One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Then he thrust his feet into boots and girt him with a sword and a girdle and bound about his middle a quiver and a bow and arrows. Moreover, he put money in his pocket and thrust into his sleeve letters-patent addressed to the governor of Ispahan, bidding him assign to Rustem Khemartekeni a monthly allowance of a hundred dirhems and ten pounds of bread and five pounds of meat and enrol him among the Turks under his commandment. Then he took him up and carrying him forth, left him in one of the mosques.

  The fuller gave not over sleeping till sunrise, when he awoke and finding himself in this plight, misdoubted of his affair and imagined that he was a Turk and abode putting one foot forward and drawing the other back. Then said he in himself, ‘I will go to my dwelling, and if my wife know me, then am I Ahmed the fuller; but, if she know me not, I am a Turk.’ So he betook himself to his house; but when the artful baggage his wife saw him, she cried out in his face, saying, ‘Whither away, O trooper? Wilt thou break into the house of Ahmed the fuller, and he a man of repute, having a brother-in-law a Turk, a man of high standing with the Sultan? An thou depart not, I will acquaint my husband and he will requite thee thy deed.’

  When he heard her words, the dregs of the drunkenness wrought in him and he imagined that he was indeed a Turk. So he went out from her and putting his hand to his sleeve, found therein a scroll and gave it to one who read it to him. When he heard that which was written in the scroll, his mind was confirmed in the false supposition; but he said in himself, ‘Maybe my wife seeketh to put a cheat on me; so I will go to my fellows the fullers; and if they know me not, then am I for sure Khemartekeni the Turk.’ So he betook himself to the fullers and when they espied him afar off, they thought that he was one of the Turks, who used to wash their clothes with them without payment and give them nothing.

  Now they had complained of them aforetime to the Sultan, and he said, ‘If any of the Turks come to you, pelt them with stones.’ So, when they saw the fuller, they fell upon him with sticks and stones and pelted him; whereupon quoth he [in himself], ‘Verily, I am a Turk and knew it not.’ Then he took of the money in his pocket and bought him victual [for the journey] and hired a hackney and set out for Ispahan, leaving his wife to the trooper. Nor,” added the vizier, “is this more extraordinary than the story of the merchant and the old woman and the king.”

  The vizier’s story pleased King Shah Bekht and his heart clave to the story of the merchant and the old woman; so he bade Er Rehwan withdraw to his lodging, and he went away to his house and abode there the next day.John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Eight Night of the Month.

  When the evening evened, the king sat in his privy chamber and bade fetch the vizier, who presented himself before him, and the king required of him the promised story. So the vizier answered, “With all my heart. Know, O king, that

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  STORY OF THE OLD WOMAN, THE MERCHANT AND THE KING.

  There was once in a city of Khorassan a family of affluence and distinction, and the townsfolk used to envy them for that which God had vouchsafed them. As time went on, their fortune ceased from them and they passed away, till there remained of them but one old woman. When she grew feeble and decrepit, the townsfolk succoured her not with aught, but put her forth of the city, saying, ‘This old woman shall not harbour with us, for that we do her kindness and she requiteth us with evil.’ So she took shelter in a ruined place and strangers used to bestow alms upon her, and on this wise she abode a while of time.

  Now the uncle’s son of the king of the city had aforetime disputed [the kingship] with him, and the people misliked the king; but God the Most High decreed that he should get the better of his cousin. However, jealousy of him abode in his heart and he acquainted the vizier, who hid it not and sent [him] money. Moreover, he fell to summoning [all strangers who came to the town], man after man, and questioning them of their faith and their worldly estate, and whoso answered him not [to his liking], he took his good. Now a certain wealthy man of the Muslims was on a journey and it befell that he arrived at that city by night, unknowing what was to do, and coming to the ruin aforesaid, gave the old woman money and said to her, ‘No harm upon thee.’ Whereupon she lifted up her voice and prayed [for him], He set down his merchandise by her [and abode with her] the rest of the night and the next day.

