and conjuring over it, cast it abroad in the air, and immediately the palace appeared. He entered and taking the saddle-bags off the ass, set up the rod and dish and hung out the robe, proclaiming aloud as of his wont. Then he conjured, and meat and wine appeared before him and he ate and drank; after which he took a cup of water and pronouncing certain words thereover, sprinkled it on Ali, saying, ‘Quit this shape and return to thy former one.’ Ali straightway became a man again and Azariah said to him, ‘O Ali, take good advice and be content with [what thou hast felt of] my mischief. Thou hast no call to marry Zeyneb nor to take my daughter’s robe, for it is no easy matter for thee; so leave covetise and it will be better for thee. Else will I turn thee into a bear or an ape or set an Afrit on thee, who will cast thee behind the Mountain Caf.’ ‘O Azariah,’ answered Ali, ‘I have engaged to take the robe and needs must I have it and thou must become a Muslim; else I will kill thee.’ ‘O Ali,’ rejoined the Jew, ‘thou art like a walnut; unless it be broken, it cannot be eaten.’

  Then he took a cup of water and conjuring over it, sprinkled Ali with it, saying, ‘Take the shape of a bear;’ whereupon he instantly became a bear and the Jew muzzled him and putting a collar about his neck, chained him to a picket of iron. Then he sat down and ate and drank, now and then throwing him a morsel and emptying the dregs of the cup over him, till the morning, when he rose and lay by the tray and the robe and conjured over the bear, which followed him to the shop. There he tied him up by the chain and he abode, hearing and seeing and understanding, but unable to speak, whilst the Jew sat down and emptied the gold and silver into the trays before him. Presently up came a merchant, who accosted the Jew and said to him, ‘Wilt thou sell me yonder bear? I have a wife who is my cousin [and is sick;] and it hath been prescribed to her to eat bears’ flesh and anoint herself with the grease.’ At this the Jew rejoiced and said in himself, ‘I will sell him to this merchant, so he may slaughter him and we be at peace from him,’ And Ali thought in himself, ‘By Allah, this fellow means to slaughter me; but deliverance is with God.’ Then said the Jew, ‘He is a present from me to thee.’ So the merchant took him and carried him to the butcher, to whom he said, ‘Take thy tools and follow me.’ So the butcher took his knives and followed the merchant to his house, where he bound the beast and fell to sharpening his knife; but when he went up to him to kill him, the bear escaped from his hands and rising into the air, disappeared from sight.

  Now the reason of this was on this wise. When the Jew returned to his palace, his daughter questioned him of Ali and he told her what had happened; whereupon, ‘Call a genie,’ said she, ‘and ask him of the youth, whether he be indeed Quicksilver Ali or another who seeketh to put a cheat on thee.’ So Azariah called a genie and questioned him of Ali. And he answered, saying, ‘It is Ali of Cairo himself. The butcher has bound him and whetted his knife to kill him.’ Quoth the Jew, ‘Go, snatch him up and bring him hither, ere the butcher slaughter him.’ So the genie flew off and snatching Ali out of the butcher’s hands, carried him to the palace and set him down before the Jew, who took a cup of water and conjuring over it, sprinkled him therewith, saying, ‘Return to thine own shape.’ And he straightway became a man again as before. The Jew’s daughter Kemer, seeing him to be a handsome young man, fell in love with him and he with her; and she said to him, ‘O unlucky one, why dost thou go about to take my robe and enforce my father deal thus with thee?’ Quoth he, ‘I have engaged to get it for Zeyneb the Trickstress, that I may wed her therewith.’ And she said, ‘Others than thou have gone about with my father to get the robe, but could not compass it: so put away this thought from thee.’ But he answered, saying, ‘Needs must I have it, and thy father must become a Muslim; or I will kill him.’

  Then said the Jew, ‘See, O my daughter, how this unlucky fellow seeks his own destruction. But I will turn him into a dog.’ So he took a cup graven with characters and full of water and conjuring over it, sprinkled Ali therefrom, saying, ‘Take the form of a dog.’ Whereupon he straightway became a dog, and the Je
w and his daughter drank together till the morning, when the former laid up the robe and tray and mounted his mule. Then he conjured over the dog, which followed him, as he rode towards the town, and all the dogs barked at Ali, as he passed, till he came to the shop of a broker, who rose and drove away the dogs, and Ali lay down before him. The Jew turned and looked for him, but finding him not, [rode on].

