One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Second Constable’s History.

  I was once an overseer in the household of the Emir Jamál al-Din al-Atwash al-Mujhidi, who was made governor of the two provinces, Sharkíyah and Gharbíyah,43 and I was dear to his heart and he hid from me naught of whatso he desired to do; and he was eke master of his reason.44 It came to pass one day of the days that it was reported to him how the daughter of Such-an-one had a mint of monies and raiment and ornaments and at that present she loved a Jewish man, whom every day she invited to be private with her, and they passed the light hours eating and drinking in company and he lay the night with her. The Wali feigned not to believe a word of this story, but he summoned the watchmen of the quarter one night and questioned them of this tittle-tattle. Quoth one of them, “As for me, O my lord, I saw none save a Jew45 enter the street in question one night; but I have not made certain to whom he went in;” and quoth the Chief, “Keep thine eye on him from this time forward and note what place he entereth.” So the watchman went out and kept his eye on the Judaean. One day as the Prefect sat in his house, the watchman came in to him and said, “O my lord, in very sooth the Jew goeth to the house of Such-an-one.” Whereupon Al-Atwash sprang to his feet and went forth alone, taking with him none save myself.”46 As he went along, he said to me, “Indeed, this girl is a fat piece of meat.”47 And we gave not over going till we came to the door of the house and stood there until a hand-maid came out, as if to buy them something wanted. We waited till she opened the door, whereupon, without question or answer, we forced our way into the house and rushed in upon the girl, whom we found seated with the Jew in a saloon with four daĂŻses, and cooking-pots and candles therein. When her eyes fell on the Wali, she knew him and rising to her feet, said, “Well come and welcome and fair cheer! By Allah, great honour hath betided me by my lord’s visit and indeed thou dignifiest my dwelling.” Hereat she carried him up to the dais and seating him on the couch, brought him meat and wine and gave him to drink; after which she put off all that was upon her of raiment and ornaments and tying them up in a kerchief, said to him, “O my lord, this is thy portion, all of it.” Then she turned to the Jew and said to him, “Rise, thou also, and do even as I:” so he arose in haste and went out very hardly crediting his deliverance.48 When the girl was assured of his escape, she put out her hand to her clothes and jewels and taking them, said to the Chief, “O Emir, is the requital of kindness other than kindness? Thou hast deigned to visit me and eat of my bread and salt; so now arise and depart from us without ill-doing; or I will give a single outcry and all who are in the street will come forth.” So the Emir went out from her, without having gotten a single dirham; and on this wise she delivered the Jew by the seemliness of her stratagem. The company admired this tale, and as for the Wali and Al-Malik al-Zahir, they said, “Ever devised any the like of this device?” and they marvelled with the utterest of marvel. Then arose a third constable and said, “Hear what betided me, for it is yet stranger and rarer.”

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Third Constable’s History.