  Now thieves had followed him, so they might rob him of his good, but availed not unto aught; wherefore he went up to the old woman and kissed her head and exceeded in munificence to her. Then she [warned him of that which awaited strangers entering the town and] said to him, ‘I like not this for thee and I fear mischief for thee from these questions that the vizier hath appointed for the confrontation of the ignorant.’ And she expounded to him the case according to its fashion. Then said she to him, ‘But have no concern: only carry me with thee to thy lodging, and if he question thee of aught, whilst I am with thee, I will expound the answers to thee.’ Se he carried her with him to the city and established her in his lodging and entreated her kindly.

  Presently, the vizier heard of the merchant’s coming; so he sent to him and let bring him to his house and talked with him awhile of his travels and of that which he had abidden therein, and the merchant answered him thereof. Then said the vizier, ‘I will put certain questions to thee, which if thou answer me, it will be well [for thee].’ And the merchant rose and made him no answer. Quoth the vizier, ‘What is the weight of the elephant?’ The merchant was perplexed and returned him no answer and gave himself up for lost. Then said he, ‘Grant me three days’ time.’ So the vizier granted him the delay he sought and he returned to his lodging and related what had passed to the old woman, who said, ‘When the morrow cometh, go to the vizier and say to him, “Make a ship and launch it on the sea and put in it an elephant, and when it sinketh in the water, [under the beast’s weight], mark the place to which the water riseth. Then take out the elephant and cast in stones in its place, till the ship sink to the mark aforesaid; whereupon do thou take out the stones and weigh them and thou wilt know the weight of the elephant”’

  So, when he arose in the morning, he repaired to the vizier and repeated to him that which the old woman had taught him; whereat the vizier marvelled and said to him, ‘What sayst thou of a man, who seeth in his house four holes, and in each a viper offering to come out and kill him, and in his house are four staves and each hole may not be stopped but with the ends of two staves? How shall he stop all the holes and deliver himself from the vipers?’ When the merchant heard this, there betided him [of concern] what made him forget the first and he said to the vizier, ‘Grant me time, so I may consider the answer.’ ‘Go out,’ replied the vizier, ‘and bring me the answer, or I will seize thy good.’

  The merchant went out and returned to the old woman, who, seeing him changed of colour, said to him, ‘What did he ask thee, [may God confound] his hoariness?’ So he acquainted her with the case and she said to him, ‘Fear not; I will bring thee forth of this [strait].’ Quoth he, ‘God requite thee with good!’ And she said, ‘To-morrow go to him with a stout heart and say, “The answer to that whereof thou askest me is that thou put the heads of two staves into one of the holes; then take the other two staves and lay them across the middle of the first two and stop with their heads the second hole and with their butts the fourth hole. Then take the butts of the first two staves and stop with them the third hole.”’

  So he repaired to the vizier and repeated to him the answer; and he marvelled at its justness and said to him, ‘Go; by Allah, I will ask thee no more questions, for thou with thy skill marrest my foundation.’ Then he entreated him friendly and the merchant acquainted him with the affair of the old woman; whereupon quoth the vizier, ‘Needs must the man of understanding company with those of understanding.’ Thus did this weak woman restore to that man his life and good on the easiest wise. Nor,” added the vizier, “is this more extraordinary than the story of the credulous husban
d.”

  When the king heard this story, he said, “How like is this to our own case!” Then he bade the vizier retire to his lodging; so he withdrew to his house and on the morrow he abode at home [till the king should summon him to his presence.]

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Ninth Night of the Month.

  When the night came, the king sat in his privy chamber and sending after the vizier, sought of him the promised story; and he said, “Know, O august king, that

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  STORY OF THE CREDULOUS HUSBAND

  There was once of old time a foolish, ignorant man, who had wealth galore, and his wife was a fair woman, who loved a handsome youth. The latter used to watch for her husband’s absence and come to her, and on this wise he abode a long while. One day, as the woman was private with her lover, he said to her, ‘O my lady and my beloved, if thou desire me and love me, give me possession of thyself and accomplish my need in thy husband’s presence; else will I never again come to thee nor draw near thee, what while I abide on life.’ Now she loved him with an exceeding love and could not brook his separation an hour nor could endure to vex him; so, when she heard his words, she said to him, [‘So be it,] in God’s name, O my beloved and solace of mine eyes, may he not live who would vex thee!’ Quoth he, ‘To-day?’ And she said, ‘Yes, by thy life,’ and appointed him of this.

