One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When it was the Three Hundred and First Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that Abu Mohammed Lazybones thus spake to the Caliph: “O Prince of True Believers, listen to my story, for it is a marvellous and its particulars are wondrous; were it graven with graver-needles upon the eye-corners it were a warner to whose would be warned.” Quoth Al-Rashid, “Let us hear all thou hast to say, O Abu Mohammed!” So he began “Know then, O Commander of the Faithful (Allah prolong to thee glory and dominion!), the report of the folk; that I am known as the Lazybones and that my father left me nothing, is true; for he was, as thou hast said, nothing but a barber-cupper in a Hammam. And I throughout my youth was the idlest wight on the face of the earth; indeed, so great was my sluggishness that, if I lay at full length in the sultry season and the sun came round upon me, I was too lazy to rise and remove from the sun to the shade. And thus I abode till I reached my fifteenth year, when my father deceased in the mercy of Allah Almighty and left me nothing. However, my mother used to go out a-charing and feed me and give me to drink, whilst I lay on my side. Now it came to pass that one day she came in to me with five silver dirhams, and said to me, ‘O my son, I hear that Shaykh Abъ al-Muzaffar231 is about to go a voyage to China.’ (Now this Shaykh was a good and charitable man who loved the poor.) ‘So come, my son, take these five silver bits; and let us both carry them to him and beg him to buy thee therewith somewhat from the land of China; so haply thou mayst make a profit of it by the bounty of Allah, whose name be exalted!’ I was too idle to move for her; but she swore by the Almighty that, except I rose and went with her, she would bring me neither meat nor drink nor come in to me, but would leave me to die of hunger and thirst. Now when I heard her words, O Commander of the Faithful, I knew she would do as she threatened for her knowledge of my sluggishness; so I said to her, ‘Help me to sit up.’ She did so, and I wept the while and said to her, ‘Bring me my shoes.’ Accordingly, she brought them and I said, ‘Put them on my feet.’ She put them on my feet and I said, ‘Lift me up off the ground.’ So she lifted me up and I said, ‘Support me, that I may walk.’ So she supported me and I continued to fare a foot, at times stumbling over my skirts, till we came to the river bank, where we saluted the Shaykh and I said to him, ‘O my uncle, art thou Abu al-Muzaffar?’ ‘At thy service,’ answered he, and I, ‘Take these dirhams and with them buy me somewhat from the land of China: haply Allah may vouchsafe me a profit of it.’ Quoth the Shaykh to his companions, ‘Do ye know this youth?’ They answered, ‘Yes, he is known as Abu Mohammed Lazybones, and we never saw him stir from his house till this moment.’ Then said he to me, ‘O my son, give me the silver with the blessing of Almighty Allah!’ So he took the money, saying, ‘Bismillah in the name of Allah!’ and I returned home with my mother. Presently Shaykh Abu al-Muzaffar set sail, with a company of merchants, and stayed not till they reached the land of China, where he and his bought and sold; and, having won what they wished, set out on their homeward voyage. When they had been three days at sea, the Shaykh said to his company, ‘Stay the vessel!’ They asked, ‘What dost thou want?’ and he answered, ‘Know that I have forgotten the commission wherewith Abu Mohammed Lazybones charged me; so let us turn back that we may lay out his money on somewhat whereby he may profit.’ They cried, ‘We conjure thee, by Allah Almighty turn not back with us; for we have traversed a long distance and a sore, and while so doing we have endured sad hardship and many terrors.’ Quoth he, ‘There is no help for it but we return;’ and they said, ‘Take from us double the profit of the five dirhams, and turn us not back.’ He agreed to this and they collected for him an ample sum of money. Thereupon they sailed on, till they came to an island wherein was much people; when they moored thereto and the merchants went ashore, to buy thence a stock of precious metals and pearls and jewels and so forth. Presently Abu al-Muzaffar saw a man seated, with many apes before him, and amongst them one whose hair had been plucked off; and as often as their owner’s attention was diverted from them, the other apes fell upon the plucked one and beat him and threw him on their master; whereupon the man rose and bashed them and bound them and punished them for this; and all the apes were wroth with the plucked ape on this account and funded him the more. When Shaykh Abu al-Muzaffar saw this, he felt for and took compassion upon the plucked ape and said to his master, ‘Wilt thou sell me yonder monkey?’ Replied the man, ‘Buy,’ and Abu al-Muzaffar rejoined, ‘I have with me five dirhams, belonging to an orphan lad. Wilt thou sell it me for that sum?’ Answered the monkey-merchant, ‘It is a bargain; and Allah give thee a blessing of him!’ So he made over the beast and received his money; and the Shaykh’s slaves took the ape and tied him up in the ship. Then they loosed sail and made for another island, where they cast anchor; and there came down divers, who plunged for precious stones, pearls and other gems; so the merchants hired them to dive for money and they dived. Now when the ape saw them doing this, he loosed himself from his bonds and, jumping off the ship’s side, plunged with them, whereupon quoth Abu al-Muzaffar, ‘There is no Majesty and there is no Might, save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! The monkey is lost to us with the luck of the poor fellow for whom we bought him.’ And they despaired of him; but, after a while, the company of divers rose to the surface, and behold, among them was the ape, with his hands full of jewels of price, which he threw down before Abu al-Muzaffar. The Shaykh marvelled at this and said, ‘There is much mystery in this monkey!’ Then they cast off and sailed till they came to a third island, called the Isle of the Zunъj,232 who are a people of the blacks, which eat the flesh of the sons of Adam. When the blacks saw them, they boarded them in dug-outs233 and, taking all in the vessel, pinioned them and carried them to their King, who bade slaughter certain of the merchants. So they slaughtered them by cutting their throats and ate their flesh; and the rest of the traders passed the night in bonds and were in sore concern. But when it was midnight, the ape arose and going up to Abu al-Muzaffar, loosed his bonds; and, as the others saw him free, they said, ‘Allah grant our deliverance may be at thy hands, O Abu al-Muzaffar!’ But he replied, ‘Know that he who delivered me, by leave of Allah Almighty, was none other than this monkey’” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Three Hundred and Second Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that Abu al-Muzaffar declared, “None loosed me, by leave of Allah Al-mighty, save this monkey and I buy my release of him at a thousand dinars!” whereupon the merchants rejoined, ‘And we likewise, each and every, will pay him a thousand dinars if he release us.’ With this the ape arose and went up to them and loosed their bonds one by one, till he had freed them all, when they made for the vessel and boarding her, found all safe and nothing missing from her. So they cast off and set sail; and presently Abu al-Muzaffar said to them, ‘O merchants, fulfil your promise to the monkey.’ ‘We hear and we obey,’ answered they; and each one paid him one thousand dinars, whilst Abu al-Muzaffar brought out to him the like sum of his own monies, so that a great heap of coin was collected for the ape. Then they fared on till they reached Bassorah-city where their friends came out to meet them; and when they had landed, the Shaykh said, ‘Where is Abu Mohammed Lazybones?’ The news reached my mother, who came to me as I lay asleep and said to me, ‘O my son, verily the Shaykh Abu al-Muzaffar hath come back and is now in the city; so rise and go thou to him and salute him and enquire what he hath brought thee; it may be Allah Almighty have opened to thee the door of fortune with somewhat.’ Quoth I, ‘Lift me from the ground and prop me up, whilst I go forth and walk to the river bank.’ After which I went out and walked on, stumbling over my skirts, till I met the Shaykh, who exclaimed at sight of me, ‘Welcome to him whose money hath been the means of my release and that of these merchants, by the will of Almighty Allah.’ Then he continued, ‘Take this monkey I bought for thee and carry him home and wait till I come to thee.’ So I took the ape and went off, saying in my mind, �
�By Allah, this is naught but rare merchandise!’ and led it home, where I said to my mother, ‘Whenever I lie down to sleep, thou biddest me rise and trade; see now this merchandise with thine own eyes.’ Then I sat me down and as I sat, up came the slaves of Abu al-Muzaffar and said to me, ‘Art thou Abu Mohammed Lazybones?’ ‘Yes’ answered I; and behold, Abu al-Muzaffar appeared behind them. So I rose up to him and kissed his hands: and he said, ‘Come with me to my home.’ ‘Hearkening and obedience,’ answered I and accompanied him to his house, where he bade his servants bring me what money the monkey had earned for me. So they brought it and he said to me, ‘O my son, Allah hath blessed thee with this wealth, by way of profit on thy five dirhams.’ Then the slaves set down the treasure in chests, which they had carried on their heads, and Abu al-Muzaffar gave me the keys saying, ‘Go before the slaves to thy house; for in sooth all this wealth is thine.’ So I returned to my mother, who rejoiced in this and said to me, ‘O my son, Allah hath blessed thee with all these riches; so put off thy laziness and go down to the bazar and sell and buy.’ At once I shook off my dull sloth, and opened a shop in the bazar, where the ape used to sit on the same divan with me eating with me when I ate and drinking when I drank. But, every day, he was absent from dawn till noon, when he came back bringing with him a purse of a thousand dinars, which he laid by my side, and sat down; and he ceased not so doing for a great while, till I amassed much wealth, wherewith, O Commander of the Faithful, I purchased houses and lands, and I planted gardens and I bought me white slaves and negroes and concubines. Now it came to pass one day, as I sat in my shop, with the ape sitting at my side on the same carpet, behold, he began to turn right and left, and I said to myself, ‘What aileth the beast?’ Then Allah made the ape speak with a ready tongue, and he said to me, ‘O Abu Mohammed!’ Now when I heard him speak, I was sore afraid; but he said to me, ‘Fear not; I will tell thee my case. I am a Marid of the Jinn and came to thee because of thy poor estate; but today thou knowest not the amount of thy wealth; and now I have need of thee and if thou do my will, it shall be well for thee.’ I asked, ‘What is it?’ and he answered, ‘I have a mind to marry thee to a girl like the full moon.’ Quoth I, ‘How so?’; and quoth he, ‘Tomorrow don thou thy richest dress and mount thy mule, with the saddle of gold and ride to the Haymarket. There enquire for the shop of the Sharif234 and sit down beside him and say to him, ‘I come to thee as a suitor craving thy daughter’s hand.’ ‘If he say to thee, ‘Thou hast neither cash nor rank nor family’; pull out a thousand dinars and give them to him, and if he ask more, give him more and tempt him with money.’ Whereto I replied, ‘To hear is to obey; I will do thy bidding, Inshallah!’ So on the next morning I donned my richest clothes, mounted my she mule with trappings of gold and rode to the Haymarket where I asked for the Sharif’s shop, and finding him there seated, alighted and saluted him and seated myself beside him” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Three Hundred and Third Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that Abu Mohammed Lazybones continued: “So I alighted and, saluting him, seated myself beside him, and my Mamelukes and negro-slaves stood before me. Said the Sharif, ‘Haply, thou hast some business with us which we may have pleasure of transacting?’ Replied I, ‘Yes, I have business with thee.’ Asked he, ‘And what is it?’; and I answered, ‘I come to thee as a suitor for thy daughter’s hand.’ So he said, ‘Thou hast neither cash nor rank nor family;’ whereupon I pulled him out a purse of a thousand dinars, red gold, and said to him, ‘This is my rank235 and my family; and he (whom Allah bless and keep!) hath said, The best of ranks is wealth. And how well quoth the poet,