  Presently, the broker shut up his shop and went home, followed by the dog. When his daughter saw the dog enter the house, she veiled her face and said, ‘O my father, why dost thou bring a strange man in to me?’ ‘O my daughter,’ answered the broker, ‘this is a dog.’ ‘Not so,’ quoth she, ‘it is Ali of Cairo, whom the Jew Azariah hath enchanted.’ And she turned to the dog and said to him, ‘Art thou not Ali of Cairo?’ And he signed to her with his head, as who should say, ‘Yes.’ Then said her father to her, ‘Why did the Jew enchant him?’ And she answered, ‘Because of his daughter Kemer’s robe; but I can release him.’ ‘If thou canst indeed do him this good office,’ said the broker, ‘now is the time.’ Quoth she, ‘If he will marry me, I will release him.’ And he signed to her with his head, as who should say, ‘Yes.’ So she took a cup of water, graven with certain signs and characters, and conjuring over it, [was about to sprinkle Ali therewith,] when she heard a great cry and the cup fell from her hand. She turned and lo, it was her father’s maid, who had cried out; and she said to her, ‘O my mistress, is it thus thou keepest thy covenant between me and thee? None taught thee this fashion but I, and thou didst covenant with me that thou wouldst do nought without consulting me and that he who took thee to wife should marry me also, and that one night should be mine and one thine.’ And the broker’s daughter said, ‘It is well.’

  When the broker heard the maid’s words, he said to his daughter, ‘Who taught the maid?’ And she answered, ‘herself.’ So he asked her and she said, ‘Know, O my lord, that, when I was with Azariah the Jew, I used to spy upon him and listen to him, when he performed his magical operations; and when he went forth to his shop in Baghdad, I opened his books and read in them, till I became skilled in the Cabala. One day, he was warm with wine and would have me lie with him, but I refused, saying, “I may not grant thee this except thou become a Muslim.” He refused and I required him to carry me to the Sultan’s market and sell me there. So he sold me to thee and I taught my young mistress, making it a condition with her that she should do nought, without taking counsel with me, and that whoso married her should marry me also, one night for her and one for me.’ Then she took a cup of water and conjuring over it, sprinkled the dog therewith; saying, ‘Return to the form of a man.’ And he was straightway restored to his former shape; whereupon the broker saluted him and asked him the manner of his enchantment. So Ali told him all that had passed and the broker said to him, ‘Will [not] my daughter and the maid suffice thee?’ But he answered, saying, ‘Needs must I have Zeyneb [also].’

  At this moment there came a knock at the door and the maid said, ‘Who is at the door?’ ‘Kemer, daughter of Azariah the Jew,’ answered the new comer. ‘Is Ali of Cairo with you?’ ‘O Jew’s daughter,’ answered the young lady, ‘if he be with us, what wilt thou with him? Go down, O maid, and open to her.’ So the maid let her in, and when Ali saw her, he said to her, ‘What brings thee hither, O dog’s daughter?’ Quoth she, ‘I testify that there is no god but God and that Mohammed is the Apostle of God. Do men in the faith of Islam give marriage-portions to women or women to men?’ ‘Men endow women,’ answered Ali. ‘Then,’ said she, ‘I come and dower myself for thee, bringing thee, as my marriage-portion, my robe, together with the rod and tray and chains and the head of my father, thine enemy and the enemy of God.’ And she threw down the Jew’s head before him. Now the manner of her killing her father was as follows. On the night of his turning Ali into a dog, she saw, in a dream, one who said to her, ‘Become a Muslim.’ And she did so. Next morning, as soon as she awoke, she expounded Islam to her father, but he refused to embrace the faith; so she drugged him and killed him. As for Ali, he took the gear and giving the broker rendezvous for the morrow at the Divan of the Khalif, that he might take his daughter and the maid to wife, set out, rejoicing, to return to the barrack of the Forty.

  On his way, he met a sweetmeat-seller, who was beating hand upon hand and saying, ‘There is no power and no virtue save in God the Most High, the Supreme! Folk’s labour is become sin and men are active but in fraud!, Then said he to Ali, ‘I conjure thee, by Allah, taste of this marchpane!’ So Ali took a piece and ate it and fell down senseless, for there was henbane therein; whereupon the sweetmeat-seller took the robe and the tray and the rest of the gear and thrusting them into the box in which he kept his sweetmeats, made off. Presently he met a cadi, who called to him, saying, ‘Come hither, O sweetmeat-seller?’ So he went up to him and setting down his sack, laid the tray of sweetmeats thereon and said, ‘What dost thou want?’ ‘Marchpane and sugar-almonds,’ answered the cadi and taking some in his hand, said, ‘These are adulterated.’ Then he brought out sweetmeats from his sleeve and gave them to the sweetmeat-seller, saying, ‘Look at this ware; how excellent it is! Eat it and make the like.’ So he ate and fell down senseless, for the sweet-meats were drugged, whereupon the sham cadi, who was none other than Hassan Shouman, bundled him into the sack and made off with him, tray and chest and all, to the barrack of the Forty. Now the reason of this was as follows. When Ali had been gone some days in quest of the robe and they heard no news of him, Ahmed ed Denef said to his men, ‘O lads, go and seek for your brother Ali.’ So they sallied forth in quest of him and among the rest Hassan Shouman, disguised in a cadi’s habit. He came across the sweetmeat-seller and knowing him for Ahmed el Lekit [Delileh’s grandson,] suspected him of having played some trick upon Ali; so be drugged him and did as we have seen.