  When her husband came home, she said to him, ‘I desire to go a-pleasuring.’ And he said, ‘ With all my heart.’ So he went, till he came to a goodly place, abounding in vines and water, whither he carried her and pitched her a tent beside a great tree; and she betook herself to a place beside the tent and made her there an underground hiding-place, [in which she hid her lover]. Then said she to her husband, ‘I desire to mount this tree.’ And he said, ‘Do so.’ So she climbed up and when she came to the top of the tree, she cried out and buffeted her face, saying, ‘Lewd fellow that thou art, are these thy usages? Thou sworest [fidelity to me] and liedst.’ And she repeated her speech twice and thrice.

  Then she came down from the tree and rent her clothes and said, ‘O villain, if these be thy dealings with me before my eyes, how dost thou when thou art absent from me?’ Quoth he, ‘What aileth thee?’ and she said, ‘I saw thee swive the woman before my very eyes.’ ‘Not so, by Allah!’ cried he. ‘But hold thy peace till I go up and see.’ So he climbed the tree and no sooner did he begin to do so than up came the lover [from his hiding-place] and taking the woman by the legs, [fell to swiving her]. When the husband came to the top of the tree, he looked and beheld a man swiving his wife. So he said, ‘O strumpet, what doings are these?’ And he made haste to come down from the tree to the ground; [but meanwhile the lover had returned to his hiding- place] and his wife said to him, ‘What sawest thou?’ ‘I saw a man swive thee,’ answered he; and she said, ‘Thou liest; thou sawest nought and sayst this but of conjecture.’

  On this wise they did three times, and every time [he climbed the tree] the lover came up out of the underground place and bestrode her, whilst her husband looked on and she still said, ‘O liar, seest thou aught?’ ‘Yes,’ would he answer and came down in haste, but saw no one and she said to him, ‘By my life, look and say nought but the truth!’ Then said he to her, ‘Arise, let us depart this place, for it is full of Jinn and Marids.’ [So they returned to their house] and passed the night [there] and the man arose in the morning, assured that this was all but imagination and illusion. And so the lover accomplished his desire. Nor, O king of the age,” added the vizier, “is this more extraordinary than the story of the king and the tither.”

  When the king heard this from the vizier, he bade him go away [and he withdrew to his house].

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Tenth Night of the Month.

  When it was eventide, the king summoned the vizier and sought of him the story of the King and the Tither, and he said, “Know, O king, that

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  STORY OF THE UNJUST KING AND THE TITHER.

  There was once a king of the kings of the earth, who dwelt in a populous city, abounding in good; but he oppressed its people and used them foully, so that he ruined the city; and he was named none other than tyrant and misdoer. Now he was wont, whenas he heard of a masterful man in another land, to send after him and tempt him with money to take service with him; and there was a certain tither, who exceeded all his brethren in oppression of the people and foulness of dealing. So the king sent after him and when he stood before him, he found him a mighty man and said to him, ‘Thou hast been praised to me, but meseemeth thou overpassest the description. Set out to me somewhat of thy sayings and doings, so I may be dispensed therewith from [enquiring into] all thy circumstance.’ ‘With all my heart,’ answered the other. ‘Know, O king, that I oppress the folk and people the land, whilst other than I wasteth it and peopleth it not.’

