One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  I also began life, O King of the Age, as a Schoolmaster and had under my charge some eighty boys. Now I was strict with such strictness that from morning to evening I sat amongst them and would never dismiss them to their homes before sundown. But ’tis known to thee, O our lord the King, that boys’ wits be short after the measure of their age, and that they love naught save play and forgathering in the streets and quarter. Withal, I took no heed of this and ever grew harder upon them till one day all met and with the intervention of the eldest Monitor they agreed and combined to play me a trick. He arranged with them that next morning none should enter the school until he had taught them, each and every, to say as they went in, “Thy safety, O our lord, how yellow is thy face!” Now the first who showed himself was the Monitor and he spoke as had been agreed; but I was rough with him and sent him away; then a second came in and repeated what the first had said; then a third and then a fourth, until ten boys had used the same words. So quoth I to myself, “Ho, Such-an-one! thou must be unwell without weeting it:” then I arose and went into the Harem and lay down therein when the Monitor, having collected from his school-fellows some hundred-and-eighty Nusfs,138 came in to me and cried, “Take this, O our lord, and expend the money upon thy health.” Thereupon I said to myself, “Ho, Such-an-one! every Thursday139 thou dost not collect sixty Faddahs from the boys,” and I cried to him, “Go, let them forth for a holiday.” So he went and dismissed them from school to the playground. On the next day he collected as much as on the first and came in to me and said, “Expend these moneys, O our lord, upon thy health.” He did the same on the third day and the fourth, making the boys contribute much coin and presenting it to me; and on such wise he continued till the tenth day, when he brought the money as was his wont. At that time I happened to hold in my hand a boiled egg which I purposed eating, but on sighting him I said in myself, “An he see thee feeding he will cut off the supplies.” So I crammed the egg into my chops?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night, an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Three Hundred and Sixty-fourth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah, upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Schoolmaster said to himself, “If the Monitor see me eating the egg now in thy hand he will cut off the supplies and assert thee to be sound.” So (continued he) I crammed the egg into my chops and clapped my jaws together. Hereupon the lad turned to me and cried, “O my lord, thy cheek is much swollen;” and I, “’Tis only an imposthume.” But he drew a whittle140 forth his sleeve and coming up to me seized my cheek and slit it, when the egg fell out and he said, “O my lord, this it was did the harm and now ’tis passed away from thee.” Such was the cause of the splitting of my mouth, O our lord the Sultan. Now had I cast away greed of gain and eaten the egg in the Monitor’s presence, what could have been the ill result? But all this was of the weakness of my wit; for also had I dismissed the boys every day about mid-afternoon, I should have gained naught nor lost aught thereby. However the Dealer of Destiny is self-existent, and this is my case. Then the Sultan turned to the Wazir and laughed and said, “The fact is that whoso schooleth boys is weak of wit;” and said the other, “O King of the Age, all pedagogues lack perceptives and reflectives; nor can they become legal witnesses before the Kazi because verily they credit the words of little children without evidence of the speech being or factual or false. So their reward in the world to come must be abounding!”141 Then the Sultan asked the limping man, saying, “And thou, the other, what lamed thee?” So he began to tell

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Story of the Limping Schoolmaster.142