  Meanwhile, the other forty went about, making search in different directions, and amongst them Ali Kitf el Jemel, who, seeing a crowd of people, made towards them and found Quicksilver Ali lying drugged and senseless in their midst. So he revived him and he came to himself and said, ‘Where am I?’ ‘We found thee lying here drugged,’ answered El Jemel, ‘but know not who drugged thee.’ Quoth Ali, ‘It was a certain sweetmeat-seller who drugged me and took the gear from me: but where is he gone?’ ‘We have seen nothing of him,’ replied his comrades; ‘but come, rise and go home with us.’ So they returned to the barrack, where they found Ahmed ed Denef, who greeted Ali and enquired if he had brought the robe. Quoth he, ‘I was coming hither with it and the Jew’s head and what not else, when a sweetmeat-seller met me and drugged me and took them ftom me; but, if I come across him again, I will requite him.’

  Presently Hassan Shouman came out of a closet and said to him, ‘O Ali, hast thou gotten the gear?’ So he told him what had befallen him and added, ‘If I knew where to find the knave, I would pay him out.’ ‘Knowest thou whither he went?’ ‘Yes,’ answered Hassan; ‘I know where he is,’ and opening the door of the closet, showed him the sweetmeat-seller within, drugged and senseless. Then he aroused him and he opened his eyes and finding himself in presence of Quicksilver Ali and Ahmed ed Denef and the Forty, started up and said, ‘Where am I and who has laid hands on me?’ ‘It was I laid hands on thee,’ answered Hassan; and Ali said, ‘O perfidious wretch, wilt thou play thy tricks on me?’ And he would have slain him: but Hassan said to him, ‘Hold thy hand, for this fellow is become thy kinsman.’ ‘How so?’ asked Ali; and Hassan said, ‘This is Ahmed el Lekit, Zeyneb’s sister’s son.’

  Then said Ali to the prisoner, ‘Why didst thou thus, O Lekit?’ and he answered, saying, ‘My grandmother, Delileh the Crafty, bade me do it; because Zureic the fishmonger foregathered with her and said, “Quicksilver Ali is a sharper and a past master in craft and knavery, and he will certainly kill the Jew and bring back the robe.” So she sent for me and said to me, “O Ahmed, dost thou know Ali of Cairo?” “Yes,” answered I; “it was I who directed him to Ahmed ed Denef’s lodging, when he first came
to Baghdad.” Quoth she, “Go and set thy snares for him, and if he have brought back the gear, put a cheat on him and take it from him.” So I went round about the city, till I met a sweetmeat-seller and buying his clothes and stock-in-trade and gear for ten dinars, did with thee as thou knowest.’ Quoth All, ‘Go back to thy grandmother and Zureic and tell them that I have brought the gear and the Jew’s head and bid them meet me to-morrow at the Khalif’s Divan, to receive Zeyneb’s dowry.’ And Ahmed ed Denef rejoiced in this and said to Ali, ‘Thou hast not disappointed our pains in rearing thee, O Ali!’

  Next morning, Ali took the robe and tray and the rod and chains of gold, together with the Jew’s head on a pike, and went up, accompanied by Ahmed ed Denef and the Forty, to the Divan, where they kissed the ground before the Khalif, who turned and seeing a youth of the most valiant aspect, enquired of Ahmed ed Denef concerning him. ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ answered Ahmed, ‘this is Quicksilver Ali the Egyptian, captain of the brave boys of Cairo, and he is the first of my lads.’ And the Khalif loved him for the valour that shone from between his eyes, testifying for him and not against him. Then Ali rose and cast the Jew’s head down before him, saying, ‘May all thine enemies be like this one, O Commander of the Faithful!’ Quoth Er Reshid, ‘Whose head is this?’ And Ali answered, ‘It is the head of Azariah the Jew.’ ‘Who slew him?’ asked the Khalif. So Ali related to him all that had passed, from first to last, and the Khalif said, ‘I had not thought thou wouldst kill him, for that he was a sorcerer.’ ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ rejoined Ali, ‘my Lord made me able to his slaughter.’ Then the Khalif sent the chief of the police to the Jew’s palace, where he found him lying headless; so he laid the body on a bier, and carried it to Er Reshid, who commanded to burn it.