One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Cause me not Thou to covet aught that is beyond my reach. How many a man hath failed to win his wish, for all his stress!

  Then he went down to the river and casting his net, waited awhile; after which he drew it up and found therein a fine perch, with a big head, a tale like a ladle and eyes like dinars. When Khelifeh saw this fish, he rejoiced, for he had never in his life caught its like, so he took it, marvelling, and carried it to the ape of Aboussaadat the Jew, as ‘twere he had gotten possession of the whole world. Quoth the ape, ‘O Khelifeh, what wilt thou do with this and with thine ape?’ ‘I will tell thee, O prince of apes,’ answered the fisherman. ‘First, I will cast about to make away with yonder accursed one, my ape, and take thee in his stead and give thee every day to eat of what thou wilt.’ ‘Since thou hast made choice of me,’ rejoined the ape, ‘I will tell thee how thou shalt do, wherein, if it please God the Most High, shall be the mending of thy fortune. Take another cord and tie me also to a tree, where leave me and go to the midst of the dyke and cast thy net into the Tigris. Then draw it up, after waiting awhile, and thou shalt find therein a fish, than which thou never sawest a finer in thy life. Bring it to me and I will tell thee how thou shalt do after this.’

  So he rose forthright and casting his net into the Tigris, drew up a great shad, the bigness of a lamb; never had he set eyes on its like, for it was larger than the first fish. He carried it to the ape, who said to him, ‘Gather some green grass and put half of it in a basket; lay the fish on it and cover it with the other half. Then shoulder the basket and leave us here tied and betake thee to Baghdad. If any bespeak thee or question thee by the way, answer him not, out fare on till thou comest to the market of the money-changers, at the upper end whereof thou wilt find the shop of Master Aboussaadat the Jew, Sheikh of the money-changers, and wilt see him sitting on a divan amiddleward his slaves and servants, black and white, with a cushion behind him and two coffers, one for gold and one for silver, before him.

  Go up to him and set the basket before him, saying, “O Aboussaadat, I went out to-day to fish and cast my net in thy name, and God the Most High sent me this fish.” He will say, “Hast thou shown it to any but me?” And do thou answer, “No, by Allah!” Then will he take it of thee and give thee a dinar. Give it him back and he will give thee two dinars; but do thou return them also and take nothing from him, though he give thee the fish’s weight in gold. Then will he say to thee, “Tell me what thou wouldst have.” And do thou reply, ‘By Allah, I will not sell the fish save for two words!” He will ask, “What are they?” And do thou answer, “Stand up and say, ‘Bear witness, O ye who are present in the market, that I give Khelifeh the fisherman my ape in exchange for his ape and that I barter my lot for his lot and my luck for his luck.’ This is the price of the fish, and I have no need of gold.” If he do this, I will every day give thee good- morrow and good-even, and thou shalt gain ten dinars a day; whilst this one-eyed, lame ape shall daily give the Jew good-morrow, and God shall afflict him every day with an exaction, which he must needs pay, nor will he cease to be thus afflicted till he is reduced to beggary and hath nought. Hearken then to my words; so shalt thou prosper and be guided aright.’

  Quoth Khelifeh, ‘I accept thy counsel, O king of all apes! But, as for this unlucky wretch, may God not bless him! I know not what to do with him.’ ‘Let him go into the water,’ said the ape, ‘and let me go also.’ ‘I hear and obey,’ answered Khelifeh and unbound the [three] apes, which went down into the river. Then he washed the shad and wrapping it in grass, laid it in the basket, and shouldering the latter, set out for Baghdad, chanting the following quatrain:

  Commit thy case to God and thou shalt have security: Do kindness ever, so thou shalt be from repentance free.

  Consort not with suspected folk, lest doubt should fall on thee, And guard thy tongue, reviling not, lest thou reviled be.

  When he came to the city, the people knew him and cried out to him, saying, ‘What hast thou there, O Khelifeh?’ But he paid no heed to them and went on till he came to the money-changers’ bazaar and passing between the shops, found the Jew seated at the upper end, with his servants in attendance upon him, as he were a king of the kings of Khorassan. So he went up to him and stood before him, whereupon Aboussaadat raised his eyes and knowing him, said, ‘Welcome, O Khelifeh! What wantest thou? If any have missaid thee or picked a quarrel with thee, tell me and I will go with thee to the Master of Policed who shall do thee justice on him.’ ‘Nay, as thy head liveth, O chief of the Jews,’ replied Khelifeh, ‘none hath missaid me. But I went forth this morning and casting my net into the Tigris, in thy name, brought up this fish.’