  My tale, O my lord the Sultan, is marvellous and ’twas as follows. My father was by profession a schoolmaster and, when he fared to the ruth of Almighty Allah, I took his place in the school and taught the boys to read after the fashion of my sire. Now over the schoolroom was an upper lattice whereto planks had been nailed and I was ever casting looks at it till one chance day I said to myself, “By Allah, this lattice thus boarded up needs must contain hoards or moneys or manuscripts which my father stored there before his decease; and on such wise I am deprived of them.” So I arose and brought a ladder and lashed it to another till the two together reached the lattice and I clomb them holding a carpenter’s adze143 wherewith I prized up the planks until all were removed. And behold, I then saw a large fowl, to wit, a kite,144 setting upon her nestlings. But when she saw me she flew sharply in my face and I was frightened by her and thrown back; so I tumbled from the ladder-top to the ground and brake both knee-caps. Then they bore me home and brought a leach to heal me; but he did me no good and I fell into my present state. Now this, O our lord the Sultan, proveth the weakness of my wit and the greatness of my greed; for there is a saw amongst men that saith “Covetise aye wasteth and never gathereth: so ‘ware thee of covetise.” Such, O lord of the Age and the Time, is my tale. Hereupon the King bade gifts and largesse be distributed to the three old schoolmasters, and when his bidding was obeyed they went their ways. Then the Sultan turned to the Minister and said, “O Wazir, now respecting the matter of the three maidens and their mother, I would have thee make enquiry and find out their home and bring them hither; or let us go to them in disguise and hear their history, for indeed it must he wonderful. Otherwise how could they have understood that we served them that sleight by marking their door and they on their part set marks of like kind upon all the doors of the quarter that we might lose the track and touch of them. By Allah, this be rare intelligence on the part of these damsels; but we, O Wazir, will strive to come upon their traces.” Then the Minister fared forth, after changing his dress and demeanour, and walked to the quarter in question, but found all the doors similarly marked. So he was sore perplext concerning his case and fell to questioning all the folk wont to pass by these doors but none could give him any information; and he walked about sore distraught until even-tide, when he returned to the Sultan without aught of profit. As he went in to the presence, his liege lord asked him saying, “What bringest thou of tidings?” and he answered, “O King, I have not found the property,145 but there passed through my mind a stratagem which, an we carry it out, peradventure shall cause us to happen upon the maidens.” Quoth the Sultan, “What be that?” and quoth he, “Do thou write me an autograph-writ and give it to the Crier that he may cry about the city, ‘Whoso lighteth wick after supper-tide shall have his head set under his heels.’” The Sultan rejoined, “This thy rede is right.” Accordingly, on the next day the King wrote his letter and gave it to the Crier bidding him fare through the city and forbid the lighting of lamps after night-prayers; and the man took the royal rescript and set it in a green bag. Then he went forth and cried about the street saying, “According to the commandment of our King, the Lord of prosperity and Master of the necks of God’s servants, if any light wick after night-prayers his head shall be set under his heels, his good shall be spoiled and his women shall be cast into jail.” And the Crier stinted not crying through the town during the first day and the second and the third, until he had gone round the whole place; nor was there a citizen but who knew the ordinance. Now the King waited patiently till after the proclamation of the third day; but on the fourth night he and his Minister went down from the palace in disguise after supper-tide to pry about the wards and espy into the lattices of the several quarters. They found no light till they came to the ward where the three damsels lived,
and the Sultan, happening to glance in such a direction, saw the gleam of a lamp in one of the tenements. So he said to the Wazir, “Ho! there is a wick alight.” Presently they drew near it and found that it was within one of the marked houses; wherefore they came to a stand and knocked at the door,?And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Three Hundred and Sixty-fifth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Sultan and the Wazir stood over against the door behind which was the light and knocked at it, the youngest of the sisters cried out, “Who is at the door?” and they replied, “Guests and Darwayshes.” She rejoined, “What can you want at this hour and what can have belated you?” And they, “We be men living in a Khan; but we have lost our way thither and we fear to happen upon the Chief of Police. So of your bountiful kindness open ye to us and house us for the remnant of the night; and such charity shall gain you reward in Heaven.” Hereto the mother added, “Go open to them the door!” and the youngest of the maidens came forward and opened to them and admitted them. Then the parent and her children rose up and welcomed them respectfully and seated them and did them honour and set before them somewhat of food which they ate and were gladdened. Presently the King said, “O damsels, ye cannot but know that the Sultan proclaimed forbiddal of wick-burning; but ye have lighted your lamps and have not obeyed him when all the citizens have accepted his commandment.” Upon this the youngest sister accosted him saying, “O Darwaysh, verily the Sultan’s order should not be obeyed save in commandments which be reasonable; but this his proclamation forbidding lights is sinful to accept; and indeed the right direction146 wherein man should walk is according to Holy Law which saith, ‘No obedience to the creature in a matter of sin against the Creator.’ The Sultan (Allah make him prevail!) herein acteth against the Law and imitateth the doings of Satan. For we be three sisters with our mother, making four in the household, and every night we sit together by lamp-light and weave a half-pound weight of linen web147 which our mother taketh in the morning for sale to the Bazar and buyeth us therewith half a pound of raw flax and with the remainder what sufficeth us of victual.” The Sultan now turned to his Minister and said, “O Wazir, this damsel astonisheth me by her questions and answers. What case of casuistry can we propose to her and what disputation can we set up? Do thou contrive us somewhat shall pose and perplex her.” “O my lord,” replied the Wazir, “we are here in the guise of Darwayshes and are become to these folk as guests: how then can we disturb them with troublesome queries in their own home?” Quoth the Sultan, “Needs must thou address them;” so the Wazir said to the girl, “O noble one, obedience to the royal orders is incumbent upon you as upon all lieges.” Said she, “True, he is our Sovran; but how can he know whether we be starving or full-fed?” “Let us see,” rejoined the Wazir, “when he shall send for you and set you before the presence and question you concerning your disobeying his orders, what thou wilt say?” She retorted, “I would say to the Sultan, ‘Thou hast contraried Holy Law.’” At this the Minister resumed, “An he ask thee sundry questions wilt thou answer them?” and she replied, “Indeed I will.” Hereat the Minister turned to the King and said, “Let us leave off question and answer with this maiden on points of conscience and Holy Law and ask if she understand the fine arts.” Presently the Sultan put the question when she replied, “How should I not understand them when I am their father and their mother?” Quoth he, “Allah upon thee, O my lady, an thou wouldst favour us, let us hear one of thine airs and its words.” So she rose and retired but presently returning with a lute sat down and set it upon her lap and ordered the strings and smote it with a masterly touch: then she fell to singing amongst other verses these ordered couplets:?