  I was one day abroad on business with certain of my comrades; and, as we walked along behold, we fell in with a company of women, as they were moons, and among them one, the tallest of them and the handsomest. When I saw her and she saw me, she lagged behind her companions and waited for me till I came up to her and bespake her. Quoth she, “O my lord (Allah favour thee!) I saw thee prolong thy looking on me and I fancied that thou knewest me. An it be thus, let me learn more of thee.” Quoth I, “By Allah, I know thee not, save that the Most High Lord hath cast the love of thee into my heart and the goodliness of thy qualities hath confounded me; and that wherewith the Almighty hath gifted thee of those eyes that shoot with shafts hath captivated me.” And she rejoined, “By Allah, indeed I feel the like of that which thou feelest; ay, and even more; so that meseemeth I have known thee from childhood.” Then said I, “A man cannot well effect all whereof he hath need in the market-places.” She asked me, “Hast thou a house?” and I answered, “No, by Allah, nor is this city my dwelling-place.” Rejoined she, “By Allah, nor have I a place; but I will contrive for thee.” Then she went on before me and I followed her till she came to a lodging-house49 and said to the Housekeeper, “Hast thou an empty room?” The other replied, “Yes:”50 and my mistress said, “Give us the key.” So we took the key and going up to see the room, entered to inspect it; after which she went out to the Housekeeper and giving her a dirham, said to her “Take the douceur of the key51 for the chamber pleaseth us, and here is another dirham for thy trouble. Go, fetch us a gugglet of water, so we may refresh ourselves and rest till siesta-time pass and the heat decline, when the man will depart and bring our bag and baggage.” Therewith the Housekeeper rejoiced and brought us a mat, two gugglets of water on a tray, a fan and a leather rug. We abode thus till the setting-in of mid-afternoon, when she said, “Needs must I make the Ghusl-ablution ere I fare.”52 Said I, “Get water wherewith we may both wash,” and drew forth from my pocket a score or so of dirhams, thinking to give them to her; but she cried, “Refuge with Allah!” and brought out of her pocket a handful of silver, saying, “But for destiny and that the Almighty hath caused the love of thee fall into my heart, there had not happened that which hath happened.” Quoth I, “Accept this in requital of that which thou hast spent;” and quoth she, “O my lord, by and by, whenas mating is prolonged between us, thou wilt see if the like of me looketh unto money and means or no.” Then the lady took a jar of water and going into the lavatory, made the Ghusl-ablution53 and presently coming forth, prayed the mid-afternoon prayer and craved pardon of Allah Almighty for the sin into which she had fallen. Now I had asked her name and she answered, “Rayhánah,”54 and described to me her dwelling-place. When I saw her make the ablution, I said within myself, “This woman doth on this wise, and shall I not do the like of her doing?” Then quoth I to her, “Peradventure55 thou wilt seek us another jar of water?” Accordingly she went out to the Housekeeper and said to her, “O my sister, take this Nusf and fetch us for it water wherewith we may wash the flags.”56 So the Housekeeper brought two jars of water and I took one of them and giving her my clothes, entered the lavatory and bathed. When I had made an end of bathing, I cried out, saying, “Harkye, my lady Rayhanah!” However none answered me. So I went out and found her not; but I did find that she had taken my clothes and all that was in them of silver, to wit, four hundred dirhams. She had also carried off my turband and my kerchief and I lacked the wherewithal to veil my shame; so I suffered somewhat than which death is less grievous and abode looking about the place, hoping that haply I might espy a rag wherewith to hide my nakedness. Then I sat a little and presently going up to the door, smote upon it; whereat up came the Housekeeper and I said to her, “O my sister, what hath Allah done with the woman who was here?” She replied, “The lady came down just now and said, ‘I’m going to cover the boys with the clothes,’ adding, ‘and I have left him sleeping; an he awake, tell him not to stir till the clothes come to him.’” Then cried I, “O my sister, secrets are safe with the fair-dealing and the freeborn. By Allah, this woman is not my wife, nor ever in my life have I seen her before this day!” And I recounted to her the whole affair and begged of her to cover me, informing her that my private parts were clean unconcealed. She laughed and cried out to the women of the lodging-house, saying, “Ho, Fátimah! Ho, Khadíjah! Ho, Harífah! Ho, Sanínah!” Whereupon all those who were in the place of women and neighbours flocked to me and fell a-mocking me and saying, “O pimp,57 what hadst thou to do with gallantry?” Then one of them came and looked in my face and laughed, and another said, “By Allah, thou mightest have known that she lied, from the time she said she liked thee and was in love with thee! What is there in thee to love?” A third said, “This is an old man without wisdom;” and all vied one with other in exercising their wits upon me, I suff
ering mighty sore chagrin. However, one of the women took compassion on me after a while, and brought me a rag of thin stuff and cast it on me. With this I covered my shame, and no more, and abode awhile thus: then said I in myself, “The husbands of these women will presently gather together upon me and I shall be disgraced.” So I went out by another door of the lodging-house, and young and old crowded about me, running after me and crying, “A madman! A madman!58 till I came to my house and knocked at the door; whereupon out came my wife and seeing me naked, tall, bare of head, cried out and ran in again, saying, “This is a maniac, a Satan!” But, when my family and spouse knew me, they rejoiced and said to me, “What aileth thee?” I told them that thieves had taken my clothes and stripped me and had been like to slay me; and when I assured them that the rogues would have slaughtered me, they praised Allah Almighty and gave me joy of my safety. So consider the craft this woman practised upon me, and I pretending to cleverness and wiliness. Those present marvelled at this story and at the doings of women; then came forward a fourth constable and said, “Now that which hath betided me of strange adventures is yet stranger than this, and ’twas after the following fashion.”

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Fourth Constable’s History.

  We were sleeping one night on the terrace-roof, when a woman made her way through the darkness into the house and, gathering into a bundle all that was therein, took it up that she might go away with it. Now she was big with child and nigh upon her time of delivery; so, when she packed up the bundle and prepared to shoulder it and make off with it, she hastened the coming of the labour-pangs and bare a child in the dark. Then she sought for the fire-sticks and when they burned, kindled the lamp and went round about the house with the little one, and it was weeping. The wail awoke us, as we lay on the roof, and we marvelled. So we rose to see what was to do, and looking down through the opening of the saloon,59 saw a woman, who had lit the lamp, and heard the little one crying. As we were peering, she heard our words and raising her head to us, said, “Are ye not ashamed to deal thus with us and bare our shame? Wist ye not that the day belongeth to you and the night to us? Begone from us! By Allah, were it not that ye have been my neighbours these many years, I would assuredly60 bring down the house upon you!” We doubted not but that she was of the Jinn and drew back our heads; but, when we rose on the morrow, we found that she had taken all that was with us and made off with it;61 wherefore we knew that she was a thief and had practised on us a device, such as was never before practised; and we repented, whenas repentance availed us naught. The company, hearing this tale, marvelled thereat with the utmost marvelling. Then the fifth constable, who was the lieutenant of the bench,62 came forward and said, “This is no wonder and there befel me a story which is rarer and stranger than this.”