  Therewith he opened the basket and threw the fish before the Jew, who admired it and said, ‘By the Pentateuch and the Ten Commandments, I dreamt last night that the Virgin came to me and said, “Know, O Aboussaadat, that I have sent thee a fine present!” And doubtless it is this fish.’ Then he turned to Khelifeh and said to him, ‘Tell me, on thy faith, hath any seen it but I?’ ‘No, by Allah and by Abou Bekr the Truth-teller,’ answered Khelifeh, ‘none hath seen it but thou, O chief of the Jews!’ Whereupon the Jew turned to one of his servants and said to him, ‘Carry this fish to my house and bid Saadeh dress it and fry and broil it, against I make an end of my business and come home.’ And Khelifeh said, ‘Go, boy; let the master’s wife fry some of it and broil the rest.’ ‘I hear and obey, O my lord,’ answered the boy, and taking the fish, went away with it to the house.

  Then the Jew put out his hand and gave the fisherman a dinar, saying, ‘Take this for thyself, O Khelifeh, and spend it on thy family.’ When Khelifeh saw the dinar in his hand, he took it, saying, ‘Glory to the Lord of Dominion!’ as if he had never seen aught of gold in his life, and went away; but before he had gone far, he bethought him of the ape’s injunction and turning back, threw the dinar to the Jew, saying, ‘Take thy gold and give folk back their fish. Are folk a laughing-stock to thee?’ The Jew thought he was jesting and offered him other two dinars, but he said, ‘Without a joke, give me the fish. How knewst thou I would sell it at this price?’ Whereupon the Jew gave him two more dinars and said, ‘Take these five dinars for thy fish and leave covetise.’ So Khelifeh took the five dinars and went away, rejoicing, looking and marvelling at the gold and saying, ‘Glory be to God! There is not with the Khalif of Baghdad what is with me this day!’

  Thep he went on till he came to the end of the market, when he remembered the ape’s words and returning to the Jew, threw him back the gold. Quoth he, ‘What ails thee, O Khelifeh? Dost thou want change for thy dinars in dirhems?’ ‘I want nor dirhems nor dinars,’ answered the fisherman. ‘I only want thee to give me back folk’s fish.’ With this the Jew was enraged and cried out at him, saying, ‘O fisherman, thou bringest me a fish, that is not worth a dinar, and I give thee five for it; yet art thou not content! Art thou mad? Tell me for how much thou wilt sell it.’ ‘I will not sell it for silver nor gold,’ answered Khelifeh, ‘only for two words that thou shalt say to me.’

  When the Jew heard this, he rolled his eyes and breathed hard and ground his teeth for rage and said to him, ‘O scum of the Muslims, wilt thou have me forswear my faith for the sake of thy fish, and wilt thou debauch me from my religion and my belief that I inherited from my forefathers?’ Then he cried out to his servants, saying, ‘Out on you! Baste me this unlucky rogue’s back and drub him soundly!’ So they fell on him and beat him till he fell downs beneath the shop, and the Jew said to them, ‘Leave him and let him rise.’ Whereupon Khelifeh sprang up, as if nothing ailed him, and the Jew said to him, ‘Tell me what price thou askest for the fish and I will give it thee; for thou hast gotten but scurvy fare of us this day.’ ‘Have no fear for me, O master,’ answered the fisherman, ‘because of the beating; for I can eat ten asses’ allowance of stick.’

  The Jew laughed at his words and said, ‘God on thee, tell me what thou wilt have and by the virtue of my faith, I will give it thee!’ Quoth the fisherman, ‘I will take no
thing of thee save the two words I spoke of.’ And the Jew said, ‘Meseemeth thou wouldst have me become a Muslim.’ ‘By Allah, O Jew,’ replied Khelifeh, ‘if thou become a Muslim, it will neither advantage the Muslims nor hurt the Jews; and in like manner, if thou hold to thy heresy, it will neither damage the Muslims nor profit the Jews. But what I desire of thee is that thou rise to thy feet and say, “Bear witness against me, O people of the market, that I barter my ape for that of Khelifeh the fisherman and my lot in the world for his lot and my luck for his luck.”’ ‘If that be all thou desirest,’ said the Jew, ‘it is lightly done.’ So he rose forthright and standing on his feet, repeated the required words; after which he turned to the fisherman and said to him, ‘Hast thou aught else to ask of me?’ ‘No,’ answered he, and the Jew said, ‘Go in peace.’