  “Do thou good to men and so rule their necks: * Long reigns who

  by benefit rules mankind:

  And lend aid to him who for aidance hopes: * For aye grateful is

  man with a noble mind:

  Who brings money the many to him will incline * And money for

  tempting of man was designed:

  Who hindereth favour and bounties, ne’er * Or brother or friend

  in creation shall find:

  With harsh looks frown not in the Sage’s face; * Disgusteth the

  freeman denial unkind:

  Who frequenteth mankind all of good unknow’th: * Man is lief of

  rebellion, of largesse loath.”

  When the Sultan heard these couplets, his mind was distraught and he was perplext in thought; then turning to his Wazir, he said, “By Allah, these lines were surely an examination of and an allusion to our two selves; and doubtless she weeteth of us that I am the Sultan and thou art the Wazir, for the whole tenor of her talk proveth her knowledge of us.” Then he turned to the maiden and said, “Right good are thy verse and thy voice, and thy words have delighted us with exceeding delight.” Upon this she sang the following two couplets:?

  “Men seek for them sorrow, and toil * Thro’ long years as they

  brightly flow;

  But Fate, in the well like the tank148 * Firm-fixt, ruleth

  all below.”

  Now as soon as the Sultan heard these last two couplets he made certain that the damsel was aware of his quality. She did not leave off her lute-playing till near daylight, when she rose and retired and presently brought in a breakfast befitting her degree (for indeed she was pleased with them); and when she had served it up they ate a small matter which sufficed them. After this she said, “Inshallah, you will return to us this night before supper-tide and become our guests;” and the twain went their ways marvelling at the beauty of the sisters and their loveliness and their fearlessness in the matter of the proclamation; and the Sultan said to the Wazir, “By Allah, my soul inclineth unto that maiden.” And they stinted not walking until they had entered the palace. But when that day had gone by and evening drew nigh, the Monarch made ready to go, he and the Minister, to the dwelling of the damsels?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive.” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Three Hundred and Sixty-sixth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the King and the Councillor made ready to go to the dwelling of the damsels taking with them somewhat of gold pieces, the time being half an hour after set of sun; and presently they repaired to the house of the sisters whither they had been invited on the past night. So they rapped at the door when the youngest maiden came to it and opened and let them in: then she salam’d to them and greeted them and entreated them with increased respect saying, “Welcome to our lords the Darwayshes.” But she eyed them with the eye of the physiognomist149 and said in herself, “Verily these two men are on no wise what they seem and, unless my caution and intelligence and power of knowledge have passed away from me, this must be the Sultan and that his Wazir, for grandeur and maje
sty are evident on them.” Then she seated them and accosted them even more pleasantly and set before them supper, and when they had eaten enough, she brought basins and ewers for handwashing and served up coffee causing them to enjoy themselves and to give and take in talk till their pleasure was perfect. At the time of night-orisons they arose and, after performing the Wuzú-ablution, prayed, and when their devotions were ended the Sultan hent in hand his purse and gave it to the youngest sister saying, “Expend ye this upon your livelihood.” She took the bag which held two thousand dinars and kissed his right hand, feeling yet the more convinced that he must be the Sultan: so she proved her respect by the fewness of her words as she stood between his hands to do him service. Also she privily winked at her sisters and mother and said to them by signs, “Verily this be the Monarch and that his Minister.” The others then arose and followed suit as the sister had done, when the Sultan turned to the Wazir and said, “The case is changed: assuredly they have comprehended it and ascertained it;” presently adding to the girl, “O damsel, we be only Darwaysh folk and yet you all stand up in our service as if we were sovrans. I beseech you do not on this wise.” But the youngest sister again came forwards and kissed the ground before him and blessed him and recited this couplet:

  “Fair fate befal thee to thy foe’s despite: * White be thy days and his be black as night.150

  By Allah, O King of the Age, thou art the Sultan and that is the Minister.” The Sovran asked, “What cause hast thou for supposing this?” and she answered, “From your grand demeanour and your majestic mein; for such be the qualities of Kings which cannot be concealed.” Quoth the Monarch, “Thou hast spoken sooth; but, tell me, how happeneth it that you wone here without men protectors?” and quoth she, “O my lord the King, our history is wondrous and were it graven with graver-needles upon the eye-corners it were a warning to whoso would be warned.” He rejoined, “What is it?” and she began the