One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE CAIRENE YOUTH, THE BARBER, AND THE CAPTAIN.

  It is related that in Misr there was a Youth, a Shalabí,343 sans peer for semblance and excellence, and he had to friend a lovely woman whose husband was a Yúzbáshí344 or captain. Now whenever that young man or his playmate would fain conjoin, each with other, union proved almost impossible and yet his heart was always hanging to her love and she was in similar state and even more enamoured for that he was passing fair of form and feature. One day of the days the Captain returned home and said to his wife, “I am invited to such a place this afternoon, therefore an thou require aught ask it of me ere I go.” Cried they,345 “We want nothing save thy safety;” yet were they delighted therewith, and the youth’s friend said, “Alhamdolillah — Glory to God — this day we will send to a certain person and bring him hither and we will make merry he and I.” As soon as the husband fared forth his home in order to visit the gardens according to his invitation, the wife said to a small boy which was an eunuch beside her, “Ho boy, hie thee to Such-an-one (the Shalabi) and seek him till thou forgather with him and say to him, ‘My lady salameth to thee and saith, Come to her house at this moment.’ “ So the little slave went from his mistress and ceased not wending to seek the Shalabi (her friend) till he found him in a barber’s booth where at that time it was his design to have his head shaved and he had ordered the shaver so to do. The man said to him, “O, my lord, may this our day be blessed!” whereupon he brought out from his budget a clean towel, and going up to the Shalabi dispread it all about his breast. Then he took his turband and hung it to a peg346 and placing a basin before him washed his pate, and was about to poll it when behold, the boy-slave passed within softly pacing, and inclining to him whispered in his ear confidentially between them twain so that none might overhear them, “My lady So-and-so sendeth thee many salams and biddeth me let thee know that to-day the coast is clear, the Captain being invited out to a certain place. Do thou come to her at once and if thou delay but a little thou mayst not avail to possess her nor may she possess thee, and if thou be really minded to forgather with her come with all speed.” Hearing these words of the boy the lover’s wits were wildered and he could not keep patience; no, not for a minute; and he cried to the Barber, “Dry my head this instant and I will return to thee, for I am in haste to finish a requirement.” With these words he put his hand into his breast pouch and pulling out an ashrafi gave it to the Barber, who said in himself, “An he have given me a gold-piece for wetting his poll, how will it be when I shall have polled him? Doubtless he will then gift me with half a score of dinars!” Hereupon the youth went forth from the Barber who followed him saying, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, when thou shalt have ended thy business, return to me that I may shave thy scalp and ‘twere better that thou come to the shop.” “Right well,” said the youth, “we will presently return to thee,” and he continued walking until he drew near the place of his playmate when suddenly the Barber caught him up a second time — And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Seven Hundred and Thirty-fifth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the youth approached the house of his friends, suddenly the Barber caught him up hard by thereto and placing himself in front said, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, do not forget me, but be sure of return to the shop that I may poll thee.” Quoth the youth to him in his folly, “ ’Tis well, O Man, I will certainly come back to thee and will not forget thy shop.” So the lover left him and ganged his gait and presently went up to the home of his friend, whilst the Barber stayed expecting him and remained standing at the door; and of the denseness of the tonsorial wits would not budge from that place and would await the youth that he might shave him. Such was the case with them; but as regards the Yuzbashi, when he went forth from his house bent upon seeking his friend who had invited him, he found that a serious matter of business347 would hinder his giving the entertainment, so the host said to the Captain, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, pardon me for I have this day a matter which will prevent my going forth to the garden and Inshallah — God willing — on the morrow we will there meet and enjoy ourselves, we and thou, free and with hearts at rest; for a man who hath work in hand may not take his pleasure and his thoughts will remain ever preoccupied.” Hereupon quoth the Captain, “Sooth thou hast said, O Such-and-such, and herein there is naught to excuse of harm or hindrance, and the day’s engagement between us if it be not to-morrow will come after to-morrow.” So he farewelled his host and left him and returned homewards. Now that Yuzbashi was a man of honour and sagacity and pluck and spunk and by nature a brave. He ceased not wending until he had reached his home where he found the Barber standing at the house door and the fellow came up to him and said, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, when thou goest within do thou send me down a handsome youth who went upstairs into this dwelling.” The Yuzbashi turned upon him with a face fiery as ruddy sparks and cried to him, “What, O Man, dost thou say that one hath gone up to my house, O pimp, O pander?348 What manner of man can enter therein and I absent?” Quoth the Barber, “By Allah, O my lord, one did go up whilst I stood awaiting him the while he passed out of my sight; so when thou art abovestairs do thou send him down to me, saying, ‘Thine own Barber awaiteth thee at the entrance below.’ “ Now when the Yuzbashi heard these words, he waxed wroth with exceeding wrath and going up into his house with haste and hurry knocked at the inner door which defended the Harem. The inmates heard him and knew that it was he, and the Youth fell to piddling in his bag-trowsers; but the woman took him and hid him in the shaft of the cistern349 and going forth opened the door to her husband. Cried the Yuzbashi, “Of a truth, hath any right or reason to say that here in this house is a man?”350 and she replied, “Oh, the shame of me! How ever, O my lord, can there be here a man?”351 So the Yuzbashi went about seeking and searching but he came not upon any; then he went down to the Barber wight and cried, “O Man, I have found none upstairs save the womenkind;” but the Barber replied, “By Allah, O my lord, he went up before my eyes and I am still awaiting him.” Then the Captain hurried away a second time and rummaged about, high and low, and left no place whereinto he did not pry and spy, yet he came upon no one. He was perplext at his affair and again going down to the Barber said to him, “O Man, we have found none.” Still the fellow said to him doggedly, “Withal a man did go within, whilst I who am his familiar here stand expecting him, and thou sayest forsooth he is not there, albeit he be abovestairs and after he went in he never came out until this tide.” Hereupon the Captain returned to his Harem a third time and a fourth time unto the seventh time; but he found no one; so he was dazed and amazed and the going in and faring out were longsome to him. All this and the youth concealed in the cistern shaft lay listening to their dialogue and he said, “Allah ruin this rascal Barber!” but he was sore afraid and he quaked with fright lest the Yuzbashi slay him and also slay his wife. Now after the eighth time the Captain came down to the Barber and said to him, “An thou saw him enter, up along with me and seek for him.” The man did accordingly, but when the two had examined every site, they came upon no one; so the Barber was stupefied and said to himself, “Whoso went up before me and I looking upon him, whither can he have wended?” Then he fell to pondering and presently said, “By Allah, verily this is a wondrous matter that we h
ave not discovered him;” but the Yuzbashi cried fiercely, “By the life of my head and by Him who created all creatures and numbered the numberings thereof, an I find not this fellow needs must I do thee die.” The Barber of his exceeding terror fell to rummaging all the places but it fortuned that he did not look into the shaft of the cistern; however at last he said, “There remaineth for us only the cistern-shaft ;” — And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day, and fell silent, and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Seven Hundred and Thirty-seventh Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Barber wight, after he and the Captain had finished their search without finding anyone, said, “There remaineth to us only the cistern- shaft;” so he went and peered therein, but he could not use his sight overwell. Hereat the Yuzbashi came up behind him and cuffed him with a mighty cuff upon the neck and laid him prostrate and insensible at the mouth of the shaft. Now when the woman heard the Barber saying, “Let us explore the door which openeth upon the cistern-shaft,” she feared from the Yuzbashi, so coming up to him she said, “O my lord, how is it that thou art a Captain and that thy worth and thy length and thy breadth are on such wise; withal thou obeyest the word of a fellow Jinn-mad352 and sayest that there is a man in thine own house. This is indeed a reproach to thee.” So the Yuzbashi of his stupidity believed her, and approaching the Barber on the edge of the cistern-shaft cuffed him with a cuff whose excess of violence dazed him and he fell upon the floor retaining naught of his senses. When the woman saw this she cried to her husband, “Pinion his elbows at this moment and suffer me take my due of him by a sound drubbing, and then let him go.” “This is the right rede,”quoth he and after all was done she cried to her husband, “Come with us above that we enjoy our pleasure, and Alhamdolillah that thou didst not go to the place of invitation for I should have been desolate by thine absence this day.” So they ascended and sat together, each beside other, and they sported and were gladdened and rejoiced; and after that the Captain lay down and was presently drowned in slumber. Seeing this the wife arose and repaired to the cistern- shaft wherefrom she released her beloved and finding all his clothes in a filthy state from the excess of what had befallen him of affright penetrating into his heart by reason of the Yuzbashi, she doffed his dress and bringing a bundle of clean clothing garbed him therein; after which his fear was calmed and his heart comforted and he was set on the right way. Then she led him to a private stead, wherein they twain, he and she, took their joyance and had their pleasure and made merry for the space of three hours, till such time as each had had fullest will of other. After this he went forth from her and the Veiler veiled him. On such wise were the wife’s doings; but as regards what befel the Barber-man, he ceased not to remain strown on the ground and dazed by the stress of the blow and he abode there pinioned for a while. About mid-afternoon the Yuzbashi’s wife went to her husband and awaking him from sleep made for him coffee which he drank and felt cheered; and he knew nothing anent that his spouse had done with her beloved during the while he slumbered like unto a he goat. So she said to him, “Rise up and go we to the man and do thou drub him with the soundest drubbing and turn him out.” Quoth he, “Yes indeed, by Allah, verily he deserveth this, the pimp! the pander! the procurer!” Accordingly he went to him and finding him lying upon the ground raised him and said to him, “Up with thee and let us seek the man whereof thou spakest.” Hereupon the Barber arose and went down into the cistern-shaft where he found none and therewith the Captain laid the fellow upon his back; and, baring his arms to his elbows, seized a Nabbút353 and beat him till he made water in his bag-trowsers; after which he let him go. So the Barber arose and he in doleful dumps, and went off from the house and ceased not wending until he reached his shop about sunset, hardly believing in his own safety. But (resumed Shahrazad) as regards the history of the woman who was a fornicatress and an adultress, I have to relate to thee the following story of