  ‘Whoso two dithams hath, his lips have learnt * Speech of all

  kinds with eloquence bedight:

  Draw near236 his brethren and crave ear of him, * And him

  thou seest haught in pride-full height:

  Were ‘t not for dirhams wherein glories he, * Hadst found him

  ‘mid man kind in sorry plight.

  When richard errs in words they all reply, * “Sooth thou hast

  spoken and hast said aright!”

  When pauper speaketh truly all reply * ‘Thou liest;’ and they

  hold his sayings light.237

  Verily dirhams in earth’s every stead * Clothe men with rank and

  make them fair to sight

  Gold is the very tongue of eloquence; * Gold is the best of arms

  for might who’d fight!’

  Now when the Sharif heard these my words and understood my verse, he bowed his head awhile groundwards then raising it, said, ‘If it must be so, I will have of thee other three thousand gold pieces.’ ‘I hear and I obey,’ answered I, and sent one of my Mamelukes home for the money. As soon as he came back with it, I handed it to the Sharif who, when he saw it in his hands, rose, and bidding his servants shut his shop, invited his brother merchants of the bazar the wedding; after which he carried me to his house and wrote out my contract of marriage with his daughter saying to me, ‘After ten days, I will bring thee to pay her the first visit.’ So I went home rejoicing and, shutting myself up with the ape, told him what had passed; and he said ‘Thou hast done well.’ Now when the time appointed by the Sharif drew near, the ape said to me, ‘There is a thing I would have thee do for me; and thou shalt have of me (when it is done) whatso thou wilt.’ I asked, ‘What is that?’ and he answered, ‘At the upper end of the chamber wherein thou shalt meet thy bride, the Sharif’s daughter, stands a cabinet, on whose door is a ring-padlock of copper and the keys under it. Take the keys and open the cabinet in which thou shalt find a coffer of iron with four flags, which are talismans, at its corners; and in its midst stands a brazen basin full of money, wherein is tied a white cock with a cleft comb; while on one side of the coffer are eleven serpents and on the other a knife. Take the knife and slaughter the cock; cut away the flags and upset the chest, then go back to the bride and do away her maidenhead. This is what I have to ask of thee.’ ‘Hearkening and obedience,’ answered I, and betook myself to the house of the Sharif. So as soon as I entered the bride-chamber, I looked for the cabinet and found it even as the ape had described it. Then I went in unto the bride and marvelled at her beauty and loveliness and stature and symmetrical-grace, for indeed they were such as no tongue can set forth. I rejoiced in her with exceeding joy; and in the middle of the night, when my bride slept, I rose and, taking the keys, opened the cabinet. Then I seized the knife and slew the cock and threw down the flags and upset the coffer, whereupon the girl awoke and, seeing the closet open and the cock with cut throat, exclaimed, ‘There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! The Marid hath got hold of me!’ Hardly had she made an end of speaking, when the Marid swooped down upon the house and, snatching up the bride, flew away with her; whereupon there arose a mighty clamour and behold, in came the Sharif, buffetting his face and crying, ‘O Abu Mohammed, what is this deed thou hast done? Is it thus thou requiitest us? I made this talisman in the cabinet fearing for my daughter from this accursed one who, for these six years, hath sought to steal-away the girl, but could not. But now there is no more abiding for thee with us, so wend thy ways.’ Thereupon I went forth and returned to my own house, where I made search for the ape but could not find him nor any trace of him; whereby I knew that it was he who was the Marid, and that he had carried off my wife and had tricked me into destroying the talisman and the cock, the two things which hindered him from taking her, and I repented, rending my raiment and cuffing my face. And there was no land but was straitened upon me; so I made for the desert forthright and ceased not wandering on till night overtook me, for I knew not whither I was going. And whilst I was deep in sad thought behold, I met two serpents, one tawny and the other white, and they were fighting to kill each other. So I took up a stone and with one cast slew the tawny serpent, which was the aggressor; whereupon the white serpent glided away and was absent
for a while, but presently she returned accompanied by ten other white serpents which glided up to the dead serpent and tore her in pieces, so that only the head was left. Then they went their ways and I fell prostrate for weariness on the ground where I stood; but as I lay, pondering my case lo! I heard a Voice though I saw no one and the Voice versified with these two couplets,