  Now the king was leaning back; so he sat up and said, ‘Tell me of this.’ ‘It is well,’ answered the tither. ‘I go to the man whom I purpose to tithe and circumvent him and feign to be occupied with certain business, so that I seclude myself therewith from the folk; and meanwhile the man is squeezed after the foulest fashion, till nothing is left him. Then I appear and they come in to me and questions befall concerning him and I say, “Indeed, I was ordered worse than this, for some one (may God curse him!) hath slandered him to the king.” Then I take half of his good and return him the rest publicly before the folk and send him away to his house, in all honour and worship, and he causeth the money returned to be carried before him, whilst he and all who are with him call down blessings on me. So is it published in the city that I have returned him his money and he himself saith the like, so he may have a claim on me for the favour due to whoso praiseth me. Then I feign to forget him till some time hath passed over him, when I send for him and recall to him somewhat of that which hath befallen aforetime and demand [of him] somewhat privily. So he doth this and hasteneth to his dwelling and sendeth what I bid him, with a glad heart. Then I send to another man, between whom and the other is enmity, and lay hands upon him and feign to the first man that it is he who hath traduced him to the king and taken the half of his good; and the people praise me.’

  The king marvelled at this and at his dealing and contrivance and invested him with [the control of] all his affairs and of his kingdom and the land abode [under his governance] and he said to him, ‘Take and people.’ One day, the tither went out and saw an old man, a woodcutter, and with him wood; so he said to him, ‘Pay a dirhem tithe for thy load.’ Quoth the old man, ‘Behold, thou killest me and killest my family.’ ‘What [meanest thou]?’ said the tither. ‘Who killeth the folk?’ And the other answered, ‘If thou suffer me enter the city, I shall sell the wood there for three dirhems, whereof I will give thee one and buy with the other two what will support my family; but, if thou press me for the tithe without the city, the load will sell but for one dirhem and thou wilt take it and I shall abide without food, I and my family. Indeed, thou and I in this circumstance are like unto David and Solomon, on whom be peace!’ [‘How so?’ asked the tither, and the woodcutter said], ‘Know that

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  STORY OF DAVID AND SOLOMON.

  Certain husbandmen once made complaint to David (on whom be peace!) against certain owners of sheep, whose flocks had fallen upon their crops by night and devoured them, and he bade value the crops [and that the shepherds should make good the amount]. But Solomon (on whom be peace!) rose and said, “Nay, but let the sheep be delivered to the husbandmen, so they may take their milk and wool, till they have repaid themselves the value of their crops; then let the sheep return to their owners.” So David withdrew his own ordinance and caused execute that of Solomon; yet was David no oppressor; but Solomon’s judgment was more pertinent and he showed himself therein be
tter versed in jurisprudence.’

  When the tither heard the old man’s speech, he relented towards him and said to him, ‘O old man, I make thee a present of that which is due from thee, and do thou cleave to me and leave me not, so haply I may get of thee profit that shall do away from me my errors and guide me into the way of righteousness.’ So the old man followed him, and there met him another with a load of wood. Quoth the tither to him, ‘Pay what is due from thee.’ And he answered, ‘Have patience with me till to-morrow, for I owe the hire of a house, and I will sell another load of wood and pay thee two days’ tithe.’ But he refused him this and the old man said to him, ‘If thou constrain him unto this, thou wilt enforce him quit thy country, for that he is a stranger here and hath no domicile; and if he remove on account of one dirhem, thou wilt lose [of him] three hundred and threescore dirhems a year. Thus wilt thou lose the much in keeping the little.’ Quoth the tither, ‘I give him a dirhem every month to the hire of his lodging.’

  Then he went on and presently there met him a third woodcutter and he said to him, ‘Pay what is due from thee.’ And he answered, ‘I will pay thee a dirhem when I enter the city; or take of me four danics [now].’ Quoth the tither, ‘I will not do it,’ but the old man said to him, ‘Take of him the four danics presently, for it is easy to take and hard to restore.’ ‘By Allah,’ quoth the tither, ‘it is good!’ and he arose and went on, crying out, at the top of his voice and saying, ‘I have no power to-day [to do evil].’ Then he put off his clothes and went forth wandering at a venture, repenting unto his Lord. Nor,” added the vizier, “is this story more extraordinary than that of the thief who believed the woman and sought refuge with God against falling in with her like, by reason of her cunning contrivance for herself.”