  So Khelifeh took up his net and basket and returned straight to the Tigris, where he threw his net and pulled it in. He found it heavy and brought it not ashore but with difficulty, when he found it full of fish of all kinds. Presently, up came a woman with a dish, who gave him a dinar, and he gave her fish for it; and after her an eunuch, who also bought a dinar’s worth of fish, and another and another, till he had sold ten dinars’ worth. And he continued to sell ten dinars’ worth of fish daily for ten days, till he had gotten a hundred dinars.

  Now he dwelt in the Passage of the Merchants, and as he lay one night in his lodging, [drunken with hashish,] he said to himself, ‘O Khelifeh, the folk all know thee for a poor fisherman, and now thou hast gotten a hundred dinars. The Commander of the Faithful will assuredly hear of this from some one, and mayhap he will be in need of money and will send for thee and say to thee, “I have occasion for a sum of money and I have been told that thou hast a hundred dinars: so do thou lend them to me.” “O Commander of the Faithful,” shall I answer, “I am a poor man, and whoever told thee that I had a hundred dinars lied against me; for I have nought of this.” Thereupon he will commit me to the chief of the police, saying, “Strip him of his clothes and torment him with beating, till he confesses and gives up the hundred dinars in his possession.” Wherefore meseems the best thing I can do, to provide against this predicament is to rise forthright and baste myself with the whip, so to use myself to beating.’ And the fumes of the hashish [he had eaten] said to him, ‘Rise, put off thy clothes.’

  So he arose and putting off his clothes, proceeded to belabour himself with a whip, laying every other blow upon a leathern pillow he had by him and roaring out the while, ‘Alas! Alas! By Allah, O my lord, it is a false saying and they have lied against me; for I am a poor fisherman and have nought of the goods of the world!’ The noise of the blows falling on the cushion and on his body resounded in the night and the folk heard it, and amongst others the merchants, and said, ‘What can ail yonder poor fellow, that he crieth and we hear the noise of blows falling on him? It would seem robbers have broken in upon him and are tormenting him.’ So they all came forth of their lodgings, at the noise of the blows and the crying, and repaired to Khelifeh’s door, but found it locked and said to each other, ‘Belike the robbers have come in upon him from the back of the [adjoining] saloon. It behoves us to climb over by the roofs.’

  So they climbed over the roofs and coming down through the ventilator, saw him naked and flogging himself and said to him, ‘What ails thee, O Khelifeh?’ ‘Know, O folk,’ answered he, ‘that I have gotten some dinars and fear lest my case be reported to the Commander of the Faithful and he send for me and demand them of me; whereupon I should deny, and I fear that, if I deny, he will torture me: so I am torturing myself, by way of using myself to what may come.’ The merchants laughed at him and said, ‘Leave this foolery, may God not bless thee and the dinars thou hast gotten! For thou hast disturbed us this night and troubled our hearts.’

  So Khelifeh left flogging himself and slept till the morning, when he arose and would have gone about his business, but bethought him of his hundred dinars and laid in himself, ‘If I leave them at home, thieves will steal them, and if I put them in a belt about my waist, belike some one will see me and lay in wait for me in some lonely place and slay me and take the money from me: but I have a device that should serve me right well.’ So he made him a pocket in the collar of his gown and tying the hundred dinars up in a purse, laid them therein. Then he took his net and basket and staff and went down to the Tigris, where he cast his net, but brought up nothing. So he removed to another place and cast again, but still the net came up empty; and he went on removing from place to place and casting the net without better success, till he had gone half a day’s journey from the city. So he said in himself ‘By Allah, I will cast but this once more, whatever come of it!’

  Then he cast the net with all his forte, of the excess of his vexation, and the purse flew out of his pocket and lighting in the middle of the stream, was carried away by the current; whereupon he threw down the net and pulling off his clothes, left them on the bank and plunged into the water after the purse. He dived for it nigh a hundred times, without chancing on it, till his strength was exhausted and he came up for sheer fatigue. When he despaired of finding the purse, he returned to the shore, where he saw nothing but his net and basket and staff and sought for his clothes, but could light on no trace of them: so he said to himself, ‘O vilest of those whereon was made the byword, “The pilgrimage is not perfected but by swiving the camel!”’ Then he wrapped the net about him and taking the staff in one hand and the basket in the other, went trotting about like a camel in heat, running right and left and backward and forward, dishevelled and covered with dust, as he were a refractory Afrit let loose from Solomon’s prison.