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE GOODWIFE OF CAIRO AND HER FOUR GALLANTS.354

  It is said that in Misr lived a woman, a model of beauty and loveliness and stature and perfect grace, who had a difficulty with a man which was a Kazi and after this fashion it befel. She was the wife of an Emir355 and she was wont to visit the Baths once a month; and when the appointed term for her going forth had come, she adorned herself and perfumed herself and beautified herself and hastened, tripping and stumbling,356 to the Hammám. Now her path passed by the Kazi’s court-house where she saw many a man357 and she stopped to enjoy the spectacle, upon which the judge himself glanced at her with a glance of eyes that bequeathed to him a thousand sighs and he asked her saying, “O woman, hast thou any want?” “No indeed,” answered she, “I have none.” Then he inclined to her and drawing near her said, “O lady mine and O light of these eyne, is union possible between us twain?” She replied, “’Tis possible,” and he enquired of her when it could be, and she made an appointment with him saying, “Do thou come to me after supper-time,” — And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable! Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Seven Hundred and Thirty-ninth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night.” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Goodwife said to the Kazi, “Do thou come to me after supper-time,” and went her ways and entered the Hammam, where she washed herself and cleaned herself; then, coming out thence, she determined to go home. But she was met on her road by a Gentleman358 who was Sháhbandar of the Trader-guild, and he seeing her set his affections upon her; so he accosted her, saying, “Is’t possible that we ever be merry together?” Hereat she appointed him to come when supper was done, after which she left him and ganged her gait. As she neared her home she was met by a Butcher whose heart inclined to her, so he addressed her saying, “Is union possible?” and she appointed him to visit her an hour after supper had been eaten. Then she went home and mounting the stairs took seat in the upper saloon open to the air, where she doffed her head-veil359 and all that was upon her head. Now in the neighbourhood of her house was a Trader and he had mounted to the terrace-roof for a reason; so when the woman bared her hair and taking up a comb began to dry and prepare it for dressing, his eyes fell upon her whilst so engaged, and his heart was engrossed with her love. Presently he sent to her an old woman; and she returned him a reply and appointed him to visit her house during the night after supper-tide. On this wise she had promised herself to four men.360 Now the Kazi had got ready for her a Kohl-style and the Gentleman had prepared for her a fine suit of clothes and the Butcher had led for her a full-sized ram and the Trader had set apart for her two pieces of silk. As soon as it was supper-time, behold, the Kazi repaired to her in privacy bringing his gift and knocked at the door which he found unbolted and she cried to him, “Come in.” Accordingly he entered to her and presented to her that which was with him,
but hardly had he settled himself comfortably in his seat when the Gentleman arrived and also rapped. Quoth the Kazi to the Goodwife, “Who may this be?” and quoth she, ‘Fear thou nothing, but arise and doff thy dress;” so he stripped himself altogether and she garbed him in a gaberdine and bonnet361 and hid him in a closet and went to open the door. Hereupon appeared the Consul and she let him in and accepted what he had brought and seated him beside her. But hardly had he settled down when, behold, there came a knock at the door and he cried, “Who may that be?” Said she, “Fear nothing but up and doff thy dress;” so he arose and stripped himself and she disguised him in a gaberdine and bonnet and hid him in another closet all alone. Then she hastened to the door and suddenly the Flesher-man appeared and she let him in and led him within and having accepted his present seated him; but hardly was he at his ease when the door was again knocked, whereat he was overcome and affrighted: however, she said to him, “Fear nothing, but arise and doff thy dress in order that I may hide thee.” So he threw off his clothes and she invested him in a gaberdine and a bonnet and thrust him into a third cabinet. After this she went and opened the door when there came to her the Trader who was her neighbour, so she let him in and took what was with him, and seated him; and he was proceeding to sit down in comfort when behold, some one knocked at the door and he said, “Who may that be?” Hereupon she cried, “O my honour! O my calamity! This is my husband who but yesterday362 killed off four men; however do thou rise up and doff thy dress.” He did as she bade him, upon which she garbed him in a gaberdine and a bonnet and laid him in a fourth closet. So these four one and all found themselves in as many cabinets363 sorely sorrowful and fearful; but she went forth and suddenly her mate the Emir came in and took seat upon a chair that was in the house. Hereat all four sensed that she had opened to her husband and had admitted him; and they said in their minds, “Yesterday he killed four men and now he will kill me.” And each and every considered his own affair and determined in his mind what should happen to him from the husband. Such was the case with these four; but as regards the house-master, when he took seat upon the chair, he fell to chatting with his wife and asking her saying, “What hast thou seen this day during thy walk to the Hammam?” Said she, “O my lord, I have witnessed four adventures and on every one hangeth a wondrous tale!” Now when the four heard the Goodwife speaking these words each of them said to himself, “Indeed I am a dead man and ’tis the intention of this woman to peach upon me.” Presently her husband asked her, “What be these four histories?” and answered she, “I saw four men each and every of whom was an antic fellow, a droll, a buffoon; furthermore, O my lord, one and all of them were garbed in gaberdine and bonnet.” — And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was