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Fifth Constable’s History.

  As I sat one day at the door of the Prefecture, behold, a woman suddenly entered and said as though consulting me. “O my lord, I am the wife of Such-an-one the Leach, and with him is a company of the notables63 of the city, drinking fermented drinks in such a place.” When I heard this, I misliked to make a scandal; so I bluffed her off and sent her away unsatisfied. Then I rose and walked alone to the place in question and sat without till the door opened, when I rushed in and entering, found the company even as the woman aforesaid had set out, and she herself with them. I saluted them and they returned my salam and rising, treated me with honour and seated me and served me with meat. Then I informed them how one had denounced them to me, but I had driven him away and had come to them by myself; so they thanked me and praising me for my kindness, brought out to me from among them two thousand dirhams64 and I took them and went away. Now two months after this adventure, there came to me one of the Kazi’s officers, with a paper, wherein was the judge’s writ, summoning me to him. So I accompanied the officer and went in to the Kazi, whereupon the plaintiff, he who had taken out the summons, sued me for two thousand dirhams, declaring I had borrowed them of him as the agent or guardian of the woman. I denied the debt, but he produced against me a bond for that sum, attested by four of those who were in company on the occasion; and they were present and bore witness to the loan. I reminded them of my kindness and paid the amount, swearing that I would never again follow a woman’s counsel. Is not this marvellous? The company admired the goodliness of his tale and it pleased Al-Malik al-Zahir; and the Wali said, “By Allah, this is a strange story!” Then came forward the sixth constable and said to those present, “Hear my adventure and that which befel me, to wit, that which befel Such-an-one the Assessor, for ’tis rarer than this and finer.”

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Sixth Constable’s History.

  A certain Assessor one day of the days was taken with a woman and much people assembled before his house and the Lieutenant of police and his posse came to him and rapped at the door. The Assessor peered from house-top and seeing the folk, said, “What do ye want?” Replied they, “Speak with the Lieutenant of police Such-an-one.” So he came down and as he opened the door they cried to him, “Bring forth the woman who is with thee.” “Are ye not ashamed? How shall I bring forth my wife?” “Is she thy wife by book65 or without marriage-lines?” “She is my wife according to the Book of Allah and the Institutes of His Apostle.” “Where is the contract?” “Her lines are in her mother’s house.” “Arise thou and come down and show us the writ.” “Go from her way, so she may come forth.” Now, as soon as he got wind of the matter, he had written the bond and fashioned it after the fashion of his wife,66 to suit with the case, and he had written therein the names of certain of his friends to serve as witnesses and forged the signatures of the drawer and the wife’s next friend and made it a contract of marriage with his wife and a legal deed.67 Accordingly, when the woman was about to go out from him, he gave her the contract he had forged, and the Emir sent with her a servant of his, to carry her home to her father. So the servant went with her and when she was inside she said to him, “I will not return to the citation of the Emir: but let the Assessors present themselves and take my contract.” Hereupon the servant carried this message to the Lieutenant of police, who was standing at the Assessor’s door, and he said, “This is permissible.” Then said the Assessor to the servant, “Fare, O eunuch, and fetch us Such-an-one the Notary;” for that he was his friend and ’twas he whose name he had forged as the drawer-up of the contract.68 So the Lieutenant sent after him and fetched him to the Assessor, who, when he saw him, said to him, “Get thee to Such-an-one, her with whom thou marriedst me, and cry out upon her, and when she cometh to thee,69 demand of her the contract and take it from her and bring it to us.” And he signed to him, as much as to say, “Bear me out in the lie and screen me, for that she is a strange woman and I70 am in fear of the Lieutenant who standeth at the door; and we beseech Allah Almighty to screen us and you from the woes of this world. Amen.” So the Notary went up to the Lieutenant, who was among the witnesses, and said, “ ’Tis well. Is she not Such-an- one whose marriage-contract we drew up in such a place?” Then he betook himself to the woman’s house and cried out upon her; whereat she brought him the forged contract and he took it and returned with it to the Lieutenant of police.71 When the officer had taken cognizance of the document and professed himself satisfied, the Assessor said to the Notary, “Go to our lord and master, the Kazi of the Kazis, and acquaint him with that which befalleth his Assessors.” The Notary rose to go, but the Lieutenant feared for himself and was urgent in beseeching the Assessor and in kissing his hands till he forgave him; whereupon the Lieutenant went away in the utmost concern and affright. On such wise the Assessor ordered the case and carried out the forgery and feigned marriage with the woman; and thus escaped calumny and calamity by the seemliness of his stratagem.72 The folk marvelled at this with the uttermost marvel and
the seventh constable said, “There befel me in Alexandria the God-guarded a wondrous thing, and ’twas this.”73