  Now the Khalif Haroun er Reshid had a friend, a jeweller called Ibn el Kirnas, and all the merchants and brokers and middle-men and other the folk knew him for the Khalif’s merchant, wherefore there was nought sold in Baghdad, by way of rarities and things of price or slaves, male or female, but was first shown to him. As he sat one day in his shop, there came up to him the chief of the brokers, with a slave-girl, whose like eyes never saw, for she was of the utmost beauty and grace and symmetry, and among her excellences was that she knew all arts and sciences and could make verses and play upon all manner of instruments of music. So he bought her for five thousand dinars and clothed her with other thousand; after which he carried her to the Khalif, with whom she lay the night and who made trial of her in every kind of knowledge and accomplishment and found her versed in all manner arts and sciences, having no equal in her time. Her name was Cout el Culoub and she was even as saith the poet:

  I gaze on her, when she unveils, again and yet again: In her refusal of herself to sight are woes and bane.

  She doth the slender-necked gazelle resemble, when she turns; And to gazelles, ’tis said, doth grace of movement appertain.

  And what is this beside the saying of another?

  Give me brunettes; the Syrian spears, so limber and so straight, Tell of the slender dusky maids, so lithe and proud of gait.

  Languid of eyelids, with a down like silk upon her cheek, Within her wasting lover’s heart she queens it still in state.

  On the morrow, the Khalif sent for Ibn el Kirnas and ordered him ten thousand dinars to her price. And his heart was taken up with her and he forsook the princess Zubeideh bint el Casim, for all she was his father’s brother’s daughter, and all his favourites and abode a whole month without stirring from Cout el Culoub’s side, save to go to the Friday prayers and return to her in haste. This was grievous to the grandees of the realm and they made their complaint thereof to the Vizier Jaafer the Barmecide, who waited till the next Friday, when he entered the congregational mosque and foregathering with the Khalif, related to him all that occurred to him of extraordinary stories concerning love, with intent to draw out what was in his mind. ‘By Allah, O Jaafer,’ said Haroun, ‘this is not of my choice; but my heart is caught in the snare of love and I know not what is to be done!’ ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ replied Jaafer, ‘this girl Cout el Culoub
is become at thy disposal and of the number of thy servants, and that which the hand possesseth the soul coveteth not. Moreover, I will tell thee another thing and it is that the greatest glory of kings and princes is in hunting and the pursuit of sport and victory; and if thou apply thyself to this, belike it will divert thee from her, and it may be thou wilt forget her.’ ‘Thou sayest well, O Jaafer,’ rejoined the Khalif. ‘Come, let us go a-hunting forthright.’

  Accordingly, as soon as the Friday prayers were over, they left the mosque and mounting their mules, rode forth to the chase. They fared on into the open country, engaged in talk, and their attendants outwent them. Presently the heat became oppressive and the Khalif said to his vizier, ‘O Jaafer, I am sore athirst.’ Then he looked round and espying a figure in the distance on a high mound, said to Jaafer, ‘Seest thou what I see?’ ‘Yes, O Commander of the Faithful,’ answered the vizier; ‘I see a dim figure on a high mound; belike he is the keeper of a garden or of a cucumber-plot, and in either case, water will not be lacking in his neighbourhood. I will go to him and fetch thee some.’ But Er Reshid said, ‘My mule is swifter than thine; so do thou abide here, on account of the troops, whilst I go myself to him and get of him drink and return.’

  So saying, he spurred his mule, which started off like fleeting wind or lapsing water and brought him, in the twinkling of an eye, to the mound, when he found the figure he had seen to be none other than Khelifeh the fisherman, naked and wrapped in the net; and indeed he was horrible to look upon, as he swayed to and fro, with eyes like flaming cressets for very redness and dishevelled hair, covered with dust, as he were an Afrit or a lion. The Khalif saluted him and he returned his salutation; and he was angry and fires might have been kindled at his breath. Quoth Er Reshid, ‘O man, hast thou any water?’ And Khelifeh answered, ‘O fellow, art thou blind or mad? Get thee to the river Tigris, for it is behind this